Elliebo Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 Sorry im just looking for support even though I know ive done wrong. Long story short. I've been having an affair over the last year. At the beginning I was married and my marriage was breaking down. I met this other guy at work who I already knew and wasn't that into but he was going through similar with his wife too. We soon connected over coffee then it became sexual and then started seeing each other. It's been on and off lots due to me flaking out and ending it he wants to carry on and has spoken about eventually leaving his family.....yeh ok! That freaked me out lots as id ended my marriage and dont want to be fully committed. But I can't see him leaving anyway. So yesterday I woke up and just had enough..I ended it once and for all. I'm fed up sneaking about when he's getting his cake and eating it with his wife at home. I don't want to be the reason his marriage is not working and I want to move on! I'm so releaved ive seen the light and i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This guy was only there at the right time it was opportunity.. I would never have looked his way otherwise I was also vulnerable. It's time for me to focus on myself and my family..get promoted at work and eventually start dating. Sorry just needed to let off steam...thanks for readying... Ps....even writting this i realise how nieave ive been this man has taken me for a fool... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisychain137 Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 You are just one step in front of me- You have finished it! I hope to wake up and just finish it. I know how hard this must of been as I am just finding the strength to do it. How did he react? Have you gone no contact now? This forum is full of amazing people who have lots of great advice. You are allowed to rant- you are not a fool. Life is sent to challenge us. Things can only get better- that is what I keep telling myself. Do you feel relief? Link to post Share on other sites
BourneWicked Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 Don't beat yourself up - the fact that you've managed to end it is huge! Also, that you recognize that the "I might leave my wife" is a story and don't want to waste your time waiting that one out is good. Give yourself some credit here. Sounds like you need some time being single, and then to date other available people. Make yourself busy, make dates with your female friends for coffee, movies, barnes and noble.. whatever floats your boat. The one plus - it sounds like you're just not that into this guy. I think that will help. If he tries to wedge back in, you can probably remind yourself of the qualities that make him less than ideal, and the reasons you wouldn't have given him the time of day if the situation had been different. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Serendipity55 Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 Some days are easier than others in the moving on process for me. There are so many strong sounding people on this board...Poppy, Elaine, Buddy, Bailey to name but a few...I don't feel as strong as them but I want to be and I keep that goal in mind when I'm feeling low / weak. Would others agree that it's a quicker healing process if you go NC as opposed to ending the A but trying to stay friends? For me the latter is a possibility (he wants to and sometimes I think it'd be easier/less dramatic) because we were friends for many years prior to anything happening plus I'm the one who has ended the A because I now realise how unhealthy / wrong etc it was. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elliebo Posted February 19, 2017 Author Share Posted February 19, 2017 You are just one step in front of me- You have finished it! I hope to wake up and just finish it. I know how hard this must of been as I am just finding the strength to do it. How did he react? Have you gone no contact now? This forum is full of amazing people who have lots of great advice. You are allowed to rant- you are not a fool. Life is sent to challenge us. Things can only get better- that is what I keep telling myself. Do you feel relief? Yes I feel huge relief! ...ive tried to break away in the past but i dont think i was ready...for some reason this feels right this time! He's taking me for a fool. Hes very sensitive and tells me everything I want to hear but it's just not right....even if he said im leaving my wife...how could it work? It's based on a fantasy. Plus it would damage my reputation at work. When I ended it he said he was gutted... but tough! I'm not holding onto this any more. I feel great today and I'm so ready to move on. Have courage you obviously know what you should do...its just getting there. X Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elliebo Posted February 19, 2017 Author Share Posted February 19, 2017 Some days are easier than others in the moving on process for me. There are so many strong sounding people on this board...Poppy, Elaine, Buddy, Bailey to name but a few...I don't feel as strong as them but I want to be and I keep that goal in mind when I'm feeling low / weak. Would others agree that it's a quicker healing process if you go NC as opposed to ending the A but trying to stay friends? For me the latter is a possibility (he wants to and sometimes I think it'd be easier/less dramatic) because we were friends for many years prior to anything happening plus I'm the one who has ended the A because I now realise how unhealthy / wrong etc it was. I say no. I think you need to cut ties! I work next to my ex AP however ill be civil when I see him but ill not be keeping in touch...thats how you end up chatting again. For me if your breaking away do all or nothing. I've tried so many times and failed..but this time is completely different stay strong x Link to post Share on other sites
BenchCoach Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 (edited) You mention that you've tried to extricate yourself from this situation before: he reels you back in. What's so different this time? I don't see this ending, especially if you work in close proximity to this person. I don't think you're "out of the woods" just yet. Edited February 19, 2017 by BenchCoach Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 A word of caution. If you end it he will try to rekindle the fire. Every player OM knows it's easier to do that than to find, groom and seduce another OW. So, that's what he'll try with you. Be strong now and be strong later! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elliebo Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Its the end this time because I'm sick of being played like a fool its come to this point for me to realise the extent of things.. its been a few days and no contact at all. It also helps hes moved jobs so the change will help bug time. It feels right this time! X Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts