I had a one night stand with this girl and now she ignores me.

[JamesObrang]

Hey guys James here.

 

Well pretty much what the title of this post states. I was at a birthday party this Saturday and I met someone. Actually she goes in my Uni, same batch though different tracks. I never spoke to her before, but I always sensed that she might like me. In the past I have often caught her looking at me. Though that doesn't mean anything at all until you try.

 

So I went to this party and she was also there. I didn't approach her directly but after a while when I finally decided to approach her, she initiated contact with me. We spoke and drank together. In short we were having a good time. I even asked her out on a date, which in my state of being drunk at that time, gave me the extra confidence to do it. She replied saying yes, she would like to go out with me.

 

After the party ended, a few of our common friends and her went to a bar. There, I bought her a drink and I ended up kissing her. I remember a scenario where this random girl approaches me and starts talking to me, and this made her pull my arm towards her. After the bar, our friends went home, but we both hanged out for a bit, and even made out. She was still interested in going on a date with me. I couldn't ask for more but I think I got a bit too drunk and asked her if I should come along with her to her place. I wanted to talk to her actually, get to know her and when I arrived at her place, it felt like we both just couldn't resist. We ended up having sex.

 

I was quite drunk, had God knows how many drinks and was extremely tired. I don't remember what I said to her right after we had sex and she then asked me to leave right away. She said and I quote, '' You just f_ _k*d me and I kind of think you were bull****ing this entire time''. I had to leave her place and I even told her that I wasn't bull****ing her and that I would text her tomorrow and she then said, ''I might not reply back''. Now I have no idea what just happened. She asked me to leave, so I had to leave.

 

Basically I told my friends and they said, 3 things could have happened

#1. I really hurt her, and she thought I was just there to have sex with her while I told her that I wanted to talk to her.

#2. She didn't like the sex or felt like I wasn't good enough.

#3. She just used me for sex.

 

#2 would be the first time for me, I haven't heard anyone complaining about that but it could also be that I wasn't mentally there. Just have a few blur images of having sex as I was wasted.

 

I kind of do like the girl but I just don't know what happened. I left my watch at her place and texted her the next day saying, ''Hey whats up''. She never replied. Two hours later, I texted her that I left my watch at her place, which was the reason I texted her and only then she responded saying ''She'll be at uni tomorrow and that I could go and get it from her there.''

 

I met her today and she just came and handed me my watch and was basically just smiling. I asked her how she was to which she simply replied back saying, good and you. She seemed in a hurry and I was out of words, I apologized to her and said I was drunk but not completely gone and that I would see her around.

 

Now I want some advice. Yes, I do realize that I might have blown it already. I didn't keep my word and ended up having sex with her. We both wanted it, its not like I forced her. She wanted me to come to her place as well. But I just don't know what went wrong and how could I fix it. I wanted to take her out and still do but seems to me like, now she just wants no more of me and ignored me completely today. She didn't even say a thing and was in such a hurry that I never had the chance to say what I really wanted to.

 

It was a natural attraction at first, I knew she liked me and when I kissed her, she wanted me to kiss her! Don't know why she changed all of a sudden.

 

Any advice guys ?

Edited February 20, 2017 by JamesObrang

[Techmonkey]

Not much you can do. If she hasn't volunteered any information as to what upset her, I'd just let it go and let her sort it out for herself. She knows you're still interested. If she wants you, she'll find you.

[Darren Steez]

You sound like you're 15 but I gather you maybe young so here's some advice.

 

Stop chasing.

 

She's already playing the chasing game and you keep following her around like a lost puppy because you got some tail.

 

Cut it out.

 

You've never been in control of this situation not even once, from "catching her looking at you" to the sex. She just wanted to bang you and that's it. She doesn't want attachment, she doesn't want you to text or call her (hasn't she already told you that but you insisted on still doing it anyway)

 

Why are you confused about how she's acting when she's telling it to you straight to your face!!?

 

Next time stone cold ignore her, walk past her, not even a hi. If she wants to talk then she'll approach you but stop chasing her like a lost puppy.

[JamesObrang]

@Techmonkey: Thank you for your response. It made sense. I haven't texted nor spoken to her and I am planning to do the same thing. If she wants to get to know me, she would have to talk to me otherwise I am okay with her not being interested now. But I personally believe that I might have hurt her feelings the way I acted and she might have assumed that I was just there for the sex. Which is why I also thought I should talk to her and really apologize to her personally. But I think I would leave that behind now and wait a few weeks to see where this all leads.

 

 

@Darren Steez: I am 26 years old and she is just a year younger than me. We both go to Med school though are under different housing for our specific specialization, which is why I never got to know her in the first place. We started in the same batch but then were divided into our specific fields.

 

No I am not following her like a lost puppy lol ? Where is this coming from ? We both were into each other, I had sex with her and then ended up saying something (God knows what) to her which ended with me leaving her place (as she asked me to leave). I forgot a few things at her place and asked her to bring them along to Uni, which she did and I got my things. That was it. I never followed her or did anything to make her feel uncomfortable.

 

Though I do agree with the rest. I think its true, she did indeed tell me that she won't reply me back. And by the looks of it she doesn't want any attachments. Funny thing is, she even told me she is a type of a person that doesn't like to hold hands or is not that type of a person that someone could actually cuddle or do things with. I found out about these things after the sex and now its all making sense.

 

I can live with ignoring her. I won't say hey to her next time I see her. Besides, the idea was all mine from the beginning. I wanted to date her because I wanted to bang her. Didn't expect this to happen so soon. What leaves me frustrated is that I never had a second round at her. Though don't get me wrong, I kind of found her funny and wanted also to get to know her. Sex is cool but getting to know her wasn't that bad either. Either way, I shouldn't be worried about it.

[d0nnivain]

You must have said something really horrible.

 

 

If you genuinely like her & remember where she lives, mail her a written apology.

 

 

Dear [insert name]

 

 

Thank you for returning my watch.

 

 

It's no excuse but I was pretty drunk last Saturday. I only remember bits and pieces. I do remember we were intimate. I also remember you kicking me out & saying that I had been bull****ing you. I wasn't. I genuinely like you & I am truly sorry for whatever I said or did to upset you

so

much. I'

m

embarrassed to admit that I don't remember.

 

 

As much as I probably don't deserve it, I would really like you to do three things for me:

 

 

1. Tell me exactly what the heck I did or said that upset you

so

much.

 

 

2. Accept my apology for being a drunken ass.

 

 

3. Give me a chance to show you that I'

m

not that jerk of a guy. Please let me take you to dinner next week to make it up to you.

 

 

In all sincerity,

James

 

You can use your words not mine but unless you want to never talk to her again, you have to put it out there that you screwed up. This isn't a power play. You are not a wimp or less of man for trying to fix this.

[JamesObrang]

@d0nnivain: Thanks for the nice reply mate.

 

I don't know what to say. According to my friends, it's a win win situation for me. I got to bang her but to me it just wasn't a normal bang. I genuinely felt something for her. But there could be many things at play here and I will defo! consider what you wrote to me. It doesn't sound desperate of me saying all that but in the end I wouldn't regret it.

[stillafool]

Just tell her how you feel and see what happens.

[elaine567]

As you are in med school and will be leading a professional career, then it best not to make enemies of your class mates.

You never know when you may need them (networking) or work with them or have to work under them.

So whilst you as a young man may want to "bang" everything in sight, you need to start thinking seriously before you "bang" classmates.

 

Whatever it is you said or did was obviously highly offensive to this woman as she chucked you out, so perhaps you need to modify your way of thinking and learn to respect women more, so when "In vino veritas" kicks in the next time, you come across better.

 

Try dOnnivain's letter, at least if one day she is your boss then at least you tried to make amends...

[smackie9]

You forgot #4) she is bat $%^& cray cray. It's not like you held a gun to her head, she was a willing participant BUT she is blaming you for what happened....now she's claiming to be the victim. If I were you I wouldn't push this any further before it turns into accusations if you know what I mean.

[mikeylo]

Yeah , don't mess up with classmates. It's not a win - win situation. Try the apology and then talk it out if she wants to.

[JamesObrang]

Guys thank you so much. You guys have been really helpful and I never expected this.

 

I hate to say this but the more time I give, the more I think Darren Steez is right. Though I found his post a bit offensive in the beginning as I never did the things he said until yet. But the way this is going, it seems like she just used me for sex.

 

I think of it this way; If she also liked me, she would had forgiven me the day after and things would had been normal. She knew I was drunk, and she would have forgiven me if she really wanted a relationship. She was or still might be attractive towards me but the point is that she might not want any attachments. Hence when I met her to get my things, she didn't utter a single word. She kept it cool and simple, handed me my stuff with a smile on her face. Didn't even try to initiate a conversation with me and simply started walking in her direction. What on Earth could I have said to make a person that upset ? Nothing, actually, it's right there in front of me, she used me. I thought about it a lot, I can try, but what's the point, she won't reply me back (I am certain she won't). By the way, I should let it go and focus on my career rather than having this affect me in negative ways. Though I must admit it felt like I was raped

 

I am a normal person. I usually end up in a relationship with the women I end up banging. I don't like the idea of a one night stand. It might be strange, but yes I want to get to know the person. I am grateful to you guys that I didn't write back to her, because without your help I would had sent her another text and then in her eyes become a total looser.

 

It's simple, she just wanted to use me for sex, there was never going to be a date or maybe there could have been one and that would had eventually led to me banging her and her finding an excuse to get rid of me. That was a first for me.

[d0nnivain]

She couldn't forgive you because she didn't know you were sorry. You never said it sober.

 

 

If you said something along the lines of what you said here like using the word "bang" I can see where she was upset.

 

 

Adults talk to each other to resolve conflict. Try it.

[lolablue17]

Oh, come on, you analyze it too much. My advice is that you forget everything that happened and think. Do you want to date her? Do you like her?

 

If the answer is yes, I would make some old fashion gestures. Flowers, write her letter about how much you like her, you started in the wrong foot, and you want to open a blank page with her, tell her that you can't stop thinking about her, tell her only the truth of course. Invest some work in this for few days. If she doesn't cooperate, it means she doesn't like you. Right now she sounds like afraid to being hurt and she's busy with her own complexities.

[Space Ritual]

The title of your thread kind of sums it up nicely....

 

 

I get it with blurting out something stupidly during sex, especially when loaded. I am just as guilty of saying something stupid to cause coitus interuptus.

 

If she gave you a sly smile when you got watch back, either what you said wasn't truly that bad after some thought, or she did just want the sex and for you to get out. it is not unheard of for chicks to enjoy one night stands and leave it at that.

 

Anyway, don't say anything more to her so you don't come off as a Beta Boy. Chicks hate that. If she wants another roll in the hay she'll let you know.

[zeeohsixer]

She's likely embarrassed and think you think of her as a sl*t. If you actually like her just ask her out, if she makes an excuse try a week later. If that doesn't work next her.

[aileD]

Girls tend not to want relationships with guys who sleep with people before even dating them.

 

Hell she probably was up for some fun and NSA sex too, no harm no foul.

[Space Ritual]

Hell she probably was up for some fun and NSA sex too, no harm no foul.

 

Exactly. One Night Stands are not gender specific. As much as we guys tend to think it is. lol

[coolheadal]

You both were wasted and you had drunk sex, then you don't remember what happen. She gave you her answer. Just respect her and leave as that. Move on to the next girl.

[ExpatInItaly]

Maybe she's been dating someone else and feels guilty, and is now trying to avoid you hoping word doesn't get out.

[d0nnivain]

Everyone who has been responding to this thread including me is speculating. The only one who knows what this woman is thinking is the woman herself.

 

 

OP you have to talk to her.

[JamesObrang]

Guys so I tried... Wanted to speak with her personally but she wasn't at campus yesterday. Sent her a message, the one d0nnivain wrote. No reply...

 

Today, however, I saw her and she looked at me with a smile on her face as if nothing ever happened. I just ignored her.

 

Well now I feel like a complete d**k as I knew she would never reply back but one thing is for sure, I won't be regretting this at all. I did what I had to do and it turns out she just wanted sex and that was it. Moreover, I should now focus on finding someone who would like to stick around after the sex.

 

Thanks again to all of you. Been helpful.

[d0nnivain]

Guys so I tried... Wanted to speak with her personally but she wasn't at campus yesterday. Sent her a message, the one d0nnivain wrote. No reply...

 

Today, however, I saw her and she looked at me with a smile on her face as if nothing ever happened. I just ignored her.

 

Well now I feel like a complete d**k as I knew she would never reply back but one thing is for sure, I won't be regretting this at all. I did what I had to do and it turns out she just wanted sex and that was it. Moreover, I should now focus on finding someone who would like to stick around after the sex.

 

Thanks again to all of you. Been helpful.

 

 

 

 

First I said handwritten, snail mail letter. If I meant message I would have said that. Of course she is ignoring a message. Messages are throw-aways, too easy, no effort. Anybody can send a text. Shows no thought at all. What I recommended you doing was more about the effort not the words. Now that you have taken your shot, you don't get a do over my way. The ball is firmly in her court & she's ignoring you.

 

 

I'm glad you don't regret what you did because you took some action. You showed her that you are better guy than many.

 

 

Sorry it didn't have the outcome you wanted.

[Darren Steez]

Concentrate on your studies because when you qualify, women will be lining up to try and get with you no the other way around.