Breakup, anxiety and the no contact rule

[Kayla92]

I suffer from anxiety wich I've been getting help with but it just wasn't taking any edge off.

I was in a 6 month rocky relationship ( rocky because of my anxiety repeatedly causing an issue) we split up about 3 times over all, and I told him I was trying to figure my issues out, but clearly it took time and I still would cause problems like pressuring him into moving the relationship on, or stressing because I'm judging my failures on other people's success. I became crazy needy and it was too much for him so he ended it for a final time. My anxiety climaxed and I tried hurting myself, I wasn't coping with how down hill my life was going! He rang me at this point, talked me around and got my brother to find me.

From that point on there was no contact for a week, until I finally managed to get a reply.

He was upset he hurt me, he didn't want to do it again, he doesn't want a relationship and he said it's too soon to be friends so we shouldn't talk for a while. He wouldn't answer any questions about his feelings wich drove me mad, and he stopped replying. I'm meant to be moving to his part of the country in the summer so I text him a few days later saying we should have no contact so I can start to really get a grip of my problems, but if I did and we became friendly and he could see the anxiety was under control and I was more myself - would he date me again? This cause an angry reply that I was putting him in a position to make a decision on the future on things that may not happen and he wasn't sure he would think about dating me again because he doesn't want to do it all again. He said he's unmotivated in work, he doesn't like himself much now, he's stressed and he just wants to hide. I replied but never got a text back so I've left it.

I'm not sure if this shows he's totally over me or not? I'm not sure if there's hope, I'm working very very hard on myself right now because I really want to get better for myself but also so I stop upsetting others! Has anyone get any advice? Or dealt with anything similar? I feel like I've lost my best friend

[d0nnivain]

You have a serious medical condition which must be controlled before you can date.

 

 

You don't have enough of a foundation with this guy to expect him to deal with everything that comes with an illness. If you had cancer or another disease after 90 days most people aren't going to stick around. It's kind of the same here.

 

 

Manage your anxiety. Until you do, you are not in a good place to date because you are not a fully functioning partner. I know I suck when I'm in the throws of having my anxiety & depression out of control.

 

 

When you smooth out your peaks & Valleys, it will be easier for you to find somebody to date.

 

 

If you do end up moving closer to him give yourself 6 months to settle in there, then reach out for him if you still want to once you are established. For now conclude that timing isn't right for you two & let go of him. He was right to refuse to discuss the future when it is so uncertain because you would take that as false hope & then get more mad at him if it didn't come to fruition.