My ex-girlfriend lied to me?

[AmyHershaw]

Recently, I dated a girl and there is a two year age gap between us, she was fifteen going on sixteen years old (I know she is very young and yet to mature) and I was seventeen, I'm now eighteen. We met at the shop we both do voluntary work at and were good friends for a few months.

 

We hadn't been dating long, but one night, she messaged me saying she felt depressed and didn't feel like talking to me much. I said that was okay and this continued for the next few days, in that time, there was little communication between us both and any replies she gave me to my messages were short and blunt. She told me her depressed state was nothing to do with me and I do make her very happy, it's exam stress and her depression which are responsible. Then, one night, she told me she was getting contraception. This surprised me and when I questioned her about it, she tried assuring me it was for a precaution as she doesn't feel safe on the streets, but I wasn't completely convinced.

 

The following day, I found out about a guy (who is eighteen) who she had met and befriended on an app, and he had been going to her house for the last couple of weekends and was also going that weekend. I began to feel uncomfortable and suspect things, which I made her aware of and she told me there was no need for me to fret as he is only a friend. She ended it later that week and said she would prefer us being friends, which I accepted. On the night of my birthday, she was supposed to be seeing me, but she messaged me the night before telling me she was too ill. However, she sent me a Snapchat of him and her sat in her house, and she wrote in the caption that he had come to help her feel better. I confronted her about it, but she insisted that he just turned up at her house and she had to let him in.

 

Earlier this week, she revealed to me that less than a week after ending mine and hers relationship, she started dating him and had even had sex with him. What's worse is that she had been telling her friends that I was using her for sex and was completely responsible for her depressed state as I never gave her any space, so now her friends dislike me. She was expecting me to continue being friends with her, but I told her I couldn't after what she has done. We've been split up for just over two weeks now. I feel so hurt and betrayed, I don't know if anyone else believes something might have happened between her and him whilst she was dating me or I should believe her when she told me the contraceptive she is getting is only for a precaution.

Edited February 26, 2017 by AmyHershaw

[Space Ritual]

Sorry this happened to you but it is pretty obvious what is going on.

 

Go no contact.

 

Delete her from your life. Email, phone number, social media. block all of it so she can no longer contact you and move forward with your own life. She got birth control so she would avoid getting pregnant with this guy. That way she could carry on as if nothing was going on with you and keep you for her emotional needs while this guy was satisfying her physical needs.

 

Cheater basically all follow the same script with rare deviation. This girl is following the script. Wanting to keep you in Limbo and hoping that you'll stick around after she gets done test driving this new model.

 

One thing all cheaters have in common is that they are liars.

 

That's all you need to know...other than this girl is not a friend to you in any way, shape or form. The best way to get past this is to make her a distant memory.

[AmyHershaw]

Sorry this happened to you but it is pretty obvious what is going on.

 

Go no contact.

 

Delete her from your life. Email, phone number, social media. block all of it so she can no longer contact you and move forward with your own life. She got birth control so she would avoid getting pregnant with this guy. That way she could carry on as if nothing was going on with you and keep you for her emotional needs while this guy was satisfying her physical needs.

 

Cheater basically all follow the same script with rare deviation. This girl is following the script. Wanting to keep you in Limbo and hoping that you'll stick around after she gets done test driving this new model.

 

One thing all cheaters have in common is that they are liars.

 

That's all you need to know...other than this girl is not a friend to you in any way, shape or form. The best way to get past this is to make her a distant memory.

 

Thank you so much for your reply, what you say is true, though it is unfortunate. She did remove me from her Snapchat and Instagram contacts, so I removed her from my friends list on Facebook, it would make it easier for me to forget. That is the most likely scenario and it does sound like it. I'm thankful that our relationship came to an end, she could sense that I was doubtful of her loyalty and she has clearly done all that she can to cover her errors, however my parents and my friends can see straight through it. I do believe she has been unfaithful, she certainly has been dishonest and it is definitely for the best that she becomes a distant memory.

 

I just wish it didn't have to come to that and our relationship didn't turn out the way it did, it is such a shame as she did make me happy and was very supportive of me and my aspirations, but she has proven me wrong about her when I believed her to be a trustworthy individual. Thank you again for your reply, it is greatly appreciated.

[Techmonkey]

I'm sorry for your pain. Were you her first girlfriend? I'm wondering if she was testing the waters of her sexuality and got weird about it. I agree with Space Ritual. There's no good that can come from further contact with her. Seems pretty obvious she was cheating emotionally at the very least while she was with you, and if my initial point was a factor she might try to rekindle things only to do this again.

[AmyHershaw]

I'm sorry for your pain. Were you her first girlfriend? I'm wondering if she was testing the waters of her sexuality and got weird about it. I agree with Space Ritual. There's no good that can come from further contact with her. Seems pretty obvious she was cheating emotionally at the very least while she was with you, and if my initial point was a factor she might try to rekindle things only to do this again.

 

Thank you very much, I can handle it as there was also infidelity in the other relationship I had, this is my second one and I'm still learning. No, she had dated a girl before me, she has dated both boys and girls in the past. I agree with him too and I couldn't allow her to think she can do something as emotionally harmful as this and believe I will turn a blind eye to it. My friends have advised me to act civil with her whenever I encounter her in the shop we both volunteer at, so she gets the implication that I am not bothered by it. She is avoiding me at the moment, since she has requested that we be put on seperate shifts to the deputy manager to prevent being present in the shop at the same time as me. I suppose that is for the best, it's just such a shame that it had it come to this and I do still have feelings for her. That is likely, although it is a terrible thought. Thank you again for your reply.

[smackie9]

She is a sociopath.............you dodged a bullet.

[AmyHershaw]

She is a sociopath.............you dodged a bullet.

 

I'm not sure if I'd go to that extreme and call her that ha ha, but what she has done is very shocking for myself and my friends.

[AmyHershaw]

This one is easy.

 

She probably did cheat, you know that.

 

You know she doesn't respect you.

 

Be honest with yourself, find the strength to leave her, or don't.

 

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm aware of both of those things, despite me insisting that there were other explanations for her actions and it was her youth that was a contributing factor to the way she went about relationships at first. We separated a couple of weeks before I posted this, but she was the one who ended the relationship as I was incapable of bringing myself to do it due to worrying about hurting her. She did mean a lot to me and I refused to give up on her, but I should have been more stern and brutally honest with her.

 

Earlier today, she messaged me after not having spoken to me for a while asking if we could forget about all of this and be friends again. However, for once, I put my foot down and told her she isn't having another chance. I could never allow her to get away with this and cause her to feel as if she can do what she pleases and I have to tolerate anything I might disagree with. She is young and she will learn one day, but I cannot be friends with someone who does what she has and attempts to justify it in order to escape the blame.

[AmyHershaw]

"I do still have feelings for her."

 

You don't have feeling for her, you have feeling for who you thought she was. What you thought she was. Or who you wanted her to be. If you look close enough and see her for what she is it would probably be impossible to love someone like that.

 

Thank you very much, the statement you made has just made me realise my true feelings towards her that I did love her when her and I had such a joyful friendship where we made many memories and we never argued, and I believed her to be one of the most wonderful individuals. I have lost a great amount of respect for her because of her actions both during our relationship and afterwards, but I was being foolish by constantly hoping she would redeem herself. It is impossible to love someone who would just treat you unfairly in return, but I suppose it's true when they say love is blind.