Pancake Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 So here is a super weird and dramatic story: A month ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. He's struggling with chronic depression and we have been in a long distance relationship for almost 1 1/2 years. We had been struggling for years but he's a great guy and I still love him. However, it's clear to me now that I can't rely on him. I could always rely on my best friend though. We have been good friends for 10 years and best friends for 3 years. He is always moving around so I barely get to see him. The night my boyfriend and I broke up we had been texting and he promised me to call me within 30 mins. But he didn't so an hour later I called him out and asked why he still hasn't called. He told me he was waiting on the bus and it would only take him another half an hour. But then he never called. He knew that my bf and me were breaking up and he didn't call. An hour and a half later he sent me a text saying that he met some friends on the bus and that he went out for a beer with them and he would call me the next morning. I was disappointed and told him so and he blew up in my face, telling me that he never goes out and if he wants to he can go out and that I'm not his wife. And I told him that he can do whatever he wants but that he shouldn't promise to call me when he doesn't intend to keep his promises. He wouldn't understand though, telling me I was overreacting and then told me that I was a "pain in the ****ing ass" and that he "can't be bothered". What a prick, amirite? Just to clear up, we talk maybe 2 or 3 times a week, we both aren't clingy. I thought that he had overreacted because he had drunk and he is a light weight but he never apologized. In fact, he never texted me again. Instead, he blocked me on ALL social media. Again I wanna clear up that we aren't teenagers anymore, we're both 24 and are going to Uni. Two weeks later he unblocked me from WhatsApp and I've been texting him, telling him that I miss him and that I'm sorry (I am not exactly sure what I have done wrong, but I must have done something wrong). He is not replying. It's been a month now. I am struggling so much right now having "lost" my two closest people. I literally feel like I have lost myself. I am either the most awful person or I am super awful at choosing my loved ones. I don't know what to do. I am lost. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 My thought is that he wanted to be more than friends with you and wasn't about to sit still while you cried on his shoulder over your breakup and felt you were very insensitive to want to do that. Men don't usually hang around if they don't want to have sex with you. He may have never had the nerve to make a move, which is on him, and lied and pretended to just be friends, because a lot of guys afraid of rejection do that. It definitely sounds like he has a lot of resentment and that this was the breaking point. It's also possible you abandoned him while you were in this other relationship and weren't a good friend and now he's mad because you want to use him to cry on his shoulder after you weren't there for him. Anyway, sounds like he's done. Sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Problem is, when a R ends you can't be 'best friends' with your ex or have expectations that things are going to be the same. You two broke up and he's not wanting you in his life anymore. Like it or not you have to respect that and find another friend, aka a female friend, to rely on and to help you through your pain. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 It is difficult to determine what exactly went wrong in your long term friendship based on a few paragraphs. I suspect that your friend had some resentment brewing just below the surface for quite awhile and this confrontation opened up the floodgates on his simmering anger. You say your long distance relationship was a struggle for years yet it was only a 1 1/2 yr relationship so I'm guessing that means it was a problem relationship right from the start. When you talked to your best friend did you make it a habit to complain about the relationship with your bf? That can become really trying on any friendship, especially if it's a relationship that's never been good anyways. Nothing is more annoying than listening to someone go on and on about how unhappy they are in a situation, but continues to stay in the situation they could easily change. As the prior poster this would be especially difficult for your friend to listen to if he had any romantic feelings for you. He would wonder what on earth you were doing in this unhappy long distance relationship when you could have him in real life. It was childish of your best friend to simply block you everywhere instead of having a mature discussion with you, but it sounds like you a both still pretty young and some young guys have a very difficult time vocalizing their thoughts and feelings in a way that is logical and makes sense. In verbal confrontations, women can out talk them and easily make them sound silly and out of line. So instead of expressing themselves in a calm manner they either erupt in anger or completely shut down. Seems like your friend did both and now it seems like he is satisfied with the friendship being over. If he was missing you or feeling any regret he would have responded immediately when you messaged him. It sucks but when somebody wants to move on you have to accept it and let them go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Problem is, when a R ends you can't be 'best friends' with your ex or have expectations that things are going to be the same. You two broke up and he's not wanting you in his life anymore. Like it or not you have to respect that and find another friend, aka a female friend, to rely on and to help you through your pain. She is not talking about being friends with her ex. She is talking about her friendship with another guy who is not an ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 My mistake, sorry about that! Okay your male best friend isn't your best friend. He's a friend on his terms and time frame and also most guys can't and don't want to handle female emotions, so it is possible that is another reason why he bailed and chose to be with his buddies. A woman best friend wouldn't do that to you, they'd hug you, cry with you and make you feel better. You reached out and he's ignored you. sorry to say this but let him go for now. If in the future he contacts you then you two can talk it out and set some boundaries if the friendship is going to continue. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 I'm quietly avoiding my best friend at present because I'm so tired of her relationship drama. The ups and downs are like Groundhog Day. I do care for her, but there's only so much shoulder I can reasonably offer for her to lean on. Is it possible that you've been leaning on him too much and have worn out your welcome? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I did this once for a female friend. Dropped everything when she and her BF broke up and went over to her place. She was a wreck. He was treating her like crap. within the week she was back with him. I REFUSED to listen to her complain about him anymore. mostly because i told her from the start he was bad news. her excuse "i'd been dating him a few months, i can't just break up with someone then" yeah. she has never had a healthy relationship and loves drama. i've since distanced myself because all she does is hit me up for sympathy and generate drama. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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