TheDawg Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 So, took me forever to find my first post from back in 2012, as I I abruptly left this board a few years ago. Anyway, here was me back then: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/340342-my-story In early 2014, we had a HUGE blowup, that was more of my own doing. She felt I was spending too much time with women at work and texts on my phone. But NOTHING SEXUAL. Looking back, I was very flirtatious with a lot of women and, frankly, enjoyed the attention they gave me compared to my wife. She gave me an ultimatum and we finally decided to go to MC. I figured I owed that to her and our kids. We sort of drifted through MC for a good 4 months or so, but I was holding back way too much and our therapist (she was AWESOME, BTW) could tell, but hadn't said anything yet. I cut my relationships off pretty cold with my now-former work friends and sort of became a social turtle, as I simply enjoyed the company of other women and being flirtatious with them. (I avoid pretty much any social gatherings at this point, which I hate to do). Anyway, after a while, I realized I was being a dick and not being fair to either my wife or our therapist/therapy. I had a heart-to-heart, one-on-one conversation with the therapist to dump EVERYTHING on her. One odd thing was that she never requested one-on-ones when we first started, which I thought was standard. Anyway, it was a sort of confessional about how I'd been feeling for years (what I told you guys back then and probably more) and she wasn't the least bit surprised by what I said. So, of course, I had to tell my wife about this session or the therapist would dump us (standard stuff). And that's when I told her I wanted a divorce. Of course, I caved by the end of the discussion. She was pretty devastated. And, since I gave in, I agreed to try to make things work. So, the next few months of therapy were pretty intense, but we (surprisingly) came out of it in decent shape and have had a decent few years. For a short while, the sex life got "better" in that she started wearing some sexier panties and such, we got some toys. Etc. It was, as I said, "better" than before but nothing mind-blowing. The problem? Those doubts and negative feelings I had never quite went away. We were certainly better as a family unit, fighting MUCH less and such. But those intimate moments, those talks that people in love can/should have with each other were impossible for me to have. And I still crave - CRAVE - other women. The sensuality and passion that I'm *so* attracted to in many women is something my wife simply doesn't have and doesn't show much interest in pursuing. There've been countless, small moments that have really turned me off sexually to her. And those moments keep adding up to where our sex life suuuuuucks now and even foreplay is torture for me (its so bad, I sometimes have to clench my teeth. We'll lay there under the covers, not really saying much and just diddling each other. No kissing. She's a terrible kisser still.) Half the time we'll have to put on some porn to get things going. I still feel totally empty afterward, though. We've talked about how bad it's become, but I'm so tired/resentful that anything "new" is on me. How about getting off your ass and buying more than one nice pair of panties every two years that you wear every other day? Anyway, I could go on. The bottom line is that I feel like I've come full circle and all of those negative feelings and feelings of wanting someone else have come back like a slow, incoming tide. It's not healthy or normal to be like that almost 100% of the time - a roving eye and fantasies are disrespectful, for one, and depressing on another. I'm pretty down in general, so I'm probably going to go back for IC. I'm back to feeling completely trapped again. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 I'm back to feeling completely trapped again. I feel your pain Link to post Share on other sites
LilyMila Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 I read this article today. How long does passion last? The four stages of love - TODAY.com Seems like you are obsessed by the idea of romantic love and infatuation, and never move to the stage of true love. Even in your posts here, you couldn't help but flirt with other women on here. You may think divorce is the only way to achieve personal happiness, but a few years down the line, you will encounter the exact same problems with a different woman. You haven't lived in reality with these "sensual" and "passionate" women like you did with your wife. They may not actually be that different from your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheDawg Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 I read this article today. How long does passion last? The four stages of love - TODAY.com Seems like you are obsessed by the idea of romantic love and infatuation, and never move to the stage of true love. Even in your posts here, you couldn't help but flirt with other women on here. You may think divorce is the only way to achieve personal happiness, but a few years down the line, you will encounter the exact same problems with a different woman. You haven't lived in reality with these "sensual" and "passionate" women like you did with your wife. They may not actually be that different from your wife. Fair enough (I don't recall flirting on here...but, ok, not going to argue it). And thank you for that link. The problem is that we never went through Stage 2. Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery2Me Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 (edited) Basically it sounds like BOTH you and your wife....do not meet each other's needs. Have you considered that she like you are putting up a front, while actually clenching her teeth? In fact, she may be spilling this same story on this site and to a friend. Please just tell her you are done and want a divorce, you both did your best and deserve a fresh start. Because as you said she did try to wear sexy panties for you, so clearly she has a spark and with the right man she will be burning hot. No more whining and playing the limbo game.... you all tried MC and now your back at the same place....a great live could be waiting BOTH of you. Do the both of you a favor and bravely open the painful door of divorce to a new beautiful life. Edited March 3, 2017 by Mystery2Me Link to post Share on other sites
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