So hurt by Mother, I think we're done

[LM85]

You don't have to attend every argument that you're invited to. Calling your mother names seems very much out of proportion to the incident that you described. If she was as upset as you described she likely never processed your apology.

And can someone explain to me why fat is the ultimate insult?

 

And I don't attend every argument I'm invited to. When my Grandfather humiliated me in front of my family, I didn't do a thing. I didn't react or argue back, I simply left the room. I actually hate confrontation and whilst I don't think I'm in the wrong, I HATE this situation with my Mother and it upsets me even just thinking about it.

 

I've never sworn at or in front of my parents ever. So it's not the norm and it was something I regretted as soon as the words were out of my mouth and I apologised, I think two or three times.

 

However, whilst it might seem out of proportion to you but to me, having the person who is supposed to always be on your side and love you more than anything, scream and shout at you that you're a brat, spoiled, immature and selfish and say that "Everyone knows you'll ruin your brothers wedding day" is, to me, very upsetting, cruel and hurtful and rightly or wrongly, I lashed out at her and said what I did.

 

And you're right, fat is not or shouldn't be the ultimate insult. Fat is not the worst thing a person could be. In my case, it's unwarranted because I'm not overweight. It was a silly and unfounded thing my Grandfather said to me.

Edited March 24, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[LM85]

Sometimes throwing insults back just fans the flames.

It's a sign of maturity to disengage from tense situations rather than trading insults. This goes for all interactions and relationships. You don't always have to sink to the level of people who are cruel and rude.

 

I was raised to respect elders but when elders are consistently inappropriate, I simply distance myself from them rather than start fights or trade insults. I'm not interested in fighting with my mother or my MIL; I'm too old for that nonsense.

 

I was also raised to respect my elders and have said countless times throughout this thread that I was wrong to say what I did to my Mother. I have acknowledged that here and with her, hence why I apologised to her multiple times.

 

I hate confrontation and actively try to avoid it and I did walk away and I have distanced myself from my family in the past several weeks since this all happened.

 

Yes, what I said was wrong. It was a reaction. Perhaps I wanted to hurt her like she had hurt me.

 

Maybe it's gone to far for us to have a relationship like we did before this all happened. Whilst I would like to forgive and forget how cruel and vicious she was, so that we can draw a line under it all and move forwards, I can't. I need her to acknowledge that she was wrong when she said I would ruin my brother's wedding day because that is a cut too deep for me to ignore. So whilst this situation is hugely upsetting to me and I want it resolved, until she does that, I can't and I know that by making that one comment, I too am in the wrong, I dealt with the rest of the situation appropriately.

[BettyDraper]

I was also raised to respect my elders and have said countless times throughout this thread that I was wrong to say what I did to my Mother. I have acknowledged that here and with her, hence why I apologised to her multiple times.

 

I hate confrontation and actively try to avoid it and I did walk away and I have distanced myself from my family in the past several weeks since this all happened.

 

Yes, what I said was wrong. It was a reaction. Perhaps I wanted to hurt her like she had hurt me.

 

Maybe it's gone to far for us to have a relationship like we did before this all happened. Whilst I would like to forgive and forget how cruel and vicious she was, so that we can draw a line under it all and move forwards, I can't. I need her to acknowledge that she was wrong oshe said I would ruin my brother's wedding day because that is a cut too deep for me to ignore. So whilst this situation is hugely upsetting to me and I want it resolved, until she does that, I can't and I know that by making that one comment, I too am in the wrong, I dealt with the rest of the situation appropriately.

 

You can't or you won't? Look, you have every right to be upset with your mom but it sounds like she's proud and stubborn.

If neither of you will apologize, this estrangement could go on forever. One of you has to be the bigger person.