My ex is seeing a new girl and im so upset lol [UPDATE: Should I contact my ex?]

[chix]

Not sure if I can help to explain this, but maybe! I hate text messages. I don't have long conversations over text messages. I don't discuss anything important over text messages. I'm never enthusiastic about text messages. I send the odd news story. I send the odd silly or flirty message. I send the odd picture.

 

I can imagine myself having that exact comversation in the original post, and me being the one to stop replying.

 

I don't really think text messaging works as a back and forth method of communication. It has been the downfall of many a friendship and relationship. Suggest a phonecall, and see how communicative the person is over the phone. Assuming a phonecall goes well, make that the default way to chat when you aren't together.

 

Communication is a key part of assessing compatibility. I would never be a good match with someone who says very little, because I'm a chatty, lively person, and don't like when I am the person carrying the conversation all the time. It wouldn't be that such a person has done anything wrong or is bad etc; just that we're not compatible.

 

Best of luck, and enjoy the Springtime.

[elaine567]

This, I presume is the guy you dumped twice leaving him heart broken.

You just found out he is happy with his new gf, so you decide to text him out of the blue and are now a bit peeved he is not rolling out the red carpet for you...

[coolheadal]

Wasting too much time and effort with friends on Facebook who are not clearly on your same level. So you can say block them or remove them as a friend. No one should tolerate cold text from anyone. Again you can't change them into so there text is more hot for your liking. Doesn't work that way. Text is so impersonal anyway. Say what you must, get it over with and don't really care what you send or said to the person. That's what happen here in this case.

[keiji]

I don't know if this is an older thread meshed with another one, but in any event, I didn't know the background of this story when the OP asked about exes moving on once they've met someone else.

 

Anyway, I agree with other members who consider this a very immature and selfish behavior. You dump the guy twice, he rebuilds his life with someone else and now you want your trophy back. That's an ego bruise, nothing more. You don't love him. However, you're ready to disrupt his life in order to satisfy your whim. If he ever gets back, you'll kick him out once again. The most sensible thing you could do is leave him and his new girl alone. This all sounds very, very childish.

[bluefeather]

Honestly he's prolly going to wanna reconnect with you and you bailing on him is going to hurt a tremendous ammount and doubt he'd wanna just be friends. So unless your really considering retrying with him I wouldent do it. My ex pretty much pulled the similiar story and her bailing just hurt the **** outta me. If he actually loved you it prolly has not gone away. Trust me

 

Pumpingiron, I was hoping that you would read this thread, because I thought it was something you would have been familiar with, in regards to your previous relationship.

 

 

 

I emailed my ex tonight(weird, but he had a chance of not getting it vs a text or FB message) I basically said hello and that I'd been thinking of him and would like to get back in touch but completely understand if he doesn't want to.

 

He answered very shortly after and we've spent evening talking through text. Not a great amount, but way more than we have in the last few months. I don't get it though. He's distant, in that his messages are quite short. Cautious? He may just be at work. Could it be because he had a gf? Or just doesn't want to talk to me:) Though we did kind of flirt. Maybe I heard wrong? I'm still going to continue to talk/be his friend but give him space. Whatever happens, happens.

 

He kind of ended our convo but I hope it picks up again. Should I send him a pic of me all dolled up when I go out this weekend? That wouldn't hurt, right?

 

 

Whatdeww, good question. I don't know what flipped in me. Maybe I was suppressing it all along. I just want him in my life. Even as friends. he's notinterested in anything more anymore and most likely seeing someone seriously

 

^^^This is straight up breadcrumbs. Any time anyone on this forum asks, "What are breadcrumbs?" This is it, right here. You have given the perfect example of not only breadcrumbs, but the mindset of the person who leaves them. Everyone who has suffered heartbreak and then been teased by having their heart prodded at afterwards by the dumper with little messages that won't lead anywhere except more heartbreak --- This message is for you. Read Cookiesandough's quote over and over. This is what the side of the breakup is like for the breadcrumb giver. They have no idea or regard for the amount of damage they have potential to cause. They only care about getting that fix of contact... getting that fix of attention.

I just want him in my life.

 

 

 

Notice how she did not call him and say anything related to the words, "I want to get back." Breadcrumbs are always petty messages like, "hi," "I'm sorry," "I miss you," etc., and they are usually in the form of text, because they don't want to risk damaging their ego by rejection in person, or even over the phone (i.e. you are not worth the risk).

 

Remember it for your own healing and your own protection. The other person is in a relationship, and he is now chatting with his ex again. Think about how much HE screwed up now, by eating up the breadcrumbs and replying. Do you think the other girl would appreciate this communication?

 

I mean you text them

 

"I love your new facebook pic! Where is that?!"

"Brown county. It was a fun trip"

 

"How have you been?"

"Just working a lot and enjoying the weather"

 

 

 

Not interested? Technically it's your turn to say something but there's nothing to add? No question?

 

How do you handle these cases?

 

 

I repeat, Breadcrumbs.

[Cookiesandough]

Don't send him a pic of you please

You'll look desperate and he might just want something sexual

 

Remember that you put yourself in this position so your best bet is to keep things casual and let him make the move !

 

You already opened a can of worms by contacting him and he replied which could be a good sign but he's seeing someone so just wait and see what happens and don't push anything

 

OP, you are going to learn the hard way not to be so selfish and inconsiderate.

 

It's time for you to grow up, and stop using this guy to feed your ego. Because if you didn't realize you loved him until he started dating someone else, then I'm sorry but you have a very immature view of love.

 

Don't be that girl. Stop this now. And don't make a complete fool of yourself by sending him pictures. You will make yourself look desperate and he and his friends (and likely even his girlfriend) will probably have a good laugh at you.

 

I have a feeling you won't listen, but you need to knock it off.

 

 

I will listen. You are right. It was morally wrong and foolish what I did. I feel guilty Very immature and impulsive. The pic was to help my ego, it did ding my ego he moved on. He is love with someone else and she can make him

Happier than I ever could. I am a disruptor. I'm just a gnat he can't get rid of. But he really did make me feel i'd lose him forever ( like as a friend, ever talk order again) when I found out he had a gf. But that's just something I need to accept. He doesn't want to be friends and I knew that! I have some pics of a hiking trip I went on awhile back I won't message him when I go out this weekend.

 

 

Now I don't know what to do. I dropped the convo yesterday. I don't know if he will ever contact me again probably not since he seemed reluctant to

Talk to me yesterday, but if he does, how do I handle it pls? He has a gf

[Pumpingiron34]

Pumpingiron, I was hoping that you would read this thread, because I thought it was something you would have been familiar with, in regards to your previous relationship.

 

.[/b]

 

Oh, i read them all at some point lol. This to me sounds exactly like my ex. The first bread crumb i recieved was at like 7 months nc, it was just hi, so i responded with hi and it ended there. Then a month later was like 19 phone calls this time i decided not to answer. Than she showed up at my door. Ok i thought ballsy move, then she just vanished again after saying will be together someday shes "just living her life right now" while dating another guy. I took the bait as an attempt to reconcile or it reinstalled hope in me. What i learned from the situation is HOPE DESTROYS YOU. That 7-8 months it took to conquer that hope just like vanishedd. I restarted my NC count now im at a month and a couple days. Please for the love of god do not give him hope if you wanna be friends, for me. THIS **** HURTS its no joke and can seriously send him in a downward spiral of depression and non the less destroy his rl with this new girl who hes prolly just so happy he found some one that dont treat him like ****. I WISH I WISH i did not talk to her that day she came to my door. It did nothing but delay my healing and make me despise her more.

[stillafool]

Stop worrying about how to handle a conversation that may never happen and go out and find a bf you actually want to be with. Life is short. He has moved on and so should you.

[basil67]

Cookies, I really don't think you have to worry about him contacting you again. It's time to move on.

[Purepony]

First things first

You need to recover from this madness... take a few months to yourself so you can feel better again and start to heal.

Even if you met the right guy it wouldn't do anything for you but make you sad or miss your ex

 

Take time and recover when you are confortable being yourself again your be able to figure out what it is you really are looking for

[dumbass2]

I will listen. You are right. It was morally wrong and foolish what I did. I feel guilty Very immature and impulsive. The pic was to help my ego, it did ding my ego he moved on. He is love with someone else and she can make him

Happier than I ever could. I am a disruptor. I'm just a gnat he can't get rid of. But he really did make me feel i'd lose him forever ( like as a friend, ever talk order again) when I found out he had a gf. But that's just something I need to accept. He doesn't want to be friends and I knew that! I have some pics of a hiking trip I went on awhile back I won't message him when I go out this weekend.

 

 

Now I don't know what to do. I dropped the convo yesterday. I don't know if he will ever contact me again probably not since he seemed reluctant to

Talk to me yesterday, but if he does, how do I handle it pls? He has a gf

 

You tell him that you're sorry and it was immature and selfish of you to contact him and that you two should no longer be in contact and then you move on with some dignity. Don't count on him contacting you though and absolutely you do not contact him and don't stalk the social media sites. You really have to push forward on this now.

[DarrenB]

There is literally nothing you can do to repair what has been broken.

 

The more you fantasize, romanticize and attempt to get him back, the more it will provoke the entire situation and it will jeopardize a variety of different things in both of your lives. Do you really want that? for him? for yourself?

 

I've been through it. You make a mistake, you want to prove and acknowledge the wrongness that has taken place and assure them that there is difference and in doing so, become persuasive and highly determined to get them back. But, what you need to think about is how this feels from their perspective. You're essentially fighting a lost cause, a losing battle; the inevitable.

 

I'm sorry to say this to you, but he is living a better life... and as much as you want to refuse that to be the truth, it most likely is. I'm sure he wants the same for you, but you're obviously not going to make the progress he's been making by making all these scenarios in order to win him back. Because let's face it, he probably doesn't want it anymore.

 

I'm not reprimanding you, nor am I ridiculing you in any way but I stand by the quote 'Some things are better left alone' and in this case that applies. Please don't make any more drastic actions, and just let him progress without you. The moment you let go completely, that's when you'll be able to do the same. I've maintained NC with my own ex for almost 5 months now, and I'm sure she's moved on with her life for the better, and as have I. Although it's been the most difficult situation for myself, you need to realize that some things cannot be changed, and attempting to force a change will have repercussions.

[lana-banana]

If you had any actual desire to be with this guy, you wouldn't have broken up with him twice. The only reason you're doing this now is because you're desperate to believe you still have some power over him. You are feeling rejected because you are accustomed to thinking his life revolves around you. Now that you know it doesn't, you feel uncertain and afraid. This entire thing is about assuaging your emotions, not his.

 

I would not be worried about his contacting you in the future. His responses sounded like someone disinterested and trying to keep their distance. And if he has a single decent bone in his body he showed your messages to his current girlfriend, who probably pities you more than anything as That Girl Who Can't Let Go. Does that make you feel bad? It should. Remember that feeling every time you have an urge to contact him. Leave him alone.

[SoThatHappened]

If you had any actual desire to be with this guy, you wouldn't have broken up with him twice. The only reason you're doing this now is because you're desperate to believe you still have some power over him. You are feeling rejected because you are accustomed to thinking his life revolves around you. Now that you know it doesn't, you feel uncertain and afraid. This entire thing is about assuaging your emotions, not his.

A thousand times, this ^^

[jorgeg3d]

Theres really no chance of reconciling once they move on with someone new, right? I don't mean rebound. I mean enough time has passed and they found someone new and seem happy.

 

 

I don't think so at all. It depends on the person. But I've been dating for months now after my ex broke up with me, if she came back into my life right now I'd definitely consider her options, if she truly wanted to try to work something out.

 

Just don't do it out of jealousy, do it because you genuinely want to try to work something out. That means both parties put forth the effort. You already have history of trying, so it may be the same as the last time where it fizzled off for you.

[Sweetfish]

Cookie, don't feel stupid or embarrassed about what transpired. Feel free to post how you feel and let out any emotions you feel here on the forum. What your feeling now is TRUE LOSS of someone. This is the grieving cycle of the dumper and LS is not dumpers paradise. So take some of the harash comments with a grain of salt.. see it more as "tough love"

 

You get a lot of respect from my perspective, as not many dumpers will not reach out for help. Just like many dumpees here...the dumper needs to sit back and self reflect. No ones perfect.

 

Many of these failed relationships are actually true blessing because they open up doors about our personality that may have been under lock and key.

 

You now are the "dumpee" in a sense.

 

Your pinng for something deseperately that will not work (not in the time frame at lease).

This is what dumpee's do. Cookie you took the steps to come to a forum and learn and even till this day your learning more about your self and I can respected that.

 

You F'ed up. But your learning from it and thats all that matters. You never know what will happen with the new gf. Don't worry about that.. this is not the time to slump back... its time to move forward. I assumed you have learned a lot of things here that you can take into the future....what you learned so far is not enough... keep learning and keep reading and interacting.

 

Pain can be one of the best teachings... so absorb as much as you can NOW... because when humans are happy... self reflection tapers down.

[honestyisalwaysbest]

It's normal if they date other women when you are broken up. If you are not with them, they generally move on to someone else. It's probably a shock and reality check more than anything but after a break up, it is part of closure and moving on. If you guys broke up one year ago, I hate to tell you but there have probably been a few more women before finding one to be exclusive with. It's not his fault either, if he did the right thing and let you go then he's innocent and should just be wished well in his new relationship and time and focusing on you will enable you to put this behind you. You don't have to like it, it doesn't have to be easy but it is happening if you like it or not.

[Cookiesandough]

Can anyone offer any advice pls. I broke up with my ex early last year after 8mo together, got together late last fall, now I'm talking to him again. I'm really freaking because I want to see him again but he's seeing a girl but I don't know how serious it is. I feel like the OW or something at the moment, and like he will drop me at any time and say I need to stop contacting him. I found out he would be willing to meet up again but I feel like I'm getting myself into deep **** if he's serious about this other girl. Also I don't think he will be the one to ask me...but he might agree. I freaked out and told him I needed space and I'll be away for the next week but I'll text him when I get back and now I feel I squandered the little chance I had. How can I go nc for 12 days. I'm really struggling. I feel I lost my moral compass and know not what to do as I've never been in situation before.

[dumbass2]

Look back over all the advice that has been given to you. You'll get that same advice again, but you refuse to listen and give the advice a good shot to work. You are really beginning too obsess over this and that's not good. Getting back with someone never works when it's still too emotional and someone else has come into the picture as in your case. Leave him alone.

[dumbass2]

I don't think so at all. It depends on the person. But I've been dating for months now after my ex broke up with me, if she came back into my life right now I'd definitely consider her options, if she truly wanted to try to work something out.

 

Just don't do it out of jealousy, do it because you genuinely want to try to work something out. That means both parties put forth the effort. You already have history of trying, so it may be the same as the last time where it fizzled off for you.

 

She has already said that she is doing this because he started seeing someone, so yeah, it's jealously. I'm not doubting she still has feelings for him, but she is doing it for all the wrong reasons right now. I have a feeling that if her ex left his new girl for her, that she would end up leaving him again. It seems that this might only be because he might be moving on and she hasn't yet.

[Jimmyjackson]

Can anyone offer any advice pls. I broke up with my ex early last year after 8mo together, got together late last fall, now I'm talking to him again. I'm really freaking because I want to see him again but he's seeing a girl but I don't know how serious it is. I feel like the OW or something at the moment, and like he will drop me at any time and say I need to stop contacting him. I found out he would be willing to meet up again but I feel like I'm getting myself into deep **** if he's serious about this other girl. Also I don't think he will be the one to ask me...but he might agree. I freaked out and told him I needed space and I'll be away for the next week but I'll text him when I get back and now I feel I squandered the little chance I had. How can I go nc for 12 days. I'm really struggling. I feel I lost my moral compass and know not what to do as I've never been in situation before.

 

Haven't you already received loads of advice regarding this above this post?

[Cookiesandough]

Look back over all the advice that has been given to you. You'll get that same advice again, but you refuse to listen and give the advice a good shot to work. You are really beginning too obsess over this and that's not good. Getting back with someone never works when it's still too emotional and someone else has come into the picture as in your case. Leave him alone.

 

But this could be my last shot to get him back. It could already be gone. Are you saying I should not ask him to meet with me again?

[Cookiesandough]

Haven't you already received loads of advice regarding this above this post?

 

 

 

Yes, you're right. I'm sorry. Someone said they would want their ex to come back. I'm just wondering if it would be a horrible idea to ask him to meet me again or even contact him again like I said I would. He may be more serious about the girl then...that I just conjecture. He has not put her on FB but he doesn't update often. I get the feeling he's over it based on our convo and how he is cold and hasn't initiated...intuition. Yeah, sorry.

[DarrenB]

But this could be my last shot to get him back. It could already be gone. Are you saying I should not ask him to meet with me again?

 

What last shot? he has someone else!

 

What in him moving on and finding someone new indicates that he wants to reconcile?

 

I'm sorry, but you need to accept that you've had your chance/s and you had failed to act on them.

 

I understand it's a tough scenario, but you need to stop making all these drastic actions/reactions.

[Cookiesandough]

What last shot? he has someone else!

 

What in him moving on and finding someone new indicates that he wants to reconcile?

 

I'm sorry, but you need to accept that you've had your chance/s and you had failed to act on them.

 

I understand it's a tough scenario, but you need to stop making all these drastic actions/reactions.

 

Sorry, so I just stop. What gave me hope was he has not mentioned his new gf once and we talked for hours and I asked if he'd be willing to meet again and catch up and he said "I'd be willing" I never suggested a time or place and neither did he. I said I would get back to him soon because I was leaving for awhile (I freaked out) So I just never speak to him again? Gosh this is hard.