My ex is seeing a new girl and im so upset lol [UPDATE: Should I contact my ex?]

[Bastile]

As you think, so shall you become.

 

When we set limits on themselves, the world tends to start agreeing – creating a loop of negative feedback. People have a way of projecting their limitations onto others, also. I think that's unavoidable. I'm sure I do it too sometimes.

 

It takes mental strength and resolve to rise above that.

 

I imagine there might be some that could want you to fail in order to say “I told you so”. It's a sad part of human nature. You would then be confirming other people's fears.

 

I would say that you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take.

 

Like I said, it's tentative and I have low expectations. It might not work. I hope it does, but all I can do is my best with the damage that's already been done. Be strong, patient, and not repeat my mistakes.

 

That's a great attitude.

[bluefeather]

:sigh: I really thought you had reached a point where you were able to get through this.

[Blanco]

As you think, so shall you become.

 

When we set limits on themselves, the world tends to start agreeing – creating a loop of negative feedback. People have a way of projecting their limitations onto others, also. I think that's unavoidable. I'm sure I do it too sometimes.

 

It takes mental strength and resolve to rise above that.

 

I imagine there might be some that could want you to fail in order to say “I told you so”. It's a sad part of human nature. You would then be confirming other people's fears.

 

I would say that you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take.

 

 

 

That's a great attitude.

 

I don't think that applies to the OP's situation. On the contrary, it's my hope that she can have a healthy romantic relationship that has prompted me to speak against her trying to pursue a man she has already dumped twice.

[divegrl]

Maybe the third times a charm?

 

[Cookiesandough]

Hi, in before the "I told you so".

 

 

He said it was not working. He wasn't into it anymore. Too much damage. He said he tried but Trust was gone and he didn't feel it with me anymore. told me there are just too many red flags. He said the" baggage is not worth it" (what does this mean?)

 

This was devastating to me but I saw it coming. I knew deep down that he may have been checked out a few days after we began dating again. He wasn't loving. Didn't call me baby. Compliments were gone. He barely looked at me. But I was happy because I thought maybe we could try. He kept making comments like maybe this isn't a great idea.

 

 

This hurts like hell. But I think I needed it..to learn..that behavior has consequences. That trust is hard to build, easy to destroy, and for most people, doesn't come back. Esp since we only dated like 8 mo initially. And almost half was casual.

 

This is where I need the help of loveshack Please.

You may think I'm crazy for asking this. But I don't know if my ex bf ever really liked me. He took forever to commit to me..never seemed like he liked to talk to me. We dated 8 mo total bit exclusive 4 before first breakup. It seemed like the longest time that he was trying to keep me out.

 

When we broke up I said really mean words to him about our whole relationship. I broke up with him 2 x. I told him I didn't even enjoy talking to him and that was the nicest thing I called him. It didn't bother him though (or so he said). He said that he knew the truth.

 

 

I'm just wondering if it was really my actions that caused him to lose love for me or I think he may have just wanted to sleep with me again and toss me aside. I feel shame about my body now. Like maybe he never really loved me ever. Though I loved him so much. Is it possible my actions could have really caused him to lose feelings? Because I see so many people here who are dumpee and still madly in love with their dumper...

 

 

Please help me. Thank you.

[NuevoYorko]

 

 

 

I'm just wondering if it was really my actions that caused him to lose love for me or I think he may have just wanted to sleep with me again and toss me aside. I feel shame about my body now. Like maybe he never really loved me ever. Though I loved him so much. Is it possible my actions could have really caused him to lose feelings? Because I see so many people here who are dumpee and still madly in love with their dumper...

 

 

Please help me. Thank you.

 

IMO you should really talk to a professional. Your entire sense of self and worth is tied up with whether a guy responds to you in exactly the way you want him to.

 

The answer to your question is: neither. He learned through his experiences with you that a toxic relationship like this has nothing to offer him.

 

He knew this after the 2nd (I think - hard to keep up) time you dumped him but evidently you are relentless and would not let it be, plus you're evidently attractive to him, so he weakened and gave it another chance. I imagine he knew he was being weak and ultimately manned up and did what was good for himself.

 

My advice to you is to share all of this with a counsellor and see if you can work on making sure you don't keep manufacturing this type of situation in your life.

 

In the meanwhile;

 

1) if you are dating someone you like, don't break up with him.

 

2) realize that a healthy man will NOT get back with a woman who dumped him and called him names for no good reason.

 

3) if you have to beg, cajole and harass a man to be with you, it's not going to end up well.

[Imajerk17]

Hi, in before the "I told you so".

 

 

He said it was not working. He wasn't into it anymore. Too much damage. He said he tried but Trust was gone and he didn't feel it with me anymore. told me there are just too many red flags. He said the" baggage is not worth it" (what does this mean?)

 

This was devastating to me but I saw it coming. I knew deep down that he may have been checked out a few days after we began dating again. He wasn't loving. Didn't call me baby. Compliments were gone. He barely looked at me. But I was happy because I thought maybe we could try. He kept making comments like maybe this isn't a great idea.

 

 

This hurts like hell. But I think I needed it..to learn..that behavior has consequences. That trust is hard to build, easy to destroy, and for most people, doesn't come back. Esp since we only dated like 8 mo initially. And almost half was casual.

 

This is where I need the help of loveshack Please.

You may think I'm crazy for asking this. But I don't know if my ex bf ever really liked me. He took forever to commit to me..never seemed like he liked to talk to me. We dated 8 mo total bit exclusive 4 before first breakup. It seemed like the longest time that he was trying to keep me out.

 

When we broke up I said really mean words to him about our whole relationship. I broke up with him 2 x. I told him I didn't even enjoy talking to him and that was the nicest thing I called him. It didn't bother him though (or so he said). He said that he knew the truth.

 

 

I'm just wondering if it was really my actions that caused him to lose love for me or I think he may have just wanted to sleep with me again and toss me aside. I feel shame about my body now. Like maybe he never really loved me ever. Though I loved him so much. Is it possible my actions could have really caused him to lose feelings? Because I see so many people here who are dumpee and still madly in love with their dumper...

 

 

Please help me. Thank you.

 

You realize that if your ex were the one who came on here to post about this, we would all be patting him on the back for ending it with you, telling him that he made the right decision to get ride of you. I'm not trying to be mean but that is the reality. You were toxic to him.

 

As for what was really happening in his head, who knows. Yes, people often long for their ex who didn't treat them well. But sometimes, when a couple reunites, one person realizes that his love is no longer there. When the couple was broken up that person may have been grieving the loss of his partner but now that they are back together, he realizes that he's not over the bad stuff his partner did to them after all and that his love for her is already gone. So it is quite possible you had already completely snuffed out whatever love he had for you, even if he didn't know it himself a few weeks ago.

 

To play armchair psychologist, I wonder if your doubt for your ex's feelings for you all along was part of the reason why you acted so badly to him during your relationship? That's not to justify anything on your part though, it was quite a unhealthy reaction on your part. Instead something to think about of so maybe you can be a better partner for someone else going forward. After some time away from dating that is. I really agree w the others that you do need to get help.

Edited May 31, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Bastile]

You realize that if your ex came on here to post, we would all be patting him on the back for ending it with you, telling him that he made the right decision to get ride of you.

 

Not so sure about that.

 

"I got back with my ex for a week before having sex and dumping her" doesn't tend to go down well.

 

Of course, one might play the victim. "I didn't know how I felt though. I was confused".

 

Everything depends on how you look at things. As the saying goes, "perception is deception". For example:

 

 

Hi, in before the "I told you so".

 

 

He said it was not working. He wasn't into it anymore. Too much damage. He said he tried but Trust was gone and he didn't feel it with me anymore. told me there are just too many red flags. He said the" baggage is not worth it" (what does this mean?)

 

This was devastating to me but I saw it coming. I knew deep down that he may have been checked out a few days after we began dating again. He wasn't loving. Didn't call me baby. Compliments were gone. He barely looked at me. But I was happy because I thought maybe we could try. He kept making comments like maybe this isn't a great idea.

 

 

This hurts like hell. But I think I needed it..to learn..that behavior has consequences. That trust is hard to build, easy to destroy, and for most people, doesn't come back. Esp since we only dated like 8 mo initially. And almost half was casual.

 

This is where I need the help of loveshack Please.

You may think I'm crazy for asking this. But I don't know if my ex bf ever really liked me. He took forever to commit to me..never seemed like he liked to talk to me. We dated 8 mo total bit exclusive 4 before first breakup. It seemed like the longest time that he was trying to keep me out.

 

When we broke up I said really mean words to him about our whole relationship. I broke up with him 2 x. I told him I didn't even enjoy talking to him and that was the nicest thing I called him. It didn't bother him though (or so he said). He said that he knew the truth.

 

 

I'm just wondering if it was really my actions that caused him to lose love for me or I think he may have just wanted to sleep with me again and toss me aside. I feel shame about my body now. Like maybe he never really loved me ever. Though I loved him so much. Is it possible my actions could have really caused him to lose feelings? Because I see so many people here who are dumpee and still madly in love with their dumper...

 

 

Please help me. Thank you.

 

 

There are two usual ways of breaking up with people (in my experience).

 

One is through anger, hurt pride, etc. And that is often not me actually breaking up with the person, but my hand had been forced. More like me getting broken up with despite doing the dumping, in a weird way.

 

The second is not an ego driven thing, and you just aren't feeling the relationship for whatever reason.

 

It's starting to sound like your situation here was the first. Whilst everyone gives the impression that you dumped him twice through the second example. That was my take.

 

Can you define that please, because it's confusing.

 

We have on the one hand, this perception being given of an indifferent woman being somewhat cold - pushing and pulling a man around.

 

Whilst on the other we have a woman in love with a man who sounds like he was carved from wood. Almost sounding like you were in a relationship with someone that was emotionally unavailable. Like you were always vying for his affections.

 

Completely different situations.

Edited May 31, 2017 by Bastile

[Cookiesandough]

IMO you should really talk to a professional. Your entire sense of self and worth is tied up with whether a guy responhow and i'd explain and he say he's "teasing" Before, (first time we dated) he was warm fuzzies, loved making out, touching, anything I said he agreed, always said he cared. This time was more like the second time. He criticized stuff I said/did, said no to everything I suggest, didn't really cuddle or even wanna kiss that much. I figure maybe the honeymoon was over. I thought about researching ways to make a man fall back in love but you can't? Bell rung. It was done.ds to you in exactly the way you want him to.

 

The answer to your question is: neither. He learned through his experiences with you that a toxic relationship like this has nothing to offer him.

 

He knew this after the 2nd (I think - hard to keep up) time you dumped him but evidently you are relentless and would not let it be, plus you're evidently attractive to him, so he weakened and gave it another chance. I imagine he knew he was being weak and ultimately manned up and did what was good for himself.

 

My advice to you is to share all of this with a counsellor and see if you can work on making sure you don't keep manufacturing this type of situation in your life.

 

In the meanwhile;

 

1) if you are dating someone you like, don't break up with him.

 

2) realize that a healthy man will NOT get back with a woman who dumped him and called him names for no good reason.

 

3) if you have to beg, cajole and harass a man to be with you, it's not going to end up well.

 

 

Thank you for reading and your insight. You are right, I think. I should have listened to you and everyone else from the beginning, but I was so stubborn. I thought I could beat the odds somehow.

 

I was relentless and he caved because I was persistent but he came to his senses with some thought of how it wasn't working for him. He kept saying he didn't think he can't get over it, but only when I asked. Otherwise he's just distant. He said the words I said were not what bothered him, but that I acted that way. He couldn't be with someone who acted that way.

 

He checked out. No romance really. He tried, but I really don't think he could help it. When I said/did something he would criticize it, everything. I told him he was being mean and he said he said

 

I cant say he "used" me to be intimate. I wanted it too, and he actually didn't seem even want that that much, even though I think that was the a huge component to why he returned, I think. Then he realized it feels empty to do that when you dislike the person emotionally (worse than a random hookup???). That's why it hurts. I didn't know he didn't like me and I just wore him down. Though the signs were there

 

 

Those 3 things are true...I never will again. He is gone. I've blocked and deleted him everywhere, pictures all gone. Nothing at his house but I book I want back but oh well. Gonna start looking for a new guy and this will fade out of memory. He was my first and pretty much only 'everything' so I don't know to what extent that's possible

[bluefeather]

I agree with NuevoYorko, who said it well enough. It'd be a waste of time to repeat it. I see that you agreed with the post, but you didn't comment on the recommendation regarding professional help.

 

Gonna start looking for a new guy...

 

That won't fix it.

Edited May 31, 2017 by bluefeather

[Cookiesandough]

@ Bastille and ImaJerk bluefeather

 

Thank you guys so much for you insight and reading my vent. You bring up good points. I was treated well in the relationship throughout but things he did made me insecure. Especially at the beginning before we were a couple. Well into 3 months we were dating he was still single on FB and added mysterious girls and liked their pics on FB which isn't a huge deal, I guess. We weren't a couple, but it made me doubt his interest in me. He was always emotionally distant too. He may have been emotionally unavailable! I don't know what exactly you mean by that, but he never really opened up about his problems/issues with me like a partnership. He talked about his feelings openly at times and of course I knew about his dad's health, but it was really reserved. He had depression sort of but he never really talked about it and shut me out. He was cold and sort of manipulative at times. I broke up with the first time because feelings were gone. The second time, it was for the behavior he pulled this time, so I was sort of forced. But to answer clia's question (Sorry for delay) I thought I could deal with it. And I was. 'TIL HE DUMPED ME

 

I don't think I'm borderline after reading a bit about it. I don't have many of the criteria. No Suicidal thoughts, empty feelings , pattern of unstable relationships, or impulsiveness, even. Seems a lot of people here diagnose their exes with borderline... or NPD. I think that's because clearly a person who disagrees with them to the point it forces a BU is the moody, unstable one with a mental disorder. Yeah, don't think so. I mean people lose interest/fall out of love and are not always nice about it, sadly(like my ex). "They're a narc, bpd, bipolar" gets thrown around here and it makes sense because people want reasons to malign someone who hurt them as having a very severe condition. No disrespect to anyone who has these symptoms, but people often display unstable moods in BU. People behave selfishly. They've gone to a "dark place".

Edited May 31, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

BTW. After he said it was over he came back and said "Maybe. I don't know" but "i don't know" clearly meant "NO" so I pulled the plug. I think he was just trying to be mean so I'd give up again, but when I didn't, he kept going back an forth. I'm actually grateful its over and ready to get out there and meet someone new. All I'm sad even trying and thinking he changed too and wanted to work through it. Feeling kinda duped, but I'm not sure it was deliberate. Regardless, I don't need that in my life.

Edited May 31, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[bluefeather]

I'm not sure why you brought up BPD or NPD. I haven't seen anyone here bring those up to you, but maybe I didn't read everything. I just think you would benefit from someone to coach you personally. You seem to repeat certain thought patterns, and acknowledge people's input, but continue the patterns. You can even give fair advice, in my opinion, to other posters on here, but when it comes to your own issues, you don't follow the kinds of advice you give. I guess it's a normal event among many, probably myself included, but it's just another observation, which was the reason I said what I said two posts ago when I thought you had gotten over this. I hope you find what you're looking for, Cookies, but I really don't think it's going to happen as long as you keep picking at this wound.

[Blanco]

Why are you so afraid to be alone?

[Imajerk17]

I do agree OP that the "get therapy" advice is peddled around here like candy on Halloween, maybe a bit too often.

 

I suggested that for you because it often seems (this and other threads) that you don't seem to take responsibility for your expectations, decisions, and actions. It's like your right hand is unaware of what your left hand is up to. And you have been called out on that here before! Even if not in so many words.

 

Examples on here include: Trying to date when it was you *clearly* weren't ready, complaining that OLD doesn't work while you were blocking the guys you were interested in, and of course this whole thing with your ex where you were breaking up with him--twice!--instead of dealing w your insecurities in a more constructive fashion.

 

Anyway this post was harsh. You DO seem intelligent and you often give thoughtful advice. You also seem to take criticism on here pretty well….All great things.

Edited June 1, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Sweetfish]

@ Bastille and ImaJerk bluefeather

 

Thank you guys so much for you insight and reading my vent. You bring up good points. I was treated well in the relationship throughout but things he did made me insecure. Especially at the beginning before we were a couple. Well into 3 months we were dating he was still single on FB and added mysterious girls and liked their pics on FB which isn't a huge deal, I guess. We weren't a couple, but it made me doubt his interest in me. He was always emotionally distant too. He may have been emotionally unavailable! I don't know what exactly you mean by that, but he never really opened up about his problems/issues with me like a partnership. He talked about his feelings openly at times and of course I knew about his dad's health, but it was really reserved. He had depression sort of but he never really talked about it and shut me out. He was cold and sort of manipulative at times. I broke up with the first time because feelings were gone. The second time, it was for the behavior he pulled this time, so I was sort of forced. But to answer clia's question (Sorry for delay) I thought I could deal with it. And I was. 'TIL HE DUMPED ME

 

I don't think I'm borderline after reading a bit about it. I don't have many of the criteria. No Suicidal thoughts, empty feelings , pattern of unstable relationships, or impulsiveness, even. Seems a lot of people here diagnose their exes with borderline... or NPD. I think that's because clearly a person who disagrees with them to the point it forces a BU is the moody, unstable one with a mental disorder. Yeah, don't think so. I mean people lose interest/fall out of love and are not always nice about it, sadly(like my ex). "They're a narc, bpd, bipolar" gets thrown around here and it makes sense because people want reasons to malign someone who hurt them as having a very severe condition. No disrespect to anyone who has these symptoms, but people often display unstable moods in BU. People behave selfishly. They've gone to a "dark place".

 

 

Systematically, everyone has been right about how this was gonna go down. Including me and you STILL on a elevation of hope trying to blame him for the downfall as if he did not fully care for you. But my "told you so" will come when you finally go to therapy as the antics you displayed is/was NOT NORMAL even for a married individual who has just divorced at your age.

 

NPD, HPD, BPD, and avoidance and anxiety are very complex personality issues and its amazing how you can just "read some" info and gave your self a clean bill of health.

 

Again if a male displayed THE SAME BEHAVIOR you did he would be written off as having problems in a heart beat and the buffer is only because your a FEMALE. That is the buffer.. (your free pass)

 

Now your resolve is to find the next guy... You are so self assure you refuse to work on you.

 

I wasn't actually going to have sex with him again lol at best he just wanted to revenge sex me one last time... I'm not that stupid....i have no interest to sleep with him, I'd like him back as a Bf but he told me it's not happening...I just wanted to see how low he'd stoop and it was pretty low asking for pics of my privates. and until I went off on him he said he'd talk about it later....

The other guy I said sorry to

 

>So I get the reason you canceled on me but ignoring that's a whole other thing.

Me:I'm sorry it's just my heart is completely broken. Im

So sorry I didn't mean to rude or ignore or cancel. I really like you and I wanted to go out so bad but when it came time I just couldn't . My ex just broke my heart again and I just a mess. I hope you somewhat understand. I wanted to try but shouldn't have until I was ready. It's been over a year I shouldn't still be here.

>It's fine. Broken hearts suck. They say time heals all wounds but I also think you also have to be willing to put yourself out there. But I get it.

 

I did something horrible on social media ytstrday when I was feeling very sad and unstable. I don't wanna look. I don't wanna even talk about it. Anonymous tips. Through report picture. To some girls. Talking about things my ex told me. One who might be his gf. I do not know.....I don't wanna know. I wanna crawl in a hole and die now.

 

Zahara I am trying!!! I have taken a lot of the advice but I can't stop because when I do I go to a dark, sad place. The only thing that makes me feel better is *doing* something just as Lana said. It's a form of self harm I think... I am going to be scheduling an appointment but it takes month at least where I'm at to get in.

 

look how shifty and manipulative you have been. Own it!

 

Even you self advised for your own consulting and now you retracted it...

[Cookiesandough]

Why are you so afraid to be alone?

 

 

blanco I am not sure I am...I've been alone most of my life...I am just so over this. Exhausted and finally ready to lay it to rest...

 

I think Bastille was being optimistic because sometimes it does work. But after some reflection, I think it's what I needed to be fully over him. To realize he is fully over me and it cannot be fixed. So it's good I took this route because while I'm sad I'm ready to move forward, not wonder 'but what if?'

 

@imajerk TYSM I enjoy your advice as well. It doesn't seem like your username all that fitting.

[Cookiesandough]

Systematically, everyone has been right about how this was gonna go down. Including me and you STILL on a elevation of hope trying to blame him for the downfall as if he did not fully care for you. But my "told you so" will come when you finally go to therapy as the antics you displayed is/was NOT NORMAL even for a married individual who has just divorced at your age.

 

NPD, HPD, BPD, and avoidance and anxiety are very complex personality issues and its amazing how you can just "read some" info and gave your self a clean bill of health.

 

Again if a male displayed THE SAME BEHAVIOR you did he would be written off as having problems in a heart beat and the buffer is only because your a FEMALE. That is the buffer.. (your free pass)

 

Now your resolve is to find the next guy... You are so self assure you refuse to work on you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

look how shifty and manipulative you have been. Own it!

 

Even you self advised for your own consulting and now you retracted it...

 

yEA, I don't think I've been given a "free pass" at all. People have always been pretty blunt to me here. Moderator's deleted a lot because they though it was little too blunt. That was not my doing. I welcome all advice

 

 

.

I don't understand what you mean by manipulative, specifically highlighting it with the quotes? I hope you're not insinuating by "crawl in a hole and die [of humiliation from my actions]" I meant suicide??? Sad is what I meant by "dark place". And yes because he asked me for dirty pics at a point...It was heartbreaking... "I need to do something" is find a solution, at all costs, and as fast as possible, no matter the consequences, which is what a lot of people do when they are desperately hurting. It's a form of coping, but not a refined or healthy one.

 

I don't think I was shifty so much as I was gathering information and decided against seeing a dr. I went to a website about 'BPD', took quizzes, researched, and came to the conclusion I don't have 'BPD'. I get internet psychs on loveshack think they know best, but I am not insane. I think people can be healthy but a bad mix for each other. Not everyone splits or divorces because one had a mental disorder. There's usually a lot of mistakes on both sides and it gets all toxic and muddled so know one knows where it went wrong exactly. Most likely they just were not a good a match for each other and when they find someone they do match with, attachment styles, communication style, etc. etc. they'd be great.

 

But like @imajerk said I have a lot of work to do on myself. It's something I think I can do alone. I've already improved through the course of the thread. My ex actually wanted out this time, and I understood and we are now going separate ways. I never want to see him again, but hope he has a good life. Thanks.

Edited June 1, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[bluefeather]

I went to a website about 'BPD', took quizzes, researched, and came to the conclusion I don't have 'BPD'.

 

Again, sup with that? Out of nowhere, you keep saying I DON'T HAVE BPD, FOR REAL, I TOOK A QUIZ. You know there are a lot of mental and emotional issues out there besides that one and narcissism. Taking counseling doesn't mean you're a psycho, so do try to ease that sensitive ego. The ironic thing here is that you once accused a group of people (those who use online-dating, men, specifically) of "social awkwardness," when this entire thread you made screams it. Now you are trying to put off this air of nonchalance like, "Hey, the problem wasn't me. I mean, maybe some of it, but sometimes things just don't work out."

 

You're trying to rug-sweep your issues, and that is most likely the baggage your ex was referring to. And people point them out to you over and over here but you get covertly defensive by saying things like, "Yeeah, I don't think so." I think that is why outside help is being suggested so much - so you can have a professional tell you this to your face.

[Timshel]

I just found this out today through the grapevine. I am the dumper. We were together a year and ended this time last year. He still wanted to try with me. We reconciled for briefly (a couple weeks) late November of last year for a "trial" thing, but I messed it up again. He seemed really broken up about that, but now he has new girl??? I mean, that's what, not even 4 months. I somewhat wanted this to happen. Apparently, it have just started to get "serious" in that they are exclusive. I want to reach out to him SO bad. I have a feeling this is my last change to even have a chance. I'm scared he's going to say "sorry, I'm with someone new." What am I saying. He will certainly say that. And he should. He is no longer mine and hasn't been for awhile. Jesus, what is wrong with me? I'm having a breakdown

 

Cookie, think about this post. You already knew, out of the gate that this is internal as opposed to external. For the most part, the rest of this thread is yourself caving to external validation, which always fails.

 

The reason for you seek therapy is to pinpoint, address and limit any dysfunctional perception/biology that is causing unnecessary strife/difficulty in your day to day productivity and relationships.

 

It does help to have face to face conversation and guidance from a professional....

 

Therapists have therapists. If you are able financially, it wouldn't do any harm.

[Sweetfish]

yEA, I don't think I've been given a "free pass" at all. People have always been pretty blunt to me here. Moderator's deleted a lot because they though it was little too blunt. That was not my doing. I welcome all advice

 

 

.

I don't understand what you mean by manipulative, specifically highlighting it with the quotes? I hope you're not insinuating by "crawl in a hole and die [of humiliation from my actions]" I meant suicide??? Sad is what I meant by "dark place". And yes because he asked me for dirty pics at a point...It was heartbreaking... "I need to do something" is find a solution, at all costs, and as fast as possible, no matter the consequences, which is what a lot of people do when they are desperately hurting. It's a form of coping, but not a refined or healthy one.

 

I don't think I was shifty so much as I was gathering information and decided against seeing a dr. I went to a website about 'BPD', took quizzes, researched, and came to the conclusion I don't have 'BPD'. I get internet psychs on loveshack think they know best, but I am not insane. I think people can be healthy but a bad mix for each other. Not everyone splits or divorces because one had a mental disorder. There's usually a lot of mistakes on both sides and it gets all toxic and muddled so know one knows where it went wrong exactly. Most likely they just were not a good a match for each other and when they find someone they do match with, attachment styles, communication style, etc. etc. they'd be great.

 

But like @imajerk said I have a lot of work to do on myself. It's something I think I can do alone. I've already improved through the course of the thread. My ex actually wanted out this time, and I understood and we are now going separate ways. I never want to see him again, but hope he has a good life. Thanks.

 

 

No one said you are insane.

 

In almost everything you write you see your self as grand. You have torched your relationship twice with absolute no regards to his feelings and the people around you. You are in a sense creater and destorier. The way you view people seem to resemble that of chess pieces and when it doesnt go YOUR way you can only see it your way. If one views them self as grand.. how can one take a test if they them self cannot see how they do not value others or do wrong. How can one take a "Test" if the actions you display only happen under distress or pressure in deep relationships. That is what high function means.

 

I cringed when you said most dumpees here are in love with the dumper on LS... so it should be cake for you right? What a slap in the face of the dumpees here suffering a lost love. You just seem unable to feel what others truly feel and that will be your demise.

 

You still cannot empathize with your ex.. you cannot place your self in the hurt he may have pained. You pushed him away and said horrible things... how can you recon with someone and smile if you can not feel what you have done... he will feel empty.

 

The next relationship... deep relationship..

 

I promise you... it will happen again.. all that is needed is a trigger..