Girlfriend of one year and 6 months broke up with me out of the blue. What do I do?

[preraph]

Well, it was big of her to forgive you for sexting prostitutes, but forgiving isn't forgetting, and you, my friend, can forget about that ever happening, because trust isn't something that regenerates like a stone crab claw.

[Thatoneguy101]

Well, it was big of her to forgive you for sexting prostitutes, but forgiving isn't forgetting, and you, my friend, can forget about that ever happening, because trust isn't something that regenerates like a stone crab claw.

 

Thank you for your input. I understand trust isn't going to come soon but I know it will take time. I'm glad she has come to terms of us being in good terms after I proved her I never used that dating app. I understand I shouldn't have done what I did even though she broke up with me because she was confused. I know her seeing what she saw she doubted I'm getting back with me. What do you think she means of wanting good terms and nothing more? I understand that means friends but

[Thatoneguy101]

I am not saying you treated her badly but she will have her reasons and they will be good reasons from her point of view.

 

Break ups are very, very hard.

Grieve, heal and move on is all you can do now.

 

I understand. And I am in the process of healing and moving on. Can you read the update and let me know what you think? Thanks. I still think about her and everything

[ExpatInItaly]

Thank you for your input. I understand trust isn't going to come soon but I know it will take time. I'm glad she has come to terms of us being in good terms after I proved her I never used that dating app. I understand I shouldn't have done what I did even though she broke up with me because she was confused. I know her seeing what she saw she doubted I'm getting back with me. What do you think she means of wanting good terms and nothing more? I understand that means friends but

 

It means she doesn't want anything more than civility. That's it.

 

You really need to stop apologizing to her and trying to prove your innocence. Unless I completely misunderstood the situation, she broke up with you. Then you contacted other women. Is that correct?

[Thatoneguy101]

UPDATE***

So I was strolling through my twitter when I came across her saying “When you feel like not doing anything all day… :/” then 30 minutes later says “I guess this is the end, it was bittersweet.” I know I shouldn’t have but I did cause I had nothing else to lose and wanted to keep the door open. I texted her saying hope you had a good weekend and she still sent resentful words and I could just sense it because I know her. She was still mad at me for the dating app that I never used. So what I did was prove to her I never downloaded the app so I sent a screen shot of the app and it still said “Get” meaning I never downloaded it. I wish I sent that when the fiasco happened but I wasn’t thinking right. Then she says “whats the point of all of this. Do you want to get back with me. I thought I told you how I feel.” I told her well I wanted to prove my point I wasn’t talking to anyone but her the whole time trying to mend things with her and that her feelings was a separate issue and told her that’s why I respected her feelings and didn’t contact her for a few days. Then she says “I just want us in good terms and nothing more.” I told her straight up okay and that I still cared about her and that imma respect her feelings and back away as she asked. We said our goodnight and she asked me why I deactivated my fb. I had deactivated it to focus on school. I thought that was puzzling. Also her posting on twitter. What do you guys think of the situation? Thanks.

Ps. I have focused on myself and in the process of improving my overall (work, education, and fitness etc).

 

 

Does anyone else have any thoughts or advice on my situation? Thanks.

[Thatoneguy101]

It means she doesn't want anything more than civility. That's it.

 

You really need to stop apologizing to her and trying to prove your innocence. Unless I completely misunderstood the situation, she broke up with you. Then you contacted other women. Is that correct?

 

Yes you are correct sir. And I did stop. I wanted to prove her wrong that I didn't do anything wrong and so when she looks like back at it, she knew she messed up. You think she will regret it?

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes you are correct sir. And I did stop. I wanted to prove her wrong that I didn't do anything wrong and so when she looks like back at it, she knew she messed up. You think she will regret it?

 

Eh...not really, no.

 

She had already broken up with you. She didn't like you speaking to other women, but the relationship was already over. Meaning, what you did wasn't the reason she ended it (as it hadn't even happened yet) but she is using it as a reason to be paint you as the bad guy. It alleviates her guilt and prevents her from taking accountability for ending it out of left-field in the first place.

 

Again, you don't need to continue proving yourself to her. It clearly doesn't really make any difference if she believes you or not, because she was already done.

[Thatoneguy101]

Eh...not really, no.

 

She had already broken up with you. She didn't like you speaking to other women, but the relationship was already over. Meaning, what you did wasn't the reason she ended it (as it hadn't even happened yet) but she is using it as a reason to be paint you as the bad guy. It alleviates her guilt and prevents her from taking accountability for ending it out of left-field in the first place.

 

Again, you don't need to continue proving yourself to her. It clearly doesn't really make any difference if she believes you or not, because she was already done.

 

You dont think she will compare everything when she finds another guy? Think of a close to perfect guy and that was me to her. Surprises, round trips, out of the country travels, sit down talks about her education work, everything I was there for this person. Why do you think someone would leave someone so good? Immaturity?

[ExpatInItaly]

You dont think she will compare everything when she finds another guy? Think of a close to perfect guy and that was me to her. Surprises, round trips, out of the country travels, sit down talks about her education work, everything I was there for this person. Why do you think someone would leave someone so good? Immaturity?

 

You're forgetting the importance of chemistry/organic attraction. It's something that a million gifts or acts of kindness cannot manufacture. They also don't secure the longevity of a relationship if the other person just isn't into you anymore.

 

I don't think she's necessarily immature for leaving you. For whatever reason, she wasn't feeling it. We can't really begin to guess why. You could be a great guy in general, but that doesn't mean she felt you were right for her. One of my exes was in theory a lovely man, but in the end, my heart just wasn't in it. It's not worth tormenting yourself with the "why." You will probably never definitely know.

 

Sometimes two people just aren't meant to be together. She wanted out. You need to start No Contact.

[Thatoneguy101]

You're forgetting the importance of chemistry/organic attraction. It's something that a million gifts or acts of kindness cannot manufacture. They also don't secure the longevity of a relationship if the other person just isn't into you anymore.

 

I don't think she's necessarily immature for leaving you. For whatever reason, she wasn't feeling it. We can't really begin to guess why. You could be a great guy in general, but that doesn't mean she felt you were right for her. One of my exes was in theory a lovely man, but in the end, my heart just wasn't in it. It's not worth tormenting yourself with the "why." You will probably never definitely know.

 

Sometimes two people just aren't meant to be together. She wanted out. You need to start No Contact.

 

 

I guess. It just didn't make sense that it went from smiles and sunshine one day during an east coast trip at the country's capital celebrating New Years to darkness. Complete 180. Why such things must exist and people like myself go through this? Cold world. Cruel. from everyone else telling me, one day she will realize when she meet other guys that she had it real good with me and regret it because of my unconditional love for her. Nonetheless thanks for your input. I have already begun NC.

[fromheart]

My girlfriend is 23 about to graduate college and I'm 25 with a job and pursing another degree. girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me while we were on a trip together. we got back to our place, things got awkward for me. She acted if nothing happened and wanted space, independent and friends. This shook me hard as I begun acting resentful and ignored her when I could. I soon began flirting with other women and escorts (mistake) one night she went through my phone and saw all my conversations with them. She acted furious and said she never wanted to associate with me again. I told her it was her breaking up with me that made me act the way I acted, irrational. It was a form of infactuation to fill the happiness I lost. I never met anyone or lay hands on any other women, it was all text messages. Next morning feeling terrible, I moved out. After a week not talking, told her everything I could to get her back with no regrets (another mistake). She replied. We talked it out until 3 am.

Things started to be okay again as far as resentment towards me gone. every time I ignored her for a couple of days, she would text me back or call me and ask why am I acting like this. Valentine's Day was mutual. I took her out and got her things she always wanted. Everything was normal as if nothing happened. When I texted her she say stop being clingy, when I ignore her she texts me about random stuff as if we were together. it blew up more when her friend sent her a screen shot of a datin profile that I haven't used since it came out and assumed I have been talking to multiple women when I have been trying to work things with her. I found out she haven't forgiven me from what happened last month with other women. I told her one last text explaining, no regrets.

She texts me back saying she cares about me still and appreciate everything I have done but she needs space rn and doesn't think she will get back with me. I am giving the space she wants so much. What should I do everyone?

 

As soon as she said she wanted space it was over, your instinct caused you to reach out to other women and there's nothing wrong with that. In these situations, keep following that instinct. Tell her to give you a shout if she changes her mind and move on with NC.

 

Hanging in there will guarantee the doormat treatment and unnecessary emotional pain. She probably is hooking up with other men at this point, she and her friends will tell you thats not the case, so as not to hurt your feelings.

 

Just walk away from this one. Ironically that will dramatically increase your chances of getting her back, but there'd be no point in getting back as there'd be a 90% probability of her doing the same thing again. Why go for that when you can have a brand new relationship with a hotter girl?

Edited February 27, 2017 by fromheart

[Thatoneguy101]

As soon as she said she wanted space it was over, your instinct caused you to reach out to other women and there's nothing wrong with that. In these situations, keep following that instinct. Tell her to give you a shout if she changes her mind and move on with NC.

 

Hanging in there will guarantee the doormat treatment and unnecessary emotional pain. She probably is hooking up with other men at this point, she and her friends will tell you thats not the case, so as not to hurt your feelings.

 

Just walk away from this one. Ironically that will dramatically increase your chances of getting her back, but there'd be no point in getting back as there'd be a 90% probability of her doing the same thing again. Why go for that when you can have a brand new relationship with a hotter girl?

 

 

Yeah I have already started walking away. It hurts but I have. I like to not think she is hooking up with other men. But who knows like you said. It's just ridiculous how someone would walk away something so good you know? For what? All that **** doesn't last. Being with someone that you can create memories I say is more worthwhile. You think it's immaturity?

[fromheart]

Can't say what she's like but it is the modern tendency to throw people away when they don't meet our expectations, as we do consumer goods. Stick it out and work on it really is a thing of the past in many respects.

 

Just to help you out and tighten up on your game, try and wait for the woman to text first. She WILL text/call you if she likes you in that scenario, guaranteed.

 

 

Don't know if shes immature, but the mature thing you can do right now is to continue to walk on and start working on yourself. Things will get better this way, sometimes very fast.

[Thatoneguy101]

Can't say what she's like but it is the modern tendency to throw people away when they don't meet our expectations, as we do consumer goods. Stick it out and work on it really is a thing of the past in many respects.

 

Just to help you out and tighten up on your game, try and wait for the woman to text first. She WILL text/call you if she likes you in that scenario, guaranteed.

 

 

Don't know if shes immature, but the mature thing you can do right now is to continue to walk on and start working on yourself. Things will get better this way, sometimes very fast.

 

That's a sad thing. The expectations she has for a guy is a fantasy only in the movies. That's what everyone is telling me based on her actions. Only time will tell I guess. What scenario?

And yeah I am starting to get back in shape and working on getting into a secondary health school. Just work and school. Thanks

[Goodguy05]

This posts reminds me why I'm happy to be single for now relationships are so complicated. Sorry to hear ur pain and I get it i think one o the dudes on here was right the chemistry was probably not there for her. **** if it's not that it's ur too smothering or u dont pay enough attention or u dont make enough or watever theee tailored needs r. Boy definately over it good luck bro

[Thatoneguy101]

So... You haven't blocked her from anything. You're glued to her social media waiting for updates like she's President. You're playing right into her manipulation by still apologizing for talking to other women after she dumped you.

 

You're also very submissive to her when you talk. She says jump, you ask how high.

 

Now you're going to get over her either way, because you have no other choice – but your method will take much more time, energy, and pain than what I suggested. Also humiliation.

 

I realized this and I realized imma be the bigger person and just ignore everything as far as social media. And not reply to her if she texts me and just do me and give her space. everything is time now.

[Thatoneguy101]

This posts reminds me why I'm happy to be single for now relationships are so complicated. Sorry to hear ur pain and I get it i think one o the dudes on here was right the chemistry was probably not there for her. **** if it's not that it's ur too smothering or u dont pay enough attention or u dont make enough or watever theee tailored needs r. Boy definately over it good luck bro

 

 

I bet ha. I forgot how relationships could get this complicated. BTW yeah its been painful but Im going through this crappy process. I think i tailored all her needs from every aspect. It's probably the chemistry or maybe she just picturing the ideal "husband/future" as a fantasy prince charming from the movies but we all know that is not true (there will be fights and not every guy is perfect). And thanks man

[Thatoneguy101]

My girlfriend is 23 about to graduate college and I'm 25 with a job and pursing another degree. girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me while we were on a trip together. we got back to our place, things got awkward for me. She acted if nothing happened and wanted space, independent and friends. This shook me hard as I begun acting resentful and ignored her when I could. I soon began flirting with other women and escorts (mistake) one night she went through my phone and saw all my conversations with them. She acted furious and said she never wanted to associate with me again. I told her it was her breaking up with me that made me act the way I acted, irrational. It was a form of infactuation to fill the happiness I lost. I never met anyone or lay hands on any other women, it was all text messages. Next morning feeling terrible, I moved out. After a week not talking, told her everything I could to get her back with no regrets (another mistake). She replied. We talked it out until 3 am.

Things started to be okay again as far as resentment towards me gone. every time I ignored her for a couple of days, she would text me back or call me and ask why am I acting like this. Valentine's Day was mutual. I took her out and got her things she always wanted. Everything was normal as if nothing happened. When I texted her she say stop being clingy, when I ignore her she texts me about random stuff as if we were together. it blew up more when her friend sent her a screen shot of a datin profile that I haven't used since it came out and assumed I have been talking to multiple women when I have been trying to work things with her. I found out she haven't forgiven me from what happened last month with other women. I told her one last text explaining, no regrets.

She texts me back saying she cares about me still and appreciate everything I have done but she needs space rn and doesn't think she will get back with me. I am giving the space she wants so much. What should I do everyone?

 

UPDATE:

She has initiated texting me a few times asking if I have looked for a new apartment yet since i moved out from our apt and lived temporarily with my sister. She also texted me about complaining about not going to hawaii. I kept it small talk replies and been giving her space and not contacting her on my end.

 

She then texts me again asking if I want to go to her graduation and i said yes and told her congrats but she says i am not even supportive with a mad face. I told her I am more than proud of her achievements and one that is important in her life which is graduating college. I got no reply back ever since. looks like its the end of the road. I have been working on myself throughout all of this (working out, school, work) and just accepting the fact that I did everything i could and just gonna give it time and see what happens but not stay put and watch. It's her decision.

 

If still does contact me again about graduation, I am going to go and say my congrats and leave early and not contact her again if she still doesnt see me as a friend.

 

Life...

[Marc878]

So much for NC, she dumps you and you're going to her graduation? Why?

 

You'll starve on breadcrumbs but ....... Hanging onto that sliver of hope won't get you much except limbo land

[ExpatInItaly]

Wow, she is a piece of work.

 

Don't let her jerk you around like this OP. It's about her ego, not her feelings for you.