BC1980 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 My ex's sister texted me last night to see how my Christmas was. I know she was just trying to be nice but i didn't need that. I was civil and just told her I needed space. But it made me feel like crap all day today. I haven't spoken to or heard anything about my ex in over 2 months but I still can't seem to let go! I don't know how many times I'll have to consciously tell myself it's over, she doesn't want me back, and she doesn't love me anymore before i finally let it go. 2 months of NC after a 2.5 year relationship with the first girl i truly loved and I feel like I still have a lonnnnng ass journey ahead of me of coping.... The struggle to let go was my biggest challenge. I fought it all the way. I just could not let go, and a lot of that had to do with not seeing the relationship for what it really was. I kept my ex up on a pedestal when he had actually engaged in some very sh$tty behavior along the way. It was so hard for me to accept reality because I sort of idolized my ex. So I didn't want to believe that he was capable of stringing me along and breaking my heart in a horrible way. Once I actually saw reality, it was easier to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 (edited) Sometimes i really hate him for what he put me through. He didnt mean to. He was doing the best he could. But I still hate it. Edited December 30, 2013 by AnyaNova Link to post Share on other sites
HorseLuck Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 (edited) *** edited Edited December 30, 2013 by HorseLuck Link to post Share on other sites
Hotsauce3mk Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 The struggle to let go was my biggest challenge. I fought it all the way. I just could not let go, and a lot of that had to do with not seeing the relationship for what it really was. I kept my ex up on a pedestal when he had actually engaged in some very sh$tty behavior along the way. It was so hard for me to accept reality because I sort of idolized my ex. So I didn't want to believe that he was capable of stringing me along and breaking my heart in a horrible way. Once I actually saw reality, it was easier to let go. During my relationship, my ex never treated me like $hit and was always loving and caring until she dumped me out of nowhere. And because of that, I still have trouble believing she was capable of stringing me along for who knows how long OR that she just suddenly lost feelings for me. I mean, how does someone go from being all over you and telling you how much they love and appreciate you one day and then TWO days later decide you're not worth it anymore?! This question plagues my mind every day and I just can't seem to knock her ass off the pedestal.... Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 During my relationship, my ex never treated me like $hit and was always loving and caring until she dumped me out of nowhere. And because of that, I still have trouble believing she was capable of stringing me along for who knows how long OR that she just suddenly lost feelings for me. I mean, how does someone go from being all over you and telling you how much they love and appreciate you one day and then TWO days later decide you're not worth it anymore?! This question plagues my mind every day and I just can't seem to knock her ass off the pedestal.... *walks up to pedestal where this beautiful gold appearing statue of a soman that appears to be glittering. Kicks leg out to the side and gently with the toes of my high heeled boot, push the statue odd the pedestal. It shatters into a million pieces. Not gold. Just ceramic. And now( ceramic dust.* Any chance you could do the same in retun? My ex seems to be stuck on the pedestal too, and I can't seem to put his you know what off of it! :-) If only it were that easy! Link to post Share on other sites
sportzhl24 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 I have not been coping. Barely holding on. I was ok for a couple weeks but then I started thinking about who really broke up with who. My ex told me she couldnt be with me in a hundred different ways but never really said the words. I was the one who said it is over. Then tried to get her back later that day. She said she couldnt be my girlfriend. I am having so much trouble dealing with this. To the point where I would rather be dead than deal with this. I cannot deal with this Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riou Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 (edited) Sometimes i wonder if she's a habitual liar who lies to even herself..after knowing that she is masterfully manipulative. Edited December 30, 2013 by Riou Link to post Share on other sites
Jules78 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 I have not been coping. Barely holding on. I was ok for a couple weeks but then I started thinking about who really broke up with who. My ex told me she couldnt be with me in a hundred different ways but never really said the words. I was the one who said it is over. Then tried to get her back later that day. She said she couldnt be my girlfriend. I am having so much trouble dealing with this. To the point where I would rather be dead than deal with this. I cannot deal with this It's hard. There are good days, bad days and really bad days. Your life is worth more than your relationship. Please continue to post here. We've all been there. You will get through it. It may not seem so now and sometimes I wonder if I will but I know we can. It sucks in the worst way but please know you are not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Weird dream about "her" last night. It was my ex but it was a completely different person. We were in good terms but she acted cold as usual. I felt just like I used to many months ago wishing she could just be a bit more loving towards me. Was this dream just another reminder of how unhappy I was in the relationship yet I chose to sugar coat it or perhaps just deal with it? Whatever it was I can already feel the day isn't starting on a good note. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Shiety morning, went to my therapist and felt a bit better. Now leaving the gym and feeling much better, let's see how long the lucky streak lasts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Had a much better morning, but two things intervened. 1) getting close to needing a b12 shot and my levels started to drop, took some liquid, though, so hopefully that will improve. 2) practiced the Nocturne in which the playing thereof is going to be the centerpiece I hang he entire poem about our relationship around. have it mostly rememorized, but still needs a little work. But since I used the whole thing as emotional material for the expression, well. But my goal over break is to get completely over him, and getting him out and into a music and poetic context that is exterior to my internal thought processes will be beneficial in that regard. Hopefully, I will be exchanging a small setback now for huge gains later. Link to post Share on other sites
Still-I-Rise Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Rough day today. I'm still angry and pondering revenge. Oft have I heard that grief softens the mind, And makes it fearful and degenerate; Think therefore on revenge and cease to weep. 2 Henry VI (4.4.1-3) I'm tired of feeling weak and allowing people to tread upon me. I have it within my ability to cause some serious trouble for a few people but something keeps holding me back. My stbxh used to say I was too fair to him no matter how he treated me. And although he was right, today I want to start changing that perception. Been thinking of Michael Corleone and how he settled business in the final scene of The God Father. My husband was mean spirited and given to tantrums. Not me. I would execute like the Don only without the killing. No tantrums. No misses. No games. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Rough day today. I'm still angry and pondering revenge. Oft have I heard that grief softens the mind, And makes it fearful and degenerate; Think therefore on revenge and cease to weep. 2 Henry VI (4.4.1-3) I'm tired of feeling weak and allowing people to tread upon me. I have it within my ability to cause some serious trouble for a few people but something keeps holding me back. My stbxh used to say I was too fair to him no matter how he treated me. And although he was right, today I want to start changing that perception. Been thinking of Michael Corleone and how he settled business in the final scene of The God Father. My husband was mean spirited and given to tantrums. Not me. I would execute like the Don only without the killing. No tantrums. No misses. No games. I'll tell you a little about my story my ex and I literally lived a movie. We used to joke around that one day we would be millionaires selling our story to Hollywood and yet still no one will believe the crazy lives we used to live. So with that being said I have to this day a boat load of info in her as she does on me. One day in rage, I decided to coordinated to schedule a meeting with someone and acted on anger. The meeting with this person took place but surprisingly it completely backfired. I was shown "love and affection" which left me completely baffled. Luckily this experience worked in my favor. What I'm trying say is, don't act on your emotions, anger is poisonous it leads to nothing productive. It's been 8 months post BU and to this day I still deal with anger. I wish I could just punch a punching bag until I can't lift a finger anymore and get it over with. But what will be the result? I would only hurt myself. We need to learn better ways to cope with anger, I have yet to find an effective one but i still try. Hang in there we are all on the same boat. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Still-I-Rise Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 I'll tell you a little about my story my ex and I literally lived a movie. We used to joke around that one day we would be millionaires selling our story to Hollywood and yet still no one will believe the crazy lives we used to live. So with that being said I have to this day a boat load of info in her as she does on me. One day in rage, I decided to coordinated to schedule a meeting with someone and acted on anger. The meeting with this person took place but surprisingly it completely backfired. I was shown "love and affection" which left me completely baffled. Luckily this experience worked in my favor. What I'm trying say is, don't act on your emotions, anger is poisonous it leads to nothing productive. It's been 8 months post BU and to this day I still deal with anger. I wish I could just punch a punching bag until I can't lift a finger anymore and get it over with. But what will be the result? I would only hurt myself. We need to learn better ways to cope with anger, I have yet to find an effective one but i still try. Hang in there we are all on the same boat. Thank you for sharing your experience, specifically the part about backfiring. I know revenge isn't my modus operandi so it's time to get off that kick. Been keeping busy today and its helping some. Be well folks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StringsAttached Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Yeah I wish you the best of luck and what not. But you're still a **** and you'll always be a ****. You haven't changed one iota. Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 B vitamins are a wonderful thing. I am genuinely happy today and looking forward to all the new beginnings 2014 will have. I will finish out my arc of posts in the ex thread, but tonight At midnight am saying goodbye and putting you in the past where I should have long ago. You wanted this. I hope you're happy with the results. I am moving on. There is a phenomenal life with phenomenal love in my future. I'm off to find people and things who want to move forward with me into it. You, your dysfunction and your repudiation of not only me, but your very self are going in the past where they belong. So long and thanks for all the fish, even though you probably don't even get the reference. Link to post Share on other sites
Jules78 Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 I'm crying out of nowhere today. I was looking forward to tonight and now I am not. I was all gung ho about 2014 and giving a big F.U. to the last three months of 2013 and ready to roll. Now I just want to go home and crawl into bed and sob myself to death. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Thoughts come and go which is a good thing, they do attached with a little bit of pain which makes it a bit uncomfortable. Fictitious scenarios generate in my head which I immediately without any hesitation eradicate. 5.5 more hours and I can kiss this year good bye. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Such a hard month this has been. She left me four weeks ago after six months together. I know I shouldn't but I'm planning on wishing her a happy new year. I'll probably send her a text like "Thank you for the best year of my life. I really wish we could have spent tonight together. Happy New Year S" We haven't communicated in two weeks. This isn't a ploy to try and get her back or whatever, but a way to express my feelings and acknowledge that the relationship is over as well as the year. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Such a hard month this has been. She left me four weeks ago after six months together. I know I shouldn't but I'm planning on wishing her a happy new year. I'll probably send her a text like "Thank you for the best year of my life. I really wish we could have spent tonight together. Happy New Year S" We haven't communicated in two weeks. This isn't a ploy to try and get her back or whatever, but a way to express my feelings and acknowledge that the relationship is over as well as the year. Please don't. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Please don't. Because? ......... Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Because? ......... It's better you don't do that in all honesty. You're better off simply maintaining no-contact and attempting to move on man. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Because? ......... Because you are forcing contact. She already said goodbye. According to your threads, she already gave you reasons why. And yet your using NYE to again force contact with her. If you respected her, you'd leave her alone. She made her position crystal clear. You don't need to bid farewell to the relationship again, it looks like that had been done more than once. Link to post Share on other sites
HorseLuck Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Such a hard month this has been. She left me four weeks ago after six months together. I know I shouldn't but I'm planning on wishing her a happy new year. I'll probably send her a text like "Thank you for the best year of my life. I really wish we could have spent tonight together. Happy New Year S" We haven't communicated in two weeks. This isn't a ploy to try and get her back or whatever, but a way to express my feelings and acknowledge that the relationship is over as well as the year. I don't know how things ended but, that statement makes me cringe. She will be over the moon with such a compliment. Besides, you still have years to go. But hey..if you think it will truly help you to relay a message, go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
HorseLuck Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 (edited) I hope you pick up a girl today and leave me the h*ll alone. Edited January 1, 2014 by HorseLuck Link to post Share on other sites
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