legion113 Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Nowadays my heart is too cold, and I'm learning to live with that...for now. What's there to report? I don't miss her I know that for sure, but I still find myself missing the memories. I don't care to know how she is doing, it's been 8 or 9 months post BU and the likelihood of her being with someone else is pretty high. I actually wouldn't expect anything less. Had a dream last night again. It's as if I was a ghost standing in the room. She was walking around, dolling herself up as usual, she walked past me as she was getting her things, almost as if I wasn't there. You would think, well that's a sign of her moving on? I don't know, I don't care, for all I know she hooked up with someone last night and what I was witnessing in my dream was the aftermath of her fun night. Sadly, and not so much to my benefit my dreams for the most part correlate with reality, don't ask me how. I guess I just have to live with this for today. thanks for reading. It's called astral traveling, or out of body experience Link to post Share on other sites
RDawg Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 oh geez what is going on with me. Yesterday I was doing so well, feeling positive and motivated, today I'm a fricken mess again. I have been trying to limit contact with her as much as possible, last week we had to talk about the house and I kept my cool, didn't show my pain and kept things business like. Thought I was doing fine. Today however I am a wreck again, maybe it's the rain but all I feel like doing is crying. I am sitting at work fighting back the tears. I am so angry with myslef for having lost all my power to such an emotionally cold person.. or to just such a strong person. I feel like letting her see all my pain that I have been hiding.. let her see the damage she has done.. but of course I wont, it will only reinforce her decision.. 3.5 months into this.. wish i was at the 1 year mark already.. aaaaaaarghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riou Posted January 7, 2014 Author Share Posted January 7, 2014 I feel empty lately with no appetite to eat,not even junk foods..i feel like i have nothing to say to even my friends,like i can't get pleasure from any social interraction.. Link to post Share on other sites
Sabrina88 Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 missing my ex its been 7 months since we broke off:(((( Link to post Share on other sites
margot13 Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 OUCH!!! Yesterday was ok, I thought maybe I was getting better. Today I am back to obsessing about WHY!! It makes no sense and I know it doesn't to keep thinking about someone that just doesn't want me, but I do. Still keep hoping for the phone call or the knock on the door and the decleration that he made the biggest mistake of his life!! Oh well back to the real world, where that will never happen..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
julzfromsa Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Hi All Also a low day today after she contacted me yesterday. Nasty mail for nothing. Anyways. Like most people that are on a downer, cant sleep much, miss her face, hate her, love her, angry, sad, grief, wtf, why... GUYS DONT UNBLOCK FB. Just causes more pain. Its the worst thing you can do when you are feeling the pangs of grief. Unblock her when you are happy with life. Hope I can sleep tonight. Please! Julz Link to post Share on other sites
julzfromsa Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 oh geez what is going on with me. Yesterday I was doing so well, feeling positive and motivated, today I'm a fricken mess again. I have been trying to limit contact with her as much as possible, last week we had to talk about the house and I kept my cool, didn't show my pain and kept things business like. Thought I was doing fine. Today however I am a wreck again, maybe it's the rain but all I feel like doing is crying. I am sitting at work fighting back the tears. I am so angry with myslef for having lost all my power to such an emotionally cold person.. or to just such a strong person. I feel like letting her see all my pain that I have been hiding.. let her see the damage she has done.. but of course I wont, it will only reinforce her decision.. 3.5 months into this.. wish i was at the 1 year mark already.. aaaaaaarghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! One day good, next day astronomically messy. Back and Fourth. Hate it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Going to get my b12 shot! Was sitting here, knowing I needed it and feeling somewhat depressed and missing him. I admit, I googled him. He had a meeting or something work related a few days ago, that the state had posted about. I guess it really hit home for me that he is just living life. Like a few of the people with attachment issues suggested, he probably buried everything he he felt the very next day and convinced himself he is fine. Thought about crying for a minute, then decided that the whole thing pissed me off to a sufficient degree that my dignity demands that I don't cry, that I go shower (yes, I admit, I've a few days more of break and I intend on using them to do whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it. ) and that I go to town and get my b12 shot, so I can stop missing his ass, because he certainly isn't missing mine. Not to say that he shouldn't be, but that is another point altogether. It does bug me that he gets to unload all that on me, disappear the next day for all time and get off emotionally scot free, and I am left with all of the fallout. UGH! Why am I this low? Why are these stupid vitamin levels so variable? Will post in a few hours when the shot has kicked in and I feel better, maybe one of these days my brain will understand that I feel low because my vitamin levels are low and not because I am truly missing my ex. Off to the shower and the shot. Link to post Share on other sites
ayudorama Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 My mother and I were speaking about how people know that someone is The One. She said you just know, your heart just knows. I asked my sister-in-law the same question. She answered in a similar manner, with similar choice of words. The heart just knows. Oh really? Then there must be something defective about mine. I honestly don't trust my heart anymore, because it was wrong once. Could be wrong again. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
margot13 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 How am I coping today... Today is ok but the coping sucks!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vassilbg Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I've had a major relapse in the past few days. I texted my ex an apology after a month and half... she actually apologized to me about 2 weeks after the break up... so now, the lines of communication are open. Well, she told me she broke her wrist, so now I'm worried about her which really sucks. I had removed her from SnapChat but added her back today and we've been back and forth. I think there was def an emotional set back, but I'll plow through it. I'm back to being confused about what it is I want... I was SO sure I didn't want her back and now, I'm back to being just mentally f*cked. I'm going up to LA for a 3 day business trip so hopefully the change of scenery and me staying strong and not contacting her will aid my quest to get back on track. Link to post Share on other sites
True Gent Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Just angry with myself for being her doormat for years and years. Then she leaves me with GIGS. Yes I feel so stupid right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Xemyd Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 How am I coping today? I don't even know. I feel like I'm faking it. The last week I thought I was doing really well, but I feel like I've just been faking it. I don't want to think about you anymore. It's tiring. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 How am I coping today? I don't even know. I feel like I'm faking it. The last week I thought I was doing really well, but I feel like I've just been faking it. I don't want to think about you anymore. It's tiring. Tiring is exactly right. Well said. Link to post Share on other sites
loveiswar101 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Tough day today. I know she's going doctor's about getting body fixed, so want to text and wish her well and hope she get's some answers. Gee I miss her. Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I'm happy with how I'm coping. I mean, I'm able to keep myself distracted and I've got my ex blocked. I don't have the desire to unblock him, either. I still have to deal with him once in a while in group events but it's always at a distance so even that isn't as much of a problem. I guess I'm disappointed in myself for still needing to 'cope.' It's been over a year since the breakup and I still find myself angry over certain things, sad over certain things, and sometimes struggling to get through days. I've become good at hiding it - so people don't even know that I'm still struggling. I'll never let my ex know I'm still struggling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riou Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 Coping better today but down with a flu,can't wait to get well and see the sun again. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Went shopping for stuff for my apartment today and went to all the stores I normally go with her, and this was the first time I actually went to them without her. I felt completely alone. I wrote about this in my thread and actually ended up crying when I wrote about that. I miss her so much. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaWolf92 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) Messed up today with the stress of life and checked up on you. hopefully this stops it is becoming less frequent but its like a bad habit one thing leads to another. Stupid professional network site I wish it would let me block you completely. Glad you got the promotion you wanted annoyed that I found out about it indirectly and unintentionally. I don't want to stalk anyone regardless of my still hopefully fading feelings. Yeah I love you and I care I just know I'm not relevant and it would not work. acceptance is a hard pill. I miss you in my life you may not know how much I need you but I'd never make you a dependency your better off free then in my toxic environment that I try so hard to get out of. I need help but there's not much I can do I'm always the problem solver. To young for this but I feel so old. If I die of a heart attack before I make it to my 30's that's not dramatization that would just be reality and I hope you don't hold it against me because I hold nothing against you. Some things just can't be helped. Edited January 10, 2014 by EnigmaWolf92 Link to post Share on other sites
freebird31 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I hate that people come and go. It's the most painful thing I keep experiencing. It keeps happening. With loved ones, death, break ups...people leaving. How many more times will I have to repeat this pain. It's too hard sometimes. Do we ever get a break?...anywhere down the line...us this whAt life is going to become..people coming and leaving. They're always temporary parts in my life. People I loved with all my heart, with every fiber if my being. And they are in another world. I wish I could gather up all my loves ones even people I lost to death, and have them all in one room. Thee would be so much love. I wish I could be friends with my ex so I could at least have some part of him with me. But I can't. I'm just getting so tired...and tired....and tired. Of letting people I love go. I wish they could take me with them sometimes. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
ayudorama Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I'm just getting so tired...and tired....and tired. Of letting people I love go. I wish they could take me with them sometimes. Speaks my heart. </3 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Went to bed at 11pm, woke up at 5am thinking about and missing her. I wish I could at least dream of her, but I don't even get to experience that. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 So far so good. At the gym regardless of my injury, dipping myself in the sauna makes a huge difference for emotional state. Have a follow up appointment in 2 weeks with doctor and by then I'll most likely be in casts completely out of commission. But this is what I must so for me to fully heal. Treating physical injury with as much emphasize as my emotional one. I need to keep a positive attitude and power trough ALL of this. Link to post Share on other sites
flightplan Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I've had better. Went on a date last night, had a decent time but no real spark. Came home went to bed, had a dream about how dating felt like I cheated on her. (which I never did) Woke up today feeling really sad. Imagine that.. she BUs with me and I feel like I cheated on her? That's effed up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Xemyd Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I've had better. Went on a date last night, had a decent time but no real spark. Came home went to bed, had a dream about how dating felt like I cheated on her. (which I never did) Woke up today feeling really sad. Imagine that.. she BUs with me and I feel like I cheated on her? That's effed up. I get that feeling too. That's usually why it takes me a longer time to find someone new after a break up. Link to post Share on other sites
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