How are you coping today?

[JDPT]

i have had a few vivid dreams of her over the past few weeks

i think i was hoping for a text from her saying happy xmas

and then held out for one on nye

 

neither arrived

i hope she thought of me

8 weeks nc now

still i wish

 

 

 

You will eventually learn to let go of wish and hopes and focus on you. Give it time, there is no way to rush this process.

[Riou]

2nd day of 2014..getting better..

[Lost96]

Im new here.

My boyfriend and I broke up 2 days ago, although I don't want to be with him, I miss him so much and I keep feeling the need to talk to him. I know i need to move on, that's what i want for myself, i want to enjoy my life.

I'm just not coping.

[Riou]

Im new here.

My boyfriend and I broke up 2 days ago, although I don't want to be with him, I miss him so much and I keep feeling the need to talk to him. I know i need to move on, that's what i want for myself, i want to enjoy my life.

I'm just not coping.

 

Who broke up with who? How long was the r/s? Keep resisting the need and it will get better.

[Lost96]

Who broke up with who? How long was the r/s? Keep resisting the need and it will get better.

 

Well he could tell i was unhappy but i would ever end it because i loved him so much, so he said it would be best to end it, i pleaded even though i knew i didnt want to be with him. Our relationship was 2 years long and it was my first, hence im really struggling to get over him. I cant see past this wall of depression.

[Xemyd]

I'm not coping today. I want to call him, tell him I miss him. I don't care if it's needy and desperate. I don't want to give up on this stupid guy. The things he said to me are making it incredibly difficult to move on, I'd rather him just tell me he doesn't want me.

[True Gent]

Not good today, I was fine until I heard about her going away with her new man. It's knocked me right back.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/452615-me-i-ve-been-knocked-back-square-1-a

[LornaFE]

It is hard, he is back in town texing and calling me. I do not take the calls, do not write back, but it is really hard. It feels like someone cares for me, but my brain tells me: No, he cares only for himself and needs someone to ****. That is why he tries to contact me again. Arrrgh.

[lovebirds]

A bit of a breakdown since NYE which would have been our six year anniversary ... I saw the girl he is/was in love with (= part what he left me for) at a party. She came up to me and said she did not know what to do and that she had wanted to write me an email ... I hugged her and told her she could not do anything about it and that I was okay... I was a bit tipsy so on my bike ride home I kind of broke down and cried.

 

1,5 month post-breakup, doing relatively good but seeing her was hard, although it felt kind of... I don't know... okay?

[JDPT]

A bit of a breakdown since NYE which would have been our six year anniversary ... I saw the girl he is/was in love with (= part what he left me for) at a party. She came up to me and said she did not know what to do and that she had wanted to write me an email ... I hugged her and told her she could not do anything about it and that I was okay... I was a bit tipsy so on my bike ride home I kind of broke down and cried.

 

1,5 month post-breakup, doing relatively good but seeing her was hard, although it felt kind of... I don't know... okay?

 

You toed your bicycle back home?

Be strong, you possibly reacted the way you is due to te alcohol. There is no need to hae any interaction with your ex partner. It's a new yea.

[loveiswar101]

Struggling, caught up before NY, said she needs space and we will get together in NY. I don't think I can hold on. Help !

[JDPT]

Stay strong my friend, surround yourself with go people and get it all out.

[vieillot]

8 days since we broke up. First time after five years in my life spending new years eve lonely was too hard. I miss her too much. She's in London , we have always been in LDR , never lived together.We lived together max. 1month.Two days together then distance, 1 week together then distance , 1 month together then distance.She came here for 1 day to break up with me then distance that will never close again.Always dreamed of living together peacefully. But it's not going to happen.Never.No happy ending.It's finished.

[Riou]

Well he could tell i was unhappy but i would ever end it because i loved him so much, so he said it would be best to end it, i pleaded even though i knew i didnt want to be with him. Our relationship was 2 years long and it was my first, hence im really struggling to get over him. I cant see past this wall of depression.

 

You will see past it..why were you unhappy?

[Riou]

I'm not coping today. I want to call him, tell him I miss him. I don't care if it's needy and desperate. I don't want to give up on this stupid guy. The things he said to me are making it incredibly difficult to move on, I'd rather him just tell me he doesn't want me.

 

You have to take what they say as self-serving,that's what i learnt this break up.

[Xemyd]

You have to take what they say as self-serving,that's what i learnt this break up.

 

I know, it really does happen, your head vs your heart. It's so stupid. I know that we're not going to get back together, it won't be some cheesy movie ending. But the love I have for him just seems to trump everything now. That's why I wish we could have ended badly, or he had done something bad, at least then I could hate him.

[iouaname]

I think that the worst part for me is feeling as if my life isn't 'good enough' for him, despite the fact that he has no idea what's going on in my life. That and thinking about how he moved on and what he's up to, but I try not to think about that as much.

 

Overall I find that I'm doing pretty well. I have some ups and downs but I keep myself as distracted as possible.

 

Today I was snowed in which sucked because I just had too much time to think - but I did the best I could.

 

The main difference between now and before is that now I know I'm going to be okay and that the pain is temporary.

[JDPT]

I've spent a long time thinking I didn't amount. Reality is I was to damn good for you and good luck finding someone who will walk you through life the way I did, oh yes that you can not deny.I literally held your hand through the most difficult moments in your life when all you could do was rest your head on my chest, crying ruining my expensive white button shirts with your makeup. Glad that's all in the past.

[AnyaNova]

Today? Beautifully.

 

I can see all of him very objectively. And I know I don't want him. Not until he is able to develop a backbone.

[Xemyd]

Although it's still fairly early, I'm doing way better than yesterday. Yesterday I could not keep my emotions under control, cried all day off and on, but I think I spent more of the day crying than not.

 

Today I'll try to keep myself more distracted. I don't want him to ruin my day again.

[BC1980]

I've spent a long time thinking I didn't amount. Reality is I was to damn good for you and good luck finding someone who will walk you through life the way I did, oh yes that you can not deny.I literally held your hand through the most difficult moments in your life when all you could do was rest your head on my chest, crying ruining my expensive white button shirts with your makeup. Glad that's all in the past.

 

I too spent the relationship feeling I wasn't good enough, even getting made fun of at times. I accepted all of his quirks, which were plenty. He's not even worthy of me. He was lucky to have me. I supported him through a lot of sh$t, but it was all about him. I was told I was too emotional when I came to him with a problem. I lost myself for awhile, and that is my biggest regret.

[loveiswar101]

Tomorrow is one month since BU and I seem to be going backwards. Even now a month later she is in my thoughts every minute.

 

I don't know what to do !

[Mariposa10]

There's no way around it. It'll be like that for a least a couple of more months. Hobbies and hanging out with people who don't know about the breakup will help.

 

 

 

Tomorrow is one month since BU and I seem to be going backwards. Even now a month later she is in my thoughts every minute.

 

I don't know what to do !

[iouaname]

I'm doing well right now. The days are getting shorter. I remember how long they used to feel. Now I feel like time is back to normal and I'm not constantly having to find ways to distract myself.

 

My ex has been completely cut out and right now, it feels like it's for the best. Of course - I might lose my resolve and unblock him (tho I'm still proud of myself for not having initiated contact with him since September )

 

I expect things to get even better from here.

[freebird31]

Not doing so well ... My ex left me about 8 months ago..... he tried to keep in contact me with, by texting me every now and then. he wanted me "to stay a part of his life." With all the LS knowledge, i know that what he really wanted to do was just string me along. He last told me that he still has love for me and that he is still attracted to me but just doesnt want a relationship. This simple statement has been enough to keep me believing he loves me. I try to tell myself that i should stop being so blind , that he left me, that there is no longer an "us" because he ended it. But another part of me, does not know how to let go. This other part is like an instinct that tells me that he does in fact love me. Afterall, he broke up with me bc at the time i was asking a lot for what he could have gave me. He had other stuff going on, like school and he was moving away for school an hour away.

 

These last 8 months have been a journey. I knew from the start that there was no chance that there could ever be a chance we could be friends. It was just too hard, and i attempted to iniate NC from the start. Within the 5 months after the break up, he contacted me at least 5 times. Each time for a selfish reason. 1st time, to ask if i wanted a kitten in the park he had found that needed a home. 2nd time, a favor to borrow something i had that he needed. 3rd time, emergency. 4th time, to ask if he could say goodbye in person. and the last time, to see how i was doing. The last time was just that, the last time we talked. I told him i could not do this anymore...and i needed my space. Which bring us to....almost 4 months of NC.

 

He moved away out of home this last September with a group of friends for school, which is about an hour away. Of course, that meant he would have to work to pay for rent all at the same time of going to school full time. A lot of work, but still very much possible. I had to manage to get on with my life too since i was also starting at a new college to work on my degree.

 

Again the first 5 months that he was still slightly in the picture were hell. Once i let him go, it was a little easier. I had something to work towards and focus on:school. I had something to make of myself. I had dreams of my own, have. So, this last semester i worked really hard and got realy good grades. I thought that I would feel some sort of freedom by proving to myself what I can become..

 

It wasnt until this last week, I realized not the best career, the career that i have always dreamed of, or the best of grades will ever make me that happy girl I once was when I was with him. After a lot of self-evaluation, I have realized a harsh reality about who I am, and what I am missing in my life.

 

You see, I dont have many friends. When I was with my ex, we would always go on adventures, do things together. I finally had a companion, someone I could trust, a partner. Not just in an intimate way, but as a friend. I had a friend, a best friend, that i could be myself around, and share experiences with. I had the world in my hands. And i never once took it for granted. I had the whole package. I had a friendship, someone I could always count on, and more. The more being that he gave me intense butterflies at times, we had a physical attraction.

 

It was like one of those relationships that you only dream of...He was my first boyfriend so perhaps that is why I put him on such a pedestal. But our relationship was amazing. We were a team, he would tell me. We fixed our little problems/arguments we had, brushed them off. We had great communication. always communicated what we were feeling to eachother. I thought that we were stronger than what we were. We never fought much and when we did, we settled our differences. We always talked things out, becuase i knew it was important and that we should never leave things under the rug.

 

Somehow, everything fell apart at month 7 of our 8-month relationship. He got a part time job, was working 20-25 hours a week, was also going to school full time. Somehow, my place in his world was starting to disappear. I felt alone. I talked to him about it, and still nothing had changed. It all went down hill so quickly. All the work that we put in the relationship, all gone. None of it seemed to matter. He told me he was too stressed out and that he felt like I always wanted to be with him 24-7 and that he could never make me happy. All i wanted was to feel like he was making a balance between me and his friends. To this day, I still cant understand the real reason why we are not together. He later told me many months after the BU, that he just did not want a relationship right now.

 

What does that really mean? Did he reject me...did he not love me...did he just not put enough effort into us becuase he did not care enough...was he not ready for a committment...will there be another time that he is....does he still love me...every day i fight this battle with myself, asking myself these same questions. Wishing I had the answers. I dont know the answer to any one of these questions. I dont know what the exact reason is why we are not together. I dont even know if he loves me.

 

All these months, I have gone through this coping process of trying to get through the pain. Now that I have gone through the pain, I am empty. I have no answers. I am left here still. Nothing I can do or even say to myself will change the emptiness. I can only pray. I dont think the answers will ever come, but maybe the reason why we are not supposed to be together right now, will. I can only wait that something , like another poster had mentioned, in the outside world will come to help me fullly recover or bring my happiness again. Something amazing. Until then, I am left in this confused, answer-less state of mind. No amount of digging within myself, or no amount of acceptance will change the confusion I still have. I can only just wait. I dont know what exactly I am waiting for, but i know it will bring me great happiness. I have been suffering for 8 months now in a painful expereience unlike any i have had before.

 

I really dont know what the future holds in store for me......I can only just wait. Who knows.....maybe it will be a bigger happiness than ever expected. Maybe he will come back into my life and realize that he loved me all along. Or maybe someone else will. Or maybe it has nothing to do with love. Maybe I just need a friend, and that friend will bring me a happiness. I dont know who or what I am waiting for. But at this point, it is the only option that I have left..