Marc878 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Do not offer any R to your wife upfront. It's a gift. Do not give it away foolishly. Move her out of your bedroom if you haven't. The worse thing you could do is move out yourself. You didn't stray she did. Do not leave your home!!!!!! Take some time by yourself and figure out what you want yo do. Cut off all financial support. Get to the bank and protect yourself. Make an appointment with a good Attorney. You can get free consults. You've financed this affair long enough. I'm assuming he doesn't work so how they gonna live without your paycheck? Your other man is a backstabber. Cut him out of the family permanently. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NoCompass Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 He is a friend of my Son whom we took in because he a had a rough home life. It's the price I've paid to help someone out. no excuses here on my part. I should have went nuts earlier. I've stepped back a little and through the cloud in my heart I'm ready to clean house. Should be an interesting next few days. Honestly your kids are old enough that I would tell all of it. Hey kids. There is no right way to say this but your mom is having sex with my son's friend we took in ... in our house. She lied to me about it first and now wants to continue the affair. And that kid we are hosting, well he is f .... your mom. Act accordingly around them. I won't tolerate it so excuse the noise in the next few days. Trust me, any person with a dignity (20 year old or not) would understand the circumstances and your wife won't be able to put any "he was abusing me" type of tactics in the divorce proceedings. You need to EXPOSE the cheater for who she is, rather than give her time to make money, strategize to how to screw you over in the divorce, and take half of your earnings. No more "let me f.... this guy, in your house you are paying for ... while I have my privacy on my phone' F ... THAT! If you weren't angry, that would be a problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Make no mistake you can do this. Keep cool and calm with no backing up. None of this I right and their in no justification only lies. No one is going to fix this for you. It's all up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
NoCompass Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 I'm making my plan now. I'm getting angrier by the minute. I feel so stupid and foolish. You should be angry dude. One time I kicked a girl out of my house because she said something super rude to me. Well, guess what! It was MY house and I was being disrespected by someone I invited from another state (and paid her ticket). Did I say "What is she gonna do now ..." Did I worry about that? No. You reap what you sow, my friend. People do sh*t and think there won't be any repercussions. Hell no. I kicked her out .. and I am sure she learned her lesson at the airport trying to pay for her ticket back. That is a normal reaction from people who have backbone. And you are letting a guy who f ... your wife in your house? And letting your cheater wife who seem to have no remorse or regret ... live there until she can make money -- while living and eating at a house you pay for? F ... THAT! Grow a spine. Don't let treat you like sh*t. Are you a man or are you a cuckold? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 It's going to happen now. I'm planning this out. He's gone tomorrow. I already told the kids we need to have a talk tomorrow afternoon when I get home from work. I'm ready to explode. I just need to make sure a do it correctly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NoCompass Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 It's going to happen now. I'm planning this out. He's gone tomorrow. I already told the kids we need to have a talk tomorrow afternoon when I get home from work. I'm ready to explode. I just need to make sure a do it correctly. Nothing wrong with being emotional, passionate, angry, frustrated, etc. AS LONG AS YOU ARE REAL, your kids can see that and that is all they need. Don't hold anything back because they may think you are doing too much of a punishment. By telling them the whole truth (suspicions, lying, deception, affair, continuation of it), you will gain their respect and support -- and not allow the cheating wife to spin it differently. They are not kids, 18, 20, etc. They can handle it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 It's going to happen now. I'm planning this out. He's gone tomorrow. I already told the kids we need to have a talk tomorrow afternoon when I get home from work. I'm ready to explode. I just need to make sure a do it correctly. You'll need more support than your kids. Your family and hers any close friends. Do not go halfway here. Don't worry about her feelings getting hurt. Did she worry about yours? The truth has a way of fixing things. Tell her if she doesn't like it she can go with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Normally the shock of exposure if done correctly will end the affair. Do not comfort her let her deal with the consequences on her own 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NoCompass Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Normally the shock of exposure if done correctly will end the affair. Do not comfort her let her deal with the consequences on her own She will deny probably half, if not more, of what you are saying ... to save face. So if you have any recording of her admitting the affair, I'd keep that handy. If not, you might have one last convo (and record all of it) before you talk to everyone. Because I guarantee she will either deny it or downplay it and try to make you like some paranoid obsessive husband. So make sure it is not he said she said. If you can help it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littlestarsmum Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 I’m so sorry to hear about your situation, friend. This is a hard thing to go through after 24 years of togetherness. It’s obvious that you want to have a good marriage and happy family. Have you ever considered talking with a counselor? A good counselor might be able to give you some solid guidance. I just said a prayer for you and your wife, and I hope that God will bring healing and reconciliation to your marriage. I know your situation may seem impossible right now, but I do believe there is hope. Sending blessings & prayers your way! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beautifulinside2 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 A few months ago she told me that if the tables were turned she would've left in a heartbeat. That she can't believe I've tried so hard and that she will work on us. Now all I get is "As soon I get a job I'm leaving" I know I should just end this but I'm 51 years old and how hard will it be for me to find someone special again? Pretty good advice thus far... As soon as she gets a job let her leave, so she can see just how far a dollar goes, because as of now she has no clue how hard you've had to work to keep your family financially sound. If she did, she wouldn't have disrespected you or the home that the two of you built together. Moving on is one thing, but shacking up in the house that your husband paid for while your husband is working is another. BTW, 51 years old is rather young this day and age. You still have time to find someone to share the next phase of your life with. Let your wife go, if it was meant to be she will return. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 All, Thank you so much for the words of wisdom and support. As of this morning he is gone. Step 1 complete 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 How old is your wife ? In 40s probably? So she has been *****ing a 20 something guy under your roof who happens to be your son's friend? Whoa! Unbelievable ! While it's important to be good role models to your kids but they are not kids anymore and they need to see that if your partner crosses the line and abuses you then you need to make the right decision to protect all involved. Why do you want her to stay ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 And she should be gone next. This woman carried on an affair under the roof that you provide. She needs serious consequences. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 All, Thank you so much for the words of wisdom and support. As of this morning he is gone. Step 1 complete Good job, now finish this and take your power back. What was the impression from the kids, wife, OM? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 I'm so very sorry that you're going through this. Your wife's behavior is absolutely disgusting!! She's trying to regain her youth. Remember how hapless twenty somethings are? It's all a ridiculous fantasy!! This 'kid' is having family problems & comes-in & blows-up your family!! Horrible! I know how terrifying it is to have shared your entire life with someone who completely 'looses the plot' & acts nihilistic to destroy everything. I thought my cheating husband was having a mental break. I humiliated myself much like you. Please believe me, he treated me with contempt like this until I finally 'gave-up' & told him to go live his dreams!! Let her loose everything. The twenty years fantasy is all good when you've got parents taking care of you. It's all so romantic UNTIL you realize that reality sucks!! How on earth are they going to support themselves? The glow fades fast once they realize they can't afford a roof over their heads. I'm a stay-at-home Mum. I had a fantastic career & I know how grim the work opportunities are. She's never worked? She's going to learn fast that a few hours working in Walmart isn't going to go very far. The thing is...You're so frightened that you can't see that YOU hold so much power. You're the MAN who has supported your family all your adult life. If she's not in the picture you still have your career, your kids, your life. SHE has NOTHING but a lost man-child & silly dreams that will vanish in the light of reality. Get tough!! I hope she will realize how she's re-written the history of your marriage in her adolescent fog. She wants a divorce because you're too understanding of your kids, family needs??!!?? Listen to those words. It's a pathetic, bloody joke!! That lady needs a sharp, hard, wake-up call. If you love her & want her do the right thing...Be the MAN OF THE HOUSE & put your foot down. Enough is enough. YOU hold all the power. PLEASE see that! You can do this.... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 How's it going? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Good move !! I'm glad your finally picking up 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 So wait, OM is a friend of your son?? Your son?? A friend was a Vietnam vet, he took in a friend of his. Same story as your's. He went out that day and she went with him leaving the the daughter who was 15. The daughter as far as I know has not spoken to the mother since then. He remarried, his daughter was his new wife's bridesmaid. When the daughter married at 28 the mother was not invited. I am not saying your children should not speak to your wife. But, when someone you are close to commits a betrayal of this magnitude a strong rejection of the action is needed. Your lack to this point is troubling. Have you seen an IC who deals with co-dependencies issues? Her actions are on her, your response is your responsibility. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Author Share Posted February 23, 2017 Have not told daughter yet. Son is furious. Been a rough couple days around the house. Still working through the plan. Getting stronger everyday. Everyone on here is helping. Thank You 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Have not told daughter yet. Son is furious. Been a rough couple days around the house. Still working through the plan. Getting stronger everyday. Everyone on here is helping. Thank You Holding back and hiding this just put you in deeper. The trouble with dribbling it out gives time to make excuses and rewrite the marital history so that you are the bad guy. You need all the support you can get. Letting this linger will just get you more of what you've been getting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Author Share Posted February 23, 2017 Daughters had a bad week. We're going to talk tomorrow after she gets home from school. My Son wants to be there as well. I'm just trying to be as positive with them for my own strength. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Your kids are older and they aren't stupid. They've probably seen more than you think. You aren't protecting them by letting their world as they knew it end You didn't do this their mother did. They need a father. I would suspect they've been wondering where you've been. Things like this don't go unnoticed especially when everyone is in the same house. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Did the OM go without a fuss? I bet the wayward wife was in shock at your actions. A good thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Have not told daughter yet. Son is furious. Been a rough couple days around the house. Still working through the plan. Getting stronger everyday. Everyone on here is helping. Thank You When you've figured out your life is what you make it the going gets much easier. Set strong boundaries and never back down. Your life will be simpler and much more enjoyable. People tend to treat you like you let them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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