single ladies 30 and up, how are you?

[hotpotato]

Hi!

I've been going through some things. I don't think i care for the dating world. I feel like i should want to date because i'm 30, buuut i don't. Im scared of what dating will be like when i'm 35, 40, but at the same time i feel like i could be just fine single. I say that now, but what if i regret spending most of my life single.

 

I went on a vacation by myself, and that doesn't feel too bad. It was fun actually. i routinely date myself with no problems.

 

Single ladies 30 and up

Have you spent much of your life single by choice?

Do you regret being single? is it harder to find guys?

Are you happy?

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

Hi!

I've been going through some things. I don't think i care for the dating world. I feel like i should want to date because i'm 30, buuut i don't. Im scared of what dating will be like when i'm 35, 40, but at the same time i feel like i could be just fine single. I say that now, but what if i regret spending most of my life single.

 

I went on a vacation by myself, and that doesn't feel too bad. It was fun actually. i routinely date myself with no problems.

 

Single ladies 30 and up

Have you spent much of your life single by choice?

Do you regret being single? is it harder to find guys?

Are you happy?

 

 

Nearly 50, single and pretty happy. Would be nice to have a man but no man is better than a sub par man which is kind of what's around at my age. Lots of baggage etc.

 

The only thing I would say if you want kids do it now regardless if you have a man or not if you can afford to do so.

[hotpotato]

Nearly 50, single and pretty happy. Would be nice to have a man but no man is better than a sub par man which is kind of what's around at my age. Lots of baggage etc.

 

The only thing I would say if you want kids do it now regardless if you have a man or not if you can afford to do so.

 

I definitely feel like being single is better than being with just any guy! I don't feel i mesh well with a lot of people in general. Sooo single i am.

[preraph]

I'm 64, always been single. I've mostly traveled alone and I prefer it for most things because seems like if you take someone on a trip, they grate on your nerves or don't want to participate. I've done a lot of things alone ever since I was a kid. I wasn't an only child but it was a 7-year gap so I had a hostile older sister. I was allowed to roam the countryside on horses, my scooter, and even take the boat out some. Sometimes with a neighbor friend, lots of times not. Kids were expected to "go play outside" and entertain themselves when inside when I was young. There wasn't much of what we see today with the mom spending all day entertaining the child. I am grateful that I was allowed to be autonomous because it is a skill I was able to use to chase my dream and just also survive. I think teaching a kid to be autonomous and not sit at mother's feet is a great gift to them later on, and much easier on the parent.

 

I eat out alone all the time because I enjoy it. I talk to people when I'm out and about or at a restaurant. I have pets and am just fine. The main thing I could use that I can't always afford is a handyman, but in fairness, none of my friends' husbands are at all handy either, so they're in the same boat. When you get old, things are harder to manage, but it's that way even if you're coupled up usually, too.

 

When you're single you can make life as exciting or as simple as you want it to be. I've certainly done both.

[Chris2016]

I know you're asking the ladies, but OP you're still young. Don't be complacent. Time will fly by--particularly if you want biological kids. If I could do 30 over again (and know what I know now) I wish I was not as complacent. Not sure if it'd help me (being struggling guy as it is), but just wish I had that chance again.

 

Based on your past posts, I think you're a struggling lady? Try not to past up guys who are not so lookers. I don't know if you're doing that or not. If those are who you can get, nothing wrong with that. They like you, like them too!

[hotpotato]

I know you're asking the ladies, but OP you're still young. Don't be complacent. Time will fly by--particularly if you want biological kids. If I could do 30 over again (and know what I know now) I wish I was not as complacent. Not sure if it'd help me (being struggling guy as it is), but just wish I had that chance again.

 

Based on your past posts, I think you're a struggling lady? Try not to past up guys who are not so lookers. I don't know if you're doing that or not. If those are who you can get, nothing wrong with that. They like you, like them too!

 

I know i shouldn't be complacent, but i wasn't struggling when i was single. I was fine and actually happy.

 

I actually find less attractive men to be meaner, and they are more likely to lie to get sex. Attractive guys are more upfront. Being unattractive doesnt make them kind. Unfortunately, there are many people who are unattractive physically and also dishonest.

 

My thing is i want a guy like me. Im very much into fitness and being active. I wake up early in the morning. i can't be with a guy just because he's a guy and he's single. Also, i think it's unfair how a man can look for a woman he's attracted to, and no one bats and eye. Living in the fat Bible belt doesn't help.

[CptInsano]

I actually find less attractive men to be meaner, and they are more likely to lie to get sex. Attractive guys are more upfront. Being unattractive doesnt make them kind. Unfortunately, there are many people who are unattractive physically and also dishonest.

 

I'm in full agreement here. Not that being attractive makes you a good person, but "dating down" is simply bad advice.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I know i shouldn't be complacent, but i wasn't struggling when i was single. I was fine and actually happy.

 

I actually find less attractive men to be meaner, and they are more likely to lie to get sex. Attractive guys are more upfront. Being unattractive doesnt make them kind. Unfortunately, there are many people who are unattractive physically and also dishonest.

 

My thing is i want a guy like me. Im very much into fitness and being active. I wake up early in the morning. i can't be with a guy just because he's a guy and he's single. Also, i think it's unfair how a man can look for a woman he's attracted to, and no one bats and eye. Living in the fat Bible belt doesn't help.

 

I find that more attractive men are actually genuinely nicer people. Less attractive men would lie without batting an eyelid for sex. Even if they get into a relationship with you, it's usually because you are their only option not because they actually like you. I also found that less attractive men put down my looks more. I always thought it would be the other way around.

 

I have had far, far better experiences with more attractive men. The main hurdle is that it's not super easy finding one that is single, but they will tell you straight up what they are after.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Hi!

I've been going through some things. I don't think i care for the dating world. I feel like i should want to date because i'm 30, buuut i don't. Im scared of what dating will be like when i'm 35, 40, but at the same time i feel like i could be just fine single. I say that now, but what if i regret spending most of my life single.

 

I went on a vacation by myself, and that doesn't feel too bad. It was fun actually. i routinely date myself with no problems.

 

Single ladies 30 and up

Have you spent much of your life single by choice?

Do you regret being single? is it harder to find guys?

Are you happy?

 

Just curious, since men do the pursuing and the asking out, the "single by choice" means you have or will be turning down EVERY guy that asks you out, yes?

 

I actually find less attractive men to be meaner, and they are more likely to lie to get sex. Attractive guys are more upfront. Being unattractive doesnt make them kind. Unfortunately, there are many people who are unattractive physically and also dishonest.

 

Actually, I heard cases were held saying lesser attractive men were more loyal, the mean thing, I don't know about that...but less attractive men are less likely to cheat.

 

Of course, that could be all BS as well, as some people list here their personal experiences that counter whatever was stated or ever written.

 

I also found that less attractive men put down my looks more.

 

This is the first I'm hearing of it. Usually this isn't the case.

 

I actually find less attractive men to be meaner, and they are more likely to lie to get sex. Attractive guys are more upfront. Being unattractive doesnt make them kind. Unfortunately, there are many people who are unattractive physically and also dishonest.

 

I'm trying to figure out where in the he** are you meeting these kinds of people that warrants them saying this?

Edited March 1, 2017 by LookAtThisPOst

[preraph]

I know i shouldn't be complacent, but i wasn't struggling when i was single. I was fine and actually happy.

 

I actually find less attractive men to be meaner, and they are more likely to lie to get sex. Attractive guys are more upfront. Being unattractive doesnt make them kind. Unfortunately, there are many people who are unattractive physically and also dishonest.

 

My thing is i want a guy like me. Im very much into fitness and being active. I wake up early in the morning. i can't be with a guy just because he's a guy and he's single. Also, i think it's unfair how a man can look for a woman he's attracted to, and no one bats and eye. Living in the fat Bible belt doesn't help.

 

I agree with you there, but I think there's more than one type certainly. Many less attractive guys can be quite sneaky and dishonest and kind of prey on women too good looking to want them to get sex and seem very narcissistic like because they can't snap their fingers and get their way, they feel all means are justified to get sex and to get it with someone much more attractive than they are. They are the bitter ones.

 

But then you see couples every day out shopping who are well matched in attractiveness and are perfectly happy with each other who aren't going to be considered attractive by a lot of people.

 

There are a myriad of problems with the bitter unattractive or socially anxious ones because besides being sneaky and predatory, if they ever get an open door, they are likely to try to "level" you or say things in order to try to bring you down to their level, like acting like you're "damaged goods" if you make the mistake of telling them you have a sexual past or criticizing anything they can find in order to pump themselves up and make themselves feel superior long enough to get a boner.

 

And of course there are some nice ones, and if they have enough confidence, great, but if they don't, you're going to feel more like patting them on the head than taking them to bed.

[hotpotato]

@look

(Im mobile sorry)

I usually dont get asked out. Also, some guys ask me out in ways in which i dont realize they are asking me out. I suppose in short yes, i would turn them down, bt most of the time i dont have this issue. For me to be asked out regularly, id need to go clubbing or go online. For me its very easy to avoid.

 

Nerdy ex still cheated, so dating conventionally less attractive men hasnt helped. He never had a problem finding someone, and if he wanted to could shell out a few bucks for sex.

 

I dated a lot in my late teens and early 20s and through the years as well. In my experience if an attractive guy wants sex he just tells you. Unattractive guys are more likely to manipulate.

[shoplocal]

Hi!

Have you spent much of your life single by choice?

Do you regret being single? is it harder to find guys?

Are you happy?

 

Have you spent much of your life single by choice?

 

My BFF would say I'm single by choice because I refuse to sleep around with the old and desperate men who hit on me. Not only am I not into casual sex, but these dudes make a point of telling me I'm ugly, and how based on my subpar looks they believe they can expend minimal effort to get me into bed and 'hooked' on them. Not sure why they do that, but 'negging' has never worked on me and never will.

 

Regular men have zero interest in me. I am fat, black, and complicated. I assume it's the trifecta of 'hell no' to any man with options. I've asked my doctor about weight loss surgery, but am too healthy and too close to the minimum weight for her to recommend it. Can't change my race and have been working on my mental state/personality for years...but yet, still complicated. :-p

 

 

Do you regret being single? is it harder to find guys?

 

Men of interest are here in abundance, so they're easy to find! But they have no interest in me and no reason to dig deeper in this high quality, woman-rich environment.

 

Realizing I'll be single for my whole life (never have been in a relationship before now), has made me hopeless about the future. I struggle with suicidal ideation and planning.

 

 

Are you happy?

 

Sometimes. When I'm deep in my studio (I'm a crafter), Netflix is on, and the light is right, I forget I'm single, undesirable, and will never have a family, and am just in the moment. Otherwise, no.

 

 

Question for you, hotpotato: if the only thing making you single is a dearth of average weight dudes who like to exercise, and you're an average weight white woman who likes to exercise, have you thought about moving? There are so many cities around the country undergoing gentrification that are meccas for people like you - the right man/men for you might be out there! And it doesn't have to be in the north/northeast if you don't like the culture here - I think even places like Nashville are undergoing 'the change'.

 

But if you want to stay single, disregard the above and enjoy!

[S_A]

Ok ladies, just to clear something up, a lot of these unattractive guys think they are hot af. So you're assumption on personality based on level of attractiveness is incorrect because many guys already think they are hot (whether they are or not) to begin with.

 

If you find a guy that KNOWS he isn't hot (not too many of these), or at least believes he isn't hot, then he is probably going to be Mr Personality.

Edited March 5, 2017 by S_A

[hotpotato]

Ok ladies, just to clear something up, a lot of these unattractive guys think they are hot af. So you're assumption on personality based on level of attractiveness is incorrect because many guys already think they are hot (whether they are or not) to begin with.

 

If you find a guy that KNOWS he isn't hot (not too many of these), or at least believes he isn't hot, then he is probably going to be Mr Personality.

 

Plenty of good looking guys have that great personality as well. My last ex was like that.

 

Traits vary from person to person,but i hate hate when people imply that unattractive people have better personalities because theyre unattractive (or think themselves unattractive). There are many people who are beautiful inside and out. There are unfortunately also people who are unattractive inside and out as well as a lot of folks in the middle.

[hotpotato]

Have you spent much of your life single by choice?

 

My BFF would say I'm single by choice because I refuse to sleep around with the old and desperate men who hit on me. Not only am I not into casual sex, but these dudes make a point of telling me I'm ugly, and how based on my subpar looks they believe they can expend minimal effort to get me into bed and 'hooked' on them. Not sure why they do that, but 'negging' has never worked on me and never will.

 

Omg that's horrible!

 

Regular men have zero interest in me. I am fat, black, and complicated. I assume it's the trifecta of 'hell no' to any man with options. I've asked my doctor about weight loss surgery, but am too healthy and too close to the minimum weight for her to recommend it. Can't change my race and have been working on my mental state/personality for years...but yet, still complicated. :-p

 

Im black and complicated,too.

Do you regret being single? is it harder to find guys?

 

Men of interest are here in abundance, so they're easy to find! But they have no interest in me and no reason to dig deeper in this high quality, woman-rich environment.

 

Realizing I'll be single for my whole life (never have been in a relationship before now), has made me hopeless about the future. I struggle with suicidal ideation and planning.

 

Awww. I hope things start looking up for you. Have you talked to a counselor or anyone about the negative thoughts?

 

Are you happy?

 

Sometimes. When I'm deep in my studio (I'm a crafter), Netflix is on, and the light is right, I forget I'm single, undesirable, and will never have a family, and am just in the moment. Otherwise, no.

 

 

Question for you, hotpotato: if the only thing making you single is a dearth of average weight dudes who like to exercise, and you're an average weight white woman who likes to exercise, have you thought about moving? There are so many cities around the country undergoing gentrification that are meccas for people like you - the right man/men for you might be out there! And it doesn't have to be in the north/northeast if you don't like the culture here - I think even places like Nashville are undergoing 'the change'.

 

But if you want to stay single, disregard the above and enjoy!

 

There are a couple things making me single. Most of the time i just dont want to date. I don't feel like going through the ups and downs of meeting someone, being happy for a little bit, then it ending. It gets old to me.

 

I have a lot of social anxiety. If a guy is my type, i'm more likely to force myself to go on a date with him. Last time i tried to date someone, i nearly stood him up i was that nervous. And he was my type.

 

I have thought about moving to a little more to the north like Georgia. i don't know if id move just for more dating prospects. It's lovely where i live aside from hurricanes.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I also don't get this thing where men assume that women just get asked out and don't have to do anything but pick and chose.

 

I never do and I am not ugly. Even when I was a lot younger, unless I went to bars or clubbing, I never got asked out. I had few sleazy, older men trying to talk to me on the street but even that is rare.

 

In my 20s, when there were plenty of single men in say college or at work, I typically had to strike up some kind of friendship and then be flirty in an ongoing manner to eventually get to some kind of dating stage. Even then, it was a long and drawn out process and never "just happened". I remember that I spent about 4 years in my late 20s without ever being asked out once when I stopped making an effort to do the clubbing scene or be extra flirty.

 

I am not outgoing by nature so I can easily imagine that at my current age, I could go until the day I die (next 40 years or so) without being asked out once. That is, if I never reactivate my online profiles. I am always really confused by the assumption that average women get asked out all the time. In my experience, only very attractive ones do (like top 5th-10th percentile). It's actually no different for men, top 5th-10th percentile gets hit on all the time.

 

I recently chatted to this 49yo woman (never been married and never had children). Her experiences mirrored mine. She told me how at about 40, she kind of gave up and stopped looking for a man. She was still open to finding one if it happened naturally. She hasn't even had a single date in the last 9 years . And she is quite slim and attractive and looks much younger than she is.

[No_Go]

I remember that I spent about 4 years in my late 20s without ever being asked out once when I stopped making an effort to do the clubbing scene or be extra flirty.

 

Haha, so i is mission lost for people like me - I have never ever been at the clubbing scene (I've attended clubs maybe 4-5 times in my lifetime and it was always to check out what it is all about and accompanied by bf). On top - I never voluntarily flirt - the guy should be over the top flirty to get me reciprocate.

 

Regarding men on the street asking me out - even if they do - my natural reaction has always been to run the hills... Honestly, I have no idea how people start dating 'cold'.

 

For me the only option IRL is a coworker or someone else that I see on recurring frequent basis. Otherwise I strongly prefer OLD because it gives me information about the person before meeting up. I'm pretty much indifferent to looks, seeing someone just visually has zero chance to provoke an attraction for me. I need information and preferably some written communication before going on date to warm up (and that has been the case for both guys that I met 'naturally ' and in OLD). Just showing up to see if we have 'chemistry' for me is equal to no chemistry...

 

So... At 32 I'm giving it a little more time being single to close off the page with my ex, and then I REALLY need a strategic plan to get what I need. Meeting a guy in the supermarket won't be the way, that's for sure:

[Eternal Sunshine]

Haha, so i is mission lost for people like me - I have never ever been at the clubbing scene (I've attended clubs maybe 4-5 times in my lifetime and it was always to check out what it is all about and accompanied by bf). On top - I never voluntarily flirt - the guy should be over the top flirty to get me reciprocate.

 

Regarding men on the street asking me out - even if they do - my natural reaction has always been to run the hills... Honestly, I have no idea how people start dating 'cold'.

 

For me the only option IRL is a coworker or someone else that I see on recurring frequent basis. Otherwise I strongly prefer OLD because it gives me information about the person before meeting up. I'm pretty much indifferent to looks, seeing someone just visually has zero chance to provoke an attraction for me. I need information and preferably some written communication before going on date to warm up (and that has been the case for both guys that I met 'naturally ' and in OLD). Just showing up to see if we have 'chemistry' for me is equal to no chemistry...

 

So... At 32 I'm giving it a little more time being single to close off the page with my ex, and then I REALLY need a strategic plan to get what I need. Meeting a guy in the supermarket won't be the way, that's for sure:

 

OLD is the only real option for me. None of my co-workers are single. I am recalibrating from my recent breakup ATM but will get back into it in a few weeks

 

I need to be more strategic instead of just randomly playing the numbers game.

[No_Go]

Maybe dating coach or matchmaker can be useful?

I'm thinking about it for myself when time comes (my last OLD attempt resulted in immediate relationship that lasted 2 yrs but ended very messy:( )

[LookAtThisPOst]

And she is quite slim and attractive and looks much younger than she is.

 

 

She hasn't even had a single date in the last 9 years

 

Going have to cry foul here.

Not saying this is IMpossible, but...still, there following conditions must apply and it's probably environmental.

 

Not having a boyfriend, I buy...not having a date in NINE years? I don't buy it. lol

 

1. She lives in a po-dunk town, ie - backwoods coal miners town? lol

2. She deliberately makes herself unapproachable. Averts her eyes when she makes eye contact, deliberately makes an effort not to be approached.

3. (Question) Is she sociable? A social butterfly?

4. Where she lives, everyone around here age bracket is married or spoken for, and if they ARE single, they are barely drinking age?

Edited March 7, 2017 by LookAtThisPOst

[hotpotato]

Look,

I can go years without being asked on a date or going on one. I go places, but they are places where coupled people often go. If i want to date, usually i have to try by going online. I supposed i could try clubbing, too.

[CptInsano]

I believe it. I met a woman recently who was in her mid 40s who hadn't had a real date in years, and I'm excluding OLD dates where things went downhill. She was reasonably attractive, but her past experiences made her overly cautious. She has never had a relationship in her entire life.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Look,

I can go years without being asked on a date or going on one. I go places, but they are places where coupled people often go. If i want to date, usually i have to try by going online. I supposed i could try clubbing, too.

 

I forgot to add that. Where I live, any festivals, like art festivals, flea market extravaganzas, wine events. street parties, etc. I rarely see solo, single women at these thigns.

 

Mostly families with the wife pushing a baby carriage around and the older kid on the father's shoulders seems to be like 99% of the attendees.

[hotpotato]

Haha, so i is mission lost for people like me - I have never ever been at the clubbing scene (I've attended clubs maybe 4-5 times in my lifetime and it was always to check out what it is all about and accompanied by bf). On top - I never voluntarily flirt - the guy should be over the top flirty to get me reciprocate.

 

Regarding men on the street asking me out - even if they do - my natural reaction has always been to run the hills... Honestly, I have no idea how people start dating 'cold'.

 

For me the only option IRL is a coworker or someone else that I see on recurring frequent basis. Otherwise I strongly prefer OLD because it gives me information about the person before meeting up. I'm pretty much indifferent to looks, seeing someone just visually has zero chance to provoke an attraction for me. I need information and preferably some written communication before going on date to warm up (and that has been the case for both guys that I met 'naturally ' and in OLD). Just showing up to see if we have 'chemistry' for me is equal to no chemistry...

 

So... At 32 I'm giving it a little more time being single to close off the page with my ex, and then I REALLY need a strategic plan to get what I need. Meeting a guy in the supermarket won't be the way, that's for sure:

 

My last relationship came from a cold approach. That was quite odd as i usually have to look for it. I would be open to another cold approach relationship. Most of the guys who cold approach me are like 50 and up and in poor shape! Theres only a certain type of older guy i'm into. There are some really attractive men 45 and up, but that's not most of them!

[Sweetfish]

I also dont believe the stories here. Some of the posters had good men and tossed them. Others here have pointed out they are complicated and noted them selves as weird. Others have indicated in the past they refused to date men in a certain working classes.

 

I clearly layed out with another member in another thread.. why after 35 a woman will have a hardtime finding a man. I see these threads pop up all the time and women refuse to believe it..

 

Do you ever think about the good men you did dump?

Or that you made the guys life COMPLICATED so he ended up cheating or leaving you.