He has me confused

[SugarDiva2K1]

Alright. Maybe someone can help clarify something for me. I have been talking to this guy for about a year. We are definitely attracted to each other but we aren't dating. about six months ago I asked this guy if we could possibly spend a little more time together and try to get to know each other better. That way we would be able to see if we wanted to date or something a little more serious. Well, at that time he was against the idea and completely blew the idea off. From then on, I did not push the issue and I gave him plenty of space and even waited for him to suggest when we should hang out. Just last week he asks me why I am avoiding him and that I should hang around him a little more. So, now I am confused. Is he jerking me around or did he just need some time to decide what he wanted to do? Any thoughts, ideas, or advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "We are definitely attracted to each other but we aren't dating."

 

So how do you know he's attracted to you? If he actually told you, he could have just been paying you a compliment. Did it seem like he was telling you he was attracted to you in a sexual..or dating way? If so and if he actually was, there are many reasons why he may not have asked you out.

 

1. He could be married or have a girlfriend.

 

2. He could have AIDS.

 

3. He could have insufficient funds to take you out.

 

4. There could be other women he's seeing or is interested in as well.

 

5. He could still be getting over a past love.

 

6. He could be extremely shy.

 

In any case, I think you've given this guy plenty of time...a year??? Most guys ask ladies they are attracted to out within a minute or two to about three weeks tops.

 

At this rate, if you ever started dating, you would get your first kiss in seven years, you would have sex in 25 years, and you would get married in 40 years.

 

Go find another guy.

 

Oh, to answer your question, I don't think he's jerking you around. I think he's jerking himself around. YOU are jerking yourself around by waiting around for his dude. When everybody is jerking their ownselves around, nothing ever happens.

[SugarDiva2K1]

Thanks Tony for you advice. However, let me clarify that when we first started "hanging out together" I thought that we were dating (We had gone out and hugged and kissed...). When I talked to him about it he said we were friends seeing if there could be more.

 

I have to agree that his issues could most likely be numbers 4 and 5.

 

YOU WRITE: "We are definitely attracted to each other but we aren't dating." So how do you know he's attracted to you? If he actually told you, he could have just been paying you a compliment. Did it seem like he was telling you he was attracted to you in a sexual..or dating way? If so and if he actually was, there are many reasons why he may not have asked you out. 1. He could be married or have a girlfriend.

 

2. He could have AIDS. 3. He could have insufficient funds to take you out. 4. There could be other women he's seeing or is interested in as well. 5. He could still be getting over a past love. 6. He could be extremely shy. In any case, I think you've given this guy plenty of time...a year??? Most guys ask ladies they are attracted to out within a minute or two to about three weeks tops. At this rate, if you ever started dating, you would get your first kiss in seven years, you would have sex in 25 years, and you would get married in 40 years. Go find another guy. Oh, to answer your question, I don't think he's jerking you around. I think he's jerking himself around. YOU are jerking yourself around by waiting around for his dude. When everybody is jerking their ownselves around, nothing ever happens.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "I have to agree that his issues could most likely be numbers 4 and 5."

 

Maybe he is slowly working through some old loves and testing new ones. If 4 is the case, and it's been a year, I wouldn't waste my time.

 

As a matter of fact, you shouldn't waste your time anyway. Take your attention off this guy and move on with your life. Most likely, if he is going to make a major move in your direction, it will happen as you're heading out.

[SugarDiva2K1]

Okay. Thanks again for your help.

YOU WRITE: "I have to agree that his issues could most likely be numbers 4 and 5."

 

Maybe he is slowly working through some old loves and testing new ones. If 4 is the case, and it's been a year, I wouldn't waste my time.

 

As a matter of fact, you shouldn't waste your time anyway. Take your attention off this guy and move on with your life. Most likely, if he is going to make a major move in your direction, it will happen as you're heading out.