GGAndFire Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 A couple of months ago, I found that my high school friend had been trying to reach me. We hadn't talked in 8 or more years. After I reached out to him, we talked, emailed, and messaged for several weeks. A little flirting began and we talked about having an affair. We are both married, but not in good places in our marriage. We talked about FWB and NSA. I told him straight up, that I worried about falling for him. He said he had the same concerns, but felt if we talked honestly, we would be ok. We never dated in high school. But we both liked each other. It never seemed to be good timing. He either dated someone or I did and we never found ourselves available. I have had a crush on him forever and he has had the same. Even with time and distance those feelings never went away. We met once and had sex. I had read it would probably be awkward, but it really wasn't. We both walked Away feeling incredible. We have talked almost everyday sicne. It's been over a month. And although we have made plans again, we haven't been able to follow through. And even though he would message to say hi, he seemed a bit distant. I told him directly if he had changed his mind, it was no big deal and we could resume just a friendship, but he assured me he still wanted to see me and said he just felt the need to cool down and reset a bit. He also started a part time job. So his usually days off are a bit tied up. He wants to see me again soon, but I already know I am starting to like him more than i should. We never talk about leaving our spouses. Or make empty promises to each other. The most we have talked about is wishing we had ended up together years ago. The only thing he has ever said about his wife is that he hopes an affair will prolong his marriage. So we aren't manipulating each other. However, I don't know if I should tell him how I feel. That I am starting to miss him, when we don't talk... My marriage has been in trouble for years and I never even though do an affair, until he came back into my life. Should I tell him? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Thought experiment - if you do tell him how you feel, what are you HOPING will happen, and what are you FEARING will happen? From what you've said, it sounds like he doesn't want to get too attached to you, and does want to stay in his marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 No wonder your marriage is in trouble... *of course there will be the come back..choose from one..he cheated, he beat me, he doesn't make tacos on friday* If marriage is in trouble..get divorce, then you can have as much sex with as many different people as you like. Seems simple. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 (edited) It never seemed to be good timing.... we never found ourselves available. And this is good timing?? You are still not available - you are both married! How about this - the person you should be telling is your husband... why don't you tell him that his wife is falling in love with another man! But seriously, if your marriage is not good, do the respectable thing and end it before starting another relationship. You have just taken a hard situation, and made it much more complicated... It would seem to me that he has had his sex, and now he is having second thoughts... and you are in way over your head. Good luck to you, you will need it! Edited February 26, 2017 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 My opinion: get out while you still can. It's clear you're developing feelings for him. He may be also. Who really knows. But something that's often said on these forums is that you need to listen to his ACTIONS. He is clearly ambivalent about what happened. He's pulling away. He wants to "cool down and reset", which is code for cozy up to his wife and try to feel reconnected with her. He explicitly told you that his motivation for the affair is to prolong his marriage NOT abandon it or fall for someone else. This will only end up in a world of pain for you. Trust me, as an xOW, he will not look out for your feelings. And he will not leave his wife for you. So you must do whatever you need to do to protect yourself. And the best thing you can do is to stop seeing him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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