My ex is seeing a new girl and im so upset lol [UPDATE: Should I contact my ex?]

[Cookiesandough]

I just found this out today through the grapevine. I am the dumper. We were together a year and ended this time last year. He still wanted to try with me. We reconciled for briefly (a couple weeks) late November of last year for a "trial" thing, but I messed it up again. He seemed really broken up about that, but now he has new girl??? I mean, that's what, not even 4 months. I somewhat wanted this to happen. Apparently, it have just started to get "serious" in that they are exclusive. I want to reach out to him SO bad. I have a feeling this is my last change to even have a chance. I'm scared he's going to say "sorry, I'm with someone new." What am I saying. He will certainly say that. And he should. He is no longer mine and hasn't been for awhile. Jesus, what is wrong with me? I'm having a breakdown

[Purepony]

I'm confused ....

you dumped him and now your hurt that he has someone new ?

 

Did you really think you ruined him for all women just like every other female ex dumper ?!

 

I just don't understand

 

But if I where you I'd ask... maybe he's willing to try again but the only problem I see here is that I think you are more jealous than genuinely interested it seems to me

I could be wrong but yeah ...

[Cookiesandough]

I'm confused ....

you dumped him and now your hurt that he has someone new ?

 

Did you really think you ruined him for all women just like every other female ex dumper ?!

 

I just don't understand

 

But if I where you I'd ask... maybe he's willing to try again but the only problem I see here is that I think you are more jealous than genuinely interested it seems to me

I could be wrong but yeah ...

 

Thank you for your response. Yes I am jealous, but I do want him back. I realize that now. Logically, I knew he would move on eventually but it's something I never wanted to face. Now I have to. Right after Valentine's Day too. What is it about that stupid holiday that brings out the 'I need to get tied down ASAP' out of people. Ug. I miss him much. I love him. I'll never see him again now.

 

We are not on talking terms anymore. I actually didn't answer his last message to me (About a bday) We're still fb friends. No evidence on there, yet. But he barely uses it and he's one to parade on social media. I wouldn't even know what to say.It's been awhile since we talked And just now when he gets a girl I reach out? That's not a little weird or anything. And he probably really like this girl way more than me and is super happy and I'd be the fly in is ointment yet again. This sucks, Purepony.

Edited February 22, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Sweetfish]

I just found this out today through the grapevine. I am the dumper. We were together a year and ended this time last year. He still wanted to try with me. We reconciled for briefly (a couple weeks) late November of last year for a "trial" thing, but I messed it up again. He seemed really broken up about that, but now he has new girl??? I mean, that's what, not even 4 months. I somewhat wanted this to happen. Apparently, it have just started to get "serious" in that they are exclusive. I want to reach out to him SO bad. I have a feeling this is my last change to even have a chance. I'm scared he's going to say "sorry, I'm with someone new." What am I saying. He will certainly say that. And he should. He is no longer mine and hasn't been for awhile. Jesus, what is wrong with me? I'm having a breakdown

 

 

Stop wishing for things...

 

I think this is required so you can truly reflected on what happened.

Edited February 22, 2017 by Sweetfish

[Cookiesandough]

Theres really no chance of reconciling once they move on with someone new, right? I don't mean rebound. I mean enough time has passed and they found someone new and seem happy.

[Cookiesandough]

Stop wishing for things...

 

I think this is required so you can truly reflected on what happened.

 

lol. ikr .always when we least expect it... thanks. maybe that's true.

[Ultrashiver]

Speaking from experience, yes.

[keiji]

Not necessarily. An ex-girlfriend whom I hadn't seen for two years had a relationship for 1 year and when we met again for drinks after full NC, she said she was still in love with me and wanted to rekindle what we had in the past. Three or four years ago I stumbled upon my first official girlfriend. We were 16 and 20 years had gone by and she proposed to try again.

 

You never know, but I assume you're in that situation now and the best I can tell you is to lose all hope. It's the healthiest for you. These two examples are only a few among several where I never heard from them again once they found someone new.

[Cookiesandough]

Not necessarily. An ex-girlfriend whom I hadn't seen for two years had a relationship for 1 year and when we met again for drinks after full NC, she said she was still in love with me and wanted to rekindle what we had in the past. Three or four years ago I stumbled upon my first official girlfriend. We were 16 and 20 years had gone by and she proposed to try again.

 

You never know, but I assume you're in that situation now and the best I can tell you is to lose all hope. It's the healthiest for you. These two examples are only a few among several where I never heard from them again once they found someone new.

 

Glad it happened for you. Yeah, it's over. It hurts, but it is.

May I ask if you were the dumper or dumpee in both situations?

[marky00]

Theres really no chance of reconciling once they move on with someone new, right? I don't mean rebound. I mean enough time has passed and they found someone new and seem happy.

 

 

Not true, not wanting to give you false hope but.

 

 

If they meet someone new, you definitely do need to step away. If you don't do that, then there definitely will not be a re-kindling.

 

 

If you stay strong and step away, it's quite surprising what can happen down the line.

 

 

My ex dumped me for someone else a couple of years ago, we have been solid NC for a bout a year and the last few months she has been sending quite a lot of breadcrumbs.

 

 

No one can replace you. You are unique. That uniqueness isn't lost because they find someone else.

[todreaminblue]

you can relight flames.....quite easily.....the questions are should you?.......and do you really want to?..and do they want the same as you?..

 

some things do need to stay ...in the past....i guess it depends on the relationship in the first place and whether what ended it, is not still present......

 

if both are free and single for sure....there's possibility of rekindling a union that had a lot going for it.........the past break up ....would need to stay in the past ...and a relationship started afresh...for some it is better the devil you know and for others it could be just stupid to go back there...

 

but if they are happy with soemone else then thats not a fire you should try to reignite.....if you love the person and see them happy with someone new.....you leave them to be happy...and dont wreck their happiness.....at all........deb

Edited February 22, 2017 by todreaminblue

[Cookiesandough]

Not true, not wanting to give you false hope but.

 

 

If they meet someone new, you definitely do need to step away. If you don't do that, then there definitely will not be a re-kindling.

 

 

If you stay strong and step away, it's quite surprising what can happen down the line.

 

 

My ex dumped me for someone else a couple of years ago, we have been solid NC for a bout a year and the last few months she has been sending quite a lot of breadcrumbs.

 

 

No one can replace you. You are unique. That uniqueness isn't lost because they find someone else.

 

Thank you, Marky. We are unique and the moments we shared with them don't get washed away. It's interesting your ex has reached out after years. You stayed in her mind for so long. Crazy. I don't know how you feel about that. I happen to the dumper here. The thing is that some dumpers (myself, at least, and perhaps you ex) there is a fear that we will look desperate and needy to dumpees when reaching out after a long time. Especially when you leave them for someone else and learn it was a bad idea like your ex did, or in my case, telling them that "it's best we don't speak ever again and just move on because I don't see how this can work and I can't do it anymore" ... Then to retract on those words/actions ? You really have to swallow your pride if you do that. So I never did, never found the courage, and closed the communication lines almost completely. So of course he's gone. Your ex has finally reopened it after years. I hope in a few days I will feel start feeling better and can be fully happy for him like some advice columns have said.

[PegNosePete]

The chances of them coming back to you while they are with someone else is slim to none.

 

After they split up... well maybe, it depends on the circumstances and many other factors specific to your particular situation.

 

But while they're still with someone new... not gonna happen. And if it did, would you take them back? You'd happily be a side piece?

[Cookiesandough]

you can relight flames.....quite easily.....the questions are should you?.......and do you really want to?..and do they want the same as you?..

 

some things do need to stay ...in the past....i guess it depends on the relationship in the first place and whether what ended it, is not still present......

 

if both are free and single for sure....there's possibility of rekindling a union that had a lot going for it.........the past break up ....would need to stay in the past ...and a relationship started afresh...for some it is better the devil you know and for others it could be just stupid to go back there...

 

but if they are happy with soemone else then thats not a fire you should try reignite.....if you love the person and see them happy with someone new.....you leave them to be happy...and dont wreck their happiness.....at all........deb

 

so true. especially the last part. thank you.

[keiji]

Glad it happened for you. Yeah, it's over. It hurts, but it is.

May I ask if you were the dumper or dumpee in both situations?

 

In one case it was mutual, and not exactly the nicest breakup in the history of relationships gone sour. In the case of my first girlfriend, it was her that broke up and I never saw her again until I run into her in a bar twenty years later.

 

The girl that brought me here met someone shortly after the breakup and I'm sure she wouldn't even attend my funeral. So again, I think it's best to write off the possibility of reconciliation. In any event, you guys broke up for a reason. As we say in my country, "second parts were never good". It may happen, but it's too unfrequent.

[Cookiesandough]

In one case it was mutual, and not exactly the nicest breakup in the history of relationships gone sour. In the case of my first girlfriend, it was her that broke up and I never saw her again until I run into her in a bar twenty years later.

 

The girl that brought me here met someone shortly after the breakup and I'm sure she wouldn't even attend my funeral. So again, I think it's best to write off the possibility of reconciliation. In any event, you guys broke up for a reason. As we say in my country, "second parts were never good". It may happen, but it's too unfrequent.

 

20 years.. wow. And I like that saying. Sequels are rarely good.

[AT15]

I think for a woman, once the feelings are gone and at a minimum, we generally don't look back. We can be friends, but usually we move on. Again if there are absolutely no real romantic feelings.

 

I think for guys it can be a little different. I've never gone back to an old boyfriend that I don't love anymore to reignite anything but a friendship.

 

My high school bf asked me a few months ago if we could try again. I said no, lol. I love him as a friend and wouldn't dare get into a relationship with him. Why? Because, we have different lifestyles. When my judgement is not clouded by romantic feelings, I can make better choices. I think that is why NC is so important.

 

If the ex comes back, you're not in the grip of full on emotions. You can make better choices from a centered place.

 

My most recent ex, sent me an "I love you" message. Immediately my response was "awwww". But, my centered self chimed in and said "Girl, please! You better not even go there." Lol. So, I feel more centered and ready to move on. I have a new guy that I really liked, but I've grown bored with his non effort. If I had real feelings for him, I would stick around. I don't have an attachment, so the next meet up, I'm going to tell him I don't want to pursue anything more.

[elaine567]

Theres really no chance of reconciling once they move on with someone new, right? I don't mean rebound. I mean enough time has passed and they found someone new and seem happy.

 

Even if they split up and he comes back to you, it all adds an extra complication and it usually makes reconciliation difficult, as comparisons will naturally be drawn.

Not maybe in the first while when relief may be the dominant emotion, but after some time it may start to gnaw...

Not only did your relationship not work out the first time and there will no doubt be a lot of work to do on that, but now there is also another person in the mix.

 

"Am I 'THE ONE' and he has realised that and come back to me, or is she "THE ONE" and he has settled with me as it did not work out with her...???"

"If he was so in love with me then why did he get into a relationship with her so soon????"

"What's so special about her?"

Jealousy may rear its ugly head.

Questions that may kill a reconciliation stone dead sooner or later.

 

DO you really and truly want him back, or do you just not want him to be with anyone else?

[kztar]

OP I think that you really need to evaluate some things.

 

Getting back with someone after they dumped you and went on with someone else to come back is sad, stressful and ALOT OF BAGGAGE.

 

I would recommend to move on.

 

I have heard of people who get back together years later but it's like meeting a brand new person. It sometimes works out when both parties have moved on and they just happen to be single and they happen to see each other again one way or the other or something like that. Or "fate" and then they get to know each other again and date.

[bluefeather]

Speaking from experience, yes.

 

Speaking from experience, no.

[Cookiesandough]

Ex bf and I broke up Jan 2016. We had some problems, but nothing awful. We loved each other. I feel like I jumped ship too easy/soon because I didn't even want the SLIGHTEST stress in my life. He is really stubborn. The day it ended he had told me he was going out with his friends( who I did not like) after a fight we had over a comment he made about me having to give my new puppy to a family friend. I told him I barely see anymore(he worked a lot) and I want to hang out with him earlier in the day before they go out,, but he told me fine but I needed to "leave at 5". It was last straw for me. I think the breakup totally blindsided him. He just left but I saw him fall apart and cry. I felt horrible

 

Over the course we kept in contact through text. What pissed me off is that even though he was 'begging' to get back together, he kept blaming me. Like I was the only one wrong. Now I think he was kind of right. He is so stubborn, but he was a great bf, and I'm thinking about what ifs.

 

After watching him" date"a string of girls and texting on/off several months, I swallowed my pride and told him I missed him and wanted back. Long story short, he agreed, and last November we dated about two weeks. It felt off. . I shouldn't have expected everything to just go back to normal in such a short time. I was stupid. I had broke up with him and he poured his heart out to me so of course things weren't going to be peachy. But I broke up with him again and told him please don't contact me again. He did anyway a couple times, but I could tell he was giving up too.

 

 

Last night I discovered through mutual friend he has a new Gf. It made me realize I really do love him SO much. I feel so torn apart that he moved on just a few months after into something serious. It took him 5 months to become official with me. Now in less than that he has a GF. And what's worse is that I look at his FB pictures (she's not there at the moment) and he looks so happy.

 

I ignored his texts months back asking to talk after I said we should move on. Now I regret that. How can I open communication with him again? What should I say? Any advice appreciated

Edited February 22, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
merged thread and removed excessive bolded text ~6

[Frozensushi]

Last night I discovered through mutual friend he has a new Gf. It made me realize I really do love him SO much. I feel so torn apart that he moved on just a few months after into something serious.

 

A prime example of human nature: wanting what we can't have.

 

His worth to you went up exponentially now that he is seemingly less available with the possibility of not being available at all. Humans, in general, don't like it when they have options that are taken away, including going back to a worthy ex.

[elaine567]

He was so great and wonderful, that you broke up with him not only once but twice....

 

He was heart broken, and now he has a gf and is happy you want him back...

Please leave the poor guy alone.

[central]

My advice is to not interfere and potentially mess up something that will be good for him. If it doesn't work out, he may reach out to you, but your wisest course of action is to stop hoping for that, and look for someone else so you can move on.

[Zahara]

Last night I discovered through mutual friend he has a new Gf. It made me realize I really do love him SO much. I feel so torn apart that he moved on just a few months after into something serious. It took him 5 months to become official with me. Now in less than that he has a GF. And what's worse is that I look at his FB pictures (she's not there at the moment) and he looks so happy.

 

You love him SO much? You ended it with him more than once. Ignored him. Told him to move on.

 

It's rejection that you're struggling with. You can't stand the fact that someone that was affected by you isn't affected anymore. Your ego is dinged. Spend some time reflecting because only recently you were all torn up about a guy that you casually dated and now you realize you love an ex so much, ONLY after you've found out he's with someone else.

 

I ignored his texts months back asking to talk after I said we should move on. Now I regret that. How can I open communication with him again? What should I say? Any advice appreciated

 

Leave the guy alone. If you hadn't heard about this, you wouldn't be in this mindset. You really need to check your motivations.

Edited February 22, 2017 by Zahara