How are you coping today?

[Polyphony]

Bad. Bad bad bad all week, easily the worst week in a year.

I finally heard from her on Monday. We had a nice enough conversation but I just couldn't bring myself to tell her what I need to say...at least not yet. At the end I tried to make plans with her even though I told myself I wasn't going to do this anymore. As expected I got the typical response: "Sure, sounds good, I'll let you know." Which means that I will not hear from her. But as always I convinced myself that maybe this time would be different, and so I've been really disgusted with myself since then. I feel pretty weak at the moment and I've given all the power to her. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I just never learn.

I'm not going to reach out to her. I just wish I could move on but I can't right now. It just hurts to realize that you're in love with someone and they act like they want nothing to do with you, like they don't even want to be your friend anymore...

[Heroeric]

2 months of nearly NC and missing her like crazy. Dont know what to do, today isn't my day...

[radiodarcy]

Awful. I was actually sort of looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner with my family as a distraction from him - - even though he lives in the same town they do :/

 

As soon as I get there my stepmother starts being a major b1tch to me. Why I don't know. I tried to ignore it but her sniping got so bad I imploded and said something to my Dad - - (us Indians don't like making scenes hah!)

 

Instead of taking sides he interprets it as something he's done (nothing in so far as marrying her - - she is -- or was my one of my mother's best friends). So I decide if he wants to fall on his sword for her he's going to get a mouthful.

 

In part I was relieving my anger and sadness over the break up - - or whatever. Even though they were still legitimate gripes.

 

I spent the vast majority of my time there in tears in a separate room, gazing out the window and imagining the great Thanksgiving the guy who dumped me must be having - - without me of course.

 

I had to make an appearance for the meal but I left soon after that to get home and find that my dog decided to relieve herself all over the new carpet and one of the cats threw up.

 

So yeah- - this probably rates as one of the worst days...

[SilverlinedCloud]

Day 92 of NC

Today marks 6 MONTHS since we broke up.. Ironic..

 

Im mad that i care enough to keep track!!!

 

I must admit, my baseline of being able to tolerate my own irrational thoughts about him has gone up. I no longer break down at the very thought of not having him or being with him. I may shed a tear out of emptiness and my own personal feelings/guilting about what ifs and should of's.

Yesterday my therapist helped me to go back on particular events and times where i thought his actions were perfect only to realise looking back they were far from. I need to learn to fall out of love with the person that i originally fell in love with. The person he turned into was someone different.

 

I judged him based off of all of the things i would do or how i would respond in a situation. Expect more, fall into greater disappointment

 

Sorry i trailed off... How am i coping today?

It sucks today, i have no family here and i turned down all offers of my friends to join them for thanksgiving. Today i sat at home in the dark feeling like life was on hold and i very unworthy. I can only but imagine that hes having the greatest thanksgiving in a warm house with lots of people whom he loves and loves him. I on the other hand have no one who really knows me and it would feel like i was imposing on their lives and happiness. I know happiness will come and its a choice but today i just dont feel like being happy.

 

Well i REALLY wanted to contact him and say happy thanksgiving, say something, put myself out there like a damn turkey in the line of fire. But im holding on, im just getting irrational, the feeling will pass. I hope

Edited November 29, 2013 by SilverlinedCloud
Additional detail.

[acidios]

day 1 of NC....

 

yes im back at day one...i checked her fb page...

it was a mistake a big one cos i started to have thougths to call her 2morrow morning then it came on my mind her last message..i dont want to talk about it(our relationship) eny more...right now im ok i talked with some friends,and it was a bad move that i broke nc.now im thinking about my birthday that is 2 weeks from now. i want to make this day a target. im thinking if she calls me maybe i wll give another shot if she not i will put a hammer on my head and i will smash so hard that i will forget my name also.

 

i know its not good to have hopes and i know that the chance to call me is zero.but that day will show me alot about her and maybe this is the final strike that will move me to a more ego level of thinking.enyway..back to day 1.

Edited November 29, 2013 by acidios

[sun1972]

I was doing...ok today, afterall we have a reconcilliation chance

 

but..and this is stupid, our MD is out of the office today so we have the radio on

 

And...its love hour where they play all the love songs, and 'our' song just came on, and...ahh never mind lol

[Shaine]

Im scared of finding out he is dating again or he already has a gf.

Im in a much better place now and feel that i dont love him anymore.

But if i suddenly find out ive been replaced, that will be a huge setback for me.

 

Im just waiting for him to contact me about his stuff. I wont have any problem responding to him about his stuff. I just hope he stops being intentionally cruel to me and will not share personal information with me. I really dont want to know about his lovelife. That will break my heart again.

[Pa76]

Well I am in a horrible mood. My ahole neighbors above don't help by being obnoxious all the time. I am wondering if I will be able to meet someone he doesn't know. It's obnoxious how popular he is. Hate him SO much. Think I am one miserable pmsed bitch today and my friends live too far away.

[figuringitoutx]

I am coping wonderfully actually. I've been NC for almost 6 months or so and I'm feeling good about moving past my past relationship.

[AnyaNova]

Last couple of days I had started to feel a little sad about the whole thing again, perhaps some post-gym visit fallout.

 

However, today I seem to be dispassionate about the whole thing.

 

It was, it happened it is gone. I wish I could go back and change things that I did, but I can't. Unless he chooses to reach out and change things, they will remain the same.

 

And I guess I am o.k. with that.

 

Just wishing that I had somebody right now, or anyway, was closer to having somebody.

[Chris715]

Last couple of days I had started to feel a little sad about the whole thing again, perhaps some post-gym visit fallout.

 

However, today I seem to be dispassionate about the whole thing.

 

It was, it happened it is gone. I wish I could go back and change things that I did, but I can't. Unless he chooses to reach out and change things, they will remain the same.

 

And I guess I am o.k. with that.

 

Just wishing that I had somebody right now, or anyway, was closer to having somebody.

 

I feel you Anya. I feel like I'm no closer to finding someone now then I was the day she broke up with me. It's because I've shelled myself in this last year. Dropping out of my classes at school, stopped hanging out with friends for awhile, really not doing much of anything with my life, and I've realized that's led to basically zero opportunities to meet new people and let them into my life.

 

Every day I get up, try to muster some determination, and tell myself "ok today's the day, today I'm going to stop giving a **** about her completely and move on with my life", but easier said then done. And then the doubt creeps in. My ex was the first person I loved and clearly I meant nothing to her because I was used and then cast aside. Is there something wrong with her for doing that to me? Is that just the way people can be? Is there something wrong with me? Why the hell would anyone want to care about me anyway? What do I offer?

 

This has definitely become a viscous cycle for me as the days go on. But this isn't some Hollywood movie where the girl of my dreams pops into existence out of nowhere and saves me, as appealing as something like that sounds. I need to scrap and claw my way out of this rut on my own and stand on my own two feet.

[tjr]

Well today my ex approched me. Not about us lol there is no us but shockingly it was a real conversation. Lol i guess he just wanted to talk but im glad either way. It started out with him asking about the cats the other day, so today i had a stupid pic of one and sent it to him saying something to make you smile. Later when in the same area he asked if i had heard a new linkin park song, but somehow turned into some heartfelt thing.

 

He doesn't know how much I accually know of what goes on, and no its not that I go looking for the info but it gets filtered to me. Like that he moved into an old friends place the one that was part of our issues lol. That her and her gf are breaking up ( i work with the gf at my 2nd job and shes not suppose to talk to me lol but i guess since they are breaking she felt free to tell me). She said it was her gf just didnt want to put up her. I almost broke down to confess how much i want him back or that i simply just missed him. I didnt. Lol he didnt wanna leave. Then he kept coming around after that. I know it means nothing but im not upset even if we dont get together. This road is long and slow

[iouaname]

Thanksgiving was weird for me. I had my ups and downs over the course of the last week... one thing I'm grateful for is that the downs are no where near as bad as they used to be. My life was in shambles earlier this year and I'm proud to say that I've turned it around. I have friends again, I'm in great shape, I've learned how to be independent and I've learned how to demand respect from people and to respect myself.

 

There are still a lot of hard times. He reaches out pretty often, but there's nothing to it. He doesn't reach out to get back together, but I don't care because that's not a route I would be willing to go. But he also doesn't reach out with an apology, so anything he has to say is meaningless to me.

 

This past year has changed me. I feel like I've become so cynical towards relationships and love. I don't see it as a part of my future. I just don't think I'm willing to take the risk of getting invested in someone again. So I think I'm just going to continue working on making myself happy.

 

So today, I'm coping okay. I'm okay.

[Chris715]

 

This past year has changed me. I feel like I've become so cynical towards relationships and love. I don't see it as a part of my future. I just don't think I'm willing to take the risk of getting invested in someone again. So I think I'm just going to continue working on making myself happy.

 

 

This is exactly what my last relationship did to me too. It was my first serious one and she was the first person I've ever loved and things ended messily between us and then progressively got uglier. I realize my one and done mentality is unhealthy and maybe immature but I can't really help it at this point. Did I get extremely unlucky with my first love? Falling for someone that seriously messed up my perception of what a healthy relationship is? Is this bitterness and cynicism from all the mistakes I made before and after it was over?

 

I don't know, but it all loops in my head every day, trying to get at an answer that probably isn't there.

[EnigmaWolf92]

Well its been lets see almost 4 months now roughly since the breakup. One month since NC officially set in yet we have not talked to each other for maybe 2 months or longer. Background details http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/445682-my-breakup-story-don-t-know-what-think

Some days I miss her some days I don't some days I wake up indifferent. I'm frustrated I can't make it more then half a week without checking her social media pages. Heck I ever check her youtube to see what music she is listening to its a pain and i don't know why I still do it.

I read into things way to much some days It seems like she is over me and others it seems like she wants me back. Up until our anniversary day of this month I was doing okay then I saw she had viewed my professional profile on that day and that threw me back in a fog. It lead me to a break down on thanksgiving where I emailed her indirectly and hopefully she has not seen it. I wish she would tell me she never wants to talk to me ever again just something to know things are final..

 

My main problem is I spend so much time wasted in bed sleeping the days away be it hoping that as they pass she will come back or something will change and I'll forget her or something I don't really know.

 

wish I could break this cycle of false hope maybe borderline depression and I don't know what else. Just another day of venting on LS and hoping for healing well suffering in silence I guess.

Edited November 30, 2013 by EnigmaWolf92

[radiodarcy]

I feel like I've become so cynical towards relationships and love. I don't see it as a part of my future. I just don't think I'm willing to take the risk of getting invested in someone again. So I think I'm just going to continue working on making myself happy.

 

So today, I'm coping okay. I'm okay.

 

I feel the same way. A few years ago I decided to commit myself to losing weight - - and in a little more than a year I lost 60 pounds.

 

Sometimes I think that was easier for me to do, than to be in a relationship. Because I didn't have to rely on anyone other myself in order to make that happen.

 

With a relationship, if the other person doesn't do their part to make things work; then it may as well be useless. The last few relationships I've been in, I was the one doing all the work. And getting little if anything out of it. Other than frustration, despair and ultimately: heartbreak

 

I'm beginning to come to the conclusion that relationships just aren't for me. I just can't seem to find anyone who feels inclined to put the effort into maintaining one. I'm tired of the false starts.

 

I know there are men out there who want to put in the effort - - but I have yet to find any. Although I know plenty of women who have. Maybe I just don't have that appeal.

 

Like you - -I think I'm better off just working on myself and trying to make me happy.

[fluffyfluff]

2.5 years later and I still feel like I'm waking up each day to a nightmare. It keeps me awake at night.

 

We have good times during the day my

Daughter and I. But give me one moment and I'm just back there reliving everything.

 

I'm so emotional tired. I still feel like I'm in denial, there is no difference In Happiness than being with him or separated. I'm just not happy with life

[Kansas87]

I was doing really well and now I am back to square one. Maybe now he'll listen. Maybe now he understands that I'm avoiding him for ME, not to punish him. Maybe he meant it when he said he loves and cares about me and doesn't want to hurt me.

 

But then, that never stopped him before.

[Riou]

4 months nc..been feeling down this month about life in general.2014 will be better!!

[The Situation]

Going in reverse. I really want to be part of her life again, but properly this time. I miss her smile and laugh, and the places and people that used to be a part of our lives. I'd do whatever it took to fit back in. It just seems like the right thing to do, but how, I don't know.

[SilverlinedCloud]

Having a hard time.. I'm over 4 months into NC. Sometimes I actually feel alive again having the time of my life and other times I feel dead to the world. I miss him so much. I don't know why. I just wish we lasted long enough to see if we could figure it out but I know there were firm concrete reasons why it had to end. ive been on dates and realised that maybe being single and dateless is the way to go.

I hope I'm not this cynical when it comes to meeting the right person but for the most part that time isn't now

[ponchsox]

Feeling good. Thankful for my parents, friends, and church. I'm very happy being single again and I'm looking forward to dating in the future.

[AnyaNova]

Backsliding a little today.

 

I am missing him a little. Wishing I was in a couple. Wishing I had someone to cuddle and share with.

 

And I am tired.

[Riou]

Feeling tired today..i start to have no interest in talking to my friends..anyone feel tired of human connections after coming out of a long relationship?

[Reels]

Feeling tired today..i start to have no interest in talking to my friends..anyone feel tired of human connections after coming out of a long relationship?

Same here, saw a movie yesterday, and since then, feeling very dreadful.