Ex reaching out via my parents [UPDATED Is my ex-gf manipulating me via fb?]

[p87]

She is contacting your parents because all she cares about is relieving her own guilt. It is not about you, this is about her and her selfish needs.

 

Sorry to say this, but she doesn't care about you anymore. She dumped you.

 

Tell your parents to not accept calls from her anymore, remove her from your phone, and block her on social media. It's the only way.

 

I have a similar situation where my ex told my friend she's cutting me off for the better of me. What does that even mean?! The girl dump you and that's it! I feel like she is still trying to relieve her guilt by "trying" to care for you by calling your parents. She is trying to show people, including your parents, that she is this sweet angel that is hurting and still cares about you. However, in the end, she still dumped you, there is nothing that will change the fact. She hurt you, period. My ex did the same thing to me too, claiming that she still cares deeply about me. However, all she does is justifying her guilt of dumping me by claiming she still "cares" about me and cutting me off completely. Hey I'm sorry you got dump, but I feel like she's being selfish and you shouldn't care about her unless she wants to be with you.

[mischalove]

People are BRUTAL on this site.

First of all you CANNOT force someone to be in a relationship. BS. Second of all, I agree with a previous poster, she is being manipulative, maybe not consciously but nonetheless. She sounds like she has some serious intimacy issues and now is not the time to try to establish a relationship with her. I speak out of experience with my own issues and doing this to a good friend of mine. I know it's easier said than done, but I would do my best to let it go and not be in contact and tell your parents to tell her that you are not okay with her contacting them. Or message that yourself to her since you know that she reads them. She sounds very insecure.

[preraph]

Her uncle has a '64 mustang fastback. God I'll miss that car But you're right. I should just let her go. Thanks guys.

 

Oh, well, that changes everything. You should date HIM. Those seats fully recline, you know!

[Sweetfish]

People are BRUTAL on this site.

First of all you CANNOT force someone to be in a relationship. BS.

 

next thing your going to say is you cant force someone to get married?

 

If someone is immature and flaky. You can force and/or rush a relationship.

The O.P. had clear signs she was sketchy and kept pursuing.

 

I fell in love with her and I chased her during the summer.

 

She kept sending me mixed signals, so I bluntly asked her If it's ever going to work out between us as a couple.

 

She said in my face she was not in love with me.

 

After that trip I backed off. She contacted me, told me we should hang out one more time before the next semester starts (we study in different cities now) and I agreed. She kissed me the next morning and defined the relationship

 

She was acting more and more distant though.

 

Next morning, just after we've been intimate together, she started crying and told me she could not do this anymore.

 

There were sooo many red flags and instead of just taking it easy or walking away from the mess... the minute she said she did not love him.. he should have WALKED. But he didn't he actively pursued the relationship or played into the push/pull game and look where he is now... She bailed.

[mischalove]

next thing your going to say is you cant force someone to get married?

 

If someone is immature and flaky. You can force and/or rush a relationship.

The O.P. had clear signs she was sketchy and kept pursuing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There were sooo many red flags and instead of just taking it easy or walking away from the mess... the minute she said she did not love him.. he should have WALKED. But he didn't he actively pursued the relationship or played into the push/pull game and look where he is now... She bailed.

 

I completely appreciate what you are saying here and 100% agree that the whole thing was covered with red flags, but you still cannot force someone to be in a relationship or get married. It is ultimately still their decision. If they choose to be in a relationship or married because they don't want to lose you or you have made them feel pressured, it is still their decision that they have made.

[mischalove]

Yes, I agree, he should have walked but again, she still had her freedom the whole way. He wasn't holding her hostage.

[Sweetfish]

If they choose to be in a relationship or married because they don't want to lose you or you have made them feel pressured, it is still their decision that they have made.

 

 

What your saying looks good on paper... but many people get forced into marriage. Men and women. While the other person made the decision..yes.. it does not mean they were full invested.

[mischalove]

What your saying looks good on paper... but many people get forced into marriage. Men and women. While the other person made the decision..yes.. it does not mean they were full invested.

 

'not fully invested' I accept, forced, nah.

[lolablue17]

Just tell your mother that you're going to the concert with your new Gf. After she hears that from your mother, it will cause her to stop or to contact you directly. My gamble.

[Redstar91]

I did walk away, that's why she chases me that week and kissed me anyway. I backed off and that caused her to chase me. It went great without any problems for about a month. She's old enough to make decisions like that on her own, how is that my fault? She knew for months I had feelings for her.

[Redstar91]

Update: I went offline from facebook for a couple of days after I went to the concert with another girl, just to give myself some clearance in my mind. Today I logged on to respond to some messages from other friends, and saw that she posted some things the day after we were supposed to go to the concert together. She usually does not share much online, same as me, but now she changed her profile picture from back she was 19 and her banner, no biggie.

 

But the next part is more interesting: She is active in a university paper of ours, she wrote a small column about climate change with a title 'too hot to handle', with her profile picture on it on their website. Cry for attention much?

 

It's getting laughable at this point. Too afraid to talk to me about what happened, but screaming out for attention to the whole university.

[Redstar91]

[]

 

I'm wondering if I'm just seeing things or she is manipulating me trying to reach out to her.

 

To summarize: She broke up with me, same weekend called and texted my mother and the 2 following weekends. After the 3th weekend I reached out writing a long letter, saying she does not have to go around me to talk to me, she read it but never responded.

 

The day after we were supposed to see The xx together (march 2nd, I went with another girl) she started posting things on facebook. She rarely does that, so I think she was a bit sad she could not go to the concert after all and wanted to show everyone she's just fine without me. However I stayed offline for a couple of days, so I did not see it until sunday evening.

 

I have a habit of cleaning up my own timeline, deleting everything after a month. I never post personal stuff about my life, but I get tagged once in a while. I deleted everything for that month but I think se thought I blocked her or something like that. Monday I noticed she put me on her restricted list.

 

It's rather silly, 5 weeks after the BU, now I know she still checks up on me daily but I don't know what to make of it. She's showed a lot of traits of BPD and is also hypersensitive, if that matters.

 

Hoping to get some inputs of you guys, thanks in advance!

Edited March 9, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
3 threads merged ~6

[d0nnivain]

Block her. She is an EX. She no longer gets the privilege of seeing through this window into your life.

[montie1]

I think guys do the most unnatural thing when a woman leaves them. And that is they no longer be a man. Its okay to cry. Show and vent emotions. To call and tell her you miss her and be so weak. But after some time it must stop and you have to learn. I took 2 freaking years to get over a girl. Why. Because same thing thats happening to you.

 

She would always do things to make me think she's interested or along those lines. Just be a man bro. Social media and little breadcrumbs are for childish relationship. She left you didn't she not . so my guess if she was interested she would do more.

 

If theres any future contact tell her straight up what she wants and then you determine what you want. Because right now your old girl is playing you for a fool and the biggest mistake is to participate and entertain it.

 

So since this is a problem. Just block her itll do you the world of good. If she really has something worth telling you. Shell find a way to tell you. Good luck.

[Redstar91]

I'm at a point I'm no longer wanting her back, just trying to understand the psychology.

 

I'm not going to 'block her back', that would show her I care and I let her get to me through childish games. Just trying to figure out what's going on here.

[montie1]

I'm at a point I'm no longer wanting her back, just trying to understand the psychology.

 

I'm not going to 'block her back', that would show her I care and I let her get to me through childish games. Just trying to figure out what's going on here.

 

I know exactly what you mean. But whats the point? I mean shes no longer a functional part of your life if you get where im going. Understanding what and how shes thinking is the next guys problem not yours. Look ahead.

 

Truth is she still wants you around , wants you thinking and pinning over her, relationships gone man any energy you put out now is just wasted energy. Shes up to no good.

[d0nnivain]

I'm at a point I'm no longer wanting her back, just trying to understand the psychology.

 

I'm not going to 'block her back', that would show her I care and I let her get to me through childish games. Just trying to figure out what's going on here.

 

 

It's not about "blocking her back" It's about making an affirmative choice to no longer share with her those things you share with your friends.

[Redstar91]

I got a handwritten letter as a response today. 1,5 month after I sent my letter.

 

She said it's still to early for her to communicate, but the feelings she had for me and our intimate moments together were real for her. And she acknowledged we did not talk enough about important stuff. She is happy for the time we spent together and she misses me, still thinks about me and smiles when she reads things that make her think about me. But sometimes things just don't work out, it's not a science.

 

It does not require an answer so I can leave it at that. She acts very normal, but I won't forget things that happened during and after our relationship. I hope it remains quiet after this, I have a feeling it will.

[Redstar91]

But no. She texted my mother today, again. Asking her if it would be ok to call her. I asked my mother to ignore her.

 

I'm really tired of this stupid childish drama.

[ExpatInItaly]

But no. She texted my mother today, again. Asking her if it would be ok to call her. I asked my mother to ignore her.

I'm really tired of this stupid childish drama.

 

Take it a step further and tell your mom to block her.

[Redstar91]

Aaand she texted me at 1 AM on a friday night, sigh.

[Sweetfish]

Aaand she texted me at 1 AM on a friday night, sigh.

 

 

Well what it say

[Redstar91]

"Hey A, I would like to have a conversation with you. I could not do this for a while to talk with you, I did not feel so good. If you’re up for it, we could have an open conversation. I’m offering this out of respect for you and that I think it would be good for us both if we talk to each other, but whatever you chose I will respect it. Love, B"

[Sweetfish]

"Hey A, I would like to have a conversation with you. I could not do this for a while to talk with you, I did not feel so good. If you’re up for it, we could have an open conversation. I’m offering this out of respect for you and that I think it would be good for us both if we talk to each other, but whatever you chose I will respect it. Love, B"

 

So what your going to do?

[jamili]

Sounds like guilt. But at this point i think you should just meet with her and find out wtf is going on