Can some people enjoy being abused?

[freengreen]

I have known few souls who were abused,mostly while a child. We all recall it traumatic. But I came across a blog which said "...some might even enjoy it ".. is it even possible?. There is nothing in abuse that makes it enjoyable, right?

[basil67]

I have known few souls who were abused,mostly while a child. We all recall it traumatic. But I came across a blog which said "...some might even enjoy it ".. is it even possible?. There is nothing in abuse that makes it enjoyable, right?

 

It would make it far easier to comment on if you provide a link to the blog. I suspect that the context behind the comments is vitally important to this conversation. At this point, I'm not even sure what type of abuse you're referring to.

 

Without further information, I will simply say that the human psyche is complicated and nothing is impossible.

[freengreen]

It would make it far easier to comment on if you provide a link to the blog. I suspect that the context behind the comments is vitally important to this conversation. At this point, I'm not even sure what type of abuse you're referring to.

 

Without further information, I will simply say that the human psyche is complicated and nothing is impossible.

I wish I could have, but its a personal blog of someone I know, could not ask them straight..

 

The blog was about going back to the abuser, like an addict. Like the abuse is a part of their life so now they cant let go necause they feel empty... I hope I gave a little context.

[mikeylo]

It could be the Stockholm Syndrome.

[Woggle]

I wouldn't say they enjoy it but some seem addicted to drama and strife like some people are addicted to drugs.

[truthtripper]

I have known few souls who were abused,mostly while a child. We all recall it traumatic. But I came across a blog which said "...some might even enjoy it ".. is it even possible?. There is nothing in abuse that makes it enjoyable, right?

Yes, I've read in books about child abuse, that sometimes during sexual abuse, children can enjoy the gentle fondling by their abusers. As basil67 mentioned, it's complex. I think it would be even harder to heal from such an experience, due to the contradiction of feeling pleasure while being trespassed. This would cause a lot of confusion and anguish.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

People who are damaged from other traumas often put themselves into situations where they are abused over and over again but I'm not sure it's because they enjoy it. The abusive situation likely just feels familiar.

[basil67]

I wish I could have, but its a personal blog of someone I know, could not ask them straight..

 

The blog was about going back to the abuser, like an addict. Like the abuse is a part of their life so now they cant let go necause they feel empty... I hope I gave a little context.

 

OK, so we're talking about abuse in a relationship. Is the abuse sexual and/or, physical and/or emotional?

 

What is your friend's upbringing like? Did she suffer abuse as a child? If so, how? Did she see her mother being abused? If so, how?

 

If she sees abuse and love as being intertwined, then it could make sense that a person feels that something is wrong when there's no abuse.

[truthtripper]

People who are damaged from other traumas often put themselves into situations where they are abused over and over again but I'm not sure it's because they enjoy it. The abusive situation likely just feels familiar.

I have read the psychologist, Peter Levine's book, Waking the Tiger. He says that people who have unresolved issues stemming from child abuse, will keep placing themselves in abusive situations, in an subconscious effort to make sense of their former abuse. This is how the brain works, when the person is in denial about their child abuse/has repressed memories.

 

Also re-my previous post, I was sexually abused as a child. To be honest, there were times when I did enjoy it, which is why I have searched for information on the topic, as confirmation, which helps me to understand my own feelings.

Edited February 23, 2017 by truthtripper

[todreaminblue]

sometimes a child who is neglected will feel any attention is good attention....maybe the same goes for abuse....a person might feel it is better than being ignored and non existent..they feel surreal.....not in the present......the sad thing is really they just want to be loved...but feel for some reason.....it wasnt meant for them they are to damaged....mentally emotionally and or physically........so they accept the abuse.....hoping one day the abuser might just recognize their love and return some of what they give....and the abuse just might go away.....they hold the sadness inside.......deb

[Fruitee]

I enjoyed the drama and misery a lot because thats what I had got used to and it made me feel "alive". Someone being nice to me was weird and wrong. It was boring. It has taken me lot of time to learn to be happy and content.

 

Going back was so easy. It is like drugs or alcohol. You know its bad for you but you keep going back because thats the only thing you know.

 

Now that Im better its weird how I used to enjoy it. I feel so much better than before. Its much more work to be happy. But totally worth it. Its so easy to be depressed and blame others for things. Instead of taking responsibility and actions towards better life. Its complicated as mentioned and depends greatly on person and what they been through.

Edited February 28, 2017 by Fruitee

[S2B]

I would not say "enjoy" - but it is what they are familiar with and that is "normal" to them. They know well how to be the victim and how to pretend that it's normal.

 

 

Takes a boatload of help to unlearn all of it.

[SaveYourHeart]

I think there's a codependency issue that causes the partner to return over and over again. For me, it's that I like to fix. I'm a fixer. I can cure alcoholism! (or so I thought lol) I'm codependent. I need him to need me. I need to be needed. I see the way he's treating me, and I hate it and I hate him but here I stand stuck in the same mud I started in.

 

I don't like it, but I allow my codependency to control me, much like he allows his alcoholism to control him.

[Hotmammabear]

I have read the psychologist, Peter Levine's book, Waking the Tiger. He says that people who have unresolved issues stemming from child abuse, will keep placing themselves in abusive situations, in an subconscious effort to make sense of their former abuse. This is how the brain works, when the person is in denial about their child abuse/has repressed memories.

 

Also re-my previous post, I was sexually abused as a child. To be honest, there were times when I did enjoy it, which is why I have searched for information on the topic, as confirmation, which helps me to understand my own feelings.

 

This is so right because I put myself in the same controlling and abusive relationships for years. A few years after being in my first safe and happy relationship, when his sex drive started dwindling and mine was still full swing, I started cheating on him. That's when I realized that I had crossed a line and tried to understand it was actually research that made me realize. I had always had the memories of these events but is like it never registered to me that I was abused . That was a couple months ago and finding this forum has been my first step in my recovery.

[freengreen]

Its been long i visited this thread. Thankyou for all the responses.. I was just curious on this point perticularly, thanks for all the insights.

[freengreen]

OK, so we're talking about abuse in a relationship. Is the abuse sexual and/or, physical and/or emotional?

 

What is your friend's upbringing like? Did she suffer abuse as a child? If so, how? Did she see her mother being abused? If so, how?

 

If she sees abuse and love as being intertwined, then it could make sense that a person feels that something is wrong when there's no abuse.

Abused as a child sexually. She spoke to me saying that she could easily take 'belittling talk from men'.. kinda taking bad jokes from them...although she condemns it and feels bad, she accepts that there is some feeling of amusement in it.

[Arieswoman]

I had a verbally (and sometimes) physically abusive mother.

 

One day when I was 13 she hit me and I hit her back. She never did it again.

 

So instead of hitting me she ramped up the criticism, belittling, sarcastic remarks and humiliation in front of other people.

 

I left home at 18 to go to Uni and never went back home again.

 

My first serious b/f had an anger management problem. One day we had an argument and he hit me. I walked out and never went back.

 

My first husband was a charmer at first but after a while the subtle put-downs started, the silent treatment etc. Eventually I stood up for myself and told him I wanted a better deal. His response was to have an affair.

 

Never, ever, did I enjoy any of the abuse I have described but because of my childhood experiences I had become "desensitised" to it. So I accepted it up to a point.

 

In retrospect can see that I tolerated a lot more than people with healthy boundaries would have done.

 

After my divorce I got into therapy and started to unravel all my issues. It took a couple of years, but I was more healthy psychologically afterwards.

I also started attracting more guys who were well-balanced, and got better at seeing "red flags".

 

I understand there is a condition called "Battered wives syndrome" where women (and men) would rather be hit then be ignored, as at least they are getting some attention (albeit negative). However, I don't believe they enjoy being abused.

[freengreen]

I had a verbally (and sometimes) physically abusive mother.

 

One day when I was 13 she hit me and I hit her back. She never did it again.

 

So instead of hitting me she ramped up the criticism, belittling, sarcastic remarks and humiliation in front of other people.

 

I left home at 18 to go to Uni and never went back home again.

 

My first serious b/f had an anger management problem. One day we had an argument and he hit me. I walked out and never went back.

 

My first husband was a charmer at first but after a while the subtle put-downs started, the silent treatment etc. Eventually I stood up for myself and told him I wanted a better deal. His response was to have an affair.

 

Never, ever, did I enjoy any of the abuse I have described but because of my childhood experiences I had become "desensitised" to it. So I accepted it up to a point.

 

In retrospect can see that I tolerated a lot more than people with healthy boundaries would have done.

 

After my divorce I got into therapy and started to unravel all my issues. It took a couple of years, but I was more healthy psychologically afterwards.

I also started attracting more guys who were well-balanced, and got better at seeing "red flags".

 

I understand there is a condition called "Battered wives syndrome" where women (and men) would rather be hit then be ignored, as at least they are getting some attention (albeit negative). However, I don't believe they enjoy being abused.

The last bit, I also beleive that abuse cannot be enjoyed , I think 'i subconciously enjoy' is a phrase used to cover up ' I am too weak to stop it'... The peole want to stop it happen but they dont know how/ gather guts.

[Arieswoman]

freengreen,

 

I think 'i subconciously enjoy' is a phrase used to cover up ' I am too weak to stop it'... The peole want to stop it happen but they dont know how/ gather guts.

 

I think that's a bit of a blanket statement.

 

I was abused as a child and as a child I had nowhere else to go until I was 18 when I left home. Fortunately I was clever enough to get to uni, so I had an escape route.

 

There are some people (men as well as women) who feel trapped in abusive situations and maybe don't have the skills or maybe just can't see a way out, especially if there are kids involved.