True Gent Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Not good today, had contact due to animals and possessions. Been an emotional wreck today. I know she isn't missing me at all after 9 years. I'm miserable totally miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Not good today, had contact due to animals and possessions. Been an emotional wreck today. I know she isn't missing me at all after 9 years. I'm miserable totally miserable. breathe and practice self love today. do something nice for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Had my first personal training session of the year. Had both b vitamin shots for the first time in weeks. Reunited wih my Kitty cat! There is so much I need to do in terms of organizing and cleaning from the B vitamin deficiency, but I have energy and want to get started. Intellectually, a part of me still thinks that given the health issues both of us were experiencing that we didnt really get a fair shot. Emotionally, if he doesn't want to, which all signs are a big flat no, I'm good with that. There will be a new meal with somebody else I'm quite happy and grateful today. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Xemyd Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Horrible day.... Laying in bed, lights off, drinking by myself. I never drink. Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I'm changing my ways of thinking a little bit. I've been hard on myself about the things that I do and the way that I feel, but I think that I'm going to resolve to just be easier on myself. To be good to myself. It is taking me a long time to get over this heartbreak, but maybe that's how it's supposed to be. I'm learning so much about myself and about who I want to be and about how to handle situations - so maybe I'm exactly where I need to be right now and maybe I just need to be good to myself and ride it all out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
StringsAttached Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 (edited) Oddly I feel awesome today. She contacted me yesterday asking me to be friends and for a fresh start. I agreed but not wholeheartedly I just wanted to know her situation and she divulged! She told me her new bf told her she was too clingy so they're taking a break (rebound anyone). I felt bad at first for her but now after 24 hours I feel great. Not because their relationship didn't work but at how I didn't even want to get back with her which is an awesome feeling. I did dream about her and told her the dream and usually we would analyze them but she didn't seem to care anymore. She's changed and it hurt for an hour or so then I said wow the woman I loved is dead. I realize how poisonous she was for me, I started smoking weed and did naughty things to fuel my habit and it all spurred from her. I'd never tell her in fear that she get depressed and start blaming herself but I went from a confident/awesome person to some lovesick puppy and i'm slowly returning to my old self. I deserve way better. I'm confident if she were to call/txt again i'd just ignore it. Not even worth the effort after what she put me through. The wicked bitch of the west is dead! Edited January 14, 2014 by StringsAttached Link to post Share on other sites
RDawg Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Awesome Strings Attached. Good to hear you have come to this point. Today I am feeling good! Had a great mountain bike ride on Sunday, pushed myself really hard and felt so good afterwards going for beers with my cycling buddies. Cooked a delicious spaghetti and meat ball dinner for my house mate last night which gave me lots of satisfaction. AND.. I have my sights set on my next 'victim' - going to give her flowers tomorrow at her place of work.. should be interesting to see her response. Life is starting to look good again. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Strangely dark mood today. Dropped of my little girl at school and saw the back of the ex in my rear view mirror. Kind of had a feeling i would see her today, almost like i dared it to myself. Will meet my newish GF for lunch today, i hope the vacant look has gone by then. Link to post Share on other sites
Softie Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 How am I coping today - just about. Link to post Share on other sites
Erlaad Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Going downhill just now. Hitting the 3 weeks marks today, I was three month full NC until I was invited by her parents. Some moments I just feel like everything was an enourmous lie. I believed in her, I would have given her everything, and she threw me away like some half-rotten meatstick. Wonder if it makes sense to wish something similar from someone else. I know it's just negative thoughts but what the heck. Struggling to keep positive right now. Need to work on this and many other issues. Luckly I'm holding strong in NC even if she tried to reach out on New Year's Eve. - Erl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
True Gent Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Going downhill just now. Hitting the 3 weeks marks today, I was three month full NC until I was invited by her parents. Some moments I just feel like everything was an enourmous lie. I believed in her, I would have given her everything, and she threw me away like some half-rotten meatstick. Wonder if it makes sense to wish something similar from someone else. I know it's just negative thoughts but what the heck. Struggling to keep positive right now. Need to work on this and many other issues. Luckly I'm holding strong in NC even if she tried to reach out on New Year's Eve. - Erl I have all the same feelings as you. Was it all fake and I hope she receives what she's dished out to me. We'll get there eventually buddy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
H245 Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Today was a downward spiral. I went to bed late and had dreams of her with another man. Woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Now currently heading into work wanting to cry my eyes out. Doesn't help it's raining here today and it's affecting my mood as well. All I want is a hug right now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Onmymind Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 The last week has been really tough on me. 2 and 3/4 months of nc and I'm starting to believe that she is never ever going to come back. I'm wondering if she's with someone else, I'm wondering if she still loves me, wants me back, etc. all things of which I know probably aren't true. I know I can do better, but her soul and her personality and her adventurous exiting heart made me fall so madly in love. She cared so much for me and for us, I don't get how she could let it all go without trying to communicate and work things out. Why do people let things die?!! However I've been going to the gym nonstop, hanging with tons of friends and overall, bettering myself immensely! Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Rough day yesterday, I haven't experienced those in a while. However, today appears to be promising. I feel focus, organized and prioritizing what truly matters. I'll like to build up on this positive momentum to make it a productive day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ben00 Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Today was a downward spiral. I went to bed late and had dreams of her with another man. Woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Now currently heading into work wanting to cry my eyes out. Doesn't help it's raining here today and it's affecting my mood as well. All I want is a hug right now. I relate exactly to you, H245. It's raining here in PA... not good for the mood. Last night was very rough. My ex contacted me by text yesterday to just "talk as friends" and "catch up". I replied and tried to act as if she was simply a friend to me, but of course my heart was in the blender. She broke up with me 4 months ago and I am really struggling to get over her. She told me she recently read all of our love notes and emails from the past year but said it didn't bring up any feelings. (Thanks for telling me that, ugh.) Then after a few more texts she said goodnight and bam, that was it. I had dreams of her all night. Dreams of seeing her hanging out with another guy. I was tossing and turning all night. I hate love. But I love love. It's so great, but can also be so painful. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Really doing better today. 3 wks into NC and each day I see the truth of the relationship. I can see that it was one sided and I was doing all the work. I can see that I should have set stronger/more defined boundaries in order to take care of myself in the R and not turn into a victim. I can see that there were many moments and stretches where I was not truly happy. Those moments where when she was pulling away. I can see that I showed up in this R and was fully vulnerable. I am starting to see that us splitting up is for the best...that I deserve/want a partner who will participate in the R more. Yes there are up and down moments and this is going to take months to heal, but I am starting to not defend her in my mind or with my loved one. I think I did that for fear of my own ego. Thank God for NC. It gives you the head space needed to see reality. I had the blinders on. They are slowly coming off. I started going to Alanon meetings this year which has helped me greatly. I love that program. It is all about self care and you can apply that program in an facet of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
love_pink Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Having dreams of him is really painful. I wake up wanting to cry. I wonder if he thinks of me as much as I think of him. I want him to miss me like I miss him. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Really struggling to move past the anger I've been feeling. All the nonsense and manipulation she keeps dishing out towards me. I was better at either ignoring it or letting things slide, but I don't know why I've falling back into an anger trap with it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Xemyd Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I've been all over the place since last night, I can't stop thinking about him. Plus I had another dream about him last night, so helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
ayudorama Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Moving swiftly past dreams of him walking away from me, ignoring me completely. These days I've been dreaming of myself confiding in a few friends and just.. sobbing uncontrollably. Where is the source of all this grief? And most importantly, why is there no end to it? This.. Sadness. He no longer appears in my dreams. I'm thankful for that. But it's the second time in two weeks this has happened. So much sadness, it's overflowing. Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Sitting in my organized living room which just needs vacuuming and dusting. In an hour or so, I will start on my bedroom! :-) In other words, I am happy and doing well. Link to post Share on other sites
H245 Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Currently doing worse than I was this morning. I wanted to go to trivia tonight with the local meetup but I'm afraid of running I to my ex. I saw her last week there and she ended up talking to some guy for the next 2 hours in front of me. It really hurt to watch and afraid it'll happen again tonight. I asked 2 of my friends going to let me know of she shows up. Link to post Share on other sites
Xemyd Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I'm thisclose to texting him, I miss him so bad. But I'm at 2 months NC, I can't break now..... Link to post Share on other sites
realfriends Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I'm thisclose to texting him, I miss him so bad. But I'm at 2 months NC, I can't break now..... Dont do it. Stay strong. Im right there with you nearing the 2 month NC zone. We can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
ElecTriX Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Both yesterday and today is really really bad. I thought I had progressed but now I feel like I haven't moved at all. I miss her and want her back so much.. Link to post Share on other sites
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