Girlfriend kissed by another guy but kinda her fault maybe

[ewbandit2]

Hey

Thanks for taking the time to read this and give me opinions on this situation.

 

So a week or so ago a former college teach of my girlfriend came into this store she worked at and remembered her and was telling her how he had just went through a bad divorce and his ex was pregnant with his baby but is trying to keep him away. Well he added her on facebook and she told me about all this and that he asked her if she was doing anything for valentines day and she said she told him yea that she was going with me and she had plans. she made it out like he had respected that and just needed a friend to talk to because of what he was going through.

 

So I thought that was the end of that but I was wrong. this past Thursday night my girlfriend got off work at 9 and she always texts me when she gets home safely. Well midnight comes and I finally hear from her saying sorry her phone had died and she had to do some shopping and she got home and her mom sent her back to do some shopping and she didnt get a chance to charge her phone which I know for a fact her car charger sucks.

 

She acted very different and weird that night while she was texting me so I thought the worst but was hoping I was wrong. Well she came over Friday night but she was late coming over because she was shopping again which didnt sound too far out there.

 

Well friday night when she was asleep I checked her phone hoping to see that I was wrong but I werent I saw where she had been texting with the above mention guy.

 

He admitted in the text that he had kissed her but she didnt say anything back to where she really enjoyed it, so I finished reading the stuff and then the next morning I confronted her about it.

 

At first she kinda acted like she didn't know what I was talking about so I got her phone and read the messages and then she started crying. She said she had got in his car to talk to him because it was cold outside and she went to hug him when she was getting out the car and he kissed her, she swears she didn't kiss him back and she was going to tell me about it but its kinda hard to believe that. I told her after really re reading the stuff that she didnt really do anything bad except for getting in the car with him.

 

She let me text him back on her phone acting as her and I wasnt mean about it I just told him she really loved her boyfriend and she had told me about what happen and that they could be friends be nothing like that can happen again. He seemed to be understanding of that and acted like he felt bad for doing it.

 

So I forgave her for it but its kinda still been in the back of my head and I talked with her about it today and though she never said she was sorry she does seem to regret it.

 

Any suggestions on what I should do, did I handle this good or should I have ended it? thanks again

[d0nnivain]

On some level I can understand what happened to her. If I offered a male friend a comfort hug because he recently had a break up but he misinterpreted it and ambushed me with a kiss, how would that be cheating on my part? Since you had her permission I think you were fine in sending that text.

[ExpatInItaly]

Where was she that she got in a car with him? When did that happen?

 

There's more to this than she's told you. It might well be true that he kissed her and she didn't reciprocate, but I'm not clear how they wound up alone together in the first place. I would also be concerned that she didn't put him in his place on her own accord; it had to come from your prompting.

 

I think you need to do a little more digging, OP.

Edited February 19, 2017 by ExpatInItaly

[goldway90]

At first she kinda acted like she didn't know what I was talking about so I got her phone and read the messages and then she started crying

 

I like how she got defensive then after showing her the texts she was like " Oh *****!! i better start crying". I ( this is my opinion) simply don't buy it.

 

He seemed to be understanding of that and acted like he felt bad for doing it.

 

No kidding! he just got away with it.

 

I guess keep your eyes open. Don't snoop.

[Space Ritual]

Any suggestions on what I should do, did I handle this good or should I have ended it? thanks again

 

You should have ended it right then and there.

 

At best your girlfriend is a liar, at worst more happened.

 

I'd bet the farm on it.

 

You see, she only admitted to what she admitted to AFTER there was no alternative.

 

Rest assure that not only was she with him on Thursday, she also saw him on Friday.

 

And she will also see him again.

 

You should do yourself a favor and tell her to hit the bricks. And I'll tell you why.

 

The line he gave her is a time honored cock and bull story about how his pregnant wife is divorcing him. That is one of the oldest tricks in the book form a guy who is trying to get some on the side because he does not find his wife attractive while pregnant.

 

You show me a guy that tells some pretty young girl that "I'm getting divorced but my wife is pregnant with my child" and I;ll show you a liar. lol.

 

Come on man, that makes no sense. Only a foolish woman who liked the attention would fall for that crap.

 

I would bet dollars to donuts that she is pregnant, but that he has no intention of getting a divorce, and nether does his wife know of any intention. You think a college teacher is going to want to pay alimony an child support on an already probably low salary? He sold your girlfriend a bill of goods to try to get a piece of ass off of her, and he is already lining her up for just that. And she has seen him twice in 2 days. Shopping my arse.

 

 

I would also back that up by saying that your girlfriend was pretty eager to add him to her social media, because he is giving her little ego kibbles about how beautiful and smart she always was and what a wonder student she always was in his class and what a bright, beautiful young woman with such a great future....all bullschnitt to try to get her pants off.

 

And by your girlfriend's defensive posture and lying by omission, I'd say it is working.

 

Save yourself a boatload of heartache and a lifetime of drama by letting the little grasshopper go and get her ego stroked by Professor Pindick.

 

Because sooner or later he will get her clothes off, and when by the time she figures out this guy is not leaving his pregnant wife for her and never had any intention other than getting a side piece, she will come crawling back to you about the "horrible mistake" she made.

 

And then you will feel like a fool and then you will wonder every other time she is out late or "shopping" what other guy talked her up, added her on Facebook and kissed her in one fell swoop

 

Screw that noise. Get rid of her. This one is a no brainer, kid.

Edited February 20, 2017 by Space Ritual

[Poutrew]

Ewbandit, you need to dump her cheating butt. Don't believe a thing she told you about him. Simply, she is a lying cheater. She was in his car both Thursday and Friday. Now, what can two people do in a car? If you want to have some fun with her before you dump her, you can tell her to come totally clean about what happened. Tell her someone saw them together and told you. Watch her squirm as she tries to find out what you know. My bet, is the sequence of events she will eventually tell you would be things went from a hug, then a kiss, to making out, to an eventual BJ. Then, after you have had your fun, show her the door.

[starpower]

So she gets in his car and they kiss, doesn't contact you till midnight. Rather than slap him down, she continues to communicate with this guy via text.

 

She's lied about that, only admitted to what you found in those texts. Doesn't even say sorry and then you are quick resolve her of any wrong doing. I think that is a mistake and maybe you are starting to feel that way too.

[NoCompass]

I just want to say "What is with this kissed BY another guy" or "I didn't kiss back" BS. That is like saying "Honey, she was on top of me riding ... but I didn't insert anything." Kissing or not is a mutual action people. No such thing as I didn't kiss back. And why the heck you were at that proximity for a kiss to happen anyway. I mean the amount of BS I've heard over the years. Unbelievable!

[todreaminblue]

there are many times when you want to be there for a guy who needs comfort and they get the wrong idea......if your gf hasnt been in that sort of situation before she wouldnt know the precautions you have to take....making sure others are around not going for a drive but staying put and if you have a partner you keep in regular contact......when a guy goes in for a comfort hug you keep the hug as much as possible not too close ...you turn your head so the back of your head is closer to his neck so when you break the hug ...if he is going in for a kiss he will have to really make it obvious....and you can glance the kiss to your cheek and make it really awkward..or even simply step back and go nah......normally they dont try again......... i have comforted many.......and i am the queen of making things awkward.my favorite is too show my strength.....so i hug like a boa....they pull away pretty quickly...most of the time.......and even then ...

 

 

i sometimes get caught unawares...especially sitting hugs;.....i have never hidden kisses from a partner and when i am in arelationship i make it clear that i am in a relationship...so ill eb there....but its to help and i talk quite often about my partner if i have one....slide him into the convo.....where i can...so its like he is there too......so they know..and i am honest even when some said i shouldnt have told or shouldnt tell..... ill follow my own heart...kissing is cheating in my books....doesnt matter who started it......but your gf may have been scared of your response...i dont know how many times you have caught her in this situation..does she frequently give comfort?..or has she lied to you or omitted intimacy with others?

Edited February 20, 2017 by todreaminblue

[BeingBlunt]

She can keep making excuses for herself, but that doesn't change the fact that she kissed someone that's not her boyfriend. Now if it actually was a situation where she didn't have feelings for him/didn't want him to kiss her, she shouldn't have put herself in that situation.

 

BUT

 

You shouldn't have snooped through your girlfriend's phone, especially when she was asleep. Absolutely not cool and it doesn't matter that you didn't trust her story. But at this point now, there's really no point in trying to continue the relationship. The seeds of doubt have been planted in the back of your head and there's no turning back now. Break up with her and move on.

[PegNosePete]

I like how she got defensive then after showing her the texts she was like " Oh *****!! i better start crying". I ( this is my opinion) simply don't buy it.

Ditto. I wouldn't believe a single word she says.

 

He asked her out for Valentine's day. That clearly shows that he making a move on her.

 

Yet she carried it on...

 

Got in his car...

 

Kissed.... LIED to you on multiple occasions to cover it up...

 

If it was all so innocent then why would she lie? Why would she cover it up? Why not just say hey you know what happened, that guy I told you about, he just tried to kiss me! I won't be seeing him EVER AGAIN!

 

Why didn't she do that? Why did she instead lie and feed you some story about shopping and a dead phone?

 

Rhetorical questions. You know the answer already.

[Marc878]

They can be friends now? Ha that's how EA's then PA's get started.

 

That's a lot of missing time. You only know what you've been told.

 

Good thing is she's just a gf.

[lolablue17]

No, you didn't handle it right, in fact you made almost every mistake in the book.

 

First of all, you don't undestand what you're facing here. You think that the only issue is her going with him to his car...!! :love: Are you kidding me?

 

Man, your gf is a liar. She lied first when she told you her phone died + she was shopping while she's been with him, and she lied again when you confronted her with the facts.

 

Now, remembering that, tell me please what is the chance that she's telling the truth now? I'll tell you from my long long experience - zero chance that you know the whole story.

 

Secondly, think for a minute because the story doesn't make sense. On the weekend she had to do all the shopping she should have done that evening. But she's been with him. So how long she'd been in his car? remember - She got home only at midnight. TOO LONG!!! I guess it was 2-3 hours at least.

 

The fact that she TELLS you that that it was only a kiss and she didn't kiss back, means nothing. A reasonable people don't believe liars. I've heard thousands of stories such as this, (when the female said it was only one sided kiss and she didn't kiss back) and i don't remember even one of them ended up with just that. Most of them (90%) became to "We just made out only for few minutes", leading to "he just fingered me", or "it was only oral", and the other 10% turned out to be full sex or an on going affair.

 

In this case i'm willing to give you 500$ cash if it was just one sided kiss. In fact, let's raise it to 1,000$.

 

The only stories which th BS got all the truth, is when the other side came clean immediately after the first time they got caught. Sometimes it happens, not much but sometimes. Your case is the classic "She carefully tells you only the minimum she thinks you already know" case.

 

The most common classic chain is when she says "I don't know what you're talking about" and immediately after you hand her the proof she starts crying and admitting the most minor thing she can.

 

I would dump her only for the lying. Not to mention that i'm sure they did much more than a kiss. But if you really want to stay (wrong decision to my opinion), she must cut ALL contact with him, and if they work together she must quit her job. She must realize the damage she made. She must pay a huge price, and show that she's willing to do everything to gain your trust.

 

Good luck.

Edited February 20, 2017 by lolablue17

[smackie9]

She's pretty stupid to not see this guy's intention when he asked her what she was doing for Valentine's Day.....and you are stupid to not question why he would even ask such a question. I suspect there was something already going on between them emotionally, long before she mentioned him to you. It's just all too convenient for him to just be strolling into the store one day, telling her his marital problems, then adding him to FB all in one lick. Then later disappears til midnight.....

 

Dude, she's cheating on you. She already proved she was down playing it until you proved to her what the truth was.

 

IMO not worth the second chance....she ain't so innocent.