Cornholio12 Posted July 6, 2020 Share Posted July 6, 2020 Mostly chill minus the power outage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted July 6, 2020 Share Posted July 6, 2020 Done w/ work for the day I guess. We closed out a project last Friday, so all that was left was "mopping up the blood" AKA release notes and some final dev notes. That's done, testers seem happy, I'm thinking it's time to take the rest of the PM off and center my chi for the next project. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 (edited) Um yea so I'm thinking I should probably clean my house and stock my fridge. I think I'm expecting company but I'm not sure. Edit: actually, the cleaner is in this afternoon so it's just a matter of putting some clothes away and clearing out space for an out of town guest. I don't know but I guess we'll have to wait and see Edited July 7, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 (edited) I had no idea and I feel like a complete a**h***. I would like to fix this all in person. I'm so sorry! Edited July 9, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 I'm sub contracted and make my own hours. I have one guy working under me but he's new to the industry. I took today off cause I'm working the weekend and have to do a few things including by more tools. I feel great cause my work life feels steady and I have lots of it. I have to organize myself and my house a little bit. I'm curious but Its not affecting my life. At one point he's telling me he's reading books and another he's telling me he moved on and isn't attracted to my face. I don't know him but the guy was really hot. I can't change the past and because of where I am career wise, I don't think I would. I never would have come back to the industry because when I was last in it, I didn't think I could do it. I wanted to but as time went on and other careers failed, I dove into it and it worked out well for me. As a result of my career, my life has improved and I don't feel depressed at all. I feel great and I am looking forward to moving forward in this industry. I can't comment much on the man because I don't know him but he was a hot guy! Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 Noone can really make you feel bad about yourself. They can try but no one really has that ability. I do realize I'm very private and I don't like people to invade my privacy. I also think that I could have moved on far more easier then this. I definitely am a private person. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 (edited) I'm not going to lie, I'm depressed. I went and bought tools and I'm going to keep moving forward in this industry but I'm not making connections that are fulfilling my soul yet. I don't want to meet anyone online. I am not really clicking with anyone at work who isn't married. I clicked with one guy and at first I was really excited but when I asked if he was single he said "when I'm alone yes" and I was like well there goes that. I feel like I connected with this women as a friend but I have no desire to go sit out on a patio and drink. I just want to feel a connection that interests me. I'm over the last guy but traditional dating doesn't appeal to me. I'd rather hang out with a man and if we click then go out for dinner. I don't want to go out for dinner and have a first date at all. Not my style! Edited July 10, 2020 by Realitysux 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 (edited) I'm also a private person and don't really like when people know too much about me. I regret my behavior that attracted this but I was obsessed with this man. I was obsessed and my reaction to him was horrible. I felt defeated and it kind of felt like there is gonna be silence moving forward so at least the silence can come on my terms and I spent like 6 months and had a lot of fun doing it. It didn't work though so them guys still won. I don't care because I feel so depressed. I don't want a boyfriend but I want to click with someone and feel an emotional connection with them. Why is it so hard for me to connect with someone emotionally. I really felt connected to this man at work and he was married. The new job married man that happened yesterday. Why do I only connect with people at work. Where do they all go? I don't want to do much but lay in bed and feel sorry for myself either. Edited July 10, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 Well, today I took advantage of the gun buying panic and turned one of mine into a respectable pile of Benjamins. Then I fixed the power opener on the front gate, lubed the chain on same, thoroughly cleaned out the innards of the vacuum cleaner, cleaned up some workbenches, printed a few small parts for use around the house, and later I htink I'll install a new outside outlet so I can move the bug electrocutor to a new location. After that, maybe relax a bit. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 2 hours ago, sothereiwas said: Well, today I took advantage of the gun buying panic and turned one of mine into a respectable pile of Benjamins. Then I fixed the power opener on the front gate, lubed the chain on same, thoroughly cleaned out the innards of the vacuum cleaner, cleaned up some workbenches, printed a few small parts for use around the house, and later I htink I'll install a new outside outlet so I can move the bug electrocutor to a new location. After that, maybe relax a bit. Sound like a handy man Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted July 12, 2020 Share Posted July 12, 2020 Perhaps I have wounds, inside. I just hurt on occasion. There's a deep self esteem thing going on. And I was going pretty good, very good actually. But when I just know that he wouldn't like me, and that I'm not that great.... Etc Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 12, 2020 Share Posted July 12, 2020 9 hours ago, MeadowFlower said: Perhaps I have wounds, inside. I just hurt on occasion. There's a deep self esteem thing going on. And I was going pretty good, very good actually. But when I just know that he wouldn't like me, and that I'm not that great.... Etc You are great though just not to him. Some people bring out the best and worst in you and you are choosing men who are making you feel worthless. Your gut is usually right and some men want different. Your insecurity is making the reality hurt you instead of accepting it. Some men may want someone beautiful and if you are unconventionally pretty then they will over look you. Some men want an educated women and if you are like me and work in the trades then they are going to next you. You have to learn the type of people to stay away from or they will affect t your already low confidence. No one is perfect but we are all humans and we all have feelings. Chose your people wisely! Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted July 12, 2020 Share Posted July 12, 2020 So this morning I rolled out about 6am, did some minor home improvement (added some more outside outlets around the workshop perimeter, cleaned a few things) and then had a glass of ice and Monster Zero. Later I'm thinking either take the fam out to breakfast, or go get some egg sandwiches, depending on factors. Then pack up and go to the range for some shooting, probably just 22 but maybe the 7mm mag as well. After that it's pretty open, perhaps get a head start on the work week? Perhaps just a head start on the bourbon? Both? Play it by ear. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 13, 2020 Share Posted July 13, 2020 I want him back I highly regret my behavior. I will never do it to him again. I'll apologize to his face and explain everything. He did so much for me and I probably knew that but I thought I was supposed to move on. I want him to show up at my door step! Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 14, 2020 Share Posted July 14, 2020 (edited) I feel empty and I hate feeling empty. I can handle lonliness but not emptiness. I feel like I wouldn't have allowed my feelings to be played like a violin if it was anyone else but people did not care about me in this. I feel like I wasted the past seven years and I look forward to the day I can wake up knowing this is in the past. I have every intention on healing and moving. I don't think someone who cares about someone else would enable them to feel as I have been made to feel. For those who took part, you need lives. You can criticize me but your life's lack something and I probably wouldn't associate with you to begin with. We should not be on here, we should be enjoying morning sex about now and the only ones having that are the guys who you did this for. Edited July 14, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 15, 2020 Share Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) I'm not going to lie, I haven't gone to work in two days. I read so much about how if he did more to me then I'd move on. In February, I connected with a women and she said let go and move on so I had it then and was processing it. He has his phone set up so if I slip and break contact then I would not get in trouble. I'm suppose to block him and move on and the posts are fantasy and I'm suppose to move on in my mind. He is actively dating someone else and has just been a good friend to me. I guess I should thank him. I'll go to the Dr and try to get some help moving forward and I will also take the next two weeks off work to recover. Edited July 15, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
Fox Sake Posted July 15, 2020 Share Posted July 15, 2020 I hope you have a great day or evening , depending on where you are in the world Be happy , be positive and remember you’re amazing. Whatever you’re going through will pass and you’ll be stronger for it Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 15, 2020 Share Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) I am going to take a nap and rest this afternoon. It's amazing how much time passes and how consumed I am by all of this. Edited July 15, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted July 15, 2020 Share Posted July 15, 2020 Hit another plateau the past week. Back to sadness, depression, and crying at times. Not bad. Not like it was 2, 5, 9 months ago. But still....definitely need to just find someone irl to talk to. However, I'll manage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, scooby-philly said: Hit another plateau the past week. Back to sadness, depression, and crying at times. Not bad. Not like it was 2, 5, 9 months ago. But still....definitely need to just find someone irl to talk to. However, I'll manage. You can talk to me, I'm going through a depression too and had a hard time finding a therapist who wanted more then money. Counseling is a waste of money because counselors can only listen and can't give advice. I had a real obsession with this guy and he fed it. I feel very depressed and empty and I don't have much motivation. I talked to a guy involved yesterday but he was just trying to push me away from the guy and move on. I am moving on and this will pass but I need someone to talk to about it too! Logged onto POF and he made some profiles with cracks at me. He called me bat s*** crazy but I'm not. I was obsessed with him and wanted him more then I wanted anyone. i don't want him anymore but now I'm 37 and feel old. I feel like I missed out on love and I can't connect with guys so easily. I've been here for five years and haven't met anyone. I'm sure I will but not anytime soon. You can PM me. I had this feeling when I met this man but the person himself wasn't the right person for me and I wasn't the right person for him. I couldn't get rid of that feeling and I haven't felt it anywhere else. I tried to kill it so it just didn't exist but it end up back firing on me and I end up being the target for a game of harassment and to move on. I hope I find it again but I'm not in a position to go look for it. I have to fix my life up a lot. Edited July 16, 2020 by Realitysux 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 But didn't l see some posts where your seein all these other guys ? Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 12 minutes ago, chillii said: But didn't l see some posts where your seein all these other guys ? Is that for me? I did talk to several guys in the last few months but none I clicked with and I didn't click with the man I'm obsessed with either. I don't know if this is directed at me, so I'm going to explain in the next thread under. I just want to say, I enjoy your posts and I was flattered you read mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 (edited) I just got back from Tim's. I forget my mask so I asked this guy who walked out without a mask if he got into trouble and he said he had a mask and bought me my coffee. I offered to pay. I was a little embarrassed because I'm wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday and I have a big sour cream stain on my black pants from yesterday! Sound gross, it is. I'm disgusted by my behavior but in my defense, I was really stuck. It's shameful to talk about it. This guy was present and feeding the obsession and I was feeding off it. I was trying to make them block me so I could process it and move on in peace. I kind of new things were done a long time ago. I knew this but I still stayed. I stayed to play a game because it was a distraction from my own life which I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know what I wanted, my life felt somewhat stale, he wrote these stories and I was in the fantasy of this person but my logical side was dinging and sending off warnings the entire time. I'm actually not mad at anyone or anyone that played in my city. There was a game and it would take forever to explain. I don't have I'll feelings towards him and I might have reached indifference but the guy is probably a great guy to his present girlfriend so this wasn't working. Which brings me back to my initial problem. I should sort out my life. I definitely know what I want to do and how to make money at it so that will continue. I'm too good in this industry not to remain in it. I'm going to have a shower, do laundry, clean my house, and start fixing my life today. Edited July 16, 2020 by Realitysux 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 (edited) Anyway , 20 times in these last weeks l've written letters or gone to call. lt's all wrong and confusing on so many fronts. And l'm with somebody new so it's all history anyway . And out last few wks were so fkd up that it's history alone from just that side of things anyway. My gf is no rebound or fill in , it's a serious thing and we'll marry later if she can sort out her legal dramas . Andddd, we're a 10x better couple than ex and l ever were and she;s 10x on so many levels too, they're very much a lot alike actually except my gf is so much more, we're so much more. But, she also understands l have this unresolved thing with ex and she wants me to work through it, and so do l. , The letter , was about us and her issues , and explaining my side of her crazy accusations and so many of her contradictions, but yet if she was bpd well , apparently rule number one is just don't even bother because it won't get through their black and white anyway. But l've written it anyway , 20 times, at least. l dunno , from our many good sides , l'd just like the waters smooth again , for the future , frame of mind , memories and it's my own therapy and way of dealing with it, even though l'eve never sent it, th words help. l mean stuff was said , nasty shyt , it wasn't us. lt might've been her l don't know , or was it bpd and so not her ?. you can still feel many things for someone when it was what we were , and you still care about them and hope they're ok , especially atm in these times, enough for now. Edited July 16, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Realitysux said: Is that for me? I did talk to several guys in the last few months but none I clicked with and I didn't click with the man I'm obsessed with either. I don't know if this is directed at me, so I'm going to explain in the next thread under. I just want to say, I enjoy your posts and I was flattered you read mine. Ahhh no worries l enjoy yours too , l know your all over the place but l know that's how it goes , so am l don't worry. Yep it was for you . Anyway hope your ok. Edited July 16, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
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