My Story.

[nowhereboy]

I'm here to share my story and hopefully gain some strength/ Insight from others .This is probably going to be quite long. I will appreciate anyone who is kind enough to take the time to read this and reply.

 

I met my now ex girlfriend at work, she perused me. We got together straight away, she has a son who was 4 years old at the time. We were both in our late twenties and I had no children of my own. Everything was perfect at first, typical honeymoon period scenario.

 

We both had the blinkers on and moved WAY to fast. I was a creative, loving but slightly rough around the edges guy who played in a rock n roll band, she was a hard working single mother. It's mind boggling to think about now but at the time we didn't have one conversation about expectations regarding her son and what role I would have. I was completely naive and ignorant to how much hard work is needed to raise a child and barely gave it a second thought.

 

When we were dating my ex managed to make a lot of time for me and her, we would act young, have nights out and spend days lazing around together. However within weeks of moving in with her I realised she was actually very busy with childcare and quite stressed out. I became overwhelmed by everything. I went from being a single dude with no responsibilities and loads of free time to pretty much married with children within weeks. I messed up and took a small amount of drugs one night while out with the band I play in, I hid it from her, she's not daft so knew what was going on. I hold my hands up and admit it was a stupid thing to do and I deserved to lose her right then. She was heartbroken that I lied to her about it, I promised to never do it again (and I didn't). We agreed to move past it.

 

We then argued a lot about my role with her son, I felt like she put to much on me to soon but she felt like I wasn't pulling my weight. This lasted for months before I made a decision to up my game and commit to both of them completely, it was time to grow up and be a man. I put the band on the back burner, stopped seeing my friends and devoted myself to her.

 

I did school runs, day trips out with her son, spent countless hours playing games, building toys etc, I taught him how to swim, how to ride a bike and little by little I fell in love with him. The problem is I was completely on the back foot in the relationship by now with my girlfriend, it had taken too long for me to grow into the man she was looking for and by the time I had done she was holding onto massive amounts of resentment and bitterness towards me for everything that happened in the past. She couldn't seem to see any positives and every little negative was turned into a big deal.

 

It became the typical egg shell situation, I became completely beta, terrified to lose her and it showed, she lost respect for me. I lost respect for myself and let her shout, swear and call me names. I became emotionally needy and desperate for her positive validations which pushed her away further. I helped her finance a car, I took a loan out for a boob job for her in my name, I was constantly trying to show her how much I care and how I was supportive of her but she couldn't see it. It became a very emotionally draining and upsetting situation, I loved her son as my own at this point and knew I stood to lose him too.

 

The sex almost stopped after her boob job, this hurt me so much as she looked amazing but didn't want to go anywhere near me. She felt "pressured" and got angry at me any time I tried anything. She would tell me I was selfish and not respecting her needs if I tried to talk about the lack of sex. If I touched her boobs or body in the night while cuddling she would tell me she doesn't like it and doesn't want me to touch her. I made mistakes by not respecting this and would cuddle her when I was half asleep and rest my hand on her chest and she would wake up very upset at me. She made me feel like a pervert but I just wanted love.

 

The straw that broke the camels back was one night while sleeping, I woke to her pushing her ass onto me and making sexy noises, I got super exited (naturally) and began to touch her, she rolled onto her back and I started to play with her downstairs, she seemed into it, making sex noises etc, we were both half asleep at first so my memory of that part is not great, however she climbed onto me and we had sex (by this point we were both wide awake). She was distant afterwards, seemed very upset, rolled over and went to sleep.

 

The day after she dumped me while I was at work (via text). I literally had no idea what was going on but managed to get her to talk. She said she was pretending to be asleep at one point last night and I was playing with her downstairs, that she felt completely violated and that she woke up to me touching her. She had no recollection of moaning and pushing herself onto me and was convinced I'd made that up. I'm convinced that she must have been dreaming about sex at first and me in my half asleep state didn't realise. I still don't really understand how she could sleep with me right after if it really made her feel violated.

 

We split for about a week, I begged, pleaded. We spoke a few days later and she was in tears, crying uncontrollably, she told me she missed me so much, her son misses me so much and everything is a giant mess. She seemed heartbroken. We ended up getting back together.

 

This lasted for another few months but things were just the same, I was trying really hard to fix things but she was becoming more and more distant. We had a spell of bad luck, her dad nearly died in a bad accident, she became depressed and walked out of her job. I supported her as much as I could through everything. We had a nice Christmas and a great new year, I became hopeful things would work out. She wanted me to stop out a few nights a week to give her space so I stayed at my dads then one day at work I got another text, she dumped me again. She stated we have become like "friends" and she's not happy anymore, she said if I was honest with myself she didn't think I was either.

 

We continued as "friends" for a few weeks, I was coming up to see her son, took him out for his birthday and bought him gifts, I told her I hadn't lost hope, that I still loved her and wanted it to work, she said she didn't know anymore, she cares about me but doesn't see me in "that way" anymore, I'm more like a friend. I gave her space for days at a time but with each conversation she became more indifferent until finally saying it's for the best that I stop seeing her son and that while we can be friends we shouldn't be talking all the time.

 

During all this my dad has been told he has a short time left to live, end stage kidney failure, she knew about this but never contacted me to ask how he was or how I was doing, this hurt me so much and made me think she really doesn't care anymore. I was there for her through all her hard times but she was nowhere to be seen when I needed her the most.

 

By this point I knew I needed to walk away, my heart was breaking everyday, I couldn't keep living with the hope of the next time we talk etc and I told her I'm letting go now. I said I'll never give up hope but I'm letting go and going to try and move on. I told her I'd always be here if she needs anything but that I won't contact her for at least a month. We still need to talk at some point because she owes me money for the boob job and I still pay for her car insurance.

 

That was 10 days ago, I haven't heard from her since.

[nowhereboy]

Wow that's a big post, didn't mean to write that much. Forgive me, I just needed to get it out. Miss them both like crazy.

[LostOnes05]

Dude, no worries. Glad you got everything out. First thing first...never finance a woman's image ever again. Now that she has a new found confidence she longer wants you. She is being manipulative as well. Unless she was drugged or is prone to sleep walking, there's no way she didn't remember wanting to have sex. She was trying to create another reason to break up...people do it. And the whole "we feel more like friend's" thing only happened when she got what she wanted paid for (car, boobs, etc.).

 

You'll have to move on past her. Be staunch in getting your money back and get that car insurance thing situated. Cancel it or take her name off of your insurance. As for the child, it may hurt you to not interact with him again, but that's what you need to do. He'll get over it...kids are fairly resilient. And no, you shouldn't be there for her if she ever needs you. Sometimes people need their actions reflected upon themselves before they realize what they've done. Don't be the knight in shining armor for her or her son...that's her responsibility. She doesn't respect you but here is your chance to gain back your self-respect. Other than getting your money back there should be no contact. If she tries to mention the kid to tug on your heart strings, refocus the conversation on your money. Anything personal between you two is done.

 

Reacquire your currency....forget this woman. That's the nice way to put it.

[Life lessons]

Stick with the no contact....even if it gets to the point that it's over a month. See if she takes the initiative to reach out to you. If she's interested, she will reach out to you. But from what you have offered, it seems like she isn't interested anymore. Don't chase her because that makes you look weak. Wait for her to reach out. If she doesn't then move on.

[Marc878]

 

By this point I knew I needed to walk away, my heart was breaking everyday, I couldn't keep living with the hope of the next time we talk etc and I told her I'm letting go now. I said I'll never give up hope but I'm letting go and going to try and move on. I told her I'd always be here if she needs anything but that I won't contact her for at least a month. We still need to talk at some point because she owes me money for the boob job and I still pay for her car insurance.

 

That was 10 days ago, I haven't heard from her since.

 

You have been played. You'll never get your $'s back.

Sounds like she moved onto someone else. Wake up!

[nowhereboy]

I plan on continuing no contact but it's so hard.

 

We spoke in great length about the boob job before she had it done too, I was worried about her getting a new lease of confidence and changing on me. She was absolutely certain that this wouldn't happen. She stated I had no reason to be concerned, we were a family and she wanted the boobs to feel better in herself, not to flaunt them.

 

To be fair to the lass she's only been out on the drink twice since getting them done, she's more of a home/family type than a party animal. Then again she's done lots of things recently that I never expected so maybe I don't know her as well as I thought.

 

I really hope shes not out there flaunting her figure while I'm sat here alone, paying for it.

 

She was unhappy about lots of things in the relationship, I think the boob thing is more of a coincidence than anything else.

 

I really let this woman into my heart, we spent so much time talking and building trust, she once told me if I ever hurt her she'd never trust anyone again because she loves and trusts me so much.

 

She always talked about her dislike for casual sex and people who can sleep with others with no feelings attached etc. She had only been with three people prior to me, I felt like I'd hit the jackpot when I met her.

 

My mind is my enemy right now.

[nowhereboy]

It's worth a mention that the boob job was over a year ago. She got half of the money from her family and savings. I offered to get a loan for the rest, she reluctantly accepted. She never once asked me for the money.

[LitTunnel]

It's worth a mention that the boob job was over a year ago. She got half of the money from her family and savings. I offered to get a loan for the rest, she reluctantly accepted. She never once asked me for the money.

 

Bro, go on YouTube and look up Corey Wayne. You're going to learn so much about yourself. Most people here will disagree with this, typical, but you be the judge. Hey, it won't hurt. As far as your ex us concern, don't even think about contacting this loser ever again. She dumped you like a bad habit after all you did but to be fair you set yourself up, hate to say. And don't worry, I made boneheaded mistakes too. The problem was you became too available, too passive and probably lacked leadership. Just a guess but this is what I'm getting from your thread. And if this is the case then your ex got super turned off. Women are attracted to men who take charge and are unpredictable. Anyways, just look up Corey Wayne dude. He'll give you some valuable insight. Btw, what he teaches isn't anything new, it's just he has repackaged the whole information in a very intuitive method. His book is free for viewing off of his website. Good luck!

[nowhereboy]

Thanks man, I'll check him out. Will have to be tomorrow now as I'm about to get some sleep.

 

The thing is I'm a soft heart but at the end of the day that's just who I am.

 

I'll be more careful in future but I don't want to change who I am for anyone, being Alpha would be a complete act for me. I hate the idea of playing games to keep someone interested and pretending to be something I'm not.

 

The balance in our relationship was completely even at first but after the arguments and her finding out about me using drugs while with the band her respect for me dropped and the balance tipped in her favour. It was a no win situation because if I stood up for myself she would tell me to leave but if I didn't stand up for myself she would lose more respect.

 

In hindsight the first time she told me to leave I should have walked out the door, if she'd chased me at that point she may well have started to gain respect but I would never dare test the theory, I was too scared to lose her (I can see the irony in this now).

 

For weeks on end she would cry herself to sleep while I held her, stroking her face and telling her it will all be ok. She was always upset at something I'd done, holding onto things in the past. Looking back I realise now those tears were because she was falling out of love. She was heartbroken at the time, I guess that's why she doesn't seem upset now, she's already went through it.

 

I know she loved me deeply at one point but I wasn't the man she wanted, she wanted a family man, a provider, a father figure etc. I was still a big kid when I first moved in. The thing is that big kid is the guy she fell in love with, once I became the family man she wanted I was no longer attractive to her.

 

What a complete mess. I can't stop wondering what she's thinking, if she misses me, if she's happy I'm gone. I know the relationship was exhausting at times and it shouldn't be like that so she's possibly just relived its finally over.

 

Maybe the reality will kick in further down the line, when she's parenting alone and once the novelty of being single wears off. I know she couldn't have a serious relationship for a while at this point because she would never do that to her son, he would be so confused. He is heartbroken that I'm no longer around so I can't see her introducing him to a replacement any time soon. The lad is a little mini version of me, I bought him guitars and an electric drum kit, showed him how to play. He thinks I'm the coolest dude in the world.

 

I'm quite proud of that actually, I miss him deeply.

[LitTunnel]

Thanks man, I'll check him out. Will have to be tomorrow now as I'm about to get some sleep.

 

The thing is I'm a soft heart but at the end of the day that's just who I am.

 

I'll be more careful in future but I don't want to change who I am for anyone, being Alpha would be a complete act for me. I hate the idea of playing games to keep someone interested and pretending to be something I'm not.

 

The balance in our relationship was completely even at first but after the arguments and her finding out about me using drugs while with the band her respect for me dropped and the balance tipped in her favour. It was a no win situation because if I stood up for myself she would tell me to leave but if I didn't stand up for myself she would lose more respect.

 

In hindsight the first time she told me to leave I should have walked out the door, if she'd chased me at that point she may well have started to gain respect but I would never dare test the theory, I was too scared to lose her (I can see the irony in this now).

 

For weeks on end she would cry herself to sleep while I held her, stroking her face and telling her it will all be ok. She was always upset at something I'd done, holding onto things in the past. Looking back I realise now those tears were because she was falling out of love. She was heartbroken at the time, I guess that's why she doesn't seem upset now, she's already went through it.

 

I know she loved me deeply at one point but I wasn't the man she wanted, she wanted a family man, a provider, a father figure etc. I was still a big kid when I first moved in. The thing is that big kid is the guy she fell in love with, once I became the family man she wanted I was no longer attractive to her.

 

What a complete mess. I can't stop wondering what she's thinking, if she misses me, if she's happy I'm gone. I know the relationship was exhausting at times and it shouldn't be like that so she's possibly just relived its finally over.

 

Maybe the reality will kick in further down the line, when she's parenting alone and once the novelty of being single wears off. I know she couldn't have a serious relationship for a while at this point because she would never do that to her son, he would be so confused. He is heartbroken that I'm no longer around so I can't see her introducing him to a replacement any time soon. The lad is a little mini version of me, I bought him guitars and an electric drum kit, showed him how to play. He thinks I'm the coolest dude in the world.

 

I'm quite proud of that actually, I miss him deeply.

 

Good for you bro. You took good care of him but truthfully it's all on her. He's her son so she's fully responsible for him. Do don't feel guilty. My best suggestion is lay low completely. I know you're not over her, not by a long shot, but you seem to weak atm in dealing with her. I suggest meanwhile you work on yourself. I know it's extremely difficult and easier said than done but it's your best and only option. Only she can reach out to you. Work on you. Don't worry about the kid. He'll be just fine. I have a feeling she'll come around eventually, but you must show her that you're able to handle yourself like you used to. This will raise her attraction to you and possibly rekindle something again.

[nowhereboy]

Thanks man.

 

I'm starting to realise how damn unattractive I made myself to her in the end, she outright told me when I moved back after the last split that she needed space and time for her feelings to regenerate as she still loved me but felt smothered and I wasn't giving her space etc.

 

As you can imagine I struggled to give her space and pushed her further away until this happened.

 

I wasn't crazy clingy, or sending loads of texts etc but when we were together I'd want to cuddle up and she wouldn't, looking back I'd always pull a pathetic sad face and feel sorry for myself, not very manly. I look back now and think WTF was I doing. I try not to beat myself up over it, the reality was I wasn't happy either, I was putting the work in and she wasn't, so I can understand how I became frustrated.

 

Anyway it's now 12 days no contact and I feel like I need to give myself a kick up the backside. I spend everyday thinking of her from morning till night and these relationship forums are turning into somewhat of an unhealthy obsession, it seems reading these pages is the only thing that puts me at ease but at the same time it's keeping me in the loop of thinking about her.

 

We need to talk at some point as she owes me money for the loan, I still have some of her sons toys in my car and a house key. I was planning on waiting a month and if I'd heard nothing I would make contact to discuss these things.

 

I'm just unsure what to do right now, I feel like waiting another couple of weeks to do this is just keeping false hope alive anyway, as much as I'm trying to accept things I keep finding myself hoping that after some space apart she may realise she misses me.

 

Maybe it's better to text her soon about the money etc and get it out the way, that way I'd have nothing left to hold onto? Or maybe thats just me making excuses to contact her. She starts a new job on the 6th and it's something she's been very exited about, I keep thinking about sending a quick message to wish her good luck in the new job etc.

 

I'm not really buying this no contact thing right now, I feel worse than I did when we were keeping in touch.

 

I don't think I'll ever fully accept things until she gets with someone else or sleeps with someone etc. It would be completely out of character for her to have casual sex so I don't think that's likely but you never know in these situations, people do strange things.

[nowhereboy]

I'm struggling with this one and In order to get honest answers I'll be upfront about everything.

 

My story is here if you haven't already seen it

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/615046-my-story

 

So the last time I spoke to my ex was two weeks ago now, she did the whole friends thing but was clearly getting sick of my contact so the last time we spoke I told her I would not contact her for at least a month, I told her she can contact me if she wants (not heard a peep).

 

There are still a few loose ends, I have a loan in my name for her which she stated she will pay back once she starts her new job next month, I also pay for her insurance which is under my name with her as a named driver and I still have a house key for her place and some of her sons toys etc.

 

I offered to pay her loan payment and insurance for the first month until she is back on her feet and stated I'd contact her to discuss this in a months time if I haven't heard from her.

 

The problem is I've started to hold onto hope again and think I'm setting myself up to be broken all over again. I keep thinking maybe in a months time she will realise she's missed me and talk reconciliation if I can show her how I've been improving myself and working on issues etc.

 

Lot's of blokes have been telling me I'm being naive and that she's probably f*cking someone else already and frankly if that's the case I'd be heartbroken/furious and don't think it's right that I'm paying for her.

 

So I'm now torn about what to do.

 

Option 1 - Make contact now, hope she responds and discuss money etc, I also know she starts her new job soon and I could also wish her well in that too. I'm worried about this as I've already told her I will not contact for a month and this makes me look weak.

 

option 2 - wait it out for the month like I stated I would, don't wish her well in new job and discuss money later.

 

My problem is that I'm holding onto hope and waiting another two weeks to get my hopes shattered doesn't sound great, I'd rather get it out of the way now if that's the case so I can clean up loose ends and try to move on. On the other hand I think making contact now may weaken any chance of reconciliation so I don't know what to do. I know I'm over analysing the whole thing but to me it seems like a bit of a catch 22 situation.

 

All this talk of her possibly seeing someone else has made me feel sick. Lets say she has, would it be right to think it's completely immoral to have me supporting her financially while she's sleeping with someone else?

[d0nnivain]

You can't go NC when you have financial matters to address. I hope you have a written agreement about that loan because I have a bad feeling she is about to cram it down your throat. Get her off your insurance ASAP. Don't be a complete jerk about it; give her 10 days written notice or so.

 

 

She's not gonna come back because she misses you. She may miss your money but that is about it.

 

 

Also give back the kid's toys.

[nowhereboy]

Thank you.

 

Anyone else have any input?

 

It's not possible for complete no contact as the reality is we will probably be in touch off and on due to the loan I have for her.

 

Just unsure if I should talk to her about this now or respect her space and call in a couple of weeks time like I stated.

 

I'm starting to get a horrible feeling that shes with someone else and I don't want it to get bitter but if she is and I'm still paying for her I'll feel so betrayed and fear I wont act very civilised.

[nowhereboy]

Not had a good week.

 

My new car has broken down and has some sort of electrical problem, I'm £500 into it already and it's still not fixed.

 

I've also just found out my job is no longer safe.

 

Due to this I made contact, sent a text saying I was sorry for bringing it up so early but I would like to talk about money with her, I told her about my car and the job etc and asked if we could speak on the phone. I also told her I hope she and her son are doing well.

 

She replied and asked what's happened to the car and stated she can't talk on the phone right now as she's just got in and is busy getting her son sorted.

 

I text back and told her about the car and said I just wanted to speak about what she can afford to pay me moving forward. She replied and said she hasn't worked anything out yet, shes still behind on bills and she thinks it will take a couple of months to get back on her feet. I just replied "ok no worries"

 

I'm starting to feel like a bit of a mug, she hasn't once said thanks for paying her loan or insurance, hasn't asked how I'm doing, hasn't even made an attempt to say she can pay me x amount.

 

Everyone I've spoken too says Im crazy, that I need to cancel the insurance and tell her she has to sort it out herself.

 

I really don't want to drop her in it like that but at the same time if I find out she's seeing someone else and I'm still paying for her I'll be so upset.

 

I don't know what to do. The loan is in my name so not much I can do about that if she doesn't pay it, it's £230 a month, the insurance is about £80.

[CollegeKid101]

Not had a good week.

 

My new car has broken down and has some sort of electrical problem, I'm £500 into it already and it's still not fixed.

 

I've also just found out my job is no longer safe.

 

Due to this I made contact, sent a text saying I was sorry for bringing it up so early but I would like to talk about money with her, I told her about my car and the job etc and asked if we could speak on the phone. I also told her I hope she and her son are doing well.

 

She replied and asked what's happened to the car and stated she can't talk on the phone right now as she's just got in and is busy getting her son sorted.

 

I text back and told her about the car and said I just wanted to speak about what she can afford to pay me moving forward. She replied and said she hasn't worked anything out yet, shes still behind on bills and she thinks it will take a couple of months to get back on her feet. I just replied "ok no worries"

 

I'm starting to feel like a bit of a mug, she hasn't once said thanks for paying her loan or insurance, hasn't asked how I'm doing, hasn't even made an attempt to say she can pay me x amount.

 

Everyone I've spoken too says Im crazy, that I need to cancel the insurance and tell her she has to sort it out herself.

 

I really don't want to drop her in it like that but at the same time if I find out she's seeing someone else and I'm still paying for her I'll be so upset.

 

I don't know what to do. The loan is in my name so not much I can do about that if she doesn't pay it, it's £230 a month, the insurance is about £80.

 

Dude, have some self respect and stop worrying about how she'll feel or if she won't ever talk to you again. Cut off her insurance. Now. Do it right after you read my post.

 

You paying for her just shows her how much control she really has over you. Drop her in it like that, she dropped you and clearly does not care about you. I've dumped people before, I've been dumped. You know when somebody is checked out of a relationship, she's checked out and will not come back. Sorry if I was blunt, but you need to open your eyes open to this situation.

 

It's not attractive what you're doing btw. If you goal is to get her back, this is 100% not the way to do it.

[nowhereboy]

I'm not even sure what I want anymore to be honest.

 

If I cancel the car insurance and upset her I can pretty much wave goodbye to the 3 grand she owes me, the loan is under my name and nothing I can do if she decides not to pay it.

 

I'm doing it for her 7 year old son more than anything, if she struggles so does he.

[nowhereboy]

Well I've just been offered a job training new staff in a call center down south with my company, I tried to text my ex to inform her of this and to tell her I will help us both out of this financial mess we have gotten ourselves into.

 

The text is stuck sending, it won't send.

 

I tried to call and the phone rings as normal.

 

Has she blocked my number?

[CollegeKid101]

Well I've just been offered a job training new staff in a call center down south with my company, I tried to text my ex to inform her of this and to tell her I will help us both out of this financial mess we have gotten ourselves into.

 

The text is stuck sending, it won't send.

 

I tried to call and the phone rings as normal.

 

Has she blocked my number?

 

Yes she has.

 

Also her son is not your responsibility.

 

Furthermore, she was never going to pay you back.

[Life lessons]

Seems that she has blocked you. She's taking advantage of you and hopefully you're seeing that!? She knows that you're a good person and the dilemma you're in yet she is acting as if it's not a concern of hers. I would go NC with her. I understand that she owes you money and you'll probably have to chalk it up to a lesson learned the hard way. Sorry you're going through this. And good luck!

[Ronni_W]

Has she blocked my number?

If you are fortunate - if the Gods be smiling upon you - then, yes, she has blocked your number; if you are fortunate.

 

If I could offer: At this point, you are using this matter of outstanding finances and unpaid debts to maintain a reason to contact her and keep contacting her.

 

The reality is that you don't have to do anything about it - you already know that she won't have any money to give you for at least a couple of months...and, let's face it, it's probably gonna be even a few months after that. So...there really is NO REASON AT ALL for you to even try to contact her for 2 to 4 months.

 

More importantly, you need to come to terms with the fact that you might not ever see that 'three grand' that she owes you. If, after 4 months, she has not initiated a conversation about a repayment plan, then it will be in your own highest and best interest to just write it off. Don't use it as an excuse to just keep losing more and more of your dignity, and eroding more and more of your own self-esteem and self-respect.

 

AFTER your 4 months is up, let her know that the next insurance will be the last payment you make -- so, here you're putting yourself on the hook for a total of 5 more insurance payments - because you're a nice guy - but no more than that - because you're not a sucker-doormat nice guy.

 

Lastly, get rid of whatever toys of her son you still have - if the child was throwing tantrums and desperate to have them, then she would have done something about it

by now. (If they're in good shape, donate them; otherwise, just dump them.)

 

Yes, all of it sucks. But you don't have to be the author and director of making it suck even more.

[BC1980]

You'll probably never see the 3000 from the loan again because you have no way to make her pay you back? Why did you put it in your name?Drop her from the insurance. It's not your responsibility to pay her insurance or to support her child. Your responsibility is to yourself because you are not in a relationship with her. And yeah, it looks like she blocked you. Sorry about all of this, but take it as a lesson learned. Be careful with your money.

[nowhereboy]

Thanks everyone.

 

Curiosity got the better of me and I rang her to see if she had blocked me or not, it rang twice and I hung up. She's replied asking what I rang for, she was being friendly enough, I sent a text back saying I had something to tell her but I'd text her later. She asked what was up and when I replied my phones not sending the message again.

 

She hasn't blocked me but her phones obviously not working properly.

 

Anyway, I was trying to text to tell her I'm moving away. I've been offered a job down south till xmas on very good money and I'm going for it, just wanted to let her know. Would have been nice to catch up as friends before I go.

 

I still love her but the reality is living with her was very hard work, she was high maintenance, we had a tiny house and while I loved him to bits her young son was exhausting sometimes, my life consisted of work, child care and more work then maybe once in a blue moon Id get half a day to myself if I was lucky. I've kinda realised I don't want to go back to that anyway. Yes in an ideal world we would date again and do things properly and move in to our own house together, not me living in hers but I accept that's highly unlikely.

 

I just think at this point it would be nice to remain friends. I'm feeling stronger tonight for some reason. The days of begging and pleading are long gone.

[basil67]

If you haven't already done so, I agree that you need to stop paying insurance for her. And seek legal advice over getting your money back for the loan. You may be able to take her to the small claims court.

 

And no, you can't be friends.

[BC1980]

I just think at this point it would be nice to remain friends. I'm feeling stronger tonight for some reason. The days of begging and pleading are long gone.

 

It's not uncommon to feel stronger after talking to your ex. The contact gives you a little boost. I remember feeling this way when would talk to my ex after our breakup. It usually doesn't last though. Give it a few weeks or a month, and you will likely want to contact her again. I'm not saying this to discourage you, but forewarned is forearmed. NC is a long game. I would really suggest tying up the loose ends as far as the money/insurance goes, so you won't have any reason to contact her again.

 

Dropping her off the insurance would be the easiest and quickest way to fix that problem. You can text her and tell her that on X day, the insurance will be terminated. With the loan, I don't think you will get any money back from that because she hasn't volunteered to talk about a repayment plan. Does she expect you to chase her down for years to come for this money? Resolving that situation is going to be more difficult because she obviously has no money to repay the loan at present. So if you want the money back, you will have to drag this situation out. Do you have a plan for trying to get the 3000 back?