She's denying her affair just so heartbroken and emotionally drained.

[MickeyBill]

As broken as I am all I'm trying to go is get her served right now. Earliest it could probably happen is next week. I did already file. Hard for me to believe any sane person would do this to anyone they claim to love and care about. I could never see myself intentionally hurting her. I feel bad when I hurt her feelings on accident.

 

Hang in there J12, Next week will be a roller coaster, whether she goes to rock the OM world or she steps back in your direction, you have made positive steps out of infidelity. If she wants to stay a cheater that is on her.

 

If you D or R you can look at yourself in the mirror, she can't.

 

Do something with the kids that they enjoy this weekend.

[Try]

As broken as I am all I'm trying to go is get her served right now. Earliest it could probably happen is next week. I did already file.

Although you may not be able to have her served by someone else until next week, you can get a copy of the papers and serve her yourself right now. I would also have someone else serve her next week to avoid debate. Popping those papers in front of her with the court filing data, will make this all very real to her.

[MickeyBill]

Although you may not be able to have her served by someone else until next week, you can get a copy of the papers and serve her yourself right now. I would also have someone else serve her next week to avoid debate. Popping those papers in front of her with the court filing data, will make this all very real to her.

 

^^^^ and it should stop the weekend sex party in it's tracks.

 

If you have the papers, make two copies one for you and one for her.

Serve her at the dinner table and you can show what is going to happen

if she leaves this weekend.

 

When I read these stories I feel like I should call my xWW and thank her for not being Bat sh** Crazy.

[Friskyone4u]

As broken as I am all I'm trying to go is get her served right now. Earliest it could probably happen is next week. I did already file. Hard for me to believe any sane person would do this to anyone they claim to love and care about. I could never see myself intentionally hurting her. I feel bad when I hurt her feelings on accident.

 

Jurassic,

 

I may have missed it, but after sending him nude pictures, videos, and her used underwear, and you hearing her telling him what she is going to do with him, she is now telling you that if she goes they will not have sex??? Tell me I got that wrong please, and please tell me you do not even begin to even think about that being a possibility.

 

It's Thursday night so I guess you and everyone will find out shortly since tomorrow is Friday if she takes off to see him.

 

So from what you are posting, she is as I and others write this sitting at home with you still talking to OM. At this point, it almost does not matter if she goes or not. If after you telling her you are filing does not even get her to even think about stopping the communication, who the hell are you going to even think about reconciling with.

 

If she is still tonight talking to him in front of you then you need to start packing her bags and putting them all at the front door. No, you cannot stop her from coming back in the house but you sure as hell can make it clear that she is NOT coming back to discuss it and then ho to MC.

 

No MC with out total and unconditional NO CONTACT

[Imajerk17]

I don't know if this has been asked yet, but have you yet talked w your children about what is happening?

 

I think they need to know that what your wife (and their mother) is doing is completely unacceptable to the family and you are filing for divorce. Especially because they have seen bits and pieces already.

Edited March 3, 2017 by Imajerk17

[JamesM]

As broken as I am all I'm trying to go is get her served right now. Earliest it could probably happen is next week. I did already file. Hard for me to believe any sane person would do this to anyone they claim to love and care about. I could never see myself intentionally hurting her. I feel bad when I hurt her feelings on accident.

 

I think in your mind that you have already left the marriage. You see no way to forgive her.

 

I also think you may be doing it too hastily as I think she is willing to reconcile, despite how she seems to be acting and speaking.

 

But like I said earlier, I can only give advice based on what you say and then on what I would do. I have seen marriages in real life come back from more than this and be a much stronger friendship and partnership than before.

 

There is still some hope for yours, but it is more difficult (but not impossible) to recover once divorce papers are filed.

[fenix]

As broken as I am all I'm trying to go is get her served right now. Earliest it could probably happen is next week. I did already file. Hard for me to believe any sane person would do this to anyone they claim to love and care about. I could never see myself intentionally hurting her. I feel bad when I hurt her feelings on accident.

 

I agree, regardless if she is going or not to visit this man, she has hold the Damocles sword over your head (meaning that she tried to keep you in constant fear with her actions to hold a control/power position over you) with the threat of going to visit her friend. She has not stopped her contact with the OM and she even using that contact to hurt you.

 

I think you should file and see how she reacts and only stop the filing if she starts showing you that she wants to try it by stopping all contact with the OM and start help you heal from what you have suffered (all this of course if you still would like to reconcile... if you have already passed that door, which I would understand quite good) then just served and let her face the consequences of her acts.

Edited March 3, 2017 by fenix

[Cephalopod]

She's not a stay at home mom but she works from home. Basically there is nothing that has happened unfortunately. She still hasn't started NC and still can't decide if she's going. I'm just devastated,

 

I said if she goes to her boyfriend there's no way we're going to renconcile. She said "she wishes she didnt feel like this". It's just all about her in her mind which kills me.

 

I am moving forward regardless. I WILL NOT be someone who stays with his wife after she takes a lustful weekend getaway with her lover.

 

She has been manipulating me, almost to the fact where I believe she said she wouldn't sleep with him. I've accepted that she has every intention of making this affair physical.

 

A divorce can always be stopped and cancelled before the final decree is issued by the court.

 

By not filing now, you are hedging your bets that she will eventually cave and decide to start acting like a wife. How long are you willing to live on the knife's edge? How long are willing to tolerate living with that kind of anxiety?

 

By filing now, you demonstrate to her that you are not to be used, exploited or disrespected. You are demonstrating to her, unequivocally, that you are going to protect yourself from her and her bad choices, that you have respect for yourself and that you are refusing to live in limbo while she makes up her bat-addled mind.

[Cephalopod]

I think in your mind that you have already left the marriage. You see no way to forgive her.

 

I also think you may be doing it too hastily as I think she is willing to reconcile, despite how she seems to be acting and speaking.

 

But like I said earlier, I can only give advice based on what you say and then on what I would do. I have seen marriages in real life come back from more than this and be a much stronger friendship and partnership than before.

 

There is still some hope for yours, but it is more difficult (but not impossible) to recover once divorce papers are filed.

 

She is not ready to reconcile. She is cake-eating. Her head is a bag of cats.

[merrmeade]

She is not ready to reconcile. She is cake-eating. Her head is a bag of cats.

A bag of cats?

[merrmeade]

I agree, regardless if she is going or not to visit this man, she has hold the Damocles sword over your head (meaning that she tried to keep you in constant fear with her actions to hold a control/power position over you) with the threat of going to visit her friend. She has not stopped her contact with the OM and she even using that contact to hurt you.

 

I think you should file and see how she reacts and only stop the filing if she starts showing you that she wants to try it by stopping all contact with the OM and start help you heal from what you have suffered (all this of course if you still would like to reconcile... if you have already passed that door, which I would understand quite good) then just served and let her face the consequences of her acts.

Yes, this is all sound advice regardless of why she's trying to hurt you.

 

And on that question - why she's trying to hurt you - you've said she complains that you don't treat her like a man should and you don't pay attention to her. So that means that she's having an affair just to hurt you because she feels neglected? Sounds like she got pretty frustrated and you were pretty clueless. If this is true, then you were not communicating, and your marriage was not as good as you thought.

 

It doesn't make the affair your fault by any means. She's an idiot for trying to get your attention with a bomb instead of a light and should get what she deserves. She could have asked for marriage counseling or threatened divorce herself. There were all kinds of options. Even if you beat her, there are other options than jumping into an affair.

 

I agree you should file for divorce and serve her back with a bomb. In the divorce process, a judge or lawyer usually introduces the mediator step. I think that's where a professional can ask the questions that you each need to think about to decide what you want to do about all this insanity.

[Friskyone4u]

I think in your mind that you have already left the marriage. You see no way to forgive her.

 

I also think you may be doing it too hastily as I think she is willing to reconcile, despite how she seems to be acting and speaking.

 

But like I said earlier, I can only give advice based on what you say and then on what I would do. I have seen marriages in real life come back from more than this and be a much stronger friendship and partnership than before.

 

There is still some hope for yours, but it is more difficult (but not impossible) to recover once divorce papers are filed.

 

But of course its not more difficult if she refuses to stop interacting with OM, right??? I guessed you keep missing that little detail

[JamesM]

But of course its not more difficult if she refuses to stop interacting with OM, right??? I guessed you keep missing that little detail

 

You seem to guess wrong...again.

 

 

And as far as she goes, this is the last quote we have regarding how she feels about the OM:

She's not a stay at home mom but she works from home. Basically there is nothing that has happened unfortunately. She still hasn't started NC and still can't decide if she's going.

 

She is in an affair fog and cannot decide what to do. The question is: will a divorce send her in the arms of her lover or scare her into staying home? Would Jurassic's acceptance of her offer of counseling make her realize what a wonderful husband she has and be that extra nudge to end her online affair?

 

So file a divorce and hope she gets scared. Based on how she has been acting so far, she will leave. Accept her olive branch of counseling, and she just may stay and cut off all contact with the OM.

 

I know what I would do.

[Jurassic12]

Hi everyone. She has decided not to go see the OM for whatever reason. She just texted me telling me she's not going to see him. I ignored it and now she's getting mad at me for ignoring her texts.

[aileD]

Hi everyone. She has decided not to go see the OM for whatever reason. She just texted me telling me she's not going to see him. I ignored it and now she's getting mad at me for ignoring her texts.

 

But you shouldnt be angry she's strung you along Ok. Wow.

[whichwayisup]

Hi everyone. She has decided not to go see the OM for whatever reason. She just texted me telling me she's not going to see him. I ignored it and now she's getting mad at me for ignoring her texts.

 

Saying and doing are two different things.

 

Still file (or let her think you're going to).

 

Your wife STILL has not owned what she's done, not apologized, hasn't be genuine nor has she stopped blaming you and re writing marital history. She is reacting and acting out of desperation right now and that's not going to last long. I doubt very much she's ended contact. Besides, didn't she tell you she wasn't going to go see him a few days ago?

[Jurassic12]

I have already filed. I am going to get her served on Monday. Told her I have filed but doubt she believes me. She's told me to stop being ridiculous and that we're not getting divorced. Well is she in for a surprise.

[JamesM]

Hi everyone. She has decided not to go see the OM for whatever reason. She just texted me telling me she's not going to see him. I ignored it and now she's getting mad at me for ignoring her texts.

 

Another step on her part. Take a step forward and let her take another step. So far she offered to go to counseling. You said not unless you stop seeing the OM. Now she has said she will quit seeing him.

 

You told her what you wanted. She complied.

 

Get into counseling and she may begin apologizing and show a desire to rebuild the marriage.

[GoldenR]

Hi everyone. She has decided not to go see the OM for whatever reason. She just texted me telling me she's not going to see him. I ignored it and now she's getting mad at me for ignoring her texts.

 

 

 

She wants a. "thank you". A "thank you" For not going to spend a romantic weekend with someone that isn't her husband. Don't you do it. Don't act grateful. Don't act relieved.

[BluesPower]

Yeah so what...

 

So let's see. She had put you through hell. And at the 11th hour she decides to not go screw him, OK.

 

Is she cutting off the affair? Is she willing to let you have access to all forms of communication? And maybe she might stop lying to your face at some point?

 

How do you know OM might not come down and visit her during the week, and she can take off the day a have some monkey sex?

 

Has she spoken to any of that yet?

 

Keep the divorce moving, it really does not sound like she is anywhere close to waking up.

 

Keep the pressure on...

[Imajerk17]

Another step on her part. Take a step forward and let her take another step. So far she offered to go to counseling. You said not unless you stop seeing the OM. Now she has said she will quit seeing him.

 

You told her what you wanted. She complied.

 

Get into counseling and she may begin apologizing and show a desire to rebuild the marriage.

 

James, that is NOT a "step" in my opinion.

 

A step would be her showing extreme remorse and putting in effort to win jurassic back. A step would be going above and beyond. Deciding not to meet her lover for sex i.e., doing less than the acceptable minimum but still better than before--doesn't quite cut it.

[MickeyBill]

She's not going "this weekend" she and you have alot of work coming up to repair this marriage, if that's what you decide.

 

Until she defogs and goes no contact, etc. she's still playing you .

[Friskyone4u]

Hi everyone. She has decided not to go see the OM for whatever reason. She just texted me telling me she's not going to see him. I ignored it and now she's getting mad at me for ignoring her texts.

 

Jurassic,

 

OK, She said she is not going. Has she also said she told OM she is done with him???? Not likely. Maybe you should ask that question.

 

Now, you have one fellow here who seems to think that that last thing you should do is piss your poor little buttercup off. Most here are going to tell you that the only reason she did not go was because you finally stood up for yourself.

 

I would answer her messages, and the FIRST question i would ask is

 

"I want to see a NO CONTACT communication before it is sent. have it ready to look at when i get home"

 

If you ignore her now she will use that as an excuse as to why she will not stop talking to him. not going this week end is only the first step and it was done under duress. If you had not gotten some resolve she would be in her car on the way by now and you know that.

 

Before any decision on what to do is made, either she ends the affair on the telephone or she does not. my guess is she will tell you that it is OK for her to stay in contact with him since she agreed not to go. In her delusional mind, that will be a fair compromise. If she keeps talking to him, you will have a rerun of this little episode shortly.

 

NO NC=NO MC. Pretty simple. You do not go to MC with a woman who refuses to stop the affair. Of course our friend who thinks you are being a meany to her will tell you to be so grateful for her not going that you run right to MC with no agreement that her affair ends today. her not going does not mean her affair is over.

 

i hope you get that

[JamesM]

James, that is NOT a "step" in my opinion.

 

A step would be her showing extreme remorse and putting in effort to win jurassic back. A step would be going above and beyond. Deciding not to meet her lover for sex i.e., doing less than the acceptable minimum but still better than before--doesn't quite cut it.

 

No, look back at Jurassic's own words. He said he would go to counseling if she stopped contact with the OM.

 

She said she would. Now he should follow up on his word.

 

As for steps...there are small steps and big steps. This was a step that Jurassic requested. He did not say to show extreme remorse before going to counseling..

[MickeyBill]

Does she know that you know that she said that "she was going to rock his world?"