stuck in a sexless marriage

[TrustedthenBusted]

** deleted duplicate

[TrustedthenBusted]

And don't buy in to any excuses. It's not the meds. Believe me. You change the meds, it becomes stress, you remove the stress, it becomes anxiety, you control the anxiety, and it becomes mystery ailments with no apparent physical symptoms. Then it becomes pure avoidance, and someone starts going to bed at 6:30 just to avoid sex.

 

Trying to remedy the issue yourself is a hamster wheel. Either SHE has to remedy it, or it won't change.

Edited March 1, 2017 by TrustedthenBusted

[Mr. Lucky]

I find it hard to believe that it is an issue of physical attraction. Not to toot my own horn, but I have always been in shape. I work out on a regular basis, eat healthy, and I'm currently around 8% body fat. My physical appearance/style is what she finds attractive.

 

Physical appearance is but one component of attraction. And, I'd venture, over time it becomes less and less important. Kudos to you for staying healthy but don't think it's an automatic gateway to sexual happiness.

 

Oft stated but true, the mind is the largest sex organ. Your wife has a mental disconnect for one of the reasons already discussed in this thread. Without her participation, not fixable...

 

Mr. Lucky

[40somethingGal]

Allow me to shed some light...

 

I have been married for over 15 years and have not had sex with my husband in a year (or longer). Here is why:

 

1. He is not contributing enough to our coexistence leaving me in a constant state of exhaustion. As in, we both work, but I do all the housework, bill paying, kids activities and schooling, meal planning, shopping, cooking, yard work, etc. I'm very tired and when I do get a moment to settle down, taking care of his sexual needs is the last thing I want to do.

 

2. We too had "incredible" sex when we were first married. I would surprise him in the shower, or set up a "picnic" on the living room floor when he would come home for lunch, etc. He thought it was incredible and I was trying to make it incredible, but it wasn't really great for me.

 

3. I believe he tried to reciprocate. He would try to talk sexy to me, but turn me off breathing hot air in my ear from 1/8" away. He would try foreplay, but has made me think he has zero feeling in his finger tips because he would miss the target, and I don't really appreciate receiving oral. I have tried to help him out... but he's so damn clueless.

 

4. It's just not worth the effort or my 2 minutes. I would put a lot of effort into making things "incredible" for him and come out disappointed. He always orgasms first and then it's over. I once clocked it at 2 minutes of intercourse.

 

5. I don't think the problem lies with me. I love sex, don't mind giving oral at all, my husband is in shape, he is very attractive! I find myself fantasizing about him all the time. But, it's just pretty packaging. I miss sex and want sex so badly that I have thought about cheating. I just can't bring myself to cheat on my husband (or my children). I just can't cheat, but sex with him is not worth the effort.

 

Sex is just not worth the effort when I am annoyed, tired, and end up disappointed.

Edited March 4, 2017 by 40somethingGal

[Merrylegs]

Assuming she does not have a medical or hormonal disorder, this likely an attraction issue.

 

You may be a decent and good looking guy in general but you aren't tripping her trigger.

 

Stop talking about and stop approaching her for sex for now and get yourself into the gym and lose some gut and get buffed up and get some gunz.

 

Start grooming and styling like the Queen herself was coming for a visit. If you wear glasses, get contacts or LASIK. Get your teeth whitened. Tan enough so that you at least don't blind anyone with the glare when the clothes come off.

 

 

 

Don't sit around the house playing video games or watching TV. .... Ever.

 

Knock off the porn and stop spanking. Save up that mojo. It will make you a more sexual and more assertive being. Spanking makes you comfortable and mellow. A full tank makes you edgy and cagey. You want to be edgy.

 

Be flirty. Flirt with her without any assumption or expectation for sex.

 

However if she does get a wild hair and initiates with you, tear her in half and ravage her to an inch of her life. ;-)

 

Any time she gives you the brush off, never whine, complain or pout.

Go do something active and manly instead.

 

Do this for several months and if things haven't improved at all or if they have gotten worse, then schedule MC and give the option of addressing the issues or pack bags.

 

 

I'm in a similar situation the other way around.

I've been with my husband 12 years and this has been an issue for the whole time.

Have a go at oldshirts advice. It makes sense and it doesn't jnvolve you weakening or demeaning yourself. It enhances you and if your Mrs isn't impressed then at least you can hold your head up and feel good about who you are and how you look.