Breaking the Ice with the Church Girl?

[Tk123]

Hey Loveshack!

 

I've just recently started going to Church again for the past month or so. I'm a new face to the parish, and I really wasn't expecting to have the "hots" for anyone in Church (does that make me a huge sinner?) .

 

I'm 23, and attend the early Sunday mass' by myself. Oddly enough, there is this girl who appears to be my age or slightly older who attends the mass on a weekly basis as well by herself.

 

I find it extremely difficult to even strike up a conversation with this girl. I usually get to Church about 20 minutes early and am already seated by the time she gets there. She on the other hand, gets there with only a minute or two left to spare before the liturgy begins, and either sits a couple of rows behind or in front of me typically.

 

When mass is over, it's extremely difficult to even get to her and even introduce myself through the immense crowd of people as everyone rushes to their cars to go about their Sunday business.

 

Today was the only day where she showed up late and sat in the row directly in front of me. During the liturgy, there is a moment where everyone shakes hands with people around them and I at least got to shake her hand and smile and she did the same back. However, as previously mentioned, this is during the mass. There is no time to go into introductions or anything as this part of the mass only lasts for about thirty seconds - one minute.

 

Anyway, ever since I've started going to this Church about a month ago, I noticed this girl and I am just looking for advice on how to break the ice given the situation. I'm a shy/introverted guy to begin with, so confronting new people in a conversation can be nerve-wracking at times to say the least. However, I just feel like I have to introduce myself her without coming across pushy or desperate.

 

So how can I break the ice with the church girl? I sometimes feel like there are no windows of opportunities to even approach her. Any tips given the situation would be greatly appreciated!

Edited February 26, 2017 by Tk123

[LookAtThisPOst]

Hey Loveshack!

 

I've just recently started going to Church again for the past month or so. I'm a new face to the parish, and I really wasn't expecting to have the "hots" for anyone in Church (does that make me a huge sinner?) .

 

I'm 23, and attend the early Sunday mass' by myself. Oddly enough, there is this girl who appears to be my age or slightly older who attends the mass on a weekly basis as well by herself.

 

I find it extremely difficult to even strike up a conversation with this girl. I usually get to Church about 20 minutes early and am already seated by the time she gets there. She on the other hand, gets there with only a minute or two left to spare before the liturgy begins, and either sits a couple of rows behind or in front of me typically.

 

When mass is over, it's extremely difficult to even get to her and even introduce myself through the immense crowd of people as everyone rushes to their cars to go about their Sunday business.

 

Today was the only day where she showed up late and sat in the row directly in front of me. During the liturgy, there is a moment where everyone shakes hands with people around them and I at least got to shake her hand and smile and she did the same back. However, as previously mentioned, this is during the mass. There is no time to go into introductions or anything as this part of the mass only lasts for about thirty seconds - one minute.

 

Anyway, ever since I've started going to this Church about a month ago, I noticed this girl and I am just looking for advice on how to break the ice given the situation. I'm a shy/introverted guy to begin with, so confronting new people in a conversation can be nerve-wracking at times to say the least. However, I just feel like I have to introduce myself her without coming across pushy or desperate.

 

So how can I break the ice with the church girl? I sometimes feel like there are no windows of opportunities to even approach her. Any tips given the situation would be greatly appreciated!

 

It's funny, they say the best way to meet a decent woman is via church. Anyway, I was in a situation like this before, at best I was able to time myself to the door's exit so we leave around the same time...to the point we were walking in parallel to each other...but when it came down to it, I was thinking, "WTF could I open with? Talk about the homily or a lesson learned there?" So I didn't bother to say anything.

 

THEN...believe it or not, I saw her on Match.com...so I contacted her through there and said, "Hey, I notice we go to the same church together...not sure if you remember seeing me." I asked her about joining me for lunch after church.

 

And she did respond with, "Yes, I do remember seeing you, but I feel our age diff. was too great." There was hardly a difference though, I think I was 34 and she was 38...woopty-doo and in a church where we were probably the only 2 people that were unattached (mostly all families and married people attend)...why not give me a shot? I mean, it's just lunch, right?

[Tk123]

It's funny, they say the best way to meet a decent woman is via church. Anyway, I was in a situation like this before, at best I was able to time myself to the door's exit so we leave around the same time...to the point we were walking in parallel to each other...but when it came down to it, I was thinking, "WTF could I open with? Talk about the homily or a lesson learned there?" So I didn't bother to say anything.

 

THEN...believe it or not, I saw her on Match.com...so I contacted her through there and said, "Hey, I notice we go to the same church together...not sure if you remember seeing me." I asked her about joining me for lunch after church.

 

And she did respond with, "Yes, I do remember seeing you, but I feel our age diff. was too great." There was hardly a difference though, I think I was 34 and she was 38...woopty-doo and in a church where we were probably the only 2 people that were unattached (mostly all families and married people attend)...why not give me a shot? I mean, it's just lunch, right?

 

I've heard the same about meeting women via Church, and believe me I was not looking to attend Church to meet someone. I guess God just works in weird ways sometime.

 

I'm thinking at best, all I can do is try what you did in your situation and attempt to exit at the same time as her. But like you said, what do you even break the ice with at that point? "Hey I overheard you singing and thought you have a fantastic voice?" Lol.

 

That's really ironic how you ended up finding her on Match. I really was never a big fan of online dating to begin with and I'm guessing the odds of something like that to happen to begin with were very slim (I don't really know how Match exactly works though if it's based off location or whatever).

 

Thanks for sharing your story You're right on point though about trying to give it a shot. I'll gladly accept the rejection if she's not interested or seeing someone but I at least want to give it a shot!

[angel.eyes]

Please don't go and search for her online. That's just creepy/borderline stalker-ish. At best you would just set yourself up for a polite brush-off when you do stuff like that.

 

Instead, use the context in which you first met, to get things started. If she comes in a couple of minutes before the liturgy starts, perhaps arrive a couple of minutes before too. Then smile and greet her on the way in. Or leave around the same time she does. Greet her. When she acknowledges your greeting, comment on some aspect of the service.

 

In some ways, it's no different than meeting people and forming new friendships. You always start with the context in which you meet.

[Popsicle]

I'm Catholic so I know what you mean about it being hard to do in mass. Maybe when you shake her hand and say peace be with you, you could pass her a note? I don't know. If she leaves the church right away afterwards, the only other way I can think of is to try to arrange or be involved in a church event (fundraiser, crab boil, etc) and invite her to attend?

 

Or, you might have to follow her to her car and talk to her then. Don't let anyone tell you it's creepy or stalkerish, because there is literally no other way for you to do this.

Edited February 27, 2017 by Popsicle

[todreaminblue]

I think a note is a cute idea ....a simple one...like another poster suggested the lunch idea...pass her the note in that moment you have before mass with a genuine smile...would be cute...and thoughtful....or just ask her after church hey want to have lunch with me...we could have it down at the park or by the water feed the ducks pelicans sea gulls after.....this is public and less i guess scary since she doesnt really know you or you know her.....it also would help with conversation.....being outdoors tends to do that.......maybe its the sunshine...:bunny:.

 

as an almost introvert i know how hard it is to be upfront....but why i say almost introvert is because no matter how nervous i feel or awkward i say it anyway..th epart with the strength to face rejection comes out....it woudl be worse for me if i never knew........which is what introverts need to do ...break the confines of a label and push yourself to do the uncomfortable.....all you can do is ask and see where it goes from there...i wish you the best...deb

[mightycpa]

Sit in the pew right next to the entrance she ordinarily uses. When she comes in, flag her down and beckon her towards you.

 

When she approaches, stand up and say something like

 

Hi, my name is TK. I've noticed you in Church before and I just wanted to introduce myself. Would you care to join me for today's Mass? (or the service or whatever you call it)

 

Then, after it's over, you'll have about a minute to invite her to do something. Maybe you'll get lucky and they'll have something in the Rectory. Hopefully, she'll join you, but be sure to have your business card ready in case she declines (she might already have plans). Give it to her if she does.

 

If she does decline, then wait a week, get there early, sit in the exact same place, and see what she does when she comes in. If she joins you again, you're in. If she avoids you, it's going to take some work. If she goes to a different service, you're done.

[ZA Dater]

Sit in the pew right next to the entrance she ordinarily uses. When she comes in, flag her down and beckon her towards you.

 

When she approaches, stand up and say something like

 

Hi, my name is TK. I've noticed you in Church before and I just wanted to introduce myself. Would you care to join me for today's Mass? (or the service or whatever you call it)

 

Then, after it's over, you'll have about a minute to invite her to do something. Maybe you'll get lucky and they'll have something in the Rectory. Hopefully, she'll join you, but be sure to have your business card ready in case she declines (she might already have plans). Give it to her if she does.

 

If she does decline, then wait a week, get there early, sit in the exact same place, and see what she does when she comes in. If she joins you again, you're in. If she avoids you, it's going to take some work. If she goes to a different service, you're done.

 

I agree with this, the situation of a common interest/activity makes it considerably easier to introduce yourself and then strike up a conversation of sorts.

[bluefeather]

Introduce yourself to her after mass. Shouldn't be that hard.

[d0nnivain]

As a fellow Catholic I understand your dilemma. Unlike a lot of other religions, at or after a Catholic Mass there is no opportunity for socialization.

 

 

Do not pass her a note during the peace offering. That would be too weird & borderline disrespectful.

 

 

Try to change your seat so you are near her to shake her hand.

 

 

Chasing her down in the parking lot . . .after you have shaken her had a few times at Mass . . . is the least creepy of your options. It sounds odd but it's true.

 

 

You will have to say a prayer for strength & grace before you do this but run after her, introduce yourself, apologize for being bold but tell her she caught your eye & you'd really love to take her out for breakfast if it's Sunday morning or if it's a Saturday night Mass, ask if you could take her for a drink next Saturday after Mass (don't assume she's free that night).

[LookAtThisPOst]

I think I stopped attempting to ask single women out in church because I had gotten a lot of flack from women that would say that there's something very disrespectful about "trying to get a date in church."

 

I remember when I was exploring other churches, one in particular had a singles group. I got into a conversation with a woman about this and when I mentioned about "meeting someone that's single' she attempted to shame me with "how dare you come to my church to snag a woman!"

 

I was like "So? It's a SINGLES group, is it not?!"...this was coming from someone who had admittedly told me that she forked out 1,000 bucks to a commercial (outside the church) match making consult.

 

I think one time when we had a "Catholic young adults" group (which had a mix of married vs single...mostly married unfortunately" someone made a comment about having a singles group...a married woman (of course) made a big stink about that comment saying, "Our church isn't a pick-up joint."

 

So...I think this is why churches, at least in my area...are aversed to the stigma to catering to singles. Actually, a lot of churches I know of consider single kind of the invisible man/woman" of the churches. These groups, if they are formed...come and go...and it becomes cyclicle.

 

I recall a singles group in church, where a woman brought an "outsider" boyfriend into the church...the men got upset about this as they were kind of butt hurt she turned some of them down.

 

I think is why you rarely see single people in churches and mostly families. So they go outside of the church into secular society to meet others and the other person's religion is almost irrelevant, unless they are atheist or something.

Edited February 27, 2017 by LookAtThisPOst