whichwayisup Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 Is she even going to counseling on her own? She's a very broken woman and on some level right now is totally manipulating you, hoping to wear you down so you'll cave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MickeyBill Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 J12 those are your feelings and you are entitled to them. If you get mad about pointless **** it is only natural after what she did. Things are not like they used to be, those things are gone. It may get better but will never be the same. In fact It might be better in the future. If you can both work on what happened and her reasons for her actions. She is not the woman she was before the horrible things, she has been given (by you) the opportunity be a better woman and wife than the one who had the affair. Can she? Will she? It'll take hard work and a lot of IC for her and you as well as MC. She is trying in her way, can you take charge and lead the way to R? Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 Everything is going okay somewhat. It's been quiet. I told her she can't sleep in the same bed with me anymore if she is going to live here. Which just led to her getting on her knees and crying and saying she messed up our marriage forever for pointless sex and that she regrets everything. She was hyperventilating somewhat. Was hard not to hug her and tell her everything will be alright, but I know that's not true. What she did was awful and horrible. She seemed to be trying to get things back to normal with me and the kids. Not rug-sweep as she keeps mentioning how sorry she is, but she is trying to keep everything normal. Family dinners, talking about future events, hanging out. I told her that there is a good chance we will divorce. She then just gets quiet apologizes and stops talking. Told me "she just wants to prove to me she can be the woman/wife she was before she did these horrible despicable things". Time is now my worst enemy. I just got angry at her today. Didn't yell or anything but she was talking something about a birthday party for her aunt. I just got mad and told her not to talk to me about pointless **** that I don't care about and I'm not going with her. The look on her face killed me but I just tried to ignore it. Just locking myself away in our room. Jurassic Sorry to hear that you consider this somewhat OK. Does not sound ok to me. Has she told you anything about how many times she went on Tinder but did not go meet someone. How many men was she interacting with? Jurassic, she is in typical CYA mode, tears and tears and trying to get you to just be worn down and want to go back to the way it was. And unfortunately my friend, you letting her back in the house is going to enable her to get her way on her terms. You needed space to sort your thoughts out and now what you have is basically an in house separation , or semi separation, and while you stew, she plays make believe. Eventually you will decide that she is sorry. No crap. I'm just hoping before you commit to this reconciliation, and you will R, that you get another polygraph done to find out (1) if she is still NC with mommy' boy. Has he tried again to contact her (2) are there other men out there that she has contact information for from Tinder that she has texted with but not met. Tears do not make the correct reason to stay with her. And by the way, in her mental state, if she feels hopeless and depressed and sorry for herself because you are not rolling over any more, that makes her very vulnerable to instant ego kibbles from someone I hope to hell you do not fall asleep at the switch here 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MickeyBill Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 All good points ^^^ Frisky. Just one tinder? how many attempted tinder dates? Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 We are who we are. We can create boundaries to promote and protect ourselves from self harm and perhaps grow but some essences remains. You don't plant deep shade plants in bright day long sunlight. They will die, no matter how well watered and soil conditions you create. Cannas (the flower) must be dug up and stored indoors in the winter in the north. I had one corner of my house in NJ between the house and a extended porch which cannas could survive most winters, no where else in the yard. Your wife wanted you to discover the EA, wanted to taunt you with it. To hurt you the way you hurt her. The tinder confession, parts a moment of clarity, of refusing to TT you. Your marriage has real issues, what are they. Again, one of the issues is not adultery, that is a separate issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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