scooby-philly Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 Feeling down in the dumps again. Funny - killed it, for the most part, at work this week and am leaving for vacation tomorrow - but feeling lonely and sad. A friend I've made on here the past 10 months told me last Fall - are you sad because you feel unlovable. Well, 11 months and 2 days after the heartbreak, yes, I still occasionally feel unlovable, shamed, unworthy, and like I have no one in the world. I know it's the inner child in me. I know I have people who love me and support and believe in me. But to give your heart away so much to someone who you thought was finally, truly "the one"....all these months/weeks later - I can still feel like I did at 10 or at 12 or 14 - low self-esteem, low self-worth, and a general sense that I'm not good enough for anyone. I know the feeling will past and that I can use positive self-talk and reframing, but man, sometimes I just wish it would stop. I have a lot to look forward to, a lot going on that i'm proud of, and my adult/conscious self knows I will find love again and that this time, I just need to balance the two great lessons of my (dating life) - don't just stick with someone because they say yes and the seem mature, and don't stay around immature people or people who don't give as much as you or want the same thing as you just because you're getting (only some of) what you want/need. Link to post Share on other sites
HurtingGirl1979 Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 Day 25 of NC. BU 11 weeks ago. After breaking NC 3 times after the break up, I am finally doing it for real, for my own mental health and the desire to contact him has eased. I keep reflecting on NC and wether I wish I’d done it earlier. I’m such a firm believer in it, but perhaps for some people, breaking it is a necessity to get to the stage where they don’t need to break it anymore. It’s a process. Every time I contacted him, even though I had the most cold hearted response, it eased my pain and I felt clear headed and ready to move on, but the pain would slowly start to creep in after 2-3 weeks. This time the pain has come back and I am riding the waves without reaching out and I’m really proud of myself. I’ve had a rough few days, and whilst I’m keeping myself on this forum a lot today to help me, I am definitely feeling a little better today. This forum has made me realise that my feelings are normal. Even though my ex treated me badly and wouldn’t have provided me with a long term happy relationship, I’m still in a lot of pain from being left and treated so coldly. All I did was be the best, most supportive, kind and generous gf I possibly could, and I got worse than nothing in return - no respect or love, not whilst we were together, nor after we broke up. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 (edited) I just got back from my treatments (spa and beauty) and I was looking in the mirror very closely and it made me depressed so I decided to walk home. While walking home,I envisioned more of what I want my life to be and what I want from it. The answer wasn't a man at all. I thought back to him and my face and realized his girlfriend is far more attractive then I am so I look like an absolute idiot reaching out. I can not compete with her and him. I am going to start no contact for this reason and accept the reality of the situation. I don't feel great today but in time I will feel great again. On my walk home I also felt relieved that I no longer have to compete with her. I accepted that he loves her and everything he said to me was an absolute lie. He never would have felt the same way about me as he does her and I need to find that connection with someone else. Edited July 25, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 He is basically saying and you wonder why I don't like you! I will never come out of this with what I had hoped. Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted July 26, 2020 Share Posted July 26, 2020 Life is still amazing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted July 26, 2020 Share Posted July 26, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, sothereiwas said: Life is still amazing. So if your life is so amazing wtf are you even doing in a thread about hurting people coping and telling them about it.? Some thread about how amazing life is sounds a bit more appropriate . Edited July 26, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
HurtingGirl1979 Posted July 27, 2020 Share Posted July 27, 2020 I always seem to have such clarity and strength when I wake up in the morning. If only this would last all day and the gremlins don’t start to gradually creep in. I wonder if it’s because as the day wears on, it just becomes another day when I don’t hear from him. Although my head is clear, my heart still hurts. Once they catch up with each other, I will see it as a blessing that he’s not in touch. But for now, it still really hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 27, 2020 Share Posted July 27, 2020 I lost ten pounds over night as I threw up for more than one hour. How many times do you need to tell someone you do not love them, you lost attraction to them, the fact he says it every day shows they are the ones with problems. Link to post Share on other sites
HurtingGirl1979 Posted July 27, 2020 Share Posted July 27, 2020 As predicted, as the day has worn on, the waves of sadness appear. I’ve noticed I really dip from around 3pm onwards. I just wonder what he’s doing, what he’s thinking, if he’ll ever be in touch. I’m reading a lovely book at the moment, I’ve been for a walk and dipping in and out of this forum is getting me through. I cannot wait until I’m through this, it’s absolutely sh*t!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 28, 2020 Share Posted July 28, 2020 (edited) I feel relieved this is over and I am not mad at him even though he did nothing for me but cause damage for seven years. I feel like I have been loopy and I have been extremely in denial as to how Ill I have gotten but I have been way out there. I guess I was jealous too since he was in front of me all the time and I pictured this calm and beautiful life that his women would have. The obsession wasn't about him and I , although at times I wanted to be with him but for the wrong reason. It was jealousy. I was jealous of that man and his girlfriend. I had absolutely nothing going for me and they were even pushing me to date. I have nothing to offer a man right now and who am I kidding. I don't even know how to begin to work at this because I hated my life before this and I'm still stuck facing it. I have to accept the truth handed to me and anyone who had I'll intensions or thought badly of me for being slapped with mental health issues, well that's on you! Edited July 28, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 relapse. my instincts are usually deadly so if l'm not at peace with something there's usually a reason well , l'm not at peace. 6mths since our last talking and there's still two or 3 ways and reasons it was what it was but every time with it doing it's usual circles my head and heart always arrive back at the same spot. l feel like sending that letter again . lt's not about getting back or even talking again , it's about knowing why she said and did things she did and her knowing that l understand , no matter what was said or how l responded or acted or said myself ,,,,,,,,and peace. ! Link to post Share on other sites
Rome11 Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 (edited) Trying to keep up with my normal routines...but this hurts so much... Edited July 31, 2020 by Rome11 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 Kid is playing in the spare room, wife is getting chicken and vegetables ready for some sort of chicken and vegetable massacre, I'm rebuilding a little server that handles backup chores for the folks. Maybe a whiskey soda in my future soon. Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 Wish I was free to like whomever I desired. Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted August 3, 2020 Share Posted August 3, 2020 Working away, wife is sitting a few feet away doing some social media thing, listening to music. Kids are playing Wii in the living room. No blood drawn so I'll let them be. It's all good Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 (edited) So again , wth are you telling struggling heartbroken people in a thread like this about how effg wonderful your life is ? Talk about self centered , your in the wrong thread buddy. Edited August 4, 2020 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HurtingGirl1979 Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 I’ve dreamt about him for 2 consecutive nights which is really pi**ing me off as I wake up thinking about him. Have generally been feeling loads better in the day, but now he’s getting me at night! The dreams are all weird, but based around being rejected by him. Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 (edited) Life is what we make of it. Today I'm thinking to bake some cookies with the kid, maybe set up the fishing poles for later in the week - the kid is eager to try "the pond" and see what we can catch. It's cool outside still, very quiet now with the family still asleep. Maybe there will be time to get a few chores done after work if there's any energy left after the workday. As they say, "always try to be our best" The magic is in the trying after all. Edited August 4, 2020 by sothereiwas Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Quote Well I pushed my day today to tomorrow and booked myself into the salon at 3:30. You never know when you are going to meet someone so I shall always be ready? If he's not there, there's no one else to impress is only relevant after the fact. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Loneliness, self-doubt and heartache make unrequited love seem like the worst possible experience ever. There's something uniquely devastating about having your heart call out to someone who doesn't feel the same, but don't despair just yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Being in love with someone who doesn't love you back is undeniably painful. Maybe they're an ex you never got over or a friends with benefits that you suddenly caught feels for. Regardless of who it is, it's tough to feel so deeply for someone and then realize they don't feel the same way. In a perfect world, everyone's love and affections would be returned. But unfortunately it's not. So it makes you wonder, why does unrequited love happen in the first place? I'll let you know when I find the answer 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 I'm on my way to quote a job with someone I am so very thankful for, although it is a rude awakening for me. I keep telling myself that I was not the right person for him, and trying to connect with everyone I see in person. I will survive 😉 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 Looking back ls folks, I get it. I get how selfish and entitled I appeared but the reality of it was far worse. I sat here ranting about an obsession but did nothing to make myself better. For seven years, I sat on my couch, shoving all kinds of food in my mouth, complaining about the weight, complaining about his girlfriend, and I fed the obsession. I fed myself and the obsession! I am no longer looking to him or anyone else, I am looking at myself and asking her why she is just sitting there and allowing herself to feel this bad over a man? It probably isn't the man but the man's girlfriend is better then her and that's what she thinks. She doesn't try to better herself? I'm working on that now. I'm not thinking about him, I'm thinking about her! Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 (edited) I had to face it and he was older, wiser, and more experienced. Looking back, it wouldn't have hurt if I just paid attention to what was being said. I know now and I know that eventually, another connection will come. I'm at the coffee shop grabbing my coffee, cab waiting, on my way to do a job that I should have done yesterday. My goal is to always be ready, so I cleaned my house and went to the salon instead. If I do end up positing in one year, haters will not be happy. Edited August 5, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted August 6, 2020 Share Posted August 6, 2020 The wife is clattering around in the kitchen making the house smell nice. The kids is running around making pew pew sounds. I'm tucking into coffee #1, and looking at the days work. This is how I cope, one moment to the next, one foot after the other. Trying to choose a beneficial path and then keeping my eye on the ball so as to make a misstep less likely. This is what works for me. Take it as you will. Link to post Share on other sites
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