How are you coping today?

[Realitysux]

1 hour ago, chillii said:

Ahhh no worries l enjoy yours too , l know your all over the place but l know that's how it goes , so am l don't worry. Yep it was for you . Anyway hope your ok.

It's been rough for me these past few years. I had this guy I was obsessed with hack me and try to push me to something in life instead if leaving it be. I'm at fault to but blocking hackers was a bit much. I'll be alright but he should leave me alone now. 

[Realitysux]

1 hour ago, chillii said:

Ahhh no worries l enjoy yours too , l know your all over the place but l know that's how it goes , so am l don't worry. Yep it was for you . Anyway hope your ok.

If you have a girlfriend then don't send it. I don't think what this last guy did to me was at all fair. I really didn't need to know anything about his girlfriend but he forced it onto me. He played with my life for seven years and I really could have gone without it. I don't want closure. I just want absence. 

[Realitysux]

I'm not bpd and I'm not anything close to what they suggested but that's my pride and what makes it so easy to move on. If I can be honest with you all, who gives a s*** if they found someone else. Who cares if they are living in the ideal romance with passion and everything that makes your stomach curl. They are two people on the planet and they aren't important. What's important is you take care of yourself like an adult and move on. There are tons of other men and women out there for you. 

Edited July 16, 2020 by Realitysux

[chillii]

That great you feel all those things , and so your in a good place to move on , good for you . Gf , nah she doesn't have to put up with any ex stuff and we rarely talk about ex's , except her divorce which is her legal crap that's hitting the fan. l just met her a little soon after the ex that was the thing, l really needed a bit more time first working through things. So l was still pretty in and out emotionally so that she did have to know about or my way would've been misunderstood and taken as if l wasn't into us and her , but l was , it wasn't about that. l just needed to go slower than she wanted and ease into it while l sort my crap along the way. Nope l've never sent the letters. We both use to earlier in our other on offs and l did she did , a few times, because we were always basically still on none the less. But it's just past that now , we won't be getting back this time .

Edited July 16, 2020 by chillii

[Realitysux]

35 minutes ago, chillii said:

That great you feel all those things , and so your in a good place to move on , good for you . Gf , nah she doesn't have to put up with any ex stuff and we rarely talk about ex's , except her divorce which is her legal crap that's hitting the fan. l just met her a little soon after the ex that was the thing, l really needed a bit more time first working through things. So l was still pretty in and out emotionally so that she did have to know about or my way would've been misunderstood and taken as if l wasn't into us and her , but l was , it wasn't about that. l just needed to go slower than she wanted and ease into it while l sort my crap along the way. Nope l've never sent the letters. We both use to earlier in our other on offs and l did she did , a few times, because we were always basically still on none the less. But it's just past that now , we won't be getting back this time .

It's hard to believe people can be so cruel. It still shocks me how many people did this. They all took his side but why even speak to me about it, if it was done. I was bound for heartbreak either way and nothing I could have done would have changed anything. The abuse was just wasting everyone's time.looking back, I wish I closed it sooner but I was infact obsessed. I felt like I missed out. I would have done anything to be good enough for him at the time but I couldn't move. He could have ended this in a way that was less humiliating for me but he didn't care so your going around in circles. I'm sitting out in the rain. Have not done much all week. I hope I can move on and I'm definitely trying. I've asked for no contact. 

Edited July 16, 2020 by Realitysux

[Fox Sake]

If you’re reading  - YOU GOT THIS! 
Today is the day that you can change the outcome and the direction of everything. 
Do the right thing  

[Realitysux]

It's going to be hard since he said so much to me. He wanted nothing to do with me. I have a smoking body but I don't have a nice face. I am lazy. I'm a stupid. He didn't just say it to me, everyone who participated in this said it. This morning ,I went to drop off a blanket for a wash and fold. I got to talking to the owner when I was walking by and he needed business. 

I had some struggles already. That he and his girlfriend woke up and he made love to her and he's happy and she's happy and he's like she's gone and doesn't give a crap about me but wouldn't let me move on in more peace. 

 

I feel horrible but it's the beginning of my recovery and the more I think about it I M trying to look at it different. He's enjoying her body and he is experiencing pleasure but that has nothing to do with me. I think she's taller and has a better face and she's fun and vibrant and sexy. I think well that's because I don't like my life and I don't have satisfaction with my life right now. I try to accept it and change my thoughts. He wanted me to leave him alone but he went about it in a way that would make me want to leave him alone. He moved on,doesn't care about me and never will and I have to accept these thoughts. I can but the amount of verbal abuse is difficult since so many people played. Maybe they were missing something in their life and wanted to feel like they were above someone. Either way it's going to get easier 

[sothereiwas]

Worked a lot on a new project during the week, so I have a few chores and tasks stacked up. I'll finish some electrical work in my shop, clean and boresight a few rifles, clean up after the dog a bit, repair (also broken thanks to the dog) an automatic sprinkler, recycle a large pile of cardboard, install a battery tender on the old F-350 ...

After that, assuming I get it done, maybe take the kid fishing in the private club pond. 

Tomorrow, relax and shoot the previously mentioned rifles. 

[Realitysux]

I quit a job because of him. He had someone involved at my work. My boss offered to give me a few weeks off to sort it out but I was too humiliated. I lost a lot of money and he didn't care. He only thought to himself whatever it takes. He could have ended it and let me take my time off but he wanted me gone 

[sothereiwas]

3 hours ago, Realitysux said:

I have a smoking body

For a woman to be able to write as well as you do and at the same time honestly say this ... I have trouble seeing why you'd be single for very long. As Pepe famously said, "There are plenty of fish in the sea ..." and so on. The rest of the quote is "but I prefer women" but since that's pretty realistically the view of most fellas, I see that as working in your favor as well. 

Good luck. 

[Realitysux]

57 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

For a woman to be able to write as well as you do and at the same time honestly say this ... I have trouble seeing why you'd be single for very long. As Pepe famously said, "There are plenty of fish in the sea ..." and so on. The rest of the quote is "but I prefer women" but since that's pretty realistically the view of most fellas, I see that as working in your favor as well. 

Good luck. 

Was that sarcasm? my writing is horrible and they said I didn't have a nice face. 

Edited July 18, 2020 by Realitysux

[sothereiwas]

20 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

Was that sarcasm? my writing is horrible and they said I didn't have a nice face. 

No sarcasm. 

[Realitysux]

3 hours ago, sothereiwas said:

For a woman to be able to write as well as you do and at the same time honestly say this ... I have trouble seeing why you'd be single for very long. As Pepe famously said, "There are plenty of fish in the sea ..." and so on. The rest of the quote is "but I prefer women" but since that's pretty realistically the view of most fellas, I see that as working in your favor as well. 

Good luck. 

I did not say I have a smoking body. That came out wrong as I can not type. These guys wrote I might have a smoking body but I don't have a nice face. 

[Realitysux]

I had a difficult day and it did not get easier, it got much worse. I spoke to two men involved. One said that this was a narcissist and that I should block him. The other said not to think about it and we were going on a date. I'm not going to go because I'm worried, will he try to kiss me? Will we end up in bed? I'm putting myself into a situation where I could be wasting more time and this guy will not back down. He accessed my information without my consent. He played mind games with me for 7 years. The guy isn't a good catch and it took me all this time to realize it. Looking back, there were signs. 

The guy needed my attention in a work meeting. He always made it known he was senior in the company. He manipulated everyone at work to like him. I have to go to the police at some point if I can get evidence. 

[Realitysux]

Also, this third Spanish man at work associated to him would look me up and down in a way I would notice back then and say, I'm at work, and who is this guy to analyze my body as if he was anything special. I met another man who thought being Spanish he could manipulate me. I'm intrigued by Spanish men but not these ones. 

[chillii]

Cruel torturous, unfair, unjust, only tiny minds do things like that, tiny narrow short sighted blind minds.

deleted , but it helped . and l think l finally get it. l'd like to leave it here , if here was more private, it'd help me to read it over some, but l won't.

Edited July 18, 2020 by chillii

[Jsos91]

Man... haven't posted on here in a couple of years now.

Honestly... she still comes and goes in my head. Just every once in a while maybe something reminds me of her or I have a random dream about her and then she's stuck in my head for a couple of days. I don't know if this is normal or not but it doesn't hurt anymore... she's just... there and taking up space. 

Since the breakup I've reached out to her once and she has... at least 10 times... I haven't broken.. I haven't shown any type of emotion towards her in the 3 years we have been apart but sometimes I just want to know how she's doing or to tell her how I'm doing because I've come so far. When we were together I worked in retail while we were together and since then I have graduated and just been hired in the legal department at this amazing tech company. Im so proud of myself and that should be enough but maybe I'm just feeling like I want to show her what's she's missing.

I don't know.. she reached out a couple months ago and I never reacted.. its so hard. She wants so badly to have a line of communication with me and I want to so badly too but I just can't.. My life is so different and I don't want to reopen things but sometimes I wonder that if I did reopen communication I would realize that were so different now that we could never be together again.

Its so hard to know what the best decision is for me and I feel kind of pathetic even thinking about all of this so long after everything but I know she thinks about it too and that makes it so much harder. 

[Realitysux]

12 hours ago, Jsos91 said:

 

Quoted by mistake 

[Realitysux]

I'm doing okay and I feel stronger everyday. I get stronger, I feel better, more happiness and more desire to do things beyond bed. I can't stress to you how honest I was throughout the years but this guy played a sick and dangerous game. Looking back, it happened when I was very weak. Who hacks you and then tells you they aren't sexually attracted to you. Over the years a lot of people gave me advice but they knew nothing about me. These guys know nothing about me. 

I may seem like I am Ill for playing back but the fact so many people dug into my life, my families life, and commented in abusive ways is sick. You are all sick. He's telling me my family is abusive and all of you are acting like this man is wonderful. What did he do but play with my life and emotions and fed an obsession for 7 years. 

It's all fun and games until the cops show up with charges and the guys sitting in a jail cell 

Edited July 19, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

These guys are sick and if you know a different side of them, my side shows that the extent that people are playing in my city are sick. This guy wanted to go on a date and kiss, and he was involved. I felt sick and although I came to work, I'm laid back in a recliner and getting a pedicure thinking blocking is a two way street. 

[sothereiwas]

25 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

I felt sick and although I came to work, I'm laid back in a recliner and getting a pedicure

Well, at least you have some nice office perks in the workplace there. 

[Realitysux]

5 hours ago, sothereiwas said:

Well, at least you have some nice office perks in the workplace there. 

Being self employed and an excellent communicator has its perks. A guy was involved and he wanted to take me out and kiss me, which to me was the last straw. I shouldn't have to deal with anyone involved. We aren't compatible and he wanted me to move on so the goal is achieved.

Edited July 20, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic

[Realitysux]

I am doing okay and I'm not mad at him. I hope he's happy and I get it. I was obsessed with him when I could have moved on and found someone for myself. I was probably trying to elicit a reaction from him when I was texting him. I needed to accept all aspects of it because then I could move on in my mind and if I don't contact anyone the. It shows him I have moved on and there will be nor more people involved. 

I'll find other places to connect with people. 

 

[sothereiwas]

I'm working late, my wife is sitting a few feet away playing great music. My child is doing a little school work in prep for next year. Bedtime soon, and life is amazing. 

[chillii]

l've had the words from our last convo where it all went to shyt put away on my phone 9mths. It's not the exact convo just words and lines and sentences going on memory of what was said a few weeks later.  But a lot of it are the exact words and l still go through it just trying to figure out where everything was coming from and just what was really meant.Not dealing with an ordinary person things can be so erratically all over place and full of so much contradiction that at times it's like you could just keep on deciphering forever and still not really know whether you have read things right and made the right decision. With a person like this , so many things can come from other places and reasons , defensiveness , self sabotage through fear, from a day ago or 12mths ago , things they've been harboring until one day they just explode mths or yrs later.

l keep it to remind myself in weaker moments and it's stopped me writing her 100 times once l reread it. So it's been a big part of coping and piecing things together that even after all this time some still could mean 10 different things or come from something l said or did myself. Knowing how she harbors the way she does. l still think my main original thoughts about it all and what she's meant , truly feeling about things and about us , were pretty close to the mark and if that was th case then she can just go right on fkg herself because as l told her , l'd have no interest in the kind of relationship she builds or the kind of person she truly seems to be when it all comes out.