Try Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 (edited) She's convinced her that nothing last forever Living the way that your wife is now living, for your wife it will be true that "nothing last forever". Her actions of living in the here and now without regard for anyone but herself, makes this a self fulfilling prophecy. Going forward, the other man (OM) and your wife will eventually break up. This is because statistically relationships founded in affairs almost never last long term; with the age difference adding to this likelihood. Also, for whatever reason, as women get older, their odds of finding a mate greatly decreases with age, while as men get older the odds of finding a mate dramatically increase. Many of my friends were shocked at how many women came out of the woodwork to pursue them after a divorce, often times being his wife's single friends and women that would not have looked at him before. The bottom line is that in all likelihood your wife will live out her later years unmarried and alone, while odds are you will live out your later years married to a woman that is thankful to have you in her life. For the sake of others, please remember to check back with us on this thread in a few years and tell us just how true this prediction was; hopefully you will be telling us how ending this marriage was the best thing that you could have done. The sky is not falling and things will get better. Be well and good luck. Edited March 11, 2017 by Try 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DDTA Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 The bottom line is that in all likelihood your wife will live out her later years unmarried and alone, This definitely is the case with my XW. She's no longer in the affair with the OM but has pathetically moved into the same apartment complex he lives after his own divorce. She cooks and babysit his kids for him while dates other women. It's as if my XW has accepted being in a cuckold type role. She has NOT tried dating anyone else since our divorce. It is very true that women will come out of the woodwork when they find out you are available AND understand the circumstances of the divorce. Why? One big reason is that your are a proven experienced loyal husband, the kind of man they want to settle down with. My 2nd wife is 10yrs younger than me and is the type of woman I had told myself when I was younger "Nah...she wouldn't go out on a date with me!" Now I know not only would she date me but also marry me. My 2nd marriage is so much better because it is with the right woman. So don't fear letting go. It isn't a dead end after Divorce, but a new chapter, a new path, a new beginning. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted March 15, 2017 Author Share Posted March 15, 2017 She's telling me a bunch of lies now. "We're only friends, it don't mean anything". I'm working on the divorce stuff now. She just spent 8 days in Florida visiting family and when she arrived back in town tonight. She went straight to OM. Didn't even come home to see here own kids. How screwed up is that? None of us deserve this crap. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 She's telling me a bunch of lies now. "We're only friends, it don't mean anything". I'm working on the divorce stuff now. She just spent 8 days in Florida visiting family and when she arrived back in town tonight. She went straight to OM. Didn't even come home to see here own kids. How screwed up is that? None of us deserve this crap. No, you definitely don't deserve this. It's good that you are continuing to take the steps you need to take to find some stability for your children. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 She's telling me a bunch of lies now. "We're only friends, it don't mean anything". I'm working on the divorce stuff now. She just spent 8 days in Florida visiting family and when she arrived back in town tonight. She went straight to OM. Didn't even come home to see here own kids. How screwed up is that? None of us deserve this crap. Use this to help your daughter to see who she really is. It's for her own good. Hard 180!!!!!! It's your new friend. Better let go now 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 Damn, how old is your wife? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted March 15, 2017 Author Share Posted March 15, 2017 She's 45. Unbelievable. She thinks she's a teenager again. She's going to crash hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 Full speed ahead. Get out of infidelity. She's shown you who she is. If you're smart you'll believe her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 She's telling me a bunch of lies now. "We're only friends, it don't mean anything". I'm working on the divorce stuff now. She just spent 8 days in Florida visiting family and when she arrived back in town tonight. She went straight to OM. Didn't even come home to see here own kids. How screwed up is that? None of us deserve this crap. Her methods have worked on you in the past. That's probably why you are where you are now. You can't undo that but learn from it and never go back if you want to have a life and future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted March 15, 2017 Author Share Posted March 15, 2017 I'm full steam ahead. I need this over. Nothing worse than then what she is doing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted March 15, 2017 Author Share Posted March 15, 2017 Her mom paid for her trip. Airfare. She stayed at her moms Condo. As usual I took care of my daughter while she was away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted March 15, 2017 Author Share Posted March 15, 2017 Over the past several years she has not had to work. I made a great living and she wanted to stay home with the kids. I encouraged her to work because she was always happier when she did. Had more friends to socialize with, etc.. I had asked her to get a job a few years ago when I changed jobs and lost income. So she could help out with the living and other expenses. She said she would be never got past the I think I'll put some applications in phase. She never really got serious or so I thought until this past year. But she still has not found one. I don't even know if she's applied anywhere either. So who enabled her? I was say I have by thinking that my place in the family was to provide and give my wife the support she needed to run the household. But that's all came crashing down this past year. She virtually quit any of the work in the house and quit on our marriage. I have always admitted that I could do more to help. I was working 60 to 70 hrs a week and still coming home to help with laundry, dishes, homework, etc.. I think in a way I've done too much. When my work got stressful I was unable to give her the attention she needed thus she basically walked away from our marriage and then had the affair with our Sons friend. I can look back and say I've done some harm in the relationship but I can't in anyway shape or form see how I deserved this. A nonstop barrage of things like, You can't even put the dishes away correctly or why did you dry that shirt. It didn't matter whatever I did it was wrong. So here I am trying to navigate my way around a divorce as quickly and uneventful as I can. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 No matter how hard you try, she will not make divorce easy. She has a lot to lose. Its not that you wont get one, but it will be emotionally draining.Especially when they feel that they losing control over you and your life, things get nasty. You may need a therapist to help you through it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 Over the past several years she has not had to work. I made a great living and she wanted to stay home with the kids. I encouraged her to work because she was always happier when she did. Had more friends to socialize with, etc.. I had asked her to get a job a few years ago when I changed jobs and lost income. So she could help out with the living and other expenses. She said she would be never got past the I think I'll put some applications in phase. She never really got serious or so I thought until this past year. But she still has not found one. I don't even know if she's applied anywhere either. So who enabled her? I was say I have by thinking that my place in the family was to provide and give my wife the support she needed to run the household. But that's all came crashing down this past year. She virtually quit any of the work in the house and quit on our marriage. I have always admitted that I could do more to help. I was working 60 to 70 hrs a week and still coming home to help with laundry, dishes, homework, etc.. I think in a way I've done too much. When my work got stressful I was unable to give her the attention she needed thus she basically walked away from our marriage and then had the affair with our Sons friend. I can look back and say I've done some harm in the relationship but I can't in anyway shape or form see how I deserved this. A nonstop barrage of things like, You can't even put the dishes away correctly or why did you dry that shirt. It didn't matter whatever I did it was wrong. So here I am trying to navigate my way around a divorce as quickly and uneventful as I can. To be fair, many couples make the decision that the husband will work and the wife will care for the home and children. It sounds like your wife has decided not to hold up her end of the bargain... Both when you lost your job and needed an extra income, and more recently with the parenting and chores around the home. And clearly, her mother is enabling her if she is paying for plane tickets and providing a free place to stay while enjoying a little visit and holiday together. Your wife is going to have to deal with a different, and very harsh reality soon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted March 15, 2017 Author Share Posted March 15, 2017 I think she will face a hard reality pretty soon 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted March 16, 2017 Share Posted March 16, 2017 I have always admitted that I could do more to help. I was working 60 to 70 hrs a week and still coming home to help with laundry, dishes, homework, etc.. I think in a way I've done too much. When my work got stressful I was unable to give her the attention she needed thus she basically walked away from our marriage and then had the affair with our Sons friend. Wait a minute, she was a stay at home wife while you worked "60 to 70 hrs a week" in order to pay all of the bills, and yet she still expected you to "help with laundry, dishes, homework, etc." when you got home from work? Worse yet, with the 60 to 70 hours a week at work, and then you coming home to do house work, she still expected you to find the time to give her the same amount of "attention" that she was getting from the guy that was living off of you in your home? Your tough stance on divorce, and you saying that you have "done too much", shows that you have finally awakened to the fact that if you act like a doormat, you cannot then be surprised if people walk all over you like your wife and her boyfriend have. Take this lesson to the your next relationship. Good luck and be well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted March 19, 2017 Author Share Posted March 19, 2017 I put my house up for sale. Im also taking a transfer with my Job. Been a long year, as much as it still hurts I have to go. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storms Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 I put my house up for sale. Im also taking a transfer with my Job. Been a long year, as much as it still hurts I have to go. Good that you are taking a stance and moving forward. From what I've read of your story, you deserve much better, and you will find it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 Over the past several years she has not had to work. I made a great living and she wanted to stay home with the kids. I encouraged her to work because she was always happier when she did. Had more friends to socialize with, etc.. I had asked her to get a job a few years ago when I changed jobs and lost income. So she could help out with the living and other expenses. She said she would be never got past the I think I'll put some applications in phase. She never really got serious or so I thought until this past year. But she still has not found one. I don't even know if she's applied anywhere either. So who enabled her? I was say I have by thinking that my place in the family was to provide and give my wife the support she needed to run the household. But that's all came crashing down this past year. She virtually quit any of the work in the house and quit on our marriage. I have always admitted that I could do more to help. I was working 60 to 70 hrs a week and still coming home to help with laundry, dishes, homework, etc.. I think in a way I've done too much. When my work got stressful I was unable to give her the attention she needed thus she basically walked away from our marriage and then had the affair with our Sons friend. I can look back and say I've done some harm in the relationship but I can't in anyway shape or form see how I deserved this. A nonstop barrage of things like, You can't even put the dishes away correctly or why did you dry that shirt. It didn't matter whatever I did it was wrong. So here I am trying to navigate my way around a divorce as quickly and uneventful as I can. You are starting to see a little glimmer of the light, but you have a long way to go. The truth is you are in NO WAY responsible for your wife's decision to get down with another guy. That is completely on her lack of character, bad behavior and disregard for you and her family. You could have scrubbed that house until the glare blinded the neighbors and you could have brought her all means in bed and fanned her like Cleopatra and she still would've done that guy because she is entitled, selfish and has no respect or consideration for anyone but herself. She cheated due to her lack of character, not anything you did or did not do. Sometimes BS's want to believe something they did or did not do caused their WS to cheat because that makes it feel like they have some control and that if they can crack the right code and flip the right switches and find the right sequence that they can make every ok. But they can't. They can't because the cheater's actions are 100% on them and nothing anyone does or does not do can make them do anything. Now if you hadn't spoken to her in a year and hadn't made any attempt to give her any lovins for months or years and had total disregard for her and she was doing some dude on her way out the door to make a new life for herself, then fine, you can accept some of the responsibility for the state of the relationship. But assuming you were acting in good faith and weren't outright abusing, exploiting or completely ignoring her needs (which working 70 hrs a week so she can eat and have a roof over her head is not ignoring her needs) then her sucking on some other guy's junk has nothing to do with you. The sooner that all sinks in and you realize that, you will not have any issue dropping the ax on the remaining strings of your contact with her. You are getting closer and making progress and that is a good sign that we are all glad to see. But you are still accepting way too much of the blame and that is probably still holding you back from moving on as much as you could be. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 ^^ what oldshirt said. There is nothing you could have done or not done, she would have cheated anyways. Out of sight, out of mind is what you need. Constant reminders wont let you move on.Good Luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Share Posted March 21, 2017 Yea, this is what I need. Can't happen too soon. Lot of details now before I leave but will be worth it to start over. It's going to be a long road but I feel better every day. I guess one day at a time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 Putting geographical distance between you and your ex will aid your healing. But as painful as it is, look at this as a second chance at a new life for yourself. Think about it...you get to determine your destiny from this point onward. You can re-define and re-make yourself into a stronger, better man...the kind of man you would want to hang out with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 And you can get your daughter away from this wreck of a person 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 I'm trying but she has my daughter buffaloed right now. She will realize pretty soon that her mom is just making it worse on her. She won't listen to me right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Go your own way. As you've seen your actions will get you where you need to be Talk at this time is meaningless. I suspect reality will hit quicker than you think. Hard 180!!!! Don't underestimate no contact 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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