My ex is seeing a new girl and im so upset lol [UPDATE: Should I contact my ex?]

[hestheone66]

OP..

 

Seriously you demonstrate the symptoms of Borderline Personality disorder.

 

You panic at intimacy but fear rejection

 

Please get help

 

In the meantime do not contact or stalk

[Blanco]

I find it fascinating that you are letting your unbridled desire to win back your prize (and yes, I do think you view him more as a prize than a human being) blind you to the fact that successfully doing so would mean he would need to betray his current girlfriend.

 

I say that because I recall one of your other threads about another relationship (or hell, maybe it was this guy; you're unusually vague) being marred by your unfounded distrust of him.

 

So now, in your best case scenario, you win the guy back and he has to be shady with his current girlfriend to do it. Sounds like an awesome partner for someone who already has let trust issues ruin relationships.

 

You are incapable or unwilling of thinking ahead past what you (think you) want at this very moment. The unfortunate truth is that even if you capture your prey, you will likely not know what to do with it.

[Cookiesandough]

Just venting...I took the criticism from this thread from all the posters and listened to my own conscience and haven't contacted my ex...hurts badly he never contacted me either...or ever will. It's 3 hours before another date and I'm crying. Just now I've been on a dating app(bumble) talking with my matches...just small talk...but also venting about my ex to them..saying I'm not sure why I'm even here...and they're like "oh I understand, I just got out of a rship too, it's np" but I didn't just get out. It's technically been over a year. How will I ever get out of this heartache? It's killing me and he doesn't care. It's just so weird how people can just turn off all empathy like that...to someone they once said they loved. I dunno if I should even go on this date. To what end? Sit there with a strange man when all I want is my ex to text and say he's over the new girl...I have to get myself together and act all chipper and happy and not mention my ex when all I really wanna do is talk about exes with this guy. Maybe he has a heartbreak story too.

[Zahara]

Just venting...I took the criticism from this thread from all the posters and listened to my own conscience and haven't contacted my ex...hurts badly he never contacted me either...or ever will. It's 3 hours before another date and I'm crying. Just now I've been on a dating app(bumble) talking with my matches...just small talk...but also venting about my ex to them..saying I'm not sure why I'm even here...and they're like "oh I understand, I just got out of a rship too, it's np" but I didn't just get out. It's technically been over a year. How will I ever get out of this heartache? It's killing me and he doesn't care. It's just so weird how people can just turn off all empathy like that...to someone they once said they loved. I dunno if I should even go on this date. To what end? Sit there with a strange man when all I want is my ex to text and say he's over the new girl...I have to get myself together and act all chipper and happy and not mention my ex when all I really wanna do is talk about exes with this guy. Maybe he has a heartbreak story too.

 

Now you need to listen to the advice telling you to stay off the dating sites and start focusing on healing and rebuilding your self-esteem. That last part has been reiterated to you many, many times in all your threads but you resist. Unfortunately, you will continue the cycle.

 

You ended it with him twice. You shut him out. Where is your responsibility for the ending? Where was your empathy when he kept reaching out and you ignored him? Where was your empathy when you dumped him twice? Where was your empathy when you told him curtly to move on?

 

Just because you're now on some whim he has to give you attention?

[Lorenza]

Just venting...I took the criticism from this thread from all the posters and listened to my own conscience and haven't contacted my ex...hurts badly he never contacted me either...or ever will. It's 3 hours before another date and I'm crying. Just now I've been on a dating app(bumble) talking with my matches...just small talk...but also venting about my ex to them..saying I'm not sure why I'm even here...and they're like "oh I understand, I just got out of a rship too, it's np" but I didn't just get out. It's technically been over a year. How will I ever get out of this heartache? It's killing me and he doesn't care. It's just so weird how people can just turn off all empathy like that...to someone they once said they loved. I dunno if I should even go on this date. To what end? Sit there with a strange man when all I want is my ex to text and say he's over the new girl...I have to get myself together and act all chipper and happy and not mention my ex when all I really wanna do is talk about exes with this guy. Maybe he has a heartbreak story too.

 

Cookiedanddough, what you're about to do is use someone as an emotional punching bag. You need to learn to deal with your own needs and emotions without manipulating others into serving a purpose to you. First was twisting and pulling your exe's strings, now going out into dating world in a complete mess - again expecting someone to save you from yourself.

 

Just be alone. Listen your thoughts. Gain emotional independence. Stand on your own feet.

[Cookiesandough]

Zahara and Lorenza, I can't cancel this date, though. This guy has been waiting and asking me out for months....I canceled the first time because I got back with my ex..contacted him again a month ago and explained why I canceled but said it's ok now and seems to enthusiastic I agreed to the date. He said "some people are worth waiting for". He's been so accomadating. I have to go through with it. Put Clinique pep talk and ice bags on my eyes, get ready, take a deep breath and smile...I will try my hardest not to use him as an emotional punching bag and mention my ex...but it's going to be absolute misery . I wanna stay home. But I'll never get better if I've never meet more men! Look at my ex...he's all better..Wtf :'(

[basil67]

But I'll never get better if I've never meet more men! Look at my ex...he's all better..Wtf :'(

 

Meeting more men isn't what will make you better. Getting better must come from within yourself.

[basil67]

Just venting...I took the criticism from this thread from all the posters and listened to my own conscience and haven't contacted my ex...hurts badly he never contacted me either...or ever will. It's 3 hours before another date and I'm crying. Just now I've been on a dating app(bumble) talking with my matches...just small talk...but also venting about my ex to them..saying I'm not sure why I'm even here...and they're like "oh I understand, I just got out of a rship too, it's np" but I didn't just get out. It's technically been over a year. How will I ever get out of this heartache? It's killing me and he doesn't care. It's just so weird how people can just turn off all empathy like that...to someone they once said they loved. I dunno if I should even go on this date. To what end? Sit there with a strange man when all I want is my ex to text and say he's over the new girl...I have to get myself together and act all chipper and happy and not mention my ex when all I really wanna do is talk about exes with this guy. Maybe he has a heartbreak story too.

 

You lost the right to comfort and empathy from your ex when you dumped him. And you're absolutely right that he doesn't care. I mean, why should he care about someone who didn't want him?

[Blanco]

Just venting...I took the criticism from this thread from all the posters and listened to my own conscience and haven't contacted my ex...hurts badly he never contacted me either...or ever will. It's 3 hours before another date and I'm crying. Just now I've been on a dating app(bumble) talking with my matches...just small talk...but also venting about my ex to them..saying I'm not sure why I'm even here...and they're like "oh I understand, I just got out of a rship too, it's np" but I didn't just get out. It's technically been over a year. How will I ever get out of this heartache? It's killing me and he doesn't care. It's just so weird how people can just turn off all empathy like that...to someone they once said they loved. I dunno if I should even go on this date. To what end? Sit there with a strange man when all I want is my ex to text and say he's over the new girl...I have to get myself together and act all chipper and happy and not mention my ex when all I really wanna do is talk about exes with this guy. Maybe he has a heartbreak story too.

 

This post is like "I Have No Business Trying to Date" 101.

 

How old are you?

[Blanco]

OP, simply said, people who carry baggage that they refuse to unpack and deal with do not make good romantic partners. It's really as simple as that. You can date a thousand guys or you can even date your ex again, and nothing will ever be all that great, because you refuse to actually deal with your issues that are flaring up and wreaking havoc on your relationships.

 

Stop looking for men to be the salve that soothes your self-esteem and trust issues.

[Cookiesandough]

Horrible update. Probably...the most worthless I've felt in my life right now. I ended up standing up the guy I was supposed to go on a date with. 20 minutes before I canceled (more on that) and broke NC with my ex. I find out he has BLOCKED me so I freak out and call him from an unknown number.

 

He unblocked me to text:

Please stop. I don't wish to continue this. Ive started seeing someone. Im sorry

Blocking you again

 

I said please wait, I thought you said we could meet as friends?

 

He's like I'm serious you have to stop. For real. I'm blocking you now.

 

I said "how can you do that when I'm not even bothering you? Is it serious with her? You were talking about sleeping with me and how bad you wanted to be inside me"

 

He told me " I'd love to..but the baggage." Baggage???"You're unstable and inconsistent. I can't trust you anymore

 

At this juncture I'm thinking wtf...how is that okay with the girl he's seeing. So, feeling upset, I pushed some buttons.....I just wanted to see how far he'd take this... with no intention of ever doing it "I want you inside of me, xxxxx"

 

He said "Id really, really love to be inside you but what about afterwards? Same story."

 

 

So I said "hmmm I don't care about afterwards. I just want you again"(more bulls)

 

He says to me "How bad?"

 

"So bad. But with the girl yoir seeing... Is it serious?"

 

He says "I mean not yet"

 

Bs...they're bf gf ...

 

So hes like I don't know...he says things like "you want to **** my brains out? "

 

I got so pissed I sent him a horrible long text chain and told him what a scumbag he was. Maybe I was wrong but I didn't care how bad it seems. Maybe I'm wrong but I got the impression his feelings for me are gone and he's still entertaining the idea of turning me into a sex buddy while he's got a gf? I said I hope it works out for them and he said "me too".

 

I'm so heartbroken and sad. I don't know if I'll ever recover. I deleted him for good and blocked and unfriended...

 

I feel so devastated I can't describe. He picked her over me. He got exclusive with her way before me and he was telling me he wants me over for sex while he's with her?????

 

 

I was so upset by this I stood up the nicest guy ever who I canceled and told about everything and he listened and said if you ever wanna talk I'm here. But I told him I'm not gonna take advantage of him like that. I apologized and said I need to alone for a long, long time.

Edited March 10, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[ExpatInItaly]

We can't really help you, OP.

 

You need a professional.

[Cookiesandough]

We can't really help you, OP.

 

You need a professional.

 

You're saying what my ex did was ok???

 

Edit: and what kind of professional

Edited March 10, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[ExpatInItaly]

You're saying what my ex did was ok???

 

Edit: and what kind of professional

 

No, I'm sorry, but I don't see where he did much wrong. This is on you. He's not trying to line you up as FWB, either.

 

And a psychiatrist should be able to help you unpack why you treat other people like toys. It's not right.

 

Leave him alone. He is clearly not interested in you.

[Cookiesandough]

No, I'm sorry, but I don't see where he did much wrong. This is on you. He's not trying to line you up as FWB, either.

 

And a psychiatrist should be able to help you unpack why you treat other people like toys. It's not right.

 

Leave him alone. He is clearly not interested in you.

I have to leave him alone now lol I called him out for acting like a scumbag and rehashed everything I hated about him from the start. Lol

 

I don't treat anyone like a toy. He does.

 

He started it by saying he wants to meet to **** me when he has a gf....I said no I wanna get drinks and talk . He still telling me wants me to please sit ** his face and always turning the convo sexual. Maybe not fwb but sexting buddy? Still feel

Justified in what I said to him because it's still wrong when you have a gf

[Sweetfish]

Horrible update. Probably...the most worthless I've felt in my life right now. I ended up standing up the guy I was supposed to go on a date with. 20 minutes before I canceled (more on that) and broke NC with my ex. I find out he has BLOCKED me so I freak out and call him from an unknown number.

 

He unblocked me to text:

Please stop. I don't wish to continue this. Ive started seeing someone. Im sorry

Blocking you again

 

I said please wait, I thought you said we could meet as friends?

 

He's like I'm serious you have to stop. For real. I'm blocking you now.

 

I said "how can you do that when I'm not even bothering you? Is it serious with her? You were talking about sleeping with me and how bad you wanted to be inside me"

 

He told me " I'd love to..but the baggage." Baggage???"You're unstable and inconsistent. I can't trust you anymore

 

At this juncture I'm thinking wtf...how is that okay with the girl he's seeing. So, feeling upset, I pushed some buttons.....I just wanted to see how far he'd take this... with no intention of ever doing it "I want you inside of me, xxxxx"

 

He said "Id really, really love to be inside you but what about afterwards? Same story."

 

 

So I said "hmmm I don't care about afterwards. I just want you again"(more bulls)

 

He says to me "How bad?"

 

"So bad. But with the girl yoir seeing... Is it serious?"

 

He says "I mean not yet"

 

Bs...they're bf gf ...

 

So hes like I don't know...he says things like "you want to **** my brains out? "

 

I got so pissed I sent him a horrible long text chain and told him what a scumbag he was. Maybe I was wrong but I didn't care how bad it seems. Maybe I'm wrong but I got the impression his feelings for me are gone and he's still entertaining the idea of turning me into a sex buddy while he's got a gf? I said I hope it works out for them and he said "me too".

 

I'm so heartbroken and sad. I don't know if I'll ever recover. I deleted him for good and blocked and unfriended...

 

I feel so devastated I can't describe. He picked her over me. He got exclusive with her way before me and he was telling me he wants me over for sex while he's with her?????

 

 

I was so upset by this I stood up the nicest guy ever who I canceled and told about everything and he listened and said if you ever wanna talk I'm here. But I told him I'm not gonna take advantage of him like that. I apologized and said I need to alone for a long, long time.

 

You absolutely in the wrong.

 

Your showing high amounts of low self esteem.

You have no clear control of your emotions.

Erractic behavior.

Using sex as a tool or ploy

Mood swings.

No remorse for others around you.

The list goes on...

 

You need to speak to someone and get help.. getting into another relationship... you will destory it and bury your self with it.

 

We don't care about your ex...

 

We care about you.

 

Get help... on a real note... person to person... you need to seek professional help. Do you have insurance?

[Cookiesandough]

You absolutely in the wrong.

 

Your showing high amounts of low self esteem.

You have no clear control of your emotions.

Erractic behavior.

Using sex as a tool or ploy

Mood swings.

No remorse for others around you.

The list goes on...

 

You need to speak to someone and get help.. getting into another relationship... you will destory it and bury your self with it.

 

We don't care about your ex...

 

We care about you.

 

Get help... on a real note... person to person... you need to seek professional help. Do you have insurance?

 

I wasn't actually going to have sex with him again lol at best he just wanted to revenge sex me one last time... I'm not that stupid....i have no interest to sleep with him, I'd like him back as a Bf but he told me it's not happening...I just wanted to see how low he'd stoop and it was pretty low asking for pics of my privates. and until I went off on him he said he'd talk about it later....

The other guy I said sorry to

 

Me: sorry I can't..I just can't

>Why what happened ? "

Me: I'm so sorry. It's my ex I'm not over them

>Oh wow. Wished you would had said something sooner than 20 mins before we are suppose to meet . I'm already almost there. Can I ask why would you even make plans with me?

>So I'm down here . are you 100% sure you don't want to meet up ?

>So I get the reason you canceled on me but ignoring that's a whole other thing.

Me:I'm sorry it's just my heart is completely broken. Im

So sorry I didn't mean to rude or ignore or cancel. I really like you and I wanted to go out so bad but when it came time I just couldn't . My ex just broke my heart again and I just a mess. I hope you somewhat understand. I wanted to try but shouldn't have until I was ready. It's been over a year I shouldn't still be here.

>It's fine. Broken hearts suck. They say time heals all wounds but I also think you also have to be willing to put yourself out there. But I get it.

>That being said if sometime you do feel like you are ready you have my number .

Me: Thank you but I respect you way too much to do what I pulled tonight again...I don't know.

Me: Its all my fault and I feel like I'll never be ready

>I'm really sorry. I know it has to be really hard.

I know it probably sounds weird to hear that I would still want to possibly go out. I don't date much either because I am a very very selective person. And there is just something about you. Can't really explain it . Lol.

[ExpatInItaly]

I have to leave him alone now lol I called him out for acting like a scumbag and rehashed everything I hated about him from the start. Lol

 

I don't treat anyone like a toy. He does.

 

He started it by saying he wants to meet to **** me when he has a gf....I said no I wanna get drinks and talk . He still telling me wants me to please sit ** his face and always turning the convo sexual. Maybe not fwb but sexting buddy? Still feel

Justified in what I said to him because it's still wrong when you have a gf

 

That is plain untrue. Re-read this thread once you have had a couple of days to settle after this latest rant.

[Cookiesandough]

The only plus is suddenly men are swarming me like flies. Always happens. People love people who are disinterested in them. Human nature, I guess. The one man I want could care less. I'm thinking about sending these lovely texts to my ex's gf. Let's see if she thinks he did nothing wrong. Maybe!

Edited March 10, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[MidwestUSA]

The only plus is suddenly men are swarming me like flies. Always happens. People love people who are disinterested in them. Human nature, I guess. The one man I want could care less. I'm thinking about sending these lovely texts to my ex's gf. Let's see if she thinks he did nothing wrong. Maybe!

 

Just stop! You baited him. Stop!

 

You need help.

[Blanco]

"Unstable and inconsistent" about sums it up. OP, please take a hint. Your erratic behavior is obviously not limited to just this thread. Your ex's responses were sketchy but if all you're taking away from that exchange is that he was wrong, then we've got another example of how you seem unable to have any real self-awareness.

[Blanco]

The only plus is suddenly men are swarming me like flies. Always happens. People love people who are disinterested in them. Human nature, I guess. The one man I want could care less. I'm thinking about sending these lovely texts to my ex's gf. Let's see if she thinks he did nothing wrong. Maybe!

 

Go ahead. Continue trying to start trouble over a guy you binned twice. I guess anything is better than putting any of that energy toward figuring out why you conduct yourself in such a manner.

[ExpatInItaly]

The only plus is suddenly men are swarming me like flies. Always happens. People love people who are disinterested in them. Human nature, I guess. The one man I want could care less. I'm thinking about sending these lovely texts to my ex's gf. Let's see if she thinks he did nothing wrong. Maybe!

 

You're going to make yourself look like a crazy and desperate fool, OP. It won't yield the results you want.

 

Get over yourself.

[Blanco]

You're going to make yourself look like a crazy and desperate fool.

 

I think that ship has already sailed.

[Cookiesandough]

Yes but that doesn't help me when I'm heartbroken. I don't know what to do