How are you coping today?

[Fox Sake]

If they turn out to be true, the way things look.. then it will bring me peace to some extent, but be a painful acceptance. It sure would explain a lot. 

If they turn out to be untrue, then it will bring me shame and insecurity for seeing something so wrongly, and confusion for feeling that way. I’ll be left with more questions than answers .

I’ll need to find out. I guess I’ll sleep on my approach…If I could sleep. Just a moments peace from my exhausted thoughts would be amazing. It’s enough to drive one mad. 

[spiderowl]

On 5/4/2021 at 8:12 AM, Soak said:

I don't trust my instincts

Why is that?

[spiderowl]

On 5/11/2021 at 2:31 PM, ItsTheDay said:

Last night was horrible. I had another moment when I was in the shower. Missing my ex but more so missing my dog, Happy. I couldn't hold back and just let it all out, cried for close to an hour. I gave in, I let go of my pride and called my mother. Just the other day we talked and she said I was sounding better. Told her that I was missing Happy and throughout the nights I've been waking up thinking I'm hearing him. She said she knows me and Happy have a special bond and she saw it every time we came down there to visit. I don't know what to do.  

I'm so sorry.  Crying helps, it really does, nature intended it that way.

That's a lot of loss, no wonder you are feeling it.  Is there any way you can share the dog?  I guess it's difficult with NC.

[Mimi255]

Hi everyone, 

I am new to this forum but I found reading your posts very helpful, so I decided to share from myself...

Today I am feeling terrible. My boyfriend of 3years left me in June, and it feels like someone from my family died. He was like family to me, my whole world and I truly felt I don't want to seek for anyone any longer, I thought that my way to "finding life partner" is done as I found him, and now he is gone. 

It brings out the worst thoughts like I am not enough for someone good to love me, I cannot keep good people in my life, I am damaged. We broke up because of my indecisiveness (he wanted me to move abroad and live together in another country) and insecurities. When I finally made the decision, his feelings seemed to fade away and I feel like I missed the freaking train. It hurts so much that he is not here anymore and that it's my fault.

No contact seems to not work neither for me, neither for getting him back right now. He broke up with me in June, however we were still talking and met two times, after this he said we shouldn't continue as he feels like using me while he is not thinking about going back together. So 30th July we said goodbye and I went no contact... 

Since then he called me to wish me good luck with my medical surgery (nothing serious) and then 2 times to check how I am doing... I don't know how to interpret it, I guess out of politeness a person would send a message, not call 3 times... It raises my hopes again.. 

I could really use some of your thoughts about it, or even just some lines of support.. 
I really admire people who can move on and be positive about future, as everything I can feel is misery and missing him. 

 

 

Edited August 16, 2021 by Mimi255

[Cookiesandough]

On 8/14/2021 at 9:24 PM, Fox Sake said:

If they turn out to be true, the way things look.. then it will bring me peace to some extent, but be a painful acceptance. It sure would explain a lot. 

If they turn out to be untrue, then it will bring me shame and insecurity for seeing something so wrongly, and confusion for feeling that way. I’ll be left with more questions than answers .

I’ll need to find out. I guess I’ll sleep on my approach…If I could sleep. Just a moments peace from my exhausted thoughts would be amazing. It’s enough to drive one mad. 

I’m here for you 💚

[Fox Sake]

24 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I’m here for you 💚

Thank you cookies for reaching out on my thoughts  🥺 💚  I nearly wrote them here earlier but smoked and then decided not to…I don’t expect anyone to read them, sometimes they’re cryptic purposefully, but it helps me process things occasionally without bothering others;

I guess I got my peace …or at least a path to it.

So alas, it turns out it was true.
She was seeing other people

What’s worse is one of the others is from one of the places she was going visit when she came here again!  I don’t know how she found the time to be honest speaking to someone else- well played! 

“ if you think in a thousand years I’m gonna drop money to come and visit you while you’re still speaking to someone else (at least 1) after all this time and talking about our future , there isn’t any way. I’m done”.

Imagine then having the gall to ask me to wait while you made up your mind, and to take an emotional break and gather our thoughts ,you’ll contact me soon … pffttttt!  
Feel pretty stupid. First time in 6 years I decide to trust again, give myself undivided, and I get this horsesh*t. I know it’s done , it just stings to feel led on like that. 

 

[poppyfields]

13 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

Thank you cookies for reaching out on my thoughts  🥺 💚  I nearly wrote them here earlier but smoked and then decided not to…I don’t expect anyone to read them, sometimes they’re cryptic purposefully, but it helps me process things occasionally without bothering others;

I guess I got my peace …or at least a path to it.

So alas, it turns out it was true.
She was seeing other people

What’s worse is one of the others is from one of the places she was going visit when she came here again!  I don’t know how she found the time to be honest speaking to someone else- well played! 

“ if you think in a thousand years I’m gonna drop money to come and visit you while you’re still speaking to someone else (at least 1) after all this time and talking about our future , there isn’t any way. I’m done”.

Imagine then having the gall to ask me to wait while you made up your mind, and to take an emotional break and gather our thoughts ,you’ll contact me soon … pffttttt!  
Feel pretty stupid. First time in 6 years I decide to trust again, give myself undivided, and I get this horsesh*t. I know it’s done , it just stings to feel led on like that. 

 

((Hugs)) foxy, I know it stings, but don't feel stupid, if I felt stupid every time I made the wrong call about something, I would be living a life of total dysfunction and self-hatred.  

Reframe it.  You're not stupid, you're smart for recognizing it when you did and ending it.  And for not doling out all that money!!

Lesson learned, it's all good, and some people just suck.  💛

[Cookiesandough]

6 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

Thank you cookies for reaching out on my thoughts  🥺 💚  I nearly wrote them here earlier but smoked and then decided not to…I don’t expect anyone to read them, sometimes they’re cryptic purposefully, but it helps me process things occasionally without bothering others;

I guess I got my peace …or at least a path to it.

So alas, it turns out it was true.
She was seeing other people

What’s worse is one of the others is from one of the places she was going visit when she came here again!  I don’t know how she found the time to be honest speaking to someone else- well played! 

“ if you think in a thousand years I’m gonna drop money to come and visit you while you’re still speaking to someone else (at least 1) after all this time and talking about our future , there isn’t any way. I’m done”.

Imagine then having the gall to ask me to wait while you made up your mind, and to take an emotional break and gather our thoughts ,you’ll contact me soon … pffttttt!  
Feel pretty stupid. First time in 6 years I decide to trust again, give myself undivided, and I get this horsesh*t. I know it’s done , it just stings to feel led on like that. 

 

Of course, foxy. You know I get you. Even when you’re cryptic, I get you. We get each other. It’s a vibe. 

 

Gosh, I’m so sorry. That so hurtful.  I actually can’t imagine having that gall or  how could anyone want more if they have you? She had an opportunity to be with the most amazing and she decides to two time. She goofed! I could tell she wasn’t what you needed in your life and you were deserving of so much more, but I know it hurts all the same. Again, im so sorry, friend. Don’t feel stupid you trusted someone. Take some time for you and heal from this and make it out even better. She missed out big. On the plus side, you’re single now and  I’ll be visiting Scotland soon hahaha.  Just kidding, but you know you’re  my foxy forever 🤎🤎🤎

[Fox Sake]

She text me this morning, and it ruined the mood for the day! I had been doing okay the last week. I made it pretty clear last week I wasn’t gonna be anyone’s option.
I get met today with a “hi” and that she didn’t really know where to go from here. So I sat on it for the day and told her just now. She never texts so that it self is odd, let alone her emoji use, also odd, but I guess makes it easier to write it to her.  
 

I said 

I’ll be honest with you. I don’t expect you to understand or even realise , but I’ll tell you where my head is at. 

I’m heartbroken- I’m not sure I can trust you anymore  
I hope you know why and realise that it hurt me to eventually find out that even after all this time , things were still going on with other people. You even planned on seeing one of them on a visit to see me. I was hurting as I suspected something, but I was still falling for you up until that point.

I did a similar thing 6 years ago to my ex , she was in love with me and I had her down as an option. It broke her heart. *And I did the same thing to you last year.Now it’s my turn. This is my karma 

(*apparently when we first started talking she was in love with me. That was my first red flag as we didn’t know each other on any level and called her out in it cos it was my first red flag….damnit lol)  

… 

If she messages or calls me again I will tell her that we are always meant to be , but never meant to be together. That should say loud and clear if the message hasn’t been understood  

…sigh… I’ll get through this, I know. I don’t feel like I deserve it but maybe I do. Maybe 6 years of tearing myself apart wasn’t enough 

Edited August 23, 2021 by Fox Sake
Cos I wanted to sigh. To process. To think.

[KissingFire]

I am struggling today.

How could he take me kitchen shopping, let me choose my dream kitchen, let me go through the options list for the house and then leave me two weeks later.

My heart is broken. I am going to the gym every day, I'm seeing friends constantly, I'm losing myself in work. But I am broken. I miss my best friend.

[Fox Sake]

Funny how you only realise how much baggage someone is around your neck when you decide to let them go, and realise your own self worth. 
Today is that day.  I have my self respect again-all be it a little dusty.I’m free =]

[Fox Sake]

The little bird turned to his mother perched beside him and asked “What am I?” 
“You are the universe , pretending to be a bird” she replied. 

[sorrysucker]

I have recently broken up with my ex of 2 years. I texted him “I’m breaking up with you” on the 4th of July after spending the day with him. My reasoning behind my feelings were majorly due to my fathers opinion on my ex. Because my father hated him, and would drone on to me about how pathetic he his, I began to feel guilty for loving him. I also began to believe what my dad was telling me. Like his opinions slowly became my own. 

After breaking up with my ex, a week later I received news that my grandmother had terminal cancer. I moved in with my grandparents in April this year to help around the house and such because of her poor health. When I received the news, I felt as if my world completely shattered. I ended up completing my summer classes, by the skin on my teeth. A few days after my finals, I received news that my aunt will also be dying soon. 
 

Needless to say, this past month has been treacherous. After my breakup, I cut all of my close friends off. I reconciled with one of my friends, a mutual best friend to my ex. I shortly found out that my ex has been seeing another girl. Apparently, according to my friend, my ex joined him at her birthday party, A WEEK AFTER WE BROKE UP. My ex got drunk at her house (he NEVER drinks, EVER), and one thing lead to another, and now they’re dating. I ended up texting my ex a book, confessing how I feel and telling him that I didn’t want to lose him, my grandma, and aunt at the same time, where I went wrong in the relationship, and that I want to start over with him. He texted me back, “answer my phone call”. We talked on the phone for 2 hours last Thursday. During the call, we talked about A LOT. When I brought up the topic of rekindling our relationship, he said he “needs time”. Before the call ended he said, “i don’t know if this will be the last time we talk”. 

When I looked back at our messages, he has erased his message “answer my call”. Apparently, according to the mutual best friend, my ex screen shot my very personal messages and sent them to his gf “out of respect for her”. Apparently, the gf sent my messages to my best friend, and called him crying, unsure if my ex would return to me. My best friend was previously friends with the gf, but he no longer speaks with her. My best friend tells me that “they’re nothing alike. she has nothing on you. i don’t like seeing them together. she has no sense of humor, and it’s obvious he just trying to use her because of you.” 

After my ex and I spoke last Thursday, I haven’t been able to eat much. I’ve been walking 10 miles a day, and I’ve lost ~10 lbs. My aunt died last Sunday. I feel like I haven’t actually been able to cry for her. I finally decided that I needed an answer from my ex this Wednesday. I drove to his house, but he wasn’t home. I spoke with his father for awhile. His dad told me that he wants us to get back together. He said he will pray for the two of us. I called my ex while I was there, but his gf picked up. I asked “Can I please speak with him?”, she tries to hand over the phone, but he refuses. i said “well, I guess I’ll talk to him later.” and hang up. He then calls me back twice, I answer. 

I ask, “is it just you and i speaking?”

”no, ____ is right here listening.”

“well, I came to get an answer, but apparently you’re not here. I spoke with your dad. I met his girlfriend.”

”you’re at my house?”

”yeah. I came to get an answer from you. when we talked for two hours last thursday, you told me that you “needed time”. I’m not sure why you deleted your message “answer my call”, but I have an idea as to why.”

I heard his gf say “what the f*** is she talking about?”

He says, ”Well, you already know my answer.”

”No, you know I don’t.”

He whispers, ”No, man. I’m sorry…”

”No, you’re not sorry.”

Apparently, she didn’t know that we had spoke. He lied to her. Why? A part of me thinks it’s because he still has feelings for me, but another part believes he did it because he pities me, and didn’t want to tell me No. so he gave me false hope, and swept it under the rug like it never happened. Long story made unreasonably lengthy, I still love him. My best friend speaks about him frequently, and it makes my heart ache. My friend told me to keep trying, don’t stop fighting. If it’s meant, it will be. 

My aunts funeral was three days ago. Two days ago, I woke up, went downstairs. There my mamaw was. Her body, her mouth wide open… just laying there. Her funeral is Tuesday. I’m struggling, you guys. I’m trying to hold on, but not having him with me is taking a toll. My mamaw was my best friend, and so was my ex. 

 

[KissingFire]

I wish I could fall asleep and wake up next year when I don't feel pain anymore. I am so tired of being in pain all the time. I'm tired of being distracted at work. I'm tired.

[MeadowFlower]

I don't want to be in the friend zone. 

[chillii]

l may well be visiting a little in the future. lt's just best for her that she goes through this alone, l don't want her feeling guilts and pressures from us , while trying to cope and even stay sane in what she is dealing with and will be for the foreseeable future. 

There's no way around it , it's been 18mths going on and atm still no end in sight for her. No one could cope with what she is in her circumstances , so hth is she suppose to cope with us too. Even though it is support , and with zero pressure , for her it's still pressure bc of the guilt of me being dragged into it all and my life and future yet still on hold after all this time and the risk of me being hurt in the end if the outcome for her doesn't go her way. She's more worried about me than everything she's got to cope with atm in other words, and it's just too much, and it's not fair on her.

Well it's sort of not fair on me either bc our future and plans are still completely on hold and will be for we don't know how much longer. Or of the out come and so whether even possible after the outcome.

So sadly , 3 yrs of incredible us , her , but l just can't see another way until this is over for her. She needs everything she has , and then some , just to get through this.  Not the guilts of us or worrying about me. lt's just too much .

[The Outlaw]

I honestly hate to even say it, but I'm feeling blue. It's kind of been like a rollercoaster ride as of late, but I've just found myself missing someone lately. A lot. And as per usual, I've kept most of it (and everything else) bottled up.  

[MeadowFlower]

On 9/20/2021 at 10:03 AM, The Outlaw said:

 but I've just found myself missing someone lately. A lot. And as per usual, I've kept most of it (and everything else) bottled up.  

Can you not tell this person that you are missing them? 

[MeadowFlower]

Why can't we have who we want in life. Why is it such a difficult dream. Why can't it be simple. Dam it. 

[The Outlaw]

18 hours ago, MeadowFlower said:

Can you not tell this person that you are missing them? 

I wish I could tell her but I can't. 

[Cheryl123]

Jose, I miss you 😉

your cute 

Edited September 24, 2021 by Cheryl123

[justinje]

Very Very poorly. 9 Days post the first discussion of maybe breaking up. 3 days post final decision.

I can't focus at work. I want to cry all the time. I want someone or something to take the pain away. The past two days I've had ups and downs and the ups help to make it bearable, but today its just 100% down. No reprieve. 

She hasn't moved out yet, not going to until next week. But I'm leaving on Thursday to get out of town and staying out of town for a week and a half. So by the time I'm back she'll be moved out, which means the last time I'll see her is Thursday morning before work.

I know I need to start moving on, start coping, keeing busy but I don't want to do anything. Everything sucks, nothing is worthwhile, I have no drive, I can't appreciate all the good things in my life and there are good things. 

What's crazy to me is I've been here before.....you can even look at my old posts. But for some reason I can't tell myself it's going to be okay, I can't force this fear and panic and anxiety from the forefront of my brain that I don't want her to leave because I'll be alone and I want her to be part of my life.

[Irock]

🙃. Listening to these stories.. is both sad for some... And selfish for others.. I've been in relationship since1999.. married 2011... I was blindsided.  Nothing I've read comes close.   I trusted.. so I had no reason to doubt... Well fast forward.   Hpv caused my reproductive organs gutted.... He never cared to even care.  I had ever record from my gyno... Neg neg neg on all.. all sudden. My insides are being eaten and there was no choice for me.... He lied about woman.  Later I learned she went from guy to gut at that co... Still does.  Nasty ..  her daughter joins in too..  nice.  Look. Doubt .. I can't ever trust him. Ever.. do I need to deal with someone who ignores me to screw that.. I'm damn goof looking and I rock in sack... So what's the point beating myself up.. not my fault... And life.  Too short seriously

[SailingSkies]

I just got the third and final shot (gardisal 9) of a six-month vaccination schedule for ppv. That sti scares me. I was very thankful for the vaccination against a few of the 100s of variants. My pal thinks it's silly and I wasted my time... It's one of the sti's that can transmit whether a condom or other barrier device is used "properly." I got the shot not only for myself, but in case I'm a "silent carrier." I'm not even active but I wanted to, along with those I care about, be a little safer in this crazy world.

Irock, I'm so sorry for your circumstances. It's impossible to know someone's history, or current goings-on. I wish you the best. Thank you for posting

[Fox Sake]

I am so incredibly grateful for all the love in my life right now! It’s consumed everything!  I’m at so much peace. Life is flowing =]
I actually can’t believe what is happening.
Everywhere I go I am adored right now and I have no idea why! It’s like I’m radiating pure love, and strangers are coming up to me to say things like a girl last night - “I love your heart”, or random guys who pick up on some vibe I must be giving off and instantly want to be my brother.  Mind blown. 
 

This is not a post about my love life. This is a post about my love for life and the humbling generosity of positivity , reflection and connection . Thank you to whatever is making it so! 🥰