Am I just being Irrational?

[DragonsSongBird]

I'm normally a level-headed kinda girl, but recent events in my life with my boyfriend has made me worried sick...

 

First a bit of backstory, I'm twenty and my BF recently turned Thirty-Seven, I know the gap is crazy but despite that, it never really mattered too much, to be honest. We're also open sexually with others, basically, we can take FWB's but not a new BF/GF. We've been dating a few months now but we're going strong, I don't doubt he loves me.

 

When my boyfriend and I got together he was **** buddies with a wedded woman who had opened to marriage with her husband's approval, But now they're divorcing or at least she wants one now.

 

One night my boyfriend got hammered and when he gets drunk he gets more emotional and he admitted having feelings for the other woman, but not to worry about it cause he did love me.

 

But now that she's soon to be back on the market and even though he swore to me that he wouldn't rebound with her, at least for now. I'm terrified of losing him, despite only seeing each other for a few months, I really do love him.

 

I don't wanna bring it up to him, I don't wanna seem like that Twenty-something who's crazy and possessive.

 

Am I being crazy, reading in too much, or do i have something worry about?

[Techmonkey]

There's a lot here that seems risky. The age gap is almost 20 years. That has it's own issues. Unless you're a very mature 20 and he's an immature 37, you've both likely got different world views. To be honest, any 37 year old dating someone as young as yourself is probably pretty immature for his age. You mention the drinking and I have to raise an wonder if this is some middle aged dude who never grew out of his party mentality.

 

Poly/open relationships can be emotionally messy and (IMO) require a LOT of self-confidence and emotional maturity. Your concerns tell me you might be in too deep emotionally, and what you've mentioned of him makes me wonder if he's healthy for you.

 

That said, all you can do is roll with it. He was honest about his feelings (even if it was through alcohol), now you can either accept it and let him explore that relationship with you in his life, or walk away if it's too much for you.

[Space Ritual]

I'm normally a level-headed kinda girl, but recent events in my life with my boyfriend has made me worried sick...

 

First a bit of backstory, I'm twenty and my BF recently turned Thirty-Seven, I know the gap is crazy but despite that, it never really mattered too much, to be honest. We're also open sexually with others, basically, we can take FWB's but not a new BF/GF. We've been dating a few months now but we're going strong, I don't doubt he loves me.

 

When my boyfriend and I got together he was **** buddies with a wedded woman who had opened to marriage with her husband's approval, But now they're divorcing or at least she wants one now.

 

One night my boyfriend got hammered and when he gets drunk he gets more emotional and he admitted having feelings for the other woman, but not to worry about it cause he did love me.

 

But now that she's soon to be back on the market and even though he swore to me that he wouldn't rebound with her, at least for now. I'm terrified of losing him, despite only seeing each other for a few months, I really do love him.

 

I don't wanna bring it up to him, I don't wanna seem like that Twenty-something who's crazy and possessive.

 

Am I being crazy, reading in too much, or do i have something worry about?

 

 

You are not being irrational. As you obviously know open relationships take a boatload of honesty, communication and trust. The downside seems to be from what people's experiences are from those who have posted here is that this emergence of feelings for a third party for whatever reason is inevitable.

 

A lot of times I imagine that people are fine with it and then thy extend their boundaries a little bit and before you know it there is a love triangle. I am sure it is not that way all the time but most people who have really solid open relationships that include that trust and communication. are not coming here and bemoaning them.

 

I think you would be wise to drill down with your partner exact what boundaries are a dealbreaker for you. Otherwise he will simply use your failure to communicate these boundaries to him as an excuse to cross them when he feels the need.

 

And no that is not that much of an age difference. I'm 52 and my current GF is 26 and we get along great. We both keep it casual though and I am always aware that although age is not always an issue, that fo this reason most of my relationships are pretty short lived these days by comparison to when I was in my 20's and thirties.