What's the point?

[Blade96]

in even having a forum like this?

 

I've seen people come in here talk about their problems with their family, some of which are pretty serious, and all they get are a bunch of feelingless sociopaths saying "just move out" sitting there all judgey like that's just the easiest thing in the world to do.

 

I've been mentally abused by my mom, but if I came in here and complained that my mom says to me "you'll not get any guys to like you, looking like that with one eye cocked on the side (I have strabismus) that's all the responses I'd get.

 

so what's the point of a sub forum like this? Just to torture people more??

[Life lessons]

in even having a forum like this?

 

I've seen people come in here talk about their problems with their family, some of which are pretty serious, and all they get are a bunch of feelingless sociopaths saying "just move out" sitting there all judgey like that's just the easiest thing in the world to do.

 

I've been mentally abused by my mom, but if I came in here and complained that my mom says to me "you'll not get any guys to like you, looking like that with one eye cocked on the side (I have strabismus) that's all the responses I'd get.

 

so what's the point of a sub forum like this? Just to torture people more??

 

 

I've not been on this site but a few days and I've seen some very supportive posts. Not just people saying to move on. Most know that moving on is easier said than done but with that said, one does have to take steps to move on to help the situation. If that makes sense!?

[Whodatdog]

In most any situation, you have two basic choices. Accept the situation, or change. Its mostly up to you what you do. Its nearly impossible to get others to change. So if you dont like a situation, its up to you.

[Globug]

The only advice I have seen where they say to move out is when a young adult is complaining about the rules in their parents home or still being treated like a child yet they are still living under their parent's roof and being financially supported by their parents.

 

 

And yes moving out is not just a quick thing to do but putting a plan in action to get away from the situation is the first step of taking control & saying I do not have to live like this anymore

[Ronni_W]

so what's the point of a sub forum like this? Just to torture people more??

Some people can come across as heartless and even cruel or brutal in how they express themselves here. It's perfectly okay to just ignore the ones whose manners and expressions of self you don't like. (There's also a way to do that physically - an 'ignore' button or something; check the 'Help' forum for how to do it.)

 

That said, any person who has any type of problem for which they would seek any type of help, guidance or counsel - whether online or in real life - is stuck in the mentality/mindset or consciousness of that problem. In the case of something physical, they could be over-identifying with that problem to the extent that they can

only see the limitations and lack of potential for something better.

 

Whether we like it or not, we need to be psychologically challenged if we are ever to overcome or transcend the mentality/mindset or consciousness that is keeping us stuck in our particular perspective or worldview. But, the more we resist being challenged, the more threatened that part of us will feel and the more we will put our resistance and feeling threatened on the people who are doing the challenging - we will find any reason and all sorts of reasons to not like them or to ignore them, just so that we can stay (stuck) in our 'comfort zone' and feeling that we don't have to change and that we're not, ultimately, responsible for making our own changes and improvements that we want for ourselves.

 

I've been mentally abused by my mom, but if I came in here and complained that my mom says to me "you'll not get any guys to like you, looking like that with one eye cocked on the side (I have strabismus) that's all the responses I'd get.

I'm sorry that you've had this experience. For you, the question/challenge is how to NOT let it ruin the rest of your life.

 

As I see it, there are two sides for you to get free of this, both involving you setting or getting a proper/healthy boundary between you and your mom. On the physical side, the easiest way is, naturally, to move out. On the psychological side, it is to ultimately dis-identify and deprogram yourself from all of your mom's inner hatred and hostility that she has projected onto and directed at you. Here, of course, you will require the skills and tools most easily acquired by working with a trained professional - but you can do it on your own, if that's what you prefer and choose.

 

This link is to a list of spiritual-based Teachings on psychological healing. From that page you can also link to articles on healing relationships, etc.

This link is to the introductory page for spiritual tools for healing. Naturally, if this proves to not be your 'cup of tea', then there are many other sources for

healing tools and techniques - and it is your self-responsibility to find the ones that will work best for you

 

In Love and Light.

Edited February 20, 2017 by Ronni_W
spelling

[d0nnivain]

The point of a forum like this is to talk about problems, rather than hiding things in shame.

 

 

You have significant problems. I am sorry that your mother abused you. To heal you will require professional medical help. A bunch of arm chair amateur psychologists can't help you.

 

 

I hope you find your peace.

[Blade96]

In most any situation, you have two basic choices. Accept the situation, or change. Its mostly up to you what you do. Its nearly impossible to get others to change. So if you dont like a situation, its up to you.

 

But if they don't - or can't move out or they've gt some reason why they live with their parents, no they shouldn't have to "just accept it" I don't care if the pope or the queen of england themself owns the damn house, the owner of the damn thing should not treat people this way (like my mom talking about my appearance, or someone giving an adult a curfew like they were 13 still, or even worse cases than that I've seen here) Come on. Simpy saying move out isn't an answer.

Edited February 26, 2017 by Blade96

[Ronni_W]

should not treat people this way

The truth is, actually, that people do have the God-given right and authority to do whatever they free-will decide and choose to do on Earth -- even if it is unkind, brutal, dark or evil. Now; OF COURSE there are negative consequences that they themselves are necessarily going to have to suffer in this lifetime or the next (which we most often refer to as their 'Karma'), but the mechanism for exactly when and exactly how that happens remains a 'mystery'.

Your comfort needs to include your inner knowing that it is going to happen and that it will be commensurate with what they have done unto others on Earth.

 

The point is that you cannot, ultimately, control how other people treat you. So, it becomes your task and responsibility to control how you react to

how other people treat you -- even if it is unkind, brutal, dark or evil. (You do not need to move out to take control over your own psyche and psychology.)

Edited February 27, 2017 by Ronni_W
correction

[NTV]

Some people can come across as heartless and even cruel or brutal in how they express themselves here. It's perfectly okay to just ignore the ones whose manners and expressions of self you don't like. (There's also a way to do that physically - an 'ignore' button or something; check the 'Help' forum for how to do it.)

 

That said, any person who has any type of problem for which they would seek any type of help, guidance or counsel - whether online or in real life - is stuck in the mentality/mindset or consciousness of that problem. In the case of something physical, they could be over-identifying with that problem to the extent that they can

only see the limitations and lack of potential for something better.

 

Whether we like it or not, we need to be psychologically challenged if we are ever to overcome or transcend the mentality/mindset or consciousness that is keeping us stuck in our particular perspective or worldview. But, the more we resist being challenged, the more threatened that part of us will feel and the more we will put our resistance and feeling threatened on the people who are doing the challenging - we will find any reason and all sorts of reasons to not like them or to ignore them, just so that we can stay (stuck) in our 'comfort zone' and feeling that we don't have to change and that we're not, ultimately, responsible for making our own changes and improvements that we want for ourselves.

 

I'm sorry that you've had this experience. For you, the question/challenge is how to NOT let it ruin the rest of your life.

 

As I see it, there are two sides for you to get free of this, both involving you setting or getting a proper/healthy boundary between you and your mom. On the physical side, the easiest way is, naturally, to move out. On the psychological side, it is to ultimately dis-identify and deprogram yourself from all of your mom's inner hatred and hostility that she has projected onto and directed at you. Here, of course, you will require the skills and tools most easily acquired by working with a trained professional - but you can do it on your own, if that's what you prefer and choose.

 

This link is to a list of spiritual-based Teachings on psychological healing. From that page you can also link to articles on healing relationships, etc.

This link is to the introductory page for spiritual tools for healing. Naturally, if this proves to not be your 'cup of tea', then there are many other sources for

healing tools and techniques - and it is your self-responsibility to find the ones that will work best for you

 

In Love and Light.

 

I gotta say this is a really good answer and I'm not sure what else I can add.

 

Op, I really encourage you to read this response again.

[Ronni_W]

I gotta say this is a really good answer

Thanks very much, NTV; I appreciate your support. It's always difficult to know what to say and how much of it to say...or how little. Of course, the hope is always that something will resonate.

 

R

[anika99]

I think when people give simple answers like just move out or just get a divorce or just get another job, they don't mean that making those changes are easy or painless it's just that those are the most glaringly obvious solutions.

 

Nobody expects that when you read "just move out" on a forum that you should immediately get up, pack a suitcase and walk out your front door. However you can start making a plan on what steps you can take to become independent. If your mom has been abusive that is terrible but if she doesn't want to change then she isn't going to and it's pointless to keep hoping and waiting for her to change so you can be happy. It's like having a dog when you really want a cat. Does it make sense to keep waiting for the dog to turn himself into a cat?

 

It's not easy or simple to make huge life changes and I think everyone here knows that but if your not willing to to make changes then nothing changes. One could ask what is the point of asking a forum for help when the poster is not willing to listen or do anything different?