Valentines Present

[wmacbride]

My situation

I am a married man that has been in an affair for the last few years. The other woman and I have a really good relationship. I have no intentions of leaving my wife and I have always been honest with the OW about this.

 

A few weeks ago, the OW gave me a catalog with circles around things she would want for valentines day. It was not anything unusual besides that all of the items that she wants was much more expensive than she usually asks for. A lot more expensive, more than 5 times more expensive than usual presents.

 

It doesn't bother me that she wants something nice as she has good taste. I am kind of worried this might be a sign she wants more than I can give her.

 

Should I be concerned?

 

Um, your ow has good taste, and this is exhibited by circling items she wants in a catalog? Are you frickin' serious?

 

 

It's actually a sign she's quite tacky, entitled and you are just seeing the tip of the iceberg.

[wmacbride]

People survived the titanic.

 

They may have survived, but how many of them walked away both mentally and physically intact? How many suffered unbearably before they perished?

[Greg1972]

Most OW cannot remain in an A as we basically get attached and want to be with the other person, and blow it up. You may have met the rare bird but she will want gifts, champagne, the Four Seasons.

 

I would think a canary diamond for her right hand.

 

All I got was a few pints of beer. Definitely get her the diamond or maybe a really expensive purse. Or a spa weekend.

 

I don't blame OW for wanting more. I have always been honest with her about those things. I think some men lie to the OW and string them along, I have never done that.

 

I got her the gift she wanted and she was happy.

[Lady2163]

30+ years ago I was in the Philippines and had the whole affair dynamic explained to me. It horrified my American sensibilities.

 

American men often believe their penis and 20 minutes of sex is completely enough and should be totally satisfying. Filipino men know they are essentially paying for silence and discretion.

 

I missed if your OW is single or married. I'm guessing she is single. You do realize she is possibly putting her life and emotional availability in a holding pattern for you, right? Your attitude may be (to an extent): she knew what I was from the very start, I didn't mislead her, but she's still sacrificing her time.

 

If she doesn't nag you and is a good friend to you, I'd get her what she wants.

 

No matter how we try to put a spin on this, you don't love her. This isn't a LOVE relationship, there is a quid pro quo. You're giving her something nice to make up for the fact you don't have to do any courting, chasing or daily problems with her.

 

Men know women want sex. They know women want good sex. But that isn't going to keep you in good graces for an extended period of time.

 

IF you still want the OW in your life, you need to talk to her about this.

 

It does sound like she is putting a high cost on your privilege of dipping your penis inside her and maintaining silence. If it's more than what you want, then I'd break it off with her.

 

But, yes, even in an affair....a penis isn't enough.

[Greg1972]

I'm going to go slightly against the grain here as I'm not so sure it's a sinister as buy me this or I blab!!

 

What kind of cost are the presents? Reason I ask is if you usuall pay 10 and she has seen something she really likes at 50 then it's not quite the same a a 200 to 1k jump. Also if the gifts you usually get are of a high cost maybe you have set a precedent.. maybe it's just something she really likes and if she knows you can afford it then why not ask. What's your reason for not wanting to get it... tell her the reason and see what her response is

 

i think it ultimately comes down to how your relationship is. After a few years I would presume that you know this woman well.. do you object to her dating other people? People who are in a position for her to celebrate Valentine's Day with properly? If, as I imagine it would be,its more the case that you want her exclusively to you whilst you are not exclusive to her then she maybe she feels she should be treated and this is her way!

 

On the flip side... yes you should be concerned! Not because she has actually asked for the gift but because you have had to ask the question! If you don't know her well enough to know if you should be concerned... then I suspect you should be

 

I make pretty good money and I am not a W2 employee so my income is a little different. I do well. She does pretty good herself in her career.

 

If I was making $50,000 it would be like going from a $75 present to a $400 present. Nothing insane. I know people in my neighborhood who have bought their wives nice new cars as push presents.

 

She doesn't date anyone else. If she wanted to date someone else it would be the end of relationship. She did buy me a nice present as well, even though it wasn't as much. We had our valentines day dinner and everything just not on the exact day.

[BuddyX]

Actions over words. You can tell her that you're not stringing her along. But if you are provinding gifts, you're stating to her that she has a place in your life.

 

Btw, are you going to get her the gifts?

[Furious]

I make pretty good money and I am not a W2 employee so my income is a little different. I do well. She does pretty good herself in her career.

 

If I was making $50,000 it would be like going from a $75 present to a $400 present. Nothing insane. I know people in my neighborhood who have bought their wives nice new cars as push presents.

 

She doesn't date anyone else. If she wanted to date someone else it would be the end of relationship. She did buy me a nice present as well, even though it wasn't as much. We had our valentines day dinner and everything just not on the exact day.

 

Your wealthy OW for whom a Jaguar is a downgrade didn't get you a Valentines gift as much as your gift to her cost. Why is she being stingy on you, why doesn't she appreciate your devotion to her?

 

It's interesting how you expect fidelity from your OW.

[gettingstronger]

I make pretty good money and I am not a W2 employee so my income is a little different. I do well. She does pretty good herself in her career.

 

If I was making $50,000 it would be like going from a $75 present to a $400 present. Nothing insane. I know people in my neighborhood who have bought their wives nice new cars as push presents.

 

She doesn't date anyone else. If she wanted to date someone else it would be the end of relationship. She did buy me a nice present as well, even though it wasn't as much. We had our valentines day dinner and everything just not on the exact day.

 

 

You reference material possessions quite a bit- do you feel inferior to others regularly- does you affair soothe that or make it worse- as in now you have multiple Jones to keep up with?

[NTV]

Sounds like it worked out for now. She upped the ante and you paid to keep playing.

 

But since you're here.... is this the type of man you WANT to be?

[Poutrew]

Actually, it should be the other way around. The gifts should be getting cheaper as time passes. The old saying, "The older the horse the cheaper the ride" should apply just as well for mistresses...She should feel grateful to you for sticking around.

[Just a Guy]

Folks, maybe his wife is in the know. Women have a more finely developed intuitive sense than men and can latch on to these things more easily. That said she may be having her own affair. After all what is good for the gander is good for the goose. Maybe we need to give the OP some slack.

[wmacbride]

Folks, maybe his wife is in the know. Women have a more finely developed intuitive sense than men and can latch on to these things more easily. That said she may be having her own affair. After all what is good for the gander is good for the goose. Maybe we need to give the OP some slack.

 

 

It doesn't matter if she's having an affair herself, as that doesn't make it right for him to do it.

 

No mention was made of their marriage being open, of her cheating or there being any sort of understanding of "don't ask, don't tell". If it's an open marriage, then is what he's doing really an affair?

[vanhalenfan]

No, you only do that to your wife.

 

Spot on. Nobody here is saying much about his poor wife who is being left in the dark. Who gives a **** about the OW's V-day gift. Get to the heart of the matter. But I suppose that is not what the OP is inquiring about so we'll just ignore decent human morals here.

[aileD]

Just wait till your OW figures out she can get even more money out of you for 18 years by getting pregnant.

[ShatteredLady]

Spot on. Nobody here is saying much about his poor wife who is being left in the dark. Who gives a **** about the OW's V-day gift. Get to the heart of the matter. But I suppose that is not what the OP is inquiring about so we'll just ignore decent human morals here.

 

 

He's a joke so we are treating it as such!

 

His poor wife

[Try]

People survived the titanic.

It was mostly women and children that survived the Titanic, along with a handful of super rich guys. For the vast majority of men, it ended really ugly. Just like it will end really ugly for the OP.

[whichwayisup]

How would you feel if you found out your OW actually had a boyfriend or another lover and didn't tell you? Kind of ironic seeing as you're married and cheating on your wife.

[WilyWill]

Let's be frank about the purpose of the original post. It was something like "Hey everybody, look at me! I have TWO women!" His expression of concern about her motives was just pretense.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Wmac, what I said was in a lighter vein. One can't be serious about something like this. I mean the infidelity forum is full of pain for people facing questions about their future life after the discovery of adultery by their spouses and then along comes Greg, Johnny come lately, who is concerned that his mistress is asking for a Valentine gift out of proportion to anything thing she wanted before! It's the story of two very entitled people who have no concern for those that they are hurting on a daily basis. It's completely incongruous to find something like this on a forum for pain alleviation. Hope that clears things. Best wishes.

[oldshirt]

People survived the titanic.

 

The ones that were worrying over trivial details while the ship was sinking didn't.

[sandylee1]

Do people still use catalogues???

 

I usually get an email or a WhatsApp message with the links.

 

I suppose she thinks if she's going to be your extra other, she might as well cash in.

[Greg1972]

I usually get an email or a WhatsApp message with the links.

 

I suppose she thinks if she's going to be your extra other, she might as well cash in.

 

The question is do you like being told what the person wants? It makes things easier.

[Greg1972]

You reference material possessions quite a bit- do you feel inferior to others regularly- does you affair soothe that or make it worse- as in now you have multiple Jones to keep up with?

 

I work hard and make good money. Things have not always this way. So why not enjoy possessions?

[BaileyB]

The question is do you like being told what the person wants? It makes things easier.

 

Perhaps from your wife or your girlfriend, it may be helpful...

 

Coming from your mistress, it takes on a different meaning...

[Greg1972]

Actually, it should be the other way around. The gifts should be getting cheaper as time passes. The old saying, "The older the horse the cheaper the ride" should apply just as well for mistresses...She should feel grateful to you for sticking around.

 

She is still more than 10 years younger than me.