How are you coping today?

[The Outlaw]

Besides my head, I feel mostly good. 

[The Outlaw]

I never rarely use this thread anymore but it's been kind of a weird week. It's earlier than I'd like to be at it for the weekend so I apologize in advance if it seems if I'm a bit cryptic here. Sometimes that maybe for the best. But a few days ago I felt wonderful. The best kind of wonderful I'd felt in a long time ago because it seemed like the pieces finally started to fit and I was extremely happy when a doubt I had was just put to rest but looking on it now, I can feel the dynamic has changed and I'm not sure how to take it. And I can't shake it. Could be wrong but I don't know. It's been kind of a climb and now I don't even feel I'm back at square one (or belong). And sometimes beyond that, I just don't know anymore. I can't even think properly anymore sometimes. 

Edited May 10, 2020 by The Outlaw

[Realitysux]

There are two ways to get over heartache .. Both are effective! 

1. Go NC and block them, take all the recommended steps to move on 

2. Constantly expose yourself to the pain until it no longer bothers you at all 

I'm almost certain they take the exact same amount of time. 

I am looking at new houses today. One is a 2 bedroom and one is a 3 bedroom. I'm going to go for the 3 bedroom and keep my mom. She claims to want her independence but her actions say otherwise. She has also been pestering me all weekend for a dog and you don't typically do that when your plan is to move out. I'm going to move and leave all the B's behind me and start a new .. this house is jaded and I feel it's time to move on from this house. 

Edited May 10, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

I am never going to talk about this. When someone says let go and move on, it means let go and move on. You don't say anything after that 

[Realitysux]

After I get the house sorted out, I'll be busy packing and getting rid of what I don't want. It would have been the perfect time for a garage sale but with the lockdown, not sure that is allowed to happen. I'll be leaving a ton of things on the side for free pick up. 

Edited May 10, 2020 by Realitysux
Oops bad word (replaced with things 😏)

[scooby-philly]

Feeling weird today. Overall, I guess I'm doing great. Work goes on well, though I do miss the social interaction a bit as I'm working from home and sit in my basement 12 hours a day M to F. And yes, we do some social events but not quite the same. Financially I'm in the best shape of my life and barring anything really bad happening, I'll be able to execute my dream later this year or early next year - buy a nice house, have enough money for furniture and stuff and still have money in the bank for a rainy day. I founded and run a non-profit group in my spare time and things are going great. My brother who's had a rough go of things financially and career wise is finally seeing things come through and my parents and grandmother are in great health. If I can just get into a decent sleep pattern and get back to working out and drop 25 to 30lbs and making ease up on smoking a little bit, I'd really have nothing to complain about. And don't get me wrong, I am grateful for all of those things.

But...it always seems that what do many people take for granted - a home, a relationship, a spouse, children - I've had to fight so hard for and haven't had some of them realized yet. Now, I know life isn't perfect and leaving aside what we see in the media or online, I know life isn't perfect and what looks nice on the outside (relationships, marriages, homes, families) may not be so perfect upon closer inspection. And I also have to admit, and have been working strongly on accepting my role in my own failures - loving people who weren't the right type of people for me - relationships, friendships, family, and being scared to sometimes do what I wanted and pursue my interests, my likes, and make sure my wants and needs were taken care of as much as I give and help others. And I'm not perfect. I still get impatient at times, still talk without thinking, still get angry over silly stuff sometimes (though I know anger is an appropriate and healthy emotion that we need). And as I said I need to get more active and get in better shape and also eat a bit better. But I can't help escape that "hole in the soul" feeling. Yeah, maybe there's some residual hurt/pain from the last relationship. But honestly, at 8.5 (soon to be 9 months before I realize it) out - the critical thinking, mature, adult side of my brain isn't pining for her, I understand what her flaws were and also understand how I enabled my own heartbreak by staying around for WAY WAY too long. But you know, I'm a romantic, caring, sensual, affectionate guy and sometimes I truly just miss touching someone, cuddling with someone, planning life with someone. They say it's important to keep living life when you're single. To not put aside things that sometimes we feel should wait till we're "with someone" - buying a home, traveling, pursuing career, educational, etc. goals. And that's true (to me) and I'm not waiting any more on a lot of that. I just guess finally coming out of my pain and the darkness and feeling like I'm ready to "meet someone" - and now we have covid-19. Like man, I know I am very, very fortunate compared to the majority of people right now. But having feelings is okay and right now I just feel unlovable. Like there's something wrong with me for wanting that affection, that I'm too ugly, too fat, too old, too unsuccesful to meet anyone great. I know I need to continue to work on my self-worth and continue to validate myself and where I'm at in life. But man, sometimes I just really wish that things would just move quicker. Lol. Feeling human....yeah, I know. I guess I need to remember that previous heartbreaks, while enable by me by my choices and my staying around to be the "good guy"....doesn't mean I can't or won't find the love I seek. I just need to maybe look a little differently and learn to listen to my heart and my gut more when/if they're telling me to "run" or "this isn't what you really want". To speak truth to power, and in this case, the power is how much I want someone to love me. I deserve, because I give, a deep, unshakable, fire quenching type of love. So yeah, for now, another week of quarantine and no chill. lol. 

[Realitysux]

I feel a little better. I am not in contact with any mutual friends. There is one at work but I'll keep a distance from him. I understand why it didn't work out and what I've done. I know I was told to let go and move on or it would affect my life with another man, I just wish it would have ended at that. The fact other people are being involved is what made me completely crazy. That and I couldn't even make a call in private (long story) .. but I'm letting it go now with no hard feelings. I hope he is also happy 😊

I really don't want to be an obsessed stalker. That's what I was. Obsessed! It took over my thoughts. And there was a mind f*** and stories how we connected but my life did not improve with him. He didn't make me a better person. He wasn't supportive. I wish I walked away 7 years ago but I can't go back now. 

Edited May 11, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

I feel sick. I feel knots in my stomach and I'm gagging like I'm going to puke. I've had so many headaches from this. I'm relatively strong and can continue to push forward but I'm a mess. It affects me mentally and then it effects when I'm interacting with other people and then they react bad and I take it personally and feel down about myself. Honest to God, I really just want to be normal and alone right now. I don't have to bore anyone with the glory details but I have not had anything relatively normal in far too long. I just want to find a house (I'm staying home from work today to look). I'm actually going to the job site and I'll call my boss and explain I'm on site but can't get in cause my caugh but it's weather related type deal. I'm spending the day looking for a new house because I'm not sure the one I got is the right choice. I'm going to move and just be normal folk. I'll be a normal parent and everything I do will be normal. I'll work like everyone else and start my business (no education, only option) and then drive a car and get on with it. I'll have a normal dating experience too. Normal and I'll be acting normal since my life will be so normal.

Edited May 11, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

Well I suck at virus symptoms since I don't want to cause panic to play hookie so my new plan is to forget my safety vest and get sent home. I don't want to be at work for some odd strange reason. 

Edited May 11, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

Nope. My neighbor saw me leaving and ran one out to me from the laundry room no lie. I have to do to when today. Yippie Duda day .. 

Edited May 11, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

I paid 40 dollars to read this guys mind trash on this website. It was a report he wrote and I got a lot of answers. It was about motivation, emotional regulation, and making me think for myself. The issue I have is when his friend connected with me, he said you need to let go of that guy or it will affect your life and a relationship with a man. Then I connected with a women who said "let him go, move on, block him, and change your phone number". I contacted him because this thing was driving me crazy and making me more depressed then I already was. I am not depressed at all and I feel great. Things are going to start opening up again. I am going to see an apartment after work today that has two full bedrooms and two full bathrooms but it's purple. I'm not sure I like the purple but I can paint. I have no idea why I mentioned this but its my rant. I did get a house but I didn't want the house. It just wasn't the right house for me. 

Back to the guy, right, rant.. let me read and see where I am at since I'm off topic. Here comes the mental health comments 😒

The thing that I don't agree with is that after they said to me to move on, I contacted them directly and said "thank you, I have to move on and so do you" because let's face it, it wasn't fair to stick around. Since then, there has been more. Dating advice, assuming past trauma and trust issues, men telling me I'm a good women (I am 😊), men telling me I deserve to be satisfied (I will be 😏) and more. The thing is that it went on for too long. He thinks I enjoyed talking to him but we never talked. I admit what I did to him wasn't fair and it wasn't kind and he probably didn't deserve it. My spider senses are pretty good and he was a good person no doubt. I would honestly say he was one of the best people I've worked with which is why I spent 40 dollars to read his report. I have no Ill feelings for this individual and I wish nothing but good things for him. I just had him in my life for 7 years and it wasn't working for me. This didn't work for me and I don't think I want to continue on this road with them. Now I'm going to get ready for work .. I'm going to focus on work today too! 

Edited May 12, 2020 by Realitysux
2 typos.

[Realitysux]

I have had sometime to think and although there have been several distractions, the real issues still exist because I haven't really dealt with any of this. I don't think I need to either! I am depressed and a mess and it's because of me. I need to create an existance alone. It will take a long time to do this. 

Edited May 13, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

I need to get stable. I'm going to focus on my move. 

[Tamfana]

Oh my god finally my mother understands that it is good for her to give  documents to her accountant and to meet with her lawyer- AND she has met with her lawyer!  A ton of tension and just cascades of unnecessary problems just ended.  She called the police on me the other day because I grabbed her tax docs and tried to scan them to send to her accountant.  I’m so exhausted. But! a massive step forward. It took 5 years to get here.  I want to sleep for a month. 

Edited May 14, 2020 by Tamfana

[Ekaj]

It’s 14 days of no contact and 3 weeks since I’ve seen her. 8 year relationship.

 

its getting worse as the days go on.. is this normal? I can’t even get out of bed. Feel so numb. When do things slowly get better?

[Beachead]

@Ekaj

Hey Ekaj,

I read some of your threads.

1 hour ago, Ekaj said:

It’s 14 days of no contact and 3 weeks since I’ve seen her. 8 year relationship.

 

its getting worse as the days go on.. is this normal? I can’t even get out of bed. Feel so numb. When do things slowly get better?

Its very normal so don't worry.  I wish I could give you a time-frame but it all depends you.  People heal and recover at their own pace.  Some factors such as the duration of the relationship, the importance of it to you, how well you execute the coping strategies needed to get yourself through this play a role in the difficulties you come across in your recovery.  You are grieving.   Simple as that.  Just as healing from a physical injury requires a mix of proper care and letting things be while leaving it to time...a emotional injury, require the same, in its own way.   

Your mind is used to 8 years with a person and is programmed to carry out a routine that involves her, when she is no longer around..so there is a disconnect.  A void.  You may feel unmotivated to do anything, you may not have an appetite, you sleep pattern may be messed up.  You may feel chest pain or heaviness.  You may be checking your phone for a text or call every minute that passes because every minute feels like eternity.  Your ex may be the only thing your thinking about right now.   And if you feel any of these things, understand that its largely a physiological process and these things will subside with time.  Unfortunately, you won't be able to voluntarily shut it down.  You'll have to ride it out but you can smoothen that ride by getting a hold of the hurricane of thoughts in your mind likely controlling you at the moment, and begin sorting them out.  Knowing what's going on with you, allows you to make sense of what happened and what to do about it.  

I can certainly assist you in sorting your thoughts out and showing you ways to make your road to recovery as smooth as possible. 

Stay strong

- Beach

 

[Ekaj]

7 hours ago, Beachead said:

@Ekaj

Hey Ekaj,

I read some of your threads.

Its very normal so don't worry.  I wish I could give you a time-frame but it all depends you.  People heal and recover at their own pace.  Some factors such as the duration of the relationship, the importance of it to you, how well you execute the coping strategies needed to get yourself through this play a role in the difficulties you come across in your recovery.  You are grieving.   Simple as that.  Just as healing from a physical injury requires a mix of proper care and letting things be while leaving it to time...a emotional injury, require the same, in its own way.   

Your mind is used to 8 years with a person and is programmed to carry out a routine that involves her, when she is no longer around..so there is a disconnect.  A void.  You may feel unmotivated to do anything, you may not have an appetite, you sleep pattern may be messed up.  You may feel chest pain or heaviness.  You may be checking your phone for a text or call every minute that passes because every minute feels like eternity.  Your ex may be the only thing your thinking about right now.   And if you feel any of these things, understand that its largely a physiological process and these things will subside with time.  Unfortunately, you won't be able to voluntarily shut it down.  You'll have to ride it out but you can smoothen that ride by getting a hold of the hurricane of thoughts in your mind likely controlling you at the moment, and begin sorting them out.  Knowing what's going on with you, allows you to make sense of what happened and what to do about it.  

I can certainly assist you in sorting your thoughts out and showing you ways to make your road to recovery as smooth as possible. 

Stay strong

- Beach

 

Yeah Im slowly understanding. Today was another horrible day. I’m guessing this stage is the worst, or atleast I hope it is. 

[scooby-philly]

14 hours ago, Ekaj said:

It’s 14 days of no contact and 3 weeks since I’ve seen her. 8 year relationship.

 

its getting worse as the days go on.. is this normal? I can’t even get out of bed. Feel so numb. When do things slowly get better?

@Ekaj - Sorry for your pain and heartache. Unfortunately there's so single "path" to recovery from a broken heart as Beachead mentioned. The most important thing you can do is to not block the feelings. Now, I'm not saying cry openly like a baby in front of your co-workers. But if you need to, excuse yourself if you feel a rush coming on. The sooner you can accept them when they're happening, the better. Lots of people run from the "darkness". But the darkness isn't actually bad. Sure, it hurts like hell. And the next few weeks/months may feel like a roller coaster ride, especially if the heartbreak was intense, the love was real, and the breakup was sudden or due to terrible circumstances. But the more you embrace the darkness, the more you let it show you, teach you what it can, the better and more complete your recovery will be in the long run. I know how difficult it can be, trust me. I'm almost 9 months out of just a two-year long relationship, so I cannot fathom what 8 years would feel like. Surround yourself with a few friends, family members, co-workers - people who know you well and who truly care about you and your well being. Open up to them and share the pain, the anger, the sorrow. the only way forward is a rough ride, but you can do it! Once you start dreaming for yourself again, dreaming of a life without "her" and with your own goals, wants, and needs taking priority, you will know the ride has at least come close to ending. Hang in there!

[MeadowFlower]

I can look back at this post at this time, and see if things have gotten better. 

[K.K.]

1 minute ago, MeadowFlower said:

I can look back at this post at this time, and see if things have gotten better. 

Hope they have, Meadowflower. 🙂 

 

[Realitysux]

Men and Women, no need to cope! I got what you need right here and I'm going to give it to you for free. No more coaches or anything. It's simple! These men and women who broke your heart and made you pine for them only gave you a bar and showed you that you are under that bar. Raise the bar and do yourself something better. If someone makes you feel like your life isn't that great, then change your life so you are enjoying your life without that person in it and screw him. Thank him for giving you a high bar and move on. I'm really bored from this quarantine and I'm not remotely stable but I'll read this in a few months and decide if I agree with my statement but right now I'm motivated. 

[The Outlaw]

Frustrated with work at this point. I really need a getaway in the near future, but I just don’t see that as happening anytime soon. 

[MeadowFlower]

On 5/18/2020 at 7:38 AM, K.K. said:

Hope they have, Meadowflower. 🙂 

 

I meant it as, in the future I can look back at my post and see if things are better than they were when I wrote it. Or something like that. 

[The Outlaw]

Despite backtracking a little, I'm not dead yet. 

[K.K.]

On 5/19/2020 at 2:56 PM, MeadowFlower said:

I meant it as, in the future I can look back at my post and see if things are better than they were when I wrote it. Or something like that. 

Ohhhh. Ok. Well, in the future I hope you look back and are doing ok and my hoping you will be ok will still stand ... in the future. Do you look back at your past posts already in this thread from the future which is now and see any progress? Hope so. 🙂