My husband masturbates almost daily but wants no sex

[FortyandForlorn]

What kind of porn is he watching? What movies are you watching as a family that compels him to stop the movie and masturbate?

[basil67]

I've heard that men who would rather masturbate than have sex prefer their hand to the vagina because they can make their hand as tight as they want and the vagina is too loose so they don't feel the same sensation. Especially after a woman has had kids.

 

If this was true, how do you explain all the men who love to have sex with their partners who've had babies?

[Sweetfish]

Addiction means their is an underlining problem.. The excessive masterbating means he using it as a way to cope with stress... just as a smoker have to step out to have a smoke.

[Mumbles]

If this was true, how do you explain all the men who love to have sex with their partners who've had babies?

 

There is some truth to this, but its not restricted to women having 'had babies'.

 

The condition is known colloquially as 'death grip syndrome' and comes along with chronic masturbation. No vagina, having passed a baby or not, can compete. Its the equivalent of a dildo ... mechanically, no man can compete with one.

 

But, of course, and unsurprisingly, there is a _lot_ more to sex between humans that simply the mechanics of our various bits.

 

I strongly suspected porn as the basis for the whole problem here ... but we still don't have any confirmation that there is a strong porn focus with the husband - seems likely ... but perhaps its simply masturbation without porn?

 

In any event, theres a behavioural problem here. If he didn't masturbate at all, he'd seek out his wife, guaranteed. I've done the Reddit FAP challenge, many years ago, and after 3-4 days I was going mental, after 7 I was literally climbing the walls.

 

But how do you stop it? As with most disorders of this type, first step is the sufferer needs to actually recognise there is a problem here - and currently he's in full denial.

[Lady2163]

While I do not believe this to be accurate, I am going to take a different stance.

 

If he is spanking every single day and rejecting a willing flesh and blood woman - then obviously there is a disorder and dysfunction taking place. In other words he is all messed up maybe he can be fixed....and maybe he can't.

 

But the point I want to make here is reference to the "thrill of the chase" that was mentioned above.

 

I think in instances where dudes prefer porn and to take matters into their hand as opposed to being with their partner, I think in most instances it is the opposite.

 

Spanking is easy, it takes very little effort and it never asks for anything in return. Your own hand does not need to be wined and dined. you don't have to be nice to it. It never asks you to take out the garbage or pick your dirty socks off the floor. You don't have to change the oil in it's car or unclog the toilet. It never sends you out of bed to battle the spider that's walking up the wall. You don't have to be nice to it's parents, siblings or wacky friends. You don't have to buy it a house and you never ever ever have to go furniture shopping with it. It is always ready willing and able, even if there are dishes in the sink, clothes in the washer or vacuuming to be done. You never have to listen to it's problems and never have to get it validation and assure it that it is going to be OK. It doesn't need romance and it doesn't need foreplay and it never ever needs to have it's feet rubbed. And once it's done it's job, it just needs a little wiping off with a towel or the nearest sock and it never needs to be cuddled or held or told how wonderful it is.

 

So in other words, men that prefer their own hand over their own wife, simply do not want to mess with everything that goes along with getting their tank drained. The want the quickest, easiest, most efficient and least labor-intensive way to get the job done without having to mess with any of that other stuff that goes along with getting a woman to do it.

 

So the bottom line is they simply do not care. It's fine having a woman around if she cooks and cleans and keeps the kids out of his hair and doesn't bug him for anything else, and as long as she doesn't interfere with him keeping his own tank drained.

 

But if she starts putting demands on him or starts interfering with his enjoyment in his own life, then there are going to be problems.

 

I was going to say pretty much this!

[Merrylegs]

While I do not believe this to be accurate, I am going to take a different stance.

 

If he is spanking every single day and rejecting a willing flesh and blood woman - then obviously there is a disorder and dysfunction taking place. In other words he is all messed up maybe he can be fixed....and maybe he can't.

 

But the point I want to make here is reference to the "thrill of the chase" that was mentioned above.

 

I think in instances where dudes prefer porn and to take matters into their hand as opposed to being with their partner, I think in most instances it is the opposite.

 

Spanking is easy, it takes very little effort and it never asks for anything in return. Your own hand does not need to be wined and dined. you don't have to be nice to it. It never asks you to take out the garbage or pick your dirty socks off the floor. You don't have to change the oil in it's car or unclog the toilet. It never sends you out of bed to battle the spider that's walking up the wall. You don't have to be nice to it's parents, siblings or wacky friends. You don't have to buy it a house and you never ever ever have to go furniture shopping with it. It is always ready willing and able, even if there are dishes in the sink, clothes in the washer or vacuuming to be done. You never have to listen to it's problems and never have to get it validation and assure it that it is going to be OK. It doesn't need romance and it doesn't need foreplay and it never ever needs to have it's feet rubbed. And once it's done it's job, it just needs a little wiping off with a towel or the nearest sock and it never needs to be cuddled or held or told how wonderful it is.

 

So in other words, men that prefer their own hand over their own wife, simply do not want to mess with everything that goes along with getting their tank drained. The want the quickest, easiest, most efficient and least labor-intensive way to get the job done without having to mess with any of that other stuff that goes along with getting a woman to do it.

 

So the bottom line is they simply do not care. It's fine having a woman around if she cooks and cleans and keeps the kids out of his hair and doesn't bug him for anything else, and as long as she doesn't interfere with him keeping his own tank drained.

 

But if she starts putting demands on him or starts interfering with his enjoyment in his own life, then there are going to be problems.

 

He used to run porn dvds off on his computer for work colleagues before we met so I have a feeling he never stopped masturbating when he met me.

Sex has been sporadic through the relationship and he prefers me to do oral and go on top if we do have sex so this connects with oldshirts feelings on the matter- he can't be bothered with the effort.

I don't know whether he took his phone into the toilet with him to masturbate but niw we live apart he will be doing exactly what he wants. He wants to keep a relationship with me apparently but he gets angry if I want to lay cards on the table about what exactly this relationship ship is or needs to be.

I think he just wants his cake and eat it.

[Mr. Lucky]

We now live separately because he told me to leave with my kids ( not biologically his) because I apparently wouldn't let this lie'.

 

Merrylegs, this doesn't have to be about sex, you could substitute video games, pub crawling or model airplanes, for that matter.

 

When one partner says "my way or the highway" without any thought to cooperative solutions, the relationship is on its last legs anyway. Were it not this, most likely would be something else.

 

I'm sorry this is happening to you and your kids...

 

Mr. Lucky

[sandylee1]

He's not a husband worth having TBH. It doesn't sound like he's ever been a good lover to you. He's either so damn lazy and selfish, or he's not good at sex. So he withdraws so he doesn't have to pleasure you.

 

 

Masturbation is fine, but not instead of your partner.

 

What pleasure or satisfaction do you gain from being married to him?

[Merrylegs]

Merrylegs, this doesn't have to be about sex, you could substitute video games, pub crawling or model airplanes, for that matter.

 

When one partner says "my way or the highway" without any thought to cooperative solutions, the relationship is on its last legs anyway. Were it not this, most likely would be something else.

 

I'm sorry this is happening to you and your kids...

 

Mr. Lucky[/quote

 

You are 100% right there.

It will not make me popular to explain that we have been raising my three daughters for 12 years and they have brittle bones, and having no family within 150 miles I have no other form of support if something terrible happens to one of them.

I am not using him and never have, but I am between a rock and a hard place.

This is why I must be sure about my decision now.

It is a relief to be able to have somewhere I can ask advice from anyone who wants to give it as I have been alone in this for many years

[Mr_Fox]

Merrylegs - I feel your pain and know how exactly you feel as I am male and my wife has little desire for sex. Some people just have a low sex drive. Whether that is through habit, illness or medication it does not make it any easier on yourself.

 

You only live once so find yourself a lover. Someone who can give you what you need. I wish I was close to you as I would be more than willing to oblige!

[stillafool]

If this was true, how do you explain all the men who love to have sex with their partners who've had babies?

 

I guess those men want a real life woman. I didn't realize women were that loose after having a baby. I don't have kids. Maybe this guy is addicted to the way porn chicks look, who knows.

Edited March 8, 2017 by stillafool

[somanymistakes]

I guess those men want a real life woman. I didn't realize women were that loose after having a baby.

 

They aren't, not as an overall rule.

 

Sometimes it's just a mental thing on the male part, imagining that the woman's body is now less sexy because of the baby.

 

And sometimes horrible things to happen to women in the process of childbirth. There can be quite serious damage and it's not always easy to recover from.

 

But if nothing goes wrong, many people find that their sex life post pregnancy is just fine.

[VeveCakes]

He's addicted to porn. Anyone burning their own porn DVDs and passing to friends has an issue. It's effecting your life, it's an addiction .

 

If it is porn it's possible he can't get aroused now without it. Many men nowadays struggle with this. It is proven that heavy porn users have to escalate the taboo ness of what they watch as time goes on to get aroused. Do you know what type of porn he is watching when he is masterbating?