How Long?

[ReMaKe]

Okay, so I'm gonna assume that if you're in this forum that at one point you felt heartbroken.

 

That being said, I wanted to make this thread to help those that are going through the issue right now (like me).

 

Obviously there is no set time for anyone, but I would love to hear how long did it take you to heal. You can describe it in many ways. From how long it took you to heal enough where you were living without, or how long it took you to fully heal and talk about the person without hurting etc.

 

Like I said I know that everyone is different, but I feel it'll help a lot of people to know that they're not alone in how long it has taken them.

I know some might feel alone in thinking that they still haven't gotten over someone in months or years, but might feel better knowing there's other people who are going through the same, and what they've done.

 

I'll go first. My first love and I spent 2-3 years together. Unfortunately it didn't work out and we had a horrible breakup. The week of the breakup, I just couldn't accept it, even though I initiated it. I did all the things you're not supposed to including being completely humiliated when I visited her house one day. It was that humiliation that made me completely see the person differently and think of them as a monster.

 

After that, I came back home, locked myself in my room for about a week, (thankfully it happened during a time where I had vacation from work which I used) and after that week (in which I watched the wire, and ate a lot of ice cream lol) I came out of my room with a new mentality. I said to myself, why am I wasting my time thinking about someone who treated me so wrong? And after that my mind was clear and the process of healing came a lot easier.

 

I kept myself very active, going to the gym, and doing a lot of activities. 90% of the time I didn't think about her until I would go to sleep, and when that happened writing became my best friend, and it still is now.

 

I would say it was about a month after was when I would never think about my ex unless someone brought her up, to the point where I questioned if I really loved her as much as I believed, even friends, acquaintances, started questioning the same. Mind you this was a person I was supposed to move in the month everything happened. Today I can think about my ex, and even talk to her ( I did after sending her my condolences of the death of her family member, though I did this anonymously, but she knew it was me and texted me) with no feelings at all. We maintain extremely limited contact. Talking maybe once every 3-4 months no more then 3-4 texts.

 

Now I'm dealing with the heart break of my recent ex as of just two days ago, so I'm going through something similar and will update the process.

 

I wanna know your story. How long did it take you to heal?

[Telemachus]

Heal? I don't think that's the right way to look at it. The difficult end to an important relationship isn't like a bout of the flu that's eventually gone without a trace. There are scars. Even when the active pain is gone, there's some lingering impairment, no matter how slight, and a scar that we may gently rub a finger over from time to time, exploring secret thoughts and memories.

 

If it was important relationship, then it'll never fully "heal". We may look back and see the breakup as a major turning point or milestone in life. Like the wound that left that scar, there's life as it was before and life as it is now. They don't have to be the same, and they're bound not to be. We all live with some unhealed traumatic injuries, emotional or physical, and they will likely hold us back from some things, but not from others.

[kztar]

Heal? I don't think that's the right way to look at it. The difficult end to an important relationship isn't like a bout of the flu that's eventually gone without a trace. There are scars. Even when the active pain is gone, there's some lingering impairment, no matter how slight, and a scar that we may gently rub a finger over from time to time, exploring secret thoughts and memories.

 

If it was important relationship, then it'll never fully "heal". We may look back and see the breakup as a major turning point or milestone in life. Like the wound that left that scar, there's life as it was before and life as it is now. They don't have to be the same, and they're bound not to be. We all live with some unhealed traumatic injuries, emotional or physical, and they will likely hold us back from some things, but not from others.

 

I agree. I think the scars will always be there and shape us into who we are. If the relationship was important and serious, you will def remember the in's and outs of that relationship. We also learn how to live with the loss. Time just makes it easier.

 

I remember someone saying that when someone close to you as your mom dies you never ever get over it, even if they've lived a lifetime. I have not lost my mother but we lost my gma 5 years ago and although I can tell my mom lives well, there is a big missing piece to her puzzle.

[Tusks_n_Raider]

For the times you really were 'In Love' and got 'dumped' I don't think you ever REALLY get over it or heal. I haven't anyway.

 

I've been 'In Love' 3 times. The 1st time...my literal 1st Love was when I was 17-20. My high school sweetheart as it were. I don't think about her everyday or anything and I've moved on......but there are STILL days when I look back and think about her and how it sucks it didn't work out and this was from 20 years ago.

 

The 2nd Time was in College when I was 23-24. The University/College sweetheart. Same thing. I've moved on but I STILL think about her at times and ponder why things went wrong.

 

The 3rd and most recent time is the breakup I'm fresh out of and currently dealing with that I've been posting about in my own thread over the last week. It's happened over the course of me being 36-38. It stings harder because I feel time is running out. I had actually gave up on Love until she came out of nowhere and chased me hard.

 

So I'm sure this will be the same. At some point I'll move on but still look back and think about her from time to time and ponder what went wrong?

[chix]

With full no contact (blocking and deleting all means of communication, and making sure no mutual contacts are feeding info), about 6 months.

[ReMaKe]

Heal? I don't think that's the right way to look at it. The difficult end to an important relationship isn't like a bout of the flu that's eventually gone without a trace. There are scars. Even when the active pain is gone, there's some lingering impairment, no matter how slight, and a scar that we may gently rub a finger over from time to time, exploring secret thoughts and memories.

 

If it was important relationship, then it'll never fully "heal". We may look back and see the breakup as a major turning point or milestone in life. Like the wound that left that scar, there's life as it was before and life as it is now. They don't have to be the same, and they're bound not to be. We all live with some unhealed traumatic injuries, emotional or physical, and they will likely hold us back from some things, but not from others.

 

I agree. I meant more in the sense of not hurting you anymore to think about them, or realizing you don't think much about them anymore. Or being able to fully enjoy life the way you did before getting with the person. One thing I've told myself after breakups is that you need to go back to being the person that attracted your ex's in the first place. I'm not talking about from a maturity standpoint since we all grow, but be that person you use to be. If you were a very funny, charismatic, always hanging out with friends, go do that. Be you again.

[ReMaKe]

I agree. I think the scars will always be there and shape us into who we are. If the relationship was important and serious, you will def remember the in's and outs of that relationship. We also learn how to live with the loss. Time just makes it easier.

 

I remember someone saying that when someone close to you as your mom dies you never ever get over it, even if they've lived a lifetime. I have not lost my mother but we lost my gma 5 years ago and although I can tell my mom lives well, there is a big missing piece to her puzzle.

 

I agree. I had someone close to me pass away at a certain time in my life. It was really really tough. You do get stronger and learn how to cope with it better.

 

For the times you really were 'In Love' and got 'dumped' I don't think you ever REALLY get over it or heal. I haven't anyway.

 

I've been 'In Love' 3 times. The 1st time...my literal 1st Love was when I was 17-20. My high school sweetheart as it were. I don't think about her everyday or anything and I've moved on......but there are STILL days when I look back and think about her and how it sucks it didn't work out and this was from 20 years ago.

 

The 2nd Time was in College when I was 23-24. The University/College sweetheart. Same thing. I've moved on but I STILL think about her at times and ponder why things went wrong.

 

The 3rd and most recent time is the breakup I'm fresh out of and currently dealing with that I've been posting about in my own thread over the last week. It's happened over the course of me being 36-38. It stings harder because I feel time is running out. I had actually gave up on Love until she came out of nowhere and chased me hard.

 

So I'm sure this will be the same. At some point I'll move on but still look back and think about her from time to time and ponder what went wrong?

 

I feel you. I do the same, I sometimes ponder what really went wrong as well. Or ponder things that I have no control over as "why was this situation such a problem" "why was it so hard to communicate".

 

Did you think about these people when you were in your other relationships, or more when you've been single?

 

Has your relationships gotten better throughout the years? One of the things that I feel makes us hurt a lot is knowing that we lost an amazing relationship, and we feel we're not gonna be able to once again feel that love, and be someone as special.Something I myself think about, there's some people from my past that treated me amazing, and the distance, and the stress we carried at the time with our personal life was just too much.

[PLT]

My most recent breakup (6 months ago. 4 year relationship) is probably the most painful so I'll just go by that one. It's probably harder to get over this one for 2 reasons.

 

First of all, I'm in my 40s and as Tusks-n-Raider says above, I feel like time is running out, and lets face it, finding a real connection that isn't just lust and that lasts beyond a few months is a rare thing. It's only happened 5 times in my 45 years, and one of those times I can put down to being too young, so 4 times. Another one of those times I tried to make myself love her, even though deep down I knew I didn't. So that reduces to it to 3 times.

 

Secondly, after I had previously given up on love, my ex and I got together. It took a while but slowly and surely I opened up 100% to her. Something I swore I would never do again after having my past used against me before. I put my faith in her, and she shattered that faith.

 

How long did it take to stop being an utter mess and able to function again? Probably about 4 months. How long did it take to feel good about being single? I'm just about getting there now, so about 6 months. How long before I am indifferent to her? I have no idea, but I feel that is still some way off yet. I know that if she called me tomorrow, it would be a huge setback. The only reason I am where I am now is because I removed myself from all social media, and haven't tried to contact her since 30th December 2016, and have since focused on anything but relationships. I still get a twinge when I'm out and see an obviously in love couple, remembering how it wasn't that long ago when I had that.

[preraph]

It always took me a long time. 3 years minimum. About 12 years to get over a real complex relationship history and more than one betrayal on more than one different front.

 

I did learn early on to force myself to remain social and busy and have all those distractions and experience some enjoyment and not let myself just wallow all the time, and that is best. But then I got so down once that I was really unable to do it the right way, so it happens. But that was more complex than just the end of a love relationship.

 

I still advise staying busy, not allowing yourself to wear your friends out talking about the sad stuff (right at first, but when you are together, try to do fun things, not talk about your sadness. It will run them off and it won't help you any.) And on my worst bout, I had happened to get a dog just before it all came crashing down, and she was just about my only joy during that long dark decade except for a trip or two to the river.

 

Do things you love, even when you don't feel like moving. Do things that bring you peace or any little bit of joy.

[Tusks_n_Raider]

 

Did you think about these people when you were in your other relationships, or more when you've been single?

 

Has your relationships gotten better throughout the years? One of the things that I feel makes us hurt a lot is knowing that we lost an amazing relationship, and we feel we're not gonna be able to once again feel that love, and be someone as special.Something I myself think about, there's some people from my past that treated me amazing, and the distance, and the stress we carried at the time with our personal life was just too much.

 

Mostly when I'm single since that's when you aren't invested in another person and more alone and isolated. But all my other 'relationships' have been just casual 'dating/hooking ups' more or less.

 

Plus after that 2nd heartbreak from College I kind of got angry with women and went 'Dark Side' for about 6 years to use a Star Wars reference. I kept getting burnt by being the 'Nice Guy' that we are always told women want. So I got in that mindset of 'Well if a Bad-Boy is what they want then that's what I'll be'.

 

So basically I just did acted all cool and tough and nonchalant and like I just didn't care about anything serious. I used those pick up artist tricks. I didn't mistreat anyone or lead anyone on or anything.....but I just had meaningless physical interactions with women. "Friends w/ Benefits" type things where it was clear I wasn't trying to date.

 

I HATED myself during this whole phase though because it wasn't the real me. I'm really a nice person honestly.... who just kind of temporarily snapped from being mistreated and lied to and cheated on. I secretly still really wanted a Loving relationship with a future wife and kids but was very bitter at life and women from kind of denying me that happiness in my mind. I would think of my High School and College sweethearts some then but more as anger to fuel my actions.

 

Around 8 years ago when I turned 30 I came back to the light. Was tired of being fake and hating myself yet I also gave up on Love. I considered myself permanently retired.

 

I came out of this relationship/dating retirement 18 months ago just to get burned AGAIN by this latest breakup. Now I'm 38 about to turn 39 and thinking about all 3 of those girls and pondering going back into retirement....lol

[PLT]

Mostly when I'm single since that's when you aren't invested in another person and more alone and isolated. But all my other 'relationships' have been just casual 'dating/hooking ups' more or less.

 

Plus after that 2nd heartbreak from College I kind of got angry with women and went 'Dark Side' for about 6 years to use a Star Wars reference. I kept getting burnt by being the 'Nice Guy' that we are always told women want. So I got in that mindset of 'Well if a Bad-Boy is what they want then that's what I'll be'.

 

So basically I just did acted all cool and tough and nonchalant and like I just didn't care about anything serious. I used those pick up artist tricks. I didn't mistreat anyone or lead anyone on or anything.....but I just had meaningless physical interactions with women. "Friends w/ Benefits" type things where it was clear I wasn't trying to date.

 

I HATED myself during this whole phase though because it wasn't the real me. I'm really a nice person honestly.... who just kind of temporarily snapped from being mistreated and lied to and cheated on. I secretly still really wanted a Loving relationship with a future wife and kids but was very bitter at life and women from kind of denying me that happiness in my mind. I would think of my High School and College sweethearts some then but more as anger to fuel my actions.

 

Around 8 years ago when I turned 30 I came back to the light. Was tired of being fake and hating myself yet I also gave up on Love. I considered myself permanently retired.

 

I came out of this relationship/dating retirement 18 months ago just to get burned AGAIN by this latest breakup. Now I'm 38 about to turn 39 and thinking about all 3 of those girls and pondering going back into retirement....lol

 

I had a good giggle reading this, because it's almost exactly what I've been thinking lately, of going to the dark side. Basically just not bothering to get too invested in any relationship. That way it can't happen again.

 

BUT...I know I won't do it. I WANT a long lasting, loving relationship. I can't make myself not want that. What I do know is that next time I will NOT be ignoring the early warning signs, and I will NOT be ignoring my gut instincts early on. I wish I'd listened to my instincts with my recent ex 4 years ago when flashes of her true self were shown, and they weren't very nice. I brushed them all off as "teething problems". Lesson learnt.

[ReMaKe]

My most recent breakup (6 months ago. 4 year relationship) is probably the most painful so I'll just go by that one. It's probably harder to get over this one for 2 reasons.

 

First of all, I'm in my 40s and as Tusks-n-Raider says above, I feel like time is running out, and lets face it, finding a real connection that isn't just lust and that lasts beyond a few months is a rare thing. It's only happened 5 times in my 45 years, and one of those times I can put down to being too young, so 4 times. Another one of those times I tried to make myself love her, even though deep down I knew I didn't. So that reduces to it to 3 times.

 

Secondly, after I had previously given up on love, my ex and I got together. It took a while but slowly and surely I opened up 100% to her. Something I swore I would never do again after having my past used against me before. I put my faith in her, and she shattered that faith.

 

How long did it take to stop being an utter mess and able to function again? Probably about 4 months. How long did it take to feel good about being single? I'm just about getting there now, so about 6 months. How long before I am indifferent to her? I have no idea, but I feel that is still some way off yet. I know that if she called me tomorrow, it would be a huge setback. The only reason I am where I am now is because I removed myself from all social media, and haven't tried to contact her since 30th December 2016, and have since focused on anything but relationships. I still get a twinge when I'm out and see an obviously in love couple, remembering how it wasn't that long ago when I had that.

 

I feel the same way in some regards, like you said in the last part, seeing people happily in love now sometimes can be difficult. For me it's difficult cause just a week ago we were smiling and loving, so any type of environment like that will just make me think of our time together.

 

I'm glad you've gotten over the really tough part. The functioning part. That's what I'm dealing with some-what now. The motivation part, focusing 100% on the things that right now need focus, and not on my past.

 

You said you forced yourself to love someone, how did that go? Did that break up hurt too? I was in a similar position once, and even though I didn't love the person deeply, I still somehow got attached to the person, since the person was always there.

 

It always took me a long time. 3 years minimum. About 12 years to get over a real complex relationship history and more than one betrayal on more than one different front.

 

I did learn early on to force myself to remain social and busy and have all those distractions and experience some enjoyment and not let myself just wallow all the time, and that is best. But then I got so down once that I was really unable to do it the right way, so it happens. But that was more complex than just the end of a love relationship.

 

I still advise staying busy, not allowing yourself to wear your friends out talking about the sad stuff (right at first, but when you are together, try to do fun things, not talk about your sadness. It will run them off and it won't help you any.) And on my worst bout, I had happened to get a dog just before it all came crashing down, and she was just about my only joy during that long dark decade except for a trip or two to the river.

 

Do things you love, even when you don't feel like moving. Do things that bring you peace or any little bit of joy.

 

Wow! How long were you together in some of these relationships if you don't mind me asking.

How you feeling now?

I like the dog part. Wish I had a dog now.

 

Mostly when I'm single since that's when you aren't invested in another person and more alone and isolated. But all my other 'relationships' have been just casual 'dating/hooking ups' more or less.

 

Plus after that 2nd heartbreak from College I kind of got angry with women and went 'Dark Side' for about 6 years to use a Star Wars reference. I kept getting burnt by being the 'Nice Guy' that we are always told women want. So I got in that mindset of 'Well if a Bad-Boy is what they want then that's what I'll be'.

 

So basically I just did acted all cool and tough and nonchalant and like I just didn't care about anything serious. I used those pick up artist tricks. I didn't mistreat anyone or lead anyone on or anything.....but I just had meaningless physical interactions with women. "Friends w/ Benefits" type things where it was clear I wasn't trying to date.

 

I HATED myself during this whole phase though because it wasn't the real me. I'm really a nice person honestly.... who just kind of temporarily snapped from being mistreated and lied to and cheated on. I secretly still really wanted a Loving relationship with a future wife and kids but was very bitter at life and women from kind of denying me that happiness in my mind. I would think of my High School and College sweethearts some then but more as anger to fuel my actions.

 

Around 8 years ago when I turned 30 I came back to the light. Was tired of being fake and hating myself yet I also gave up on Love. I considered myself permanently retired.

 

I came out of this relationship/dating retirement 18 months ago just to get burned AGAIN by this latest breakup. Now I'm 38 about to turn 39 and thinking about all 3 of those girls and pondering going back into retirement....lol

 

I feel you. I went dark too, didn't change my personality or anything, but tole every person who was interested in me that I don't want anything serious, and just did a lot of friends with benefits. Couldn't open up emotionally after breaking up with my first love. It took until my recent ex to open me up into relationship mode again; however, even then I couldn't completely open up, and she would always confront me that I need to open up emotionally more. The irony is that now is when my heart decided I can get comfortable opening up, after a year, and it's ironic cause now is when I ended it, and I ain't expect to get hit like this. You would think that if you initiate it, it won't hurt as bad, but boy was I wrong, there's no logic in love, and this hurts just as much as if it were her who did it.

 

On the age part. Age is really just a number. I believe it's how you feel at the end of the day. If someone told me I'm 50, and feel how I feel now, I wouldn't sweat it at all. I believe society puts a humongous amount of pressure on age. They expect certain things to be done at certain age, but who's to say that's how it has to be. As long as you're happy with yourself, I wouldn't dwell too much on a number.

[keiji]

I wanna know your story. How long did it take you to heal?

 

That's a tough question. I'm not sure you ever fully heal if you've loved someone deeply. Perhaps "learning to live without them" is more accurate, but a relationship gone sour always leaves scars, I think.

 

Since my ex-wife left me for someone else six years ago I haven't been able to fully open up to anyone. After that I had a terribly toxic relationship with a girl, on and off for three years, until I met the girl that brought me to LS. Our relationship ended over a year ago. I was completely sure I was over her. Until yesterday. I was checking a restaurant in Barcelona and ended up on their Instagram profile. What are the odds of finding a picture of my ex with her new guy? Although this is a small city, it's quite unlikely, but there she was on the first row of photographs. I didn't even know she had an Instagram and curiosity got the better of me after going no contact last year on Jan. 22. Turns out I'm not over her. I can live without her, I'm used to not having her around, but I still have feelings for her judging from how my stomach shut as soon as I saw those pictures. It wasn't a nice evening for me and I woke up thinking of her.

 

So there are no rules or average running times for healing. After nine years with my ex-wife, I forgot her very quickly. The girl that brought me here and I were together for 1.5 years and I didn't feel too invested in the relationship. Fourteen months later I discover I still miss her. It's not a linear process where one day your brain simply shuts off that person and you carry on carelessly. It's not even proportional to the duration of the relationship. You just accept it's over, but I think the feelings remain latent for quite a long time.

Edited February 23, 2017 by keiji

[kztar]

Mostly when I'm single since that's when you aren't invested in another person and more alone and isolated. But all my other 'relationships' have been just casual 'dating/hooking ups' more or less.

 

Plus after that 2nd heartbreak from College I kind of got angry with women and went 'Dark Side' for about 6 years to use a Star Wars reference. I kept getting burnt by being the 'Nice Guy' that we are always told women want. So I got in that mindset of 'Well if a Bad-Boy is what they want then that's what I'll be'.

 

So basically I just did acted all cool and tough and nonchalant and like I just didn't care about anything serious. I used those pick up artist tricks. I didn't mistreat anyone or lead anyone on or anything.....but I just had meaningless physical interactions with women. "Friends w/ Benefits" type things where it was clear I wasn't trying to date.

 

I HATED myself during this whole phase though because it wasn't the real me. I'm really a nice person honestly.... who just kind of temporarily snapped from being mistreated and lied to and cheated on. I secretly still really wanted a Loving relationship with a future wife and kids but was very bitter at life and women from kind of denying me that happiness in my mind. I would think of my High School and College sweethearts some then but more as anger to fuel my actions.

 

Around 8 years ago when I turned 30 I came back to the light. Was tired of being fake and hating myself yet I also gave up on Love. I considered myself permanently retired.

 

I came out of this relationship/dating retirement 18 months ago just to get burned AGAIN by this latest breakup. Now I'm 38 about to turn 39 and thinking about all 3 of those girls and pondering going back into retirement....lol

 

This reminds me of myself. Im very much like this. After my college sweetheart, I went on relationship retirement. I dated him from 18-20. I refused to open up emotionally to anyone and that was okay for me. I had gone through the loss of my hs sweetheart and then a college sweetheart in a 5 year span.

 

I took the time to have other fwb relationships and just enjoy my last two years of college.

 

Then I met my EX. I fell in love with him like never before, I was ready to marry this guy but we burnt out.

 

Im officially on retirement again. The only difference is that I care very little about physical relationships atm. Im not interested in anything or anyone but myself. dont think i would open up again as I don't want to get burnt.

 

I look back at my single days when I had ZERO worries. You might miss having something with someone but then you think about feeling the way we feel now and it's pretty much not worth it. I think we start opening up when we meet someone that makes us forget this pain we are experiencing now. In time you will forget until you burn again and realize damnnnn i forgot how painful heartbreak was. Then you go on retirement mode.

[PLT]

ReMake, in answer to your question, the woman I tried to make myself love. Well, I realised pretty quickly that it wasn't going to happen, so I called it off as it wasn't fair on either of us. I was honest with her the whole time. We had a lot of fun, but I just couldn't see it going anywhere long term. I don't even know why, it was just ones of those things.

 

I got over her pretty quickly as in reality it was just a bit of fun, and not really a proper relationship, although we were exclusive. I still think about her sometimes. I hope she is happy, but I haven't contacted her since we broke up in 2012, nor do I intend to. I'd certainly reply to her if she ever contacted me though. Pretty much as soon as I split up with her, my most recent ex started letting me know she was interested. We had known each other for around 3 years by this time, although we only got together a couple of times a year. Looking back on it now, I see that I was being kept at arms length / orbiting until she decided it was time to reel me in. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

[preraph]

I wasn't together with them that long. One, he would never say we were together, but a decade later, I found out it was that he had ED problems and childhood abuse. But he would never get out of my life, even after I had the next boyfriend, who was the one that took the longest to get past the pain of betrayal. I ended up working with him. First there was the betrayal that broke us up for good after only a few months, but then there was a decade of working together and a betrayal about my career, which i took very seriously. When I left that job, it was like a divorce and a loss of career in many ways and so it really messed me up for a very long time.

 

So my relationships are not conventional. They are long as far as they may never get out of my life, but short because once I'm betrayed, I'm not having sex with them again!

 

If you can possibly support a dog and give it a good home and plenty of exercise and not just pen it up, you should get one. It's a lot of affection and company and they're great cuddlers. AND when you take them for walks and to the dog park or to outdoor cafes, they are chick magnets!!!

 

Rescue a homeless dog and it will rescue you, I guarantee. And mixed breeds are the most healthy and the most balanced. Pick one that isn't hyper and it won't be as much trouble.

Edited February 23, 2017 by preraph

[ReMaKe]

ReMake, in answer to your question, the woman I tried to make myself love. Well, I realised pretty quickly that it wasn't going to happen, so I called it off as it wasn't fair on either of us. I was honest with her the whole time. We had a lot of fun, but I just couldn't see it going anywhere long term. I don't even know why, it was just ones of those things.

 

I got over her pretty quickly as in reality it was just a bit of fun, and not really a proper relationship, although we were exclusive. I still think about her sometimes. I hope she is happy, but I haven't contacted her since we broke up in 2012, nor do I intend to. I'd certainly reply to her if she ever contacted me though. Pretty much as soon as I split up with her, my most recent ex started letting me know she was interested. We had known each other for around 3 years by this time, although we only got together a couple of times a year. Looking back on it now, I see that I was being kept at arms length / orbiting until she decided it was time to reel me in. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

 

Yeah I had a similar experience with a friend,who I just didn't see like that and made it clear early on, and that was that, so definitely feel you on that. Funny though, a few months after I stopped was when I met my most recent ex as well. That's funny looking back.Hindsight is a wonderful thing indeed.

 

I wasn't together with them that long. One, he would never say we were together, but a decade later, I found out it was that he had ED problems and childhood abuse. But he would never get out of my life, even after I had the next boyfriend, who was the one that took the longest to get past the pain of betrayal. I ended up working with him. First there was the betrayal that broke us up for good after only a few months, but then there was a decade of working together and a betrayal about my career, which i took very seriously. When I left that job, it was like a divorce and a loss of career in many ways and so it really messed me up for a very long time.

 

So my relationships are not conventional. They are long as far as they may never get out of my life, but short because once I'm betrayed, I'm not having sex with them again!

 

If you can possibly support a dog and give it a good home and plenty of exercise and not just pen it up, you should get one. It's a lot of affection and company and they're great cuddlers. AND when you take them for walks and to the dog park or to outdoor cafes, they are chick magnets!!!

 

Rescue a homeless dog and it will rescue you, I guarantee. And mixed breeds are the most healthy and the most balanced. Pick one that isn't hyper and it won't be as much trouble.

 

Wow! Working for someone you were with for so long, that's crazy!! Just thinking about working with some of my ex's for that long makes me anxious!

 

Wish I could have a dog, unfortunately apartment doesn't allow, hopefully in the future, been wanting to give my love to a dog!

[Maldives]

For the times you really were 'In Love' and got 'dumped' I don't think you ever REALLY get over it or heal. I haven't anyway.

 

I've been 'In Love' 3 times. The 1st time...my literal 1st Love was when I was 17-20. My high school sweetheart as it were. I don't think about her everyday or anything and I've moved on......but there are STILL days when I look back and think about her and how it sucks it didn't work out and this was from 20 years ago.

 

The 2nd Time was in College when I was 23-24. The University/College sweetheart. Same thing. I've moved on but I STILL think about her at times and ponder why things went wrong.

 

The 3rd and most recent time is the breakup I'm fresh out of and currently dealing with that I've been posting about in my own thread over the last week. It's happened over the course of me being 36-38. It stings harder because I feel time is running out. I had actually gave up on Love until she came out of nowhere and chased me hard.

 

So I'm sure this will be the same. At some point I'll move on but still look back and think about her from time to time and ponder what went wrong?

 

 

I can relate to the above im the same. 5 heart breaks im now in my mid 40'S same now dealing wth the break up of a 6 yr relationship she chased and then dumped. 1st heartbreak 20 took 3 yrs to fully heal the catalyst was a trip I took to sth America it was that holiday and the people I met in that trip including Maradona that finally completly healed me..the next 24 **** that hurt even more 3 yrs again to fully healed then I met my ex wife and I finally let go over that one at 27 10 yr relationship that one i made the big mistake of trying to move on to quick and rebounded. Took yrs like 4 or 5 yrs lol then the rebound one was the worst but shorted lives pain of 6 mths . The current one is really tricky we work together and it's fkn aweful at times as it reopens wounds I hate it but I have to sit wth it for the time being and deal wth it til i figure things out

[Maldives]

Yeah I had a similar experience with a friend,who I just didn't see like that and made it clear early on, and that was that, so definitely feel you on that. Funny though, a few months after I stopped was when I met my most recent ex as well. That's funny looking back.Hindsight is a wonderful thing indeed.

 

 

 

Wow! Working for someone you were with for so long, that's crazy!! Just thinking about working with some of my ex's for that long makes me anxious!

 

Wish I could have a dog, unfortunately apartment doesn't allow, hopefully in the future, been wanting to give my love to a dog!

 

Yes I'm in this situation right now and it sux there r some options like move interstate bac hom where I'm originally from but this has been a dream to live up here and tg his company is one other biggest here its a regional holiday area. She sure ****ed me over and betrayed me in that sense even left her kids behind to be up here.