Cephalopod Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 I'm trying but she has my daughter buffaloed right now. She will realize pretty soon that her mom is just making it worse on her. She won't listen to me right now. Your daughter is close to 18 isn't she? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 Yes she will be 18 in a couple months. I'm am suspect after a short "this is fun time with Mom" she will realize that she won't want that type of distraction in her life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Then once she hits legal age, show her the door. Seriously. If she is going to side with her mother against you, knowing all the facts of what went down with her mother's cheating, then this is a fight you are not going to win. Tell her you love her but you will not accept disrespect or ill-treatment from her. Tough love. It's time to take a stand with this girl. Once a woman, any woman, loses respect for a man in her life...it is gone. There is no saving the relationship with your daughter because there is no relationship to save. Yes, maybe her mother did brainwash her. You cannot change that. You cannot change the past. What is done is done. It is time to move on and start concentrating on you. Again, it is all about your boundaries, which you still refuse to uphold. You have never upheld your boundaries with your daughter and thus you have trained her in how to treat you. You should not pay for her college, you should not help her out financially, you should not enable her bad behavior in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Your daughter will understand quickly once the thrill settles down and reality hits. ( I wouldnt cut her out though. She is still your child and under wrong guidance as of now ) Link to post Share on other sites
DDTA Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 (edited) Heartbroken, what helped in my situation with my two boys was being the "stable" parent, the "rock" if you will, that my boys could always rely on through the [] storm. I told them that I had a plan for all three of us and that was to get a new place where each if them would have their own rooms and it would be their new home. My 1st wife at the time then moved out so we repainted inside the marital home to make it our own and my boys got to decorate their own rooms any way they wanted. We stayed in it for another year before selling it and getting a new house. I know your children are grown but the point was to make sure the kids knew they always had a home to come back to once they graduated school and moved on and at least one parent they could rely on. They knew that dad is the stable parent, the one they could have an honest conversation with and let them know how they felt. They need to know that dad is still dad after all the changes, but just a better and bolder version of him so they don't worry about you so much. If they know you will be ok and most importantly you will be happier down the road then they will lean on you for advise and guidance as the grow. Unfortunately, their mom is going to be a circus show of a mess that they watch from afar. Stay consistent with a part of you that they are pleasantly familiar with, like old family traditions you had with the kids, and start making new traditions with them in your new beginning. Your consistency of actions, behavior, and words will begin to unravel so the brainwashing your wife is attempting to do as her lies will eventually catch up to her and she becomes more and more inconsistent in her actions and what she says. You won't (and shouldn't) have to say anything negative about your wife from here on out because your kids will see the truth in plain sight as to who is living right and who us making the worst decisions. Just tell them you only hope their mother will eventually seek the help she needs. Edited March 22, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 No it's not finalized yet. She now says she don't want a divorce just some space. I had her served and now waiting to see how it goes from here. I'm starting a new position soon in another state and was hoping to get this behind me but I'm fearing the worse. It will be difficult to work this out far away but I'll have to let the attorney figure it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 No it's not finalized yet. She now says she don't want a divorce just some space. I had her served and now waiting to see how it goes from here. I'm starting a new position soon in another state and was hoping to get this behind me but I'm fearing the worse. It will be difficult to work this out far away but I'll have to let the attorney figure it out. Make the move. Tell her she is about to get all the space she needs. Tell her she should embrace the divorce. She will finally be free to be the promiscuous bimbo she has always wanted to be. Move to that other state and start a new life for yourself. Look at this situation as an opportunity to re-invent yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 That's exactly my plan now. She has screwed my credit up by not paying some bills but I found a realtor that is working with me in the new location. I have 2 more weeks to get my house ready for market. Then heading out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 You maybe able to get your credit corrected I've done that on a couple oddball items that didn't get paid 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jooles Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 You deserve so much better than what your wife has given you. It was the right decision to move on. You are teaching your children that a marriage is not when one person forsakes the needs and love of the other. They grew up in your household and know exactly what kind of person your wife is. Let your kids know that you love them unconditionally and will always be there for them. It should not be a team mom vs team dad scenario. Life is short, and please make sure you remember to do things that give you joy. Smile every day, and be hopeful for a brighter future!! Things WILL get better!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DDTA Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 In my past experience I had found that some creditors were "creatively" cooperative when I explained my situation as being in divorce process. It is advantageous to be the first party to contact them for assistance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 Well my Daughter finally woke up and realized what was really going on. She's making more noise than I would have ever expected. I'm proud of her. She's said she still loves her mom but will not support her and her actions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DDTA Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 This is good. This is the most opportune time to validate her feelings about the situation and empathize with her placement in it. All the while just "be" the better parent she can talk to about all this. Let her be angry with you if she does at some pont and don't try to defend it. Just tell her you understand her frustration as your are just as frustrated with it as well but that you, just as she does, have choices and one of them is to remove herself out of her mother infidelity mess just as you are doing. Be your kids sanctuary that they can go to through this storm and they will choose you. It is times like these when honesty with your kids is so important. I can tell you that with my experience opening up more with my two boys and making sure to really listen to them when they open up to me has strengthened our familial bond. They still love their mother but now know she is human like anyone else and prone to making bad choices and most of all that the treason for for the divorce had absolutely nothing to do with them, as well as nothing to do with their father. Infidelity is a choice fully made and owned by the cheater. You got this heartbroken. I can read your strength growing with each post of progress. Your momentum is building along the way. Once you get that new job, new place and the divorce finalized the pain won't entirely disappear but it will transform into something you can better manage and analyze. Healing will start to accelerate. Detachment becomes easier and your future becomes easier to visualize as you build your new path going forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Well my Daughter finally woke up and realized what was really going on. She's making more noise than I would have ever expected. I'm proud of her. She's said she still loves her mom but will not support her and her actions. What's the wifes reaction? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted March 26, 2017 Author Share Posted March 26, 2017 She freaked out and left. My daughter just wants to be away from her for awhile. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Sometimes with kids you have to back off and let them see it for themselves. You've went through hell but now there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps you can see that now. The best thing in these situations is get the hell out of the infidelity. I wish you'd found us sooner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken2017 Posted March 28, 2017 Author Share Posted March 28, 2017 I wish I had as well. I'm much better now. Still frustrated how all of this has turned out but it's obviously for the best. It's never good when a family breaks apart but sometimes it's unavoidable. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 You've got this now but she may come back if she comes to her senses but there's a lot of damage and you'll just be her plan B checkbook. You have yourself and your kids to lookout for. She fired you from being her husband. Stay fired. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 How's it going? Good to see you get your strength back!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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