I Messed up terribly and lost my best friend and love of my life in the process

[BrendanJC920]

I have been in a four month relationship with a girl I met online. We hit it off right away on our first date. I bought her flowers on the date and as soon as I saw her I knew she was the one I had to have. I had to gather my composure before saying hi and gave her the flowers. I did most of the talking for the night but we got along well and she initiated the first kiss and I was awestruck. We carried on seeing each other and made it official like 3 weeks in and I was so excited to have her as mine.

 

However, during our relationship this girl I used to talk to came back into the picture. I hadn't talked to her for months and she was sending me pictures to get my attention. I eventually gave in and carried on texting her for the next three months with my girlfriend. I texted her in a sexual manner and even gave thought to a date but never followed through. I felt guilty doing it all and didn't know how to tell my girlfriend about it. I should've blocked her and if I had we'd still be together.

 

Two weeks ago after going to a concert for my girlfriend's birthday, I slept over at her place. While I was sleeping, she went through my phone and saw all the messages and was devastated. She couldn't believe the guy she was so invested in and falling for could have done this. I felt so bad for my actions and immediately tried to turn things around telling her how sorry I was and the other girl was meaningless to me. I never did anything with her but text.

 

She was so distraught she went out drinking and texted me early in the AM how hurt she was and devastated. Despite it all she still wanted to love me and be with me but she doesn't know how she can get over it and forget about it all. Every time she wanted to forgive me she thought of the messages. I wrote her a letter and put it all out there how sorry I was and determined to win her back and didn't want to lose her. We met up and talked for an hour. Then the next day I ignored her to give her space and she texted me late at night saying she hated me and was mad I was ignoring her giving the impression that I was with the other girl. She called and sent a message saying if I cared about her like I said I do I should've answered. Eventually I caved and called her to which she told me it was over and how her friends and family hate me for my treatment of her with this texting situation. She said she wouldn't have tried to call and reach out if she hadn't been drunk that night.

 

I texted her the next few days after and she would respond at length. She said she wished things were different and really would like to still be with me but she doesn't want to be with someone that cheated on her. She keeps saying we had something special and its hard for her too to have to move on. She's afraid I might do it again and for how long. She thinks if I didn't get caught I would've carried on.

 

Please help give me some advice. I don't want to lose her and I've tried the best to say I'm sorry and will never ever do something like that again. I deleted and blocked all numbers to prove such. We really did have a great relationship with never a dull moment we were always together and enjoyed each other's company. We went out often and stayed in just relaxing together. How do I get her to give me a second chance when she keeps on saying she won't yet she wishes it never happened and we were together still?

[elaine567]

YOU cheated, she can't deal with it, its over.

Trust once lost can rarely be regained.

 

YOU cannot alter the fact that you spent 3 months sexting this other girl and even arranged to date her...

3/4 of the time you spent with this girl you were in a "relationship" with someone else!!!!!

 

Even if she took you back, it would never be the same again for her, you have ruined it, and I guess she would dump you eventually.

4 months dating is not enough time to bond with and want to work to forgive a cheater. At 4 months you were supposed to be head over heels not sexting other women...

15 years, and a house and kids together then maybe, but 4 months NO

 

Leave her be.

[d0nnivain]

You apologized. That is really all you can do.

 

 

She is not obligated to accept your apology.

 

 

She has only known you for 120 days. That is not very long. During what should have been the honeymoon period, when everything is perfect, you were screwing around & lying to her. She lost trust & you don't have enough credibility with her to enable her to trust you.

 

 

Lesson learned. Let her go.

 

 

Be more honorable next time you date somebody.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't think you know what love is, if that's how you treat a loved one.

 

I say this because that is what your ex is thinking too. You showed her very clearly that you can't be trusted and that you didn't respect her or your relationship. Ignoring her after was also a very bad move. I can't fathom why you felt that would help. At a time when she was surely very hurt, ignoring her only made it worse.

 

So the question you have to ask yourself now is - why? Why did you behave this way, knowing how hurtful that can be? Why did you not shut down the other girl immediately? Those are sincere questions. This type of thing has happened to me and those were the questions running through my mind. It is very difficult to understand how someone who claims to care can be so different from who you thought they were.

 

I think all you can do is give your ex space. She is probably not going to be coming back, especially if her friends and family know what happened. They will be reminding her to stay away from you. You say you can't lose her, but it's kinda too late for that. Did this really only occur to you after you got busted?

[Techmonkey]

If she really was the one you had to have the ex wouldn't have even been a blip on the radar. Statistically, if you did it once, you're likely to do it again. How would you hold up against temptation when things cool down if you have a hard time doing so now?

[Space Ritual]

well done OP.

 

You could have done 2 things differently...

 

1. Not engaged in the activity of texting with your ex in the first place.

 

 

 

2. Not so be stupid as to keep the evidence of said stupidity on your phone. lol..really dude? really? LOL you deserved to get busted.

 

You have no one to blame but yourself for even talking to your ex in the first place. Point 2 was just a natural progression for someone who undertakes such an enterprise.

[smackie9]

You proved yourself unworthy not only to her but to all the people who deeply care about her. Deleting all contacts? Hah, you think that is going to make things better?....NOT. You are too selfish of a person to deserve a relationship with her. You wouldn't have stopped if you didn't get busted....you sir are not fooling anyone here.

[mikeylo]

You ignored her to give space or save your azz? The latter.

 

Anyway, I have an idea for you.

 

Have the meaningless woman called over and , in front of your gf, tell the other woman that she is and was just a side piece and a meaningless woman. Basically make her pee in her pants.

 

Look, you cheated and insulted your gf for a meaningless woman. You've gotta pay the price.

 

I'm glad that your gf isn't stupid.

 

ETA: the reason for the above said idea is that if you didn't care about feelings of the love of your life then why do you care how the meaningless woman feels when you dump her in an insulting way.

Edited February 19, 2017 by mikeylo