How am I coping? --- I am not coping, I am happy

[Lifeisgood1]

I have read so many threads here when people say they have trouble coping after divorce or separation. I truly believe they do.

 

However, my question is... are there people like me that actually feel relief? Yes, I still have to cope with the loss of the family, my hopes for my family; however, I am in no way missing my ex... I am happy, content and excited about the future...

 

Anyone else struggles with the same type of coping like me? It has only been 5 months (after a decade of marriage) but I don't feel much struggle.

[Life lessons]

I have read so many threads here when people say they have trouble coping after divorce or separation. I truly believe they do.

 

However, my question is... are there people like me that actually feel relief? Yes, I still have to cope with the loss of the family, my hopes for my family; however, I am in no way missing my ex... I am happy, content and excited about the future...

 

Anyone else struggles with the same type of coping like me? It has only been 5 months (after a decade of marriage) but I don't feel much struggle.

 

I felt relieved after my 1st divorce. We had a 1 year old child together and I went through a tough delegation and custody split because he was with my best friend and didn't want to pay child support.

[Lifeisgood1]

I felt relieved after my 1st divorce. We had a 1 year old child together and I went through a tough delegation and custody split because he was with my best friend and didn't want to pay child support.

 

I am sorry life lessons...In my case, there was none of that. 2 kids, I have custody, he didn't want custody.

It is just I almost feel guilty for not feeling bad about the separation...Everyone around me asks how I am and almost have to play out my responses as people won't understand that I feel good about it.

[Ronni_W]

It is just I almost feel guilty for not feeling bad about the separation...

There isn't anything to feel guilty about, that's fersure!

 

When somebody said to me, "You must be missing the <companionship, etc.>," I could honestly say, "No - that had been missing for ages BEFORE our actual split;

I'm really much happier NOT having to miss it any more - I did all my crying and grieving BEFORE."

After thinking about it for a minute, she got it.

 

I certainly would not be trying to downplay a sense of relief or feelings of happiness just because other people may not get it. (Where I pray,

that's like sending a message to the Universe that I'd rather NOT feel relieved or happy. .)

Edited February 19, 2017 by Ronni_W
Clarification.

[Life lessons]

I am sorry life lessons...In my case, there was none of that. 2 kids, I have custody, he didn't want custody.

It is just I almost feel guilty for not feeling bad about the separation...Everyone around me asks how I am and almost have to play out my responses as people won't understand that I feel good about it.

 

Sometimes it's better actually I'd say most of the times it's better to feel as you do. Most people have a tough time after D. So much easier when you don't have those feelings hanging with you.

[Life lessons]

There isn't anything to feel guilty about, that's fersure!

 

When somebody said to me, "You must be missing the <companionship, etc.>," I could honestly say, "No - that had been missing for ages BEFORE our actual split;

I'm really much happier NOT having to miss it any more - I did all my crying and grieving BEFORE."

After thinking about it for a minute, she got it.

 

I certainly would not be trying to downplay a sense of relief or feelings of happiness just because other people may not get it. (Where I pray,

that's like sending a message to the Universe that I'd rather NOT feel relieved or happy. .)

 

 

 

So very true. Most of the time the companionship, closeness, etc has already left the marriage.

[basil67]

Making the decision to leave a marriage which wasn't meeting my needs was tough. But once I was out the door, I felt as if the clouds had lifted from over my head. During the first couple of weeks after I left, I was feeling shock. But after that ended, it was such a relief.

 

Best decision ever.

[Lifeisgood1]

Glad that I am not alone in this.

 

Ronni_W, you are correct. Better not to underplay and just accept that some people won't understand. I am not here to please everyone. You said it right: "No - that had been missing for ages BEFORE our actual split"

 

basil67 - I also had shock for the first few weeks but after that it was all uphill.

 

Life lessons - Maybe people who feel worse after D had better marriages lol. I think there is some truth to that.

[supernova32]

I loved this thread because I felt the same exact way after leaving my ex husband. I put up with bipolar/borderline issues, supporting the family by myself, his porn addiction, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and constantly walking on eggshells for 16 years. The day he finally got physical I grabbed our kids and hightailed it out of there. I often wish I had left years earlier. Yes, there were many good times, but the depression, anxiety, stress and all around rough life had to stop. Sadly we are still dealing with the courts as he returned after two years of NC with the kids wanting visitation rights. The kids are terrified of him and have been forced to see him unsupervised.

[Ilovelifeforwhatcome]

I have read so many threads here when people say they have trouble coping after divorce or separation. I truly believe they do.

 

However, my question is... are there people like me that actually feel relief? Yes, I still have to cope with the loss of the family, my hopes for my family; however, I am in no way missing my ex... I am happy, content and excited about the future...

 

Anyone else struggles with the same type of coping like me? It has only been 5 months (after a decade of marriage) but I don't feel much struggle.

 

As everyone said, the connection prob faded over time, gradually, that's why there is relief.