My ex is seeing a new girl and im so upset lol [UPDATE: Should I contact my ex?]

[Sweetfish]

Yes, you're right. I'm sorry. Someone said they would want their ex to come back. I'm just wondering if it would be a horrible idea to ask him to meet me again or even contact him again like I said I would. He may be more serious about the girl then...that I just conjecture. He has not put her on FB but he doesn't update often. I get the feeling he's over it based on our convo and how he is cold and hasn't initiated...intuition. Yeah, sorry.

 

You need to go thru this pain to learn. There is no other way around this cookie. There is no other angle. Be lucky... when i lost my first girlfriend in highschool I had no forum or internet page to go to. No one to point out thr problems... totally clues.

[Jimmyjackson]

Yes, you're right. I'm sorry. Someone said they would want their ex to come back. I'm just wondering if it would be a horrible idea to ask him to meet me again or even contact him again like I said I would. He may be more serious about the girl then...that I just conjecture. He has not put her on FB but he doesn't update often. I get the feeling he's over it based on our convo and how he is cold and hasn't initiated...intuition. Yeah, sorry.

 

Ok imagine you're seeing your ex and some other girl is asking to meet him and is trying to get in between the two of you, you'd be pretty annoyed right? you'd both likely find the third party desperate and annoying too.

 

He's got another girl, you might want him back but that's not an option no matter what you say. Don't be one of those exes who lingers and doesn't let go.

[lana-banana]

Yes, you're right. I'm sorry. Someone said they would want their ex to come back. I'm just wondering if it would be a horrible idea to ask him to meet me again or even contact him again like I said I would. He may be more serious about the girl then...that I just conjecture. He has not put her on FB but he doesn't update often. I get the feeling he's over it based on our convo and how he is cold and hasn't initiated...intuition. Yeah, sorry.

 

 

You can't make any judgments based on social media; it doesn't mean anything, and for all you know he excludes you from seeing most updates related to her. And yes, it is a horrible idea, especially when your motives are so crass. Now that he's rejected you you are desperate to confirm you still have some power over him. You don't and it's making you crazy. You want validation, not a connection. You sound dangerously self-absorbed. Other people do not exist to give you attention.

[ExpatInItaly]

You don't have a very realistic view of relationships, OP.

 

Most people don't remain in touch with their exes forever. People drift out of our lives slowly. I'm willing to bet many of us here have been out of contact with certain exes for years. That's life sometimes. So yes, you have to understand he might be gone from your life for good.

 

You need to stop meddling. There is no last shot here. That ship sailed.

[WomenWubber]

At this point you should know what you want to do.

 

Now the hard part is making a decision and commiting to it. Whatever you do be 100% in and don't look back, so tomorrow you're not back here in limbo feeling sorry for yourself.

[dumbass2]

"I just found this out today through the grapevine. I am the dumper. We were together a year and ended this time last year. He still wanted to try with me. We reconciled for briefly (a couple weeks) late November of last year for a "trial" thing, but I messed it up again."

 

Again, you are only doing this because he may be moving on with another girl and you left him and you guys even tried a second time and it didn't work. How about this. Be a nice mature person and leave him alone. Stop thinking about yourself for a second and think about him if you care at all. Sometimes it is best to let the ones we love go. I'm not even sure that your feelings for him are about love more than they are just about jealously because he has found someone and you haven't yet. People have a hard time after a relationship sometimes when they see the other has moved on and is trying to be happy. Sorry, but I think you are just being selfish and you are really pushing things with him. I see nothing from him that says he is interested in getting back. He's probably just trying to be nice and doesn't want things to get nasty with you.

 

Take the high road and tell him you're sorry and you made a selfish mistake and will leave him alone now for good and wish the best for him. Handle things in a mature adult way and you never know what can happen a ways down the road. You leave things on a good note and that is what he'll remember. Keep pestering to the point of him having to tell you off and block you, then that will be the last memory he has of you.

[Cookiesandough]

I willed let go.

Lana,expat, and jimmy. Thanks. that's harsh but I know you're right. I feel like we could make each other happy again. I don't think I would leave him again if I ever got a chance again. It just hurts so much. Yes, dum we were together for a year in total but only we were official bf gf 8 months. Now almost in a shorter time he has a new girl. We did love each other. How could all his feels just vanish like that? They did. It makes me feel he never cared at all. We both weren't perfect. I did overact at his behavior, but I was emotional about losing my puppy. When I broke up I was actually happy to be out at first but I think that's just a natural feeling. Reality sets in of what you lost. But mine didn't set in until days ago when I heard he's got a new girl. I dated others after we broke up the first time and it crashed and burned. He was willing to give me another chance and I blew it. But Even when we got back before I didn't feel so strongly like this, like now I know I do love him so much and now I've lost him.

 

Yiure right, sweetifish and Darren. I'm lucky to have this board(we all are)?Sorry you didn't have it, sweetfish, but ultimately we are alone in this and have to learn painful lessons sometimes. Thank you.

 

I won't be contacting him again..as difficult as that may be. I will lay this to rest.

Edited February 26, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[basil67]

It's very normal to move on after a relationship ends. Most well adjusted people get over a relationship and move on without wallowing in sadness for months on end. The more hard work the ex was, the easier it is to move on and be glad to be out of it. You see, with the end of many relationships, there also comes a great sense of relief to be out of the chaos. He will be glad to be away from your overreactions.

 

At any rate, it seems like he has zero interest in being back with you. His lack of mentioning his new girlfriend would probably be because he knows you're an emotional type and doesn't want to deal with it. Being willing to meet you would probably be to help give you closure.

 

Leave the man alone to get on with his life. And you get on with your life having learned some solid lessons.

[Blanco]

OP, you have extremely poor boundaries.

 

I remember commenting in some of your other threads, so I went back and looked at them. What I said in one of them remains true: You need to step back and take a breather from dating. You simply cannot get out of your own way and until you pinpoint why this is, you are going to continue to have unstable, unhealthy relationships.

 

Please leave this guy alone. Not only are you looking to tamper with his newfound happiness; you are doing so for purely selfish reasons. This guy endured you dumping him twice and he's found himself a new opportunity. Please do not try to poison that well, especially when your reasons for doing so come from such a shallow, selfish place.

[EZNona]

Please leave this guy alone. Not only are you looking to tamper with his newfound happiness; you are doing so for purely selfish reasons. This guy endured you dumping him twice and he's found himself a new opportunity. Please do not try to poison that well, especially when your reasons for doing so come from such a shallow, selfish place.

 

All of the above. Barely a week ago, you were posting a thread about how you wished he would get a GF because it looked like he may still be pinning over you. And that you just wanted him to move on.

 

But hearing that he has a possible GF, now you remember that you are so in love and can't seem to control yourself from not contacting him with hearing this news.

 

It is clear that you enjoyed the fact that he seemingly hadn't moved on from you and I'm guessing that fed your ego and made you feel like you had the upper hand.

 

Now you 'can't believe he has moved on so fast' when really it took him a year (that little 2 week reconciliation is nothing) to do so...

 

This has become more about your ego and having this boy be lovestruck by you and not about love.

 

To try to swoop in now to mess up his chances with someone else is a pretty cruel thing to do to someone. You say you will lay this to rest. I hope you do the right thing here and follow through with that. Good Luck!

[Cookiesandough]

I saw my ex new gf. She's really pretty. His type exactly. I'm so jealous!!!I actually don't know how to lee NC. It seems impossible...will power so low when it comes to love. How to keep NC?!?!?!

[Cookiesandough]

I don't have the ability to have out with friends this week as I am working all week but I need help on how to stay NC. Work is when my mind wanders. I have come here to give 2 cents and chat but the rest of the time I'm really struggling not to think of him. What are some ways to make time seem go by quicker?

[magnesium]

I don't have the ability to have out with friends this week as I am working all week but I need help on how to stay NC. Work is when my mind wanders. I have come here to give 2 cents and chat but the rest of the time I'm really struggling not to think of him. What are some ways to make time seem go by quicker?

 

Write about it. Grab pen and paper, or open a word document, and write all your thoughts and feelings down. Then, simultaneously, write as if you are your own best friend, comforting yourself through this. Pretend what happened to you happened to your best friend, or your sibling. What would you say to them? Write that down.

 

Too often we are great at beating ourselves up, but would never say those things to others.

 

On the plus side, it will look like you are a busy worker when you are jotting tons of stuff down.

[stillafool]

Why are you stalking them on FB? Block everything because you are hurting yourself at this point. Don't you want to heal? It should be easier to stay NC after seeing her.

[stillafool]

Think about him with his new gf and how embarrassed you'd be contacting him while he is with her. Are you out of town? Why can't you get together with a friend after work? Maybe you should take a break from LS. Talking about him all the time is keeping him on your mind and keeping you in depression. Get out and do something. Put your phone away for a day. Help yourself.

[keiji]

I saw my ex new gf. She's really pretty. His type exactly. I'm so jealous!!!I actually don't know how to lee NC. It seems impossible...will power so low when it comes to love. How to keep NC?!?!?!

 

Love? I think you're the only one in here that would refer to that as "love". What you've got is a bruised ego and you can't stand not having the guy's attention anymore. If you cared so much about him, why did you dump him twice? It's a pretty obvious question, but you seem to refuse to take some time to ponder it.

 

I hate to tell you this again, but your attitude is incredibly selfish. You see the guy happy and you throw a tantrum. That's all. How childish is that?

[M1ke12]

I just found this out today through the grapevine. I am the dumper. We were together a year and ended this time last year. He still wanted to try with me. We reconciled for briefly (a couple weeks) late November of last year for a "trial" thing, but I messed it up again. He seemed really broken up about that, but now he has new girl??? I mean, that's what, not even 4 months. I somewhat wanted this to happen. Apparently, it have just started to get "serious" in that they are exclusive. I want to reach out to him SO bad. I have a feeling this is my last change to even have a chance. I'm scared he's going to say "sorry, I'm with someone new." What am I saying. He will certainly say that. And he should. He is no longer mine and hasn't been for awhile. Jesus, what is wrong with me? I'm having a breakdown

I am in your spot kinda. We are broken up, but it is my fault. I broke up with her 2x and then quickly recognized how wrong I was and tried to get back with her. It worked, only briefly. Then she said she didn't have any faith in me and broke up with me.

 

I am asking myself the same thing. WTF is wrong with me?

 

This thread contains excellent advice for me as well.

Edited February 28, 2017 by M1ke12

[Cookiesandough]

Write about it. Grab pen and paper, or open a word document, and write all your thoughts and feelings down. Then, simultaneously, write as if you are your own best friend, comforting yourself through this. Pretend what happened to you happened to your best friend, or your sibling. What would you say to them? Write that down.

 

Too often we are great at beating ourselves up, but would never say those things to others.

 

On the plus side, it will look like you are a busy worker when you are jotting tons of stuff down.

 

 

Thanks so much!!! Writing is very therapeutic to me. That's great advice. I will try this. And lol.

[Cookiesandough]

Think about him with his new gf and how embarrassed you'd be contacting him while he is with her. Are you out of town? Why can't you get together with a friend after work? Maybe you should take a break from LS. Talking about him all the time is keeping him on your mind and keeping you in depression. Get out and do something. Put your phone away for a day. Help yourself.

 

Thank you so much. The thing is I wouldn't be, stillafool. I should be embarrassed, but I think I lost what little left of my dignity when I broke NC and talked to him again that night. It will be late, but maybe I could. I'm just so exhausted and I hate dragging them through it again because I've done it so many times. I don't like meeting people when I'm not my chipper self. You're right focusing on it here is making it worse. I will try to get out if I can. Thanks again.

[Cookiesandough]

Love? I think you're the only one in here that would refer to that as "love". What you've got is a bruised ego and you can't stand not having the guy's attention anymore. If you cared so much about him, why did you dump him twice? It's a pretty obvious question, but you seem to refuse to take some time to ponder it.

 

I hate to tell you this again, but your attitude is incredibly selfish. You see the guy happy and you throw a tantrum. That's all. How childish is that?

People make mistakes. They can change

[Cookiesandough]

I am in your spot kinda. We are broken up, but it is my fault. I broke up with her 2x and then quickly recognized how wrong I was and tried to get back with her. It worked, only briefly. Then she said she didn't have any faith in me and broke up with me.

 

I am asking myself the same thing. WTF is wrong with me?

 

This thread contains excellent advice for me as well.

 

Thanks so much for sharing and glad you were able to benefit from the useful advice.

 

Exactly, 'WTF was I thinking' Sometimes it takes a lot of time, space, mistakes to realize how much you love someone. By then they have moved on sometimes..either don't have feelings or don't want to do it again. It's really heartbreaking because you know you'd never do it again. Ugh thinking about him thinking about her and wooing her is killing me.

[Cookiesandough]

I'm writing here to get my thoughts out. I've gotten plenty of useful advice. I just need a place to share. I've resolved to contact my ex in a week to meet one last time if he will agree to it. The wait is killing me but I need to wait, I work and plus I'm just not mentally together enough at this point. I'm really lovesick. If he does agree it will have to be the weekend after next or later. Each minute feels like an eternity and I'm in so much pain because I know I could text him right now and he would respond minutes later.I don't know if it will be the case in a week. Just one more time to see him. Tell him my thoughts and where I'm coming from. Just drinks. I want to see him one last time, then I will let him go. I know it sounds crazy but I don't like the way we last saw each other. I know he'll never be mine again. It's not about that. Seeing his girl made me realize how she's everything I'm not and how I can't give him what she can. I actually helped them get together and pushed him into her arms unknowingly( in another way besides breaking up). She is also very much his type where I don't think I ever was but he gave me a chance. She is a single mother and he always said he didn't want to date those so his feelings for her must be strong and maybe becoming bEing around her kid will make him a better person.

 

There's nothing I can do now to have him, this is for me, and 'closure'. I refuse to be other woman or compete with another girl for his heart. I don't think I should remain in contact with him either. It's just dragging me down and making me upset.

Edited February 28, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Zahara]

This isn't about closure. Closure is accepting that you denied him twice and respecting he's moved on. You term it closure to justify your inappropriate behavior.

 

This is you trying to entice him. Hoping you'll be able to rekindle some sort of emotion from him. Maybe he'll see you and you'll be able to rope him in.

 

There was none of this eagerness before, but only when you heard he moved on. If your friend didn't sneak that information to you, this thread would not exist.

 

This is no different from that past guy. You just could not let it go. Part and parcel of your inability to handle rejection. It's a competition for you. You need to be chosen. It's not about love. It's about ego. It's about validation.

 

And here you are again.

[divegrl]

I'm writing here to get my thoughts out. I've gotten plenty of useful advice. I just need a place to share. I've resolved to contact my ex in a week to meet one last time if he will agree to it. The wait is killing me but I need to wait, I work and plus I'm just not mentally together enough at this point. I'm really lovesick. If he does agree it will have to be the weekend after next or later. Each minute feels like an eternity and I'm in so much pain because I know I could text him right now and he would respond minutes later.I don't know if it will be the case in a week. Just one more time to see him. Tell him my thoughts and where I'm coming from. Just drinks. I want to see him one last time, then I will let him go. I know it sounds crazy but I don't like the way we last saw each other. I know he'll never be mine again. It's not about that. Seeing his girl made me realize how she's everything I'm not and how I can't give him what she can. I actually helped them get together and pushed him into her arms unknowingly( in another way besides breaking up). She is also very much his type where I don't think I ever was but he gave me a chance. She is a single mother and he always said he didn't want to date those so his feelings for her must be strong and maybe becoming bEing around her kid will make him a better person.

 

There's nothing I can do now to have him, this is for me, and 'closure'. I refuse to be other woman or compete with another girl for his heart. I don't think I should remain in contact with him either. It's just dragging me down and making me upset.

 

You're only ignored, overlooked and rejected by people who are not meant for you.

 

Let go in peace.

[lana-banana]

I'm writing here to get my thoughts out. I've gotten plenty of useful advice.

 

Here's some more: do not contact him.

 

I just need a place to share. I've resolved to contact my ex in a week to meet one last time if he will agree to it.

 

Absolutely do not do this. He is unlikely to agree to meet with you at all. Do not contact him. Besides...

 

The wait is killing me but I need to wait, I work and plus I'm just not mentally together enough at this point.

 

...you are profoundly unwell. Do you really think he won't notice? You need professional help, not your ex-boyfriend. Do not contact him.

 

I'm really lovesick.

 

This isn't love, it's ego. You're feeling hurt and rejected. You're calling it "love" because you think that's slightly less insane than "I need attention so badly I will go to any extreme to get it". Do not contact him.

 

If he does agree it will have to be the weekend after next or later. Each minute feels like an eternity and I'm in so much pain because I know I could text him right now and he would respond minutes later.I don't know if it will be the case in a week.

 

So you're in pain because you're petrified your perceived power over him will have dissipated in a week? I hate to break it to you, but you already have no power over him. He isn't interested in talking to you. Do not contact him.

 

Just one more time to see him. Tell him my thoughts and where I'm coming from. Just drinks.

 

You sound like an addict pleading for one last hit before going to rehab. But your addiction is your ego and it's hopelessly out of control. He doesn't care what your thoughts are. He doesn't care where you're coming from. Do not contact him.

 

I want to see him one last time, then I will let him go.I know it sounds crazy but I don't like the way we last saw each other.

 

He already let go of you. You don't have a relationship anymore and he is no longer accountable for your feelings. If you don't like the way you left it then tough luck, kiddo, because he's under no obligation to meet with you. Do not contact him.

 

I know he'll never be mine again. It's not about that.

 

It's not? But I thought you were "really lovesick"! You can't even lie to yourself consistently. You shouldn't be talking to anyone about anything romantic at this point. Do not contact him.

 

Seeing his girl made me realize how she's everything I'm not and how I can't give him what she can.

 

This may be the only honest line in this entire post. You believe the new girl must be "better" than you. Your self-esteem is so low you can't love yourself without external validation, so now you need your ex-boyfriend to want you in order to feel good about yourself. This is selfish and unfair to everyone involved, yourself included. Do not contact him.

 

I actually helped them get together and pushed him into her arms unknowingly( in another way besides breaking up).

 

It's. Not. All. About. You. You can't have any sort of relationship with anyone until you realize this. Do not contact him.

 

She is also very much his type where I don't think I ever was but he gave me a chance. She is a single mother and he always said he didn't want to date those so his feelings for her must be strong and maybe becoming bEing around her kid will make him a better person.

 

Perhaps he'll be a better person because his new girlfriend is loving and respectful of him, instead of using him for her own vanity. He deserves to be happy. Do not contact him.

 

There's nothing I can do now to have him, this is for me, and 'closure'.

 

It's all about you, that's for sure. The selfishness here is pathological. But it's not about "closure", it's about a desperate gambit to prove you still have power over him, and it'll be as obvious to him as it is to us. Do not contact him.

 

I refuse to be other woman or compete with another girl for his heart.

 

The selfishness here is just pathological. What makes you think he has any interest in you as a mistress or competition? He hasn't shown any interest in keeping you around. He already has the woman he wants, and it isn't you. Do not contact him.

 

I don't think I should remain in contact with him either. It's just dragging me down and making me upset.

 

Then DO NOT CONTACT HIM.