Him and his ex...

[Slimlady]

Please I'm in need of advice here.

So my man was with his ex before me. And he left her for me but not really. Ever since we've been together, i kept catching him taking to her. Either through facebook, messages, or other ways. Everytime he would apologize , tell me he will stop talking to her and that it won't happen again. Yesterday o just had a feeling to check his phone. There were no messages to her and no messages on Facebook either. So i went on his snapchat and saw how he's been talking to her on there sending pictures.

Ok so i did a very stupid thing. I was a little drunk.

I went and wrote his ex, asking if they were fu$@ing and then went to talk to my bf. and he was again saying the same thing how he's not cheating, and how he only wants to be with me, and doesn't want her..

So today i woke up and saw this response

"The way your obsessed w me is so cute ? I can't help it your man is in love w me 10 years later ? He doesn't want you from what he says but to answer your question no not yet he's been begging to but I have no desire to touch him after you ?? but you so worried about me you missing all the other bitches He be ****ing ? do you even know the man your sleeping w every night? Your a joke babe but I have to go to work? something you don't know about ??✌?"

She's like 30 years old but writes like a 12 year old kid.

Anyways and now I'm pissed and kind of hurt.

Before anyone says that i should leave him. It's not that easy . We have a son together and I'm currently not working. The only relative i have in this country is my sister and our relationship is not good. So i do feel like i am trapped and i do know he's taking advantage of that knowing I don't have anywhere to go.

Also i want to take my son and go back to my country. But I don't know how i can do that without his permission. I probably can't but if i leave how does the custody thing work? Because I really don't deserve this bs.

[Telemachus]

The multiple deceptions about continuing contact with his ex, and the message from his ex don't mean that he's having sex with anyone else, but you should go to your doctor and both get tested for STDs. He owes that to you.

 

If you want to take your son legally out of the country, you'll need your husband's consent. If he's physically abusive to your son, or has given you an STD, doing it legally is unimportant - you need to escape. Lawyers are very expensive, but you don't necessarily need to flee the country, if he isn't a physical danger to you or your son. If the marriage has broken down, and you don't think it can be repaired, you should consider divorce and begin working. You'll probably have to share custody, unless he wants no continuing relationship with your child. If you want to pursue divorce and custody, seek out a "family law" attorney.

 

Simply from a healthy relationship standpoint, he should be able to explain to you why he lied to you about his contact with his ex, and what he gets from that contact that is so important to him that he's willing to ruin his relationship with you by doing it and lying about it.

[dichotomy]

My advice - double check to see if what she says is true (he is sleeping around). Say nothing - if he says something about you spying - say you were stupid and just insecure and trust him... then Spy some more.

 

Depending on how old your son is - you may need to take a longer view on physically leaving this marriage. Mentally even even emotionally you may make a switch in your mind that you are leaving - but you need to get a job, or job training, friends, networks, even hide some small amounts of money aside every month.

 

Sorry for all of this.

 

Does your husband love and cherish your child ? Want to spend time with him/her?

[stillafool]

Get a job as soon as possible and plan your exit. I think his ex is telling you the truth. Why else would he insist on staying in touch with her? He wants her. Why do you need his permission to go home. What country are you in? If you are in the U.S. he will have to pay child support so that should help you too. Get moving on leaving him.

Edited February 23, 2017 by stillafool

[BaileyB]

Your first problem... you chose this man knowing he left another relationship for you which means, there was a good chance that he wasn't really done with her...

 

And then, he maintains contact with this woman and lies to you. You must know when you decide to do something as deceitful as messaging with his ex, you really should be prepared for the information you will get...

 

I would say that this relationship has serious trust and communication issues... and an awful lot of drama...

[Mr. Lucky]

I would say that this relationship has serious trust and communication issues... and an awful lot of drama...

 

Slimlady, this is the the same guy who, according to your other thread, prioritizes his dogs over you and child's safety. I don't know how many other ways he can indicate how little he values you and/or the relationship.

 

Even a sister you don't get along with has to be better than this ...

 

Mr. lucky

[sandylee1]

Can you tell him you want to take your son to visit your parents or other family back home? Then stay there for a while.

 

Get a return ticket of course.

 

I think you know he's cheating on you from your previous thread. You just don't want to believe it. And he obviously still talks enough to tell her about the other girls.

 

he's working a lot lately, even working on weekends sometimes. So I'm starting to think he might be cheating on me.

 

He just sent me a text that he's boss is sending him somewhere that's 4 hrs away, so he'll be home really late ??? see I can't help but think he's cheating.