why did you choose your partner?

[Mr. Lucky]

I'll also add no "love at first sight" in the chemistry sense, she really wasn't my type. What I did have was an immediate appreciation for her spirit, innate goodness and zest for life. It was like someone turned the lights up brighter when she came into the room, most other women seemed somewhat dull in comparison.

 

Coming up on 40 years together...

 

Mr. Lucky

[joeandmee]

Does 'partner' include FWB? If so, she chose me on some dating site, wrote to me first, suggested a date the very same day and the next day we were already getting naughty in her bedroom.

 

Some people are fast. We've been together for 5 months.

 

We moved super fast too -- but, like, we're both almost 40, he's divorced, I've been engaged twice before...we both know what we want at this point.

 

We JUST got engaged on my birthday (day before Valentine's Day), and I can honest to god say I'd never felt the same way the times others had proposed. The others were great guys, just not "it."

 

It might have to do with where we are in our lives, too. I dunno...

 

Like, I always felt not "ready" to settle down, but I started feeling that way about him pretty soon. And, I'd be lying if I said sex had nothing to do wiht it. We're EXTREMELY compatible and have the right mix of sweet and rough for me.

 

He can't tie down a moment, but for me *sigh* OK this is going to sound bad, but it was when we decided to stop using condoms.

 

He asked me "So...what's the sitatuion? Are you on birth control?" and I am, but I'm also on a medication that reduces its efficacy a tiny bit. So instead of being 99% effective, it's like, 98.9% effective. Still, less effective.

 

We had condomless sex for the first time, and it was amazing. About 2 hours later we were about to have sex again and I stopped him and asked if he was sure...because of that slight 1%.

 

He said he was sure, and that he wanted to keep taking that chance with me. Even when we weren't having sex or in a "moment," now that we're engaged he tells me all the time he can't wait until I'm his wife, and we DO want a family together. We'd like for it to come a little later, but I"m getting older, yadda yadda...we're good for when it happens if it happens. We're both financially stable, we get along great, we are STUPID in love - like, it's sickening to people around us haha, and if I'm going to procreate I'm certain he's who I want to do this with.

 

And, this is coming from someone who thought they NEVER wanted kids. I want everything with this guy.

[Chilli]

My ex w. l knew as soon as l saw her l'd marry her. Before her though l avoided marriage 2 or 3 times.

Yep , we split after 19 yrs but there were things, life , and stuff just went wrong.

 

But the girl l've been with 12mths, 3/4 of that has been a LDR , has been the bizarrest thing l know l''ll ever live.

And what makes even less sense now is that we look like splitting up unfortunately.

But since my divorce l'd met quite a few girls, felt nothing. zero , nada.

But l was still in this divorce forum and just about to quit it for good when l saw this members name, something about it. Straight away l went to find her posts and from the very first line l felt something sooo weird.

l followed her and l dunno how but she just stirred the hell out of me , woke me up again.Everything about her and things she wrote.

2 wks later l emailed her and she'd followed me too and often sat at the computer staring at my name.

The sparks and insane idiosyncrasies between us since the very first email, word, were of the charts and gone on ever since.

Eventually she flew over, 5mths later, and it was the same in RL.

And although l never thought l'd say it again, from that first email l felt marriage with her. Just like l did my ex.

 

Sadly as insanely as we've been since even before that first email, it isn't looking good right now, we're having troubles and l'm starting to think it's no good - not the goods, they're as incredible as ever.

But the troubles are hard to know if we could get past.

 

But the thing that doesn't make sense is l know we both still feel exactly the same yet if we don't last or work out, why did all the bizarre things happen with us, even before we spoke, through computer screens.

Not only but she's also a bit psychic and she was seeing things that could only relate to me, for 3mths before we met, so was her mum who is also psychic .

What has it all meant, sh@t like that doesn't just happen for nothing, surely ?

Edited February 26, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Ahhh , alll that ranting and l forgot my point.

Point is , l know love at first sight can happen, but l've also seen in other people that love can happen in all sorts of other ways or over time too, it doesn't have to be all stars and clitz in seconds.

[Popsicle]

This is an interesting thread. I do believe that love at first sight is real and can happen but I don't require it.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I remember when I met my most serious boyfriend so far. I walked into this random house party that I only decided to go to last minute. I didn't know anyone, except a friend that came with me. As soon as I entered the house, I felt this comfortable vibe. The music, the atmosphere, the smell, I remember thinking "this is my kind of party".

 

I met my ex's brother first and we had a great conversation. I actually thought "he is so smart and cultured, if only there was a taller, younger version of him". Next thing I knew, he introduced me to his younger brother. I immediately felt like "yes, totally my type". I wouldn't say love at first sight but I knew I wanted to date him. He was even smarter. We talked for the next hour. I found out that he was single but he didn't ask me for my number. My friend wanted to leave so I knew I had to do something. I pulled out my phone and walked up to him and said "Can I add you on Facebook?". He said "Not after you give me your number". The next day he called and asked me out to dinner. I immediately broke up with another guy I was casually seeing.

 

Too bad it didn't work at the end. In retrospect, he fitted an image of what I thought the right guy for me would be like, more than there being actual chemistry.

Edited February 27, 2017 by Eternal Sunshine

[lucy_in_disguise]

There was immediate chemistry, but he was 4 years younger and I had just gotten out of a relationship, so I didn't view him as serious potential. Still, we ended up sleeping together, and could not seem to stop hanging out. It took a few months but eventually we decided we were in a relationship. Almost 3 years later we're living together and very happy.

[cocorico]

was it love at first sight?

 

why them?

 

I don't do love at first sight, but I definitely do lust at first sight. And I fancied him. So I spent some time finding out about him, and everything seemed positive - so I decided to go for it. A decade and some later, we're still together - easily the longest I've ever been interested in someone.

 

Initially I imagined it would be a fling. After all, he lived on the other side of the world, and my life didn't have space for anything serious. But we fell for each other, and both made huge changes to be together. And every morning we give thanks for another day together.

[gaius]

Because it's completely and utterly right for us to be together.

 

We got to spend some quality time together today for the first time in a few days and I feel like everything's right in the world. Seeing her look at me with that smile on her face. It was an amazing day with her. I feel like everything's right in the world and keep finding excuses to not go to sleep so I don't have to let go of this feeling.

[Sunfire73]

Our first few dates i wasn't sure about him yet. He was quite a nerd and awkward. He claimed he hasn't dated for a long time and just a year after his divorce. So we just went out and learned more about each other because he was a gentleman, good looking and intelligent. At first he didn't have any expectations but i told him i was looking for a long term relationship. At that time, he liked me a lot so he said we can give it a chance and see from there. He continued to be a gentleman and get to know me more and made me more comfortable. We became exclusive after 3 months, and not had sex until 5 months in! That's how he was, just being a gentleman until i was comfortable and ready. And my attraction grew from there. He said he loves me, and i said the same back. He's clearly smitten, and i'm the same way. We have gone on trips and activities together and we're just getting stronger. This is the first time i had a relationship as smooth sailing as this one. So I'm happy i took the time to know him and let my attraction grow.

[RecentChange]

He says it was love at first sight.

 

For me, it took a bit longer, maybe a week.

 

We had one of those whorl wind romances. Met on what was essentially a blind date. Saw each other twice more that week (best wildest monkey sex well past sun rise on date two), and continued to see each other every chance we could thereafter. I was in college at the time, and remember my friends ribbing me “you are so going to end up married!!!”

 

As soon as I graduated (6 months later) we moved in together.

 

Why did I choose him? He’s smart, he’s funny, he “gets me” like no one else ever has. His embrace makes me feel safe, loved, and content in a way I had never felt before. I felt like I was “home” (and still do). Almost immediately everything felt right. I admire many qualities about him, and understand and accept his faults. We see eye to eye on so many issues. We are able to communicate well and work together with minimal conflicts. We have similar visions for the future (including important things like not wanting children).

 

I suppose everything is a choice, although I don’t feel like I choose him – he entered my life, and I had no question that he would be a part of it from that point on.

 

That was a little over 15 years ago.

 

As for young marriage and divorce rates…. Yes, young marriages often end in divorce. Waiting until 25 for marriage statistically improves the odds of a lifelong marriage immensely

 

But that first young marriage is less likely to end in divorce than a second marriage. The average divorced marriage lasts 8 years, and the average divorce age is 30.

 

41% of first marriages end in divorce. That number increases to 60% for second marriages, and 73% for third marriages. Obviously most who are on their 2nd or 3rd marriage are older – so young age is not the leading divorce risk factor.

 

This is also an interesting stat:

A 2012 study cited by Pew Research center found that an estimated 78% of women with bachelor's degrees, and 65% of men with bachelor's degrees who married between 2006-2010 can expect their marriages to last at least two decades. Women with a high school degree or less, on the other hand, face a meager 40% probability of their marriages surviving the same period

 

It should also be of note that 2016 saw the lowest divorce rates in the US in the last 40 years. Increased levels of education, and greater economic equality between men and women are pointed to as factors that are increasing marriage longevity.

 

(now I will stop geeking out on social statistics)

[thehawke]

Nope. Was not love at first sight. She was beautiful, sexy, intelligent, successful, etc. And frankly a little bit intimidating. She didn't need me one bit. I almost chose someone else who was more obvioisly available but decided I couldn't. I wasn't going to be scared away. I had previously avoided going for the creme de la creme before because I thought I was unworthy. I decided never again and went for it.

 

That sounds like a story!