Is there any future?

[Purple123haze]

Is there any future in a relationship if two people live in different countries & neither party is willing to leave their home?

 

Is it even a real relationship if only one party travels every couple of months to see the other?

[justwhoiam]

Is there any future in a relationship if two people live in different countries & neither party is willing to leave their home?

There can be. By 'willing to leave' do you mean for good or even temporarily? There are couples who have two bases, and that's particularly possible when one or both can work from home/remotely.

 

Is it even a real relationship if only one party travels every couple of months to see the other?

Yes. Hopefully not until death do them part.

[Cookiesandough]

For the rest of your lives? No. Maybe temporarily.

[d0nnivain]

It's a real relationship because the two people have a connection & interact. If they are both satisfied with the present arrangement & don't mind traveling I suppose it's sustainable indefinitely but I don't see marriage or kids in the equation.

 

 

So, which do you want more -- the other person or to continue to live in your country?

[Purple123haze]

I don't know. I'm in a quandary with LDR's. Maybe it comes down to order of perception & maybe I'm just old fashioned in terms of courting. The ones that do make it, someone or both have made some sort of sacrifice and eventually moved to wherever one of the parties are, so that they can enjoy a physical relationship.

 

To me a relationship needs to be going somewhere. If both parties are still young, living with parents & have no intention of eventually building a home & living with their so called partner then what is the point? And if there's lack of physical contact, then the "honeymoon' phase is due to fade out. Life will inevitably get in the way. Its all exciting at first, but humans rely on physical contact to connect on a deeper level.

 

If a relationship is 80% based with online communication then is that not just a modern day pen pal? Meeting up once in a while, even every couple of months doesn't warrant a real relationship. People interact different online from physical interaction

[d0nnivain]

It sounds like you are not fulfilled by this relationship. So end it. What's the problem?

[Chilli]

This is my situation.

One day l wanna start a thread about it.

 

We've been together 12mths and she's been over twice so far. The first 6mths was obviously getting to know each other first as best we could no matter how we felt , with skype and kik and emails , calls.

Before we knew whether to visit and stuff. Although she wanted to come over within a few wks of us first meeting, me l was more cautious even though l knew l felt how l felt but still, and l put it off until we knew more considering the huge deal of coming across the world.

l wouldn't go through it for just anyone , you can find just anyone right here at home. It's gotta be big like no other or else why would you do it.

We've got huge things and have from day one and we both knew it day one and so we've persisted.

But it is torture , no doubt about that but in a beautiful way. But it is hard and we often ask ourselves if we should just try walking away.

We tried once, couldn't do it , it just felt all wrong, l even tried to date again , but that felt all wrong to and we're back together.

 

She can fly for free and l have my daughter here so that's why she comes here. But there's no way we'd have the money otherwise to come and go until we come up with a better idea.

And she's open to moving here , we just need to be of course 100% sure we know what we're doing at that stage bc it's a huge thing for her to do of course.

And although l'm not worried about us l am a tiny bit worried about whether she likes it here to actually live bc l wouldn't want her to be unhappy in that way.

 

So we're working toward that and we're thinking if all is well in maybe 12mths or so she might move over, Maybe even sooner.

But of course to we need more real life together which is really hard to get first. Not to see how we feel we've known that from even before day one but to see if we can be together day in day out the same.

But she can't really quit her job for 2=3yrs either and would have to fly to and from which apparently a lot of people do in the airlines from all over the world.

So as you can see there's complications but without some hope and light at the end of the tunnel , l guess no matter how we feel it would be unsustainable and unpractical long term.

We've both done heaps of reading of stories from others and many have gone on to eventually be together and have happy lives.

lf you seriously love someone hten that stuff doesn't just grow on trees you know.

Some people were apart 5yrs before one could move over.

But if all was well , l wouldn't hesitate to marry her and those are the kinds of feelings you've gotta have if it's gonna be worth trying and going through and all the sacrifices .

 

Tell us about your sitch if you want l'd love to hear more about it.

Edited February 22, 2017 by Chilli

[Purple123haze]

Hey Chilli,

 

Thanks for your story. See it sounds like you guys are working towards something, making a plan, which give you a chance.

 

I met a girl when I was on holiday. She worked at the hotel that I met her. We hit it off straight away & slept together a couple of days after meeting. We kept in contact since the day I returned home.

 

I travelled back out for another week to see her before the season finished. I do really like her & I think she really likes me. I traveled back out to see her again after new years to see her in her home town & she introduced me to her friends, but the thing is, I have a really good job here, where she is there is no work & even the best paying jobs where she is would be a struggle to live on, as well as that, I don't think I could leave my friends and family behind. We're both in our 20s and still live at home with our parents. None of us have lived with anyone before and from reading between the lines, I don't think she's ready to move out of the family home even if I was willing to move out there.

 

Also I don't know the language, so there's a language barrier to take into account. She speaks perfect English, but what I mean would be for me to move out there, to find friends, get a job, it would be difficult.

 

She's said flat out she wouldn't leave her family. She's very family orientated, as am I. She's never been to my country before and her job doesn't pay well, so she can't afford to travel to come and see me. I have offered for her to come and visit me, but she refused and has promised she will come some day. I also found out she's always had LDR's because of the job she does I guess. Clearly they have failed. I haven't asked too much about her previous relationships, but I know that, so I'm just wondering where this is going.

 

We've been seeing each other for 6 months now. At the minute, we're still in the honeymoon phase, but I can't help but wonder where its going. It's really difficult not being with each other. We do chat all the time, almost every day, as much as we can, but I'm aware that at one point that will fade out. Some of my friends have been saying its not really a real relationship. They think it's just a summer holiday fling that's continued longer than it should have. Its working just now because she's not working during the winter months, so I can travel out to see her, but as soon as the summer comes, she'll be back to work and won't have as much time to chat. I won't be able to visit her as much because she will be working and I'm worried that she might meet someone else like she met me. She says that won't happen, but that's how she met all of her other exes and me. None of them have worked out. So is this thing doomed? I really love her, but I'm not sure if she's in as deep as me. She also met me, right after her last relationship ended. I don't know what to think

[Chilli]

Yeah right .

Few tricky things there and your a lot younger so you could easily make a new start with someone else one day if you walked away.

l'd be pretty cautious about your feelings compared to you worried she might be rebounding.

You can't have doubts like that with this stuff. But you might be wrong so you could give it more time on that one , find out for sure.

But it looks like you've got a moving dilemma whatever happens so that's gonna be a big thing.

 

See she said within a few weeks she could bypass her other plans and move straight over but l was the one that held back.

l regretted it too bc now she can't for awhile at least it was just there was a window at that time , but anyway.

 

But to be honest , it all does still get me down a bit mainly because of time slipping by because it's like this.

So we can't just be together in everyday life like normal couples to find out where we're at and not to mention the living we miss out on.

So l still float in and out of it mentally and feel like giving up sometimes.

 

The one thing that stops me is of course our feelings but also knowing l won't find the things we have again with someone else, no one could be that lucky.

l could meet someone new yeah , but it won't be us , probably no where near it.

So it's a tough call.