Cjaxrun85 Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 So I've been dating this girl for about a month. She's 32 and I'm 31. We met online. She has four kids and I have one. She has very limited time but we meet a couple times a week. Usually it's for about an hour coffee date and then Thursday or Friday night we spend about 2-3 hours together. No sex, hand holding, or kissing yet. The first two weeks were great, she really showed a lot of interest and we conversated quite a bit given her limited time. Fast forward to the second two weeks and her interest level has severely dropped. We probably send about 4 texts to each other a day. This past Tuesday was very awakward. She told me she missed me and wanted to have coffee in the afternoon. So I told her how about 11:30 or 12:30 since I work 2pm to midnight. She texted back saying she was too busy. So Tuesday nights she doesn't have her kids. So I told her why don't you stop by my work on your way home and we can have dinner. She says she's not too far away from where I'm at. So I never hear from her. She ends up just going home and I was waiting for her before I got started on this big project. We ended up going out tonight(Thursday) and it was ok. We had some dessert and we just sat there and talked. I figured it's been a month so I put my arm around her but she made an awakward face and so I stopped. I read an article about women who become distant and it says eliminate all communication and wait for them to run to you. But I kind of want to ask her what's up but without coming across as needy. What do you guys think would be the next step? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cjaxrun85 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 Also she used to tell me goodnight every night and she would say something cute and that has also ceased. Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Also she used to tell me goodnight every night and she would say something cute and that has also ceased. You waited too long on the kiss, touching, holding hands, sex, whatever Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cjaxrun85 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 What's a good time frame to initiate that? Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 What's a good time frame to initiate that? Whenever you had the night date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cjaxrun85 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 (edited) There's been a total of about 5 coffee dates and three night dates...typically we go to dinner for our night dates so it's kind of hard to initiate anything and tonight we went to a lounge and she sat as far from me on the couch that she could and placed a pillow between us so her body language to me indicates maybe she views me more as a friend. Coffee dates are very fast and it's usually when she is taking a break from work...night dates she has to pick up her kids at 8:30pm so it's also very quick. I've only had the chance to see her on one night where she doesn't have her kids and she went home early because she said she was tired so the timing to initiate anything just hasn't come up until tonight when I put my arm around her Edited February 24, 2017 by Cjaxrun85 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cjaxrun85 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 (edited) Maybe it's my looks? I posted my pic in my profile. I also accidentally called her baby girl the other morning. She texted me good morning and I typically sleep in due to my work schedule. I was half asleep and I typed good morning baby girl. She replied back and told me not to call her that because it reminds her of her ex. Edited February 24, 2017 by Cjaxrun85 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Break up with her now...She is fishing for a reason to break things off and distancing herself to do so. First it's "baby girl", then it'll be a long list of songs she can't listen to because of her ex, then she won't be able to go to a certain restaurant. Instead, tell her "I really enjoyed our time together, but I think all this ex talk means you're not over that relationship. Give me a call when you clear your head." And then you walk away entirely until she gets her head on straight and is willing to put her past in the rearview...and contacts you. Otherwise, you date other women and forget about her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cjaxrun85 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 Yes true she was in a 12 year relationship and about a year ago ended things with him so she's only dated a couple people since then. I'm definitely open to dating other woman..I got off POF too many ghetto people. I've been on Bumble and there are some very attractive woman so we will see how it goes. I also just kind of live my life and don't really go out of my way searching for woman. Just kind of hoping I'll come across someone naturally. It's kind of embarrassing having to use online dating to meet woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cjaxrun85 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 This girl also takes a really long time to answer my texts. Typically about 1-2 hours response time. So I do the same. I wait about 2-3 hours and I'll answer and it's usually a short text. I don't initiate texts anymore unless it's to set up the next date. The next night date will be the fourth so tonight she said she wants to plan the next date. Im not really planning on her actually taking me out on a date so I'm just going to let things continue to dwindle. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Yea, decrease any effort. She has to do something that shows interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cjaxrun85 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 Thanks for your help. I will decrease all effort and I might even increase the amount of time I wait to answer her texts. Balls in her court 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Thanks for your help. I will decrease all effort and I might even increase the amount of time I wait to answer her texts. Balls in her court You're welcome! We've all been there...and it sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Double post- deleted Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Just my opinion, she doesn't really have the time to get into a relationship because she is still in a transition period with 4 kids and adjusting to visitation arrangements, trying to dissolve the past relationship, etc. I can't see anything getting off the ground at this point. It looks like she's using you as an excuse to get out of the house once in awhile, and take things slow. You want things to move at a different pace, so there is no balance or being on the same page. Either you have an open honest conversation with her about expectations, or you simply move on and stop wasting your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cjaxrun85 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 She did invite me out to coffee just now out of the blue Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 She did invite me out to coffee just now out of the blue If she was just with you last night, and she texted you today, that's not out of the blue. At all. That's like half a day? Are you going to go get coffee? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Your only decision is whether you can handle dating mothers. Anyone who has four kids, or even two, I can assure you they are going to "be distant" on a fairly regular basis because they are unbelievable busy and distracted and probably struggling to make a living. Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Another coffee date? I'd cancel and ask for a night date and get this situation out of the friendzone Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cjaxrun85 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 So during the coffee date I actually asked her what was up. I didn't want to come across as needy but I also don't want to waste my time or money. She told me the first quarter of the year is busy at her work. She also told me she has a court hearing coming up in reference to a restraining order she has against her ex. I suppose I can understand being overwhelmed by all of that. So then she proceeded to tell me that she moves slow with everyone she has dated after her ex. She says she starts out as friends with them and then moved into a dating relationship. And so I asked her if we were just friends and she said, "We are dating," and then she smiled and covered her face with her hair. We laughed, conversated for about an hour and a half, and she told me she wants to plan the next night date. What do guys make of all that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cjaxrun85 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 Also should I clarify if this is an exclusive sting relationship? In my past dating relationships it's always been the girl who asks me that question. I'm open to dating other woman but there really hasn't been any other girls that have come into play yet. Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 So during the coffee date I actually asked her what was up. I didn't want to come across as needy but I also don't want to waste my time or money. She told me the first quarter of the year is busy at her work. She also told me she has a court hearing coming up in reference to a restraining order she has against her ex. I suppose I can understand being overwhelmed by all of that. So then she proceeded to tell me that she moves slow with everyone she has dated after her ex. She says she starts out as friends with them and then moved into a dating relationship. And so I asked her if we were just friends and she said, "We are dating," and then she smiled and covered her face with her hair. We laughed, conversated for about an hour and a half, and she told me she wants to plan the next night date. What do guys make of all that? Did...you kiss her after the coffee date? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cjaxrun85 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 (edited) No we just hugged. If she wouldn't let me put my arm around her last night do you think she is going to let me kiss her anytime soon? Lol Edited February 24, 2017 by Cjaxrun85 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cjaxrun85 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 If she was just with you last night, and she texted you today, that's not out of the blue. At all. That's like half a day? Are you going to go get coffee? What I meant was there was no other texting or conversations that took place. I received one text that asked if I wanted to meet. We ended up having lunch instead and it's near the gym I go to so I figured why not, it's my day off anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 I would have my hackles up a bit if she was sketched out by physical contact after a month... It rarely takes two dates before I am holding a woman's hand. Holding off on sex is one thing but little bits of physical intimacy shouldn't be an issue. It sounds like she is still dealing with her former relationship on some level. Twelve years is a long time to be with someone and I imagine she wasn't quite ready to jump into the dating pool. At the very least, her past relationship is affecting her ability to date. I would just have a conversation with her about the situation and see where things go. I get frustrated quickly when a woman hits the "STOP" button and starting becoming distant when we're dating. But, I am a pretty straight forward person and need an honest discussion over a situation versus the cold shoulder. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts