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How are you coping today?

Riou

By Riou,
in Coping

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  • 2 weeks later...
spiderowl

spiderowl

Posted
Posted (edited)

Just sad. Had a kind of relationship but I was quite negative at first because of lack of compatibility.  He was enthusiastic though, so we still saw each other and I got attached.  Now it is all fizzling out and I'm sad.  There were endless communication issues and I have no idea how much my negativity at first - and subsequently - was part of that.  By the time I realised he was genuinely interested even though I felt he needed a more energetic type of person, things had gone awry and I don't blame him for feeling put off and rejected.

I still wish it had worked out and we had been able to have that kind of easy-going communication but it just wasn't there.  It's sad when both people want something but it just isn't working.

Edited by spiderowl
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WWYD

WWYD

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Posted

You're a complete f-up. Possessive, jealous, selfish and maybe a bit of a narcissist. And that's why I had to end it. I feel so sorry for you that your past seems to have destroyed your capacity to trust anyone, and if you couldn't trust me - I find it hard to believe you'll ever trust anyone 100%.

The funny thing is, at times I had more reason to question you than you ever had of me. I accept I could also be a bit insecure, but at the times that I was bothered by something I accepted what you told me - without question. And that's why I just can't understand your behaviour. The number of times you came home from a night out, and asked ME to justify what I was doing while you were gone! Really...

But I so miss the spooning, watching movies together - and your damn sexy legs. You were so perfect for me, but your jealously ruined it. Good luck finding someone that'll put up with that.

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WWYD

WWYD

Posted
Posted

And perhaps I still want you to message me, say how sorry you are for ever doubting me - and ask if we can give it another go.

I was kind of expecting that when I left, but it never came. Just a truck load of resentment, bitterness and spite. All the education in the world won't do anything to fix your teenage-like angst, sorry Dr. A...

 

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Gaeta

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

This week it's been 5 months post-breakup. Why the heck all of a sudden I miss him and I am bombarded with memories. I am fedup of him being in my mind. 

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Beachead

Beachead

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Posted

@Gaeta

On 4/23/2021 at 8:10 PM, Gaeta said:

This week it's been 5 months post-breakup. Why the heck all of a sudden I miss him and I am bombarded with memories. I am fedup of him being in my mind. 

Don't do that to yourself.  Healing's not a straight positive line.  It's a sporadic fluctuation of ups and downs.  What you have to pay attention to is your average mood over time..not the day to day fluctuating patterns.  With time though, the average of those ups and downs become less frequent and less intense and your mood will start to balance itself out...but you still may have setbacks.  You may plateau for awhile.  It happens and it's normal.  You are grieving and the duration depends on the person; their personality,  their past, their relationship circumstances and how invested they were in it.  How they deal with it. 

Sometimes, we just need to live life and gain the kind of experience that will bring us a perspective on things we ordinarily didn't have and that perspective will be the thing that helps us overcome the plateaus we face.  But that requires time and living.

So for now, let things be, give yourself permission to take as long as you need.  Learn to be okay with not being okay and as that pain arrives, acknowledge it, feel it, work through it. That's how you will slowly heal and recover your strength.   

Took me about 3 years to really feel like myself again.  

I wrote in a journal frequently.  Sometimes it'd be vent sessions.  Sometimes it was exercises to help me see what I still had in my life.  But writing helped me organize my thoughts into one place where I could see it with my own two eyes and make sense of it.  It helps the process part.  When I found myself having a dream of my ex, I'd miss her and I''d come close to contacting her.  But instead of doing that, I wrote what I wanted to say to her in my journal. Once I lived out my little fantasy on paper, my brain would immediately show me why none of it was going to happen and so I'd write out those reasons..and those reasons helped redirect my mind back to the place it needed to be.  Each time it got easier and easier to get to that place of clarity.

Give yourself time

- Beach

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Cora

Cora

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Giving myself my own closure is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do...they may be a ghost, but I’m still haunted by them and it hurts... 

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MeadowFlower

MeadowFlower

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Posted (edited)

So many stupid rules in relationships and 'dating', if you do this or that, they might lose interest. Where is the simple man meets woman, then love.  Where is the real hard core love. 

Edited by MeadowFlower
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ItsTheDay

ItsTheDay

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Posted

One month post break up (she broke it off) of an 8 year relationship. One day of 100% NC, still not feeling any better. I still get those random thoughts of her and that empty pain in my stomach. I still get those nights that I just want to cry but I hold it back, holding back hurts even more but I feel too much of a man to let it out. I miss her, I miss our dogs (dogs stay with her since I have nothing). I'm not doing better, I'm not doing worse. I wish it would go one way or the other so SOME change at least happens.  

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ItsTheDay

ItsTheDay

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Last night was horrible. I had another moment when I was in the shower. Missing my ex but more so missing my dog, Happy. I couldn't hold back and just let it all out, cried for close to an hour. I gave in, I let go of my pride and called my mother. Just the other day we talked and she said I was sounding better. Told her that I was missing Happy and throughout the nights I've been waking up thinking I'm hearing him. She said she knows me and Happy have a special bond and she saw it every time we came down there to visit. I don't know what to do.  

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  • 2 weeks later...
Gaeta

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
On 5/11/2021 at 9:31 AM, ItsTheDay said:

Last night was horrible. I had another moment when I was in the shower. Missing my ex but more so missing my dog, Happy. I couldn't hold back and just let it all out, cried for close to an hour. I gave in, I let go of my pride and called my mother. Just the other day we talked and she said I was sounding better. Told her that I was missing Happy and throughout the nights I've been waking up thinking I'm hearing him. She said she knows me and Happy have a special bond and she saw it every time we came down there to visit. I don't know what to do.  

That brought tears to my eyes I'm so sorry you are going through this. I lost my relationship of 5 years and 1 month later my 14 yo dog died. I don't wish that on my worse ennemy. I know your dogs have not passed but you still need to mourn them and it's such a difficult task. I don't cry my ex anymore but I still cry my beloved dog. I know it will get better because I've lost a dog before and it's a long process but we do get through it. Comfort yourself with knowing where Happy is and you know he's loved and treated well. 

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ItsTheDay

ItsTheDay

Posted
Posted (edited)
42 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

That brought tears to my eyes I'm so sorry you are going through this. I lost my relationship of 5 years and 1 month later my 14 yo dog died. I don't wish that on my worse ennemy. I know your dogs have not passed but you still need to mourn them and it's such a difficult task. I don't cry my ex anymore but I still cry my beloved dog. I know it will get better because I've lost a dog before and it's a long process but we do get through it. Comfort yourself with knowing where Happy is and you know he's loved and treated well. 

I guess I'm weak. I actually reached out to my ex the day after I talked to my mother about it. She said I could absolutely spend time with the dogs and she never wanted to me be stripped from them and she told be in the beginning that she wanted me to take Happy, but I told her I can't and it wouldn't be fair to him. We actually have two dogs (Happy & Ty) but one dog was hers (Ty) prior our relationship. She actually had two dogs (Mavi & Ty) coming into our relationship but in late 2015 we had to put her oldest dog (Mavi) down, which was horrible because I also looked at him as my/our dog. I did a lot for the dogs and treated them as my own, she even told me all the time how much I spoil them. With Happy, we got him shortly after we had to put down Mavi. The other dog (Ty) was acting sad and depressed, as well as both of us so I found Happy and did everything needed to adopt him, when it came to the paper work we both agreed it would be best just to keep it the way it was with Mavi and Ty and have her name on it. He was a good fit and is an awesome dog and him and I really have a special bond. So far, I spent two weekends with him. I was planning on getting the other dog for this weekend, but she has her family coming down and staying with her and we agreed it wouldn't be a good idea. So the next time I get Happy is the week after for my Bday weekend.  

Edited by ItsTheDay
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MeadowFlower

MeadowFlower

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Recently I have felt not that good, but a positive idea is that I can look forward to better times. 

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
LMT

LMT

Posted
Posted

This my first ever heart break. We’ve been together for 3 years. He cheated and he admitted it to me. Last conversation we had, he told me that he love me always and he wont let me go. Now almost 3 weeks already passed and I haven’t heard anything from him. Now Im so confused people around me saying I should move on and forget about him but why do I still wait for him. I messaged him but he doesn’t reply to me. 
I don’t know what should I do. I keep on waiting even if I don't know if he will come back. If he will not comeback why can’t he just say it in my face because it will be easier for me to let go..😢

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  • 4 weeks later...
BlueEyesOnMaui

BlueEyesOnMaui

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Day 2 and hurting. Just polished off a small container of Haagen Dazs spirits ice cream in the brownie Irish cream flavor. Flew to to see him Fri evening. Found the other women's stuff (more like the girl's stuff) at his place. Immediately did a U turn and flew back home. I am done. I deserve better. It was supposed to be my birthday weekend celebration. At the airport he gave me a lei and a bday card that read "Hey Baby, just because I forget everything doesn't mean I don't love you. It just means I'm a dick!" Never ever dating an attorney ever again. So help me God. 

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potestatum

potestatum

Posted
Posted

Not coping well the last few days.

My life is generally a mess at this point.

Quit my job this month and I am not sure what I want to do with my life. I am overeducated without any real interest in anything.

I had several relationships that failed and now I am dating a girl that is so different from my previous partners that I don't know how to handle her. She wants to take it slowly and that scares me as I see it as a sign that she is not really interested in me.

In general I am in a place that I do not know how to act and what to do with my life. The years pass by and I am going nowhere in life.

I am disappointed and ready to give up

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chillii

chillii

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Posted (edited)

l've written you this letter , it's strange that l would after all this time. And yet there is someone else now anyway , but there isn't too , bc of her legals up home. When she is here though she almost overtakes you in the end anyway and if her stays could be longer she most def' would l've many times felt it happening , but then she's gone again.

Not to undermine you or this bizarre gift we were given, we did have that and it was most definitely. Who could've asked for more and after going through what we'd each had done before we met and at this age, even 1/2 of it would've truly been some kind of blessing , dream ! ironically she has so much of those very same things too , in many ways she is so like you , even being a totally different nationality, it's very very weird . Yet there's no way in hell l could've looked for that or find it it'd never happen, and l wouldn't believe in doing that anyway, or even trying too, but somehow it did . But your natures are very different , and your views about love and bonds built between 2 people and how it should be. She's like your loving sensitive and very very nicely naughty sides, your devotions and adoration's, she has so many things about you entwined into her , and her love is as powerful as yours, it's very very strange. But she doesn't have any , of your other sides . Yet she was abandoned too , she's just chose a far more constructive way, she won't let it rule her or her future with us. 

Anyway , l am though still sad these yrs later of how we ended, and l do still think of you , always will, her or not. last we talked l really don't blame you , maybe l shouldn't have told you about her, but we'd been apart a long time already, lt's likely one of us might've met someone by then, sorry. And l didn't believe you hadn't been snapped up , although you need someone so different and so special , that l can. Don't think l was worthy anyway , bc l couldn't handle your other sides and he needs to be able to deal with those too and just naturally calm those, not my forte. l know our situation brought out many frustrations though too, in both of us. Well the letter, l don't even know if you'd even giva a damn at this stage, you'll pretend not to, but l'm still haunted and l'd like you to know what really happened or you will probably blook love and go on thinking abandoned again , forever , and l don't want you to do that.

 

 

 

Edited by chillii
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Cheryl123

Cheryl123

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Posted

I am actually to sick to go to work today. My throat hurts from wonderland on Saturday, my body aches, and I feel nauseous. I'll be calling my boss here in a bit and if he doesn't understand, then I am going to have to find a new job. There is no way I can physically work today, even a walk to get coffee was painful. 

The connection we felt wasn't real. I made a complete fool out of myself but no one exactly helped me move on or make sense of any of this. If the connection was real, things would have turned out differently for me. I would have found encouragement instead of embarrassment and shame. I wouldn't have wasted years of my life torturing myself because I was paralyzed within from becoming what it would take to have that connection in real life. 

I wouldn't have been lying there in bed feeling depressed and awful about myself and my life and asking myself what she feels like. I try to use self talk to rise above the bullying but so many people in my life took his side in this and made it known something was wrong with me.

I have to live with the fact that I am 38 walking away from this and who how old she was when they started their lives together and when he met her and fell madly in love with her. I did believe I would find this again and I was trying to rebuild starting with work but I did get harassed and stopped in my tracks. Or maybe I was just confronted and forced to face this so i could let it go and leave him alone. This connection did not serve me and I did not become someone who could even serve him. 

I am too sick today to go to work, to exhausted and I will be forced into therapy to get over this so he can carry on living with a women he approves of verse me.  

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