single ladies 30 and up, how are you?

[joeandmee]

I also don't get this thing where men assume that women just get asked out and don't have to do anything but pick and chose.

 

It might have to do with location - I'm not even a fraction of how attractive I was 10 years ago BUT I'm in an area with a lot of single men I guess, and my dating profile comes off as "cool."

 

As I've gotten older I've gone on fewer dates and been in fewer relationships but it has a lot to do with my knowing what i want now and being more selective.

 

That said, I met my fiance online at 36 years old (I'm 37 now), and we're getting married in December. <3 He's the most incredble person I've ever met and I'm HAPPY things with other people went awry -- he was worth the wait.

[GemmaUK]

I find that more attractive men are actually genuinely nicer people. Less attractive men would lie without batting an eyelid for sex. Even if they get into a relationship with you, it's usually because you are their only option not because they actually like you. I also found that less attractive men put down my looks more. I always thought it would be the other way around.

 

I have had far, far better experiences with more attractive men. The main hurdle is that it's not super easy finding one that is single, but they will tell you straight up what they are after.

 

Totally agree. I have found the same to be true also.

Plus the 'self proclaimed' nice guy is more often than not not what he claims. It doesn't take long to figure out

[Eternal Sunshine]

I mean, sure location doesn't help. I have lived in a coal mining town for over 3 years now where people marry young, most are uneducated and devoid of culture. Pickings have been slim and I have had nothing but total idiots show interest (as in liars/cheaters, psychos and so on). I meet plenty of great guys here too, but 100% of them are married (most married when they were under 25).

 

I know things would look up if I moved but I need to find a comparable job first and it's not that easy.

[hotpotato]

Eternal, I can relate. I live in a rural-ish area. Many people get married early sometimes after high school. I know people who are 30 and have been with the significant other for 10,15 years. i missed the 'high school sweetheart train,' and now it's hard to find someone. i get hit on by guys who are either 20 or 50, and i think that's in part because so many people get married young where i live.

[Ariadne]

I mean, sure location doesn't help. I have lived in a coal mining town for over 3 years now where people marry young, most are uneducated and devoid of culture. Pickings have been slim and I have had nothing but total idiots show interest (as in liars/cheaters, psychos and so on). I meet plenty of great guys here too, but 100% of them are married (most married when they were under 25).

 

I know things would look up if I moved but I need to find a comparable job first and it's not that easy.

 

If I were you I´d try and go see Ajahn Brahm in one of this talks. It might be fun and you can meet someone there!

[LookAtThisPOst]

Eternal, I can relate. I live in a rural-ish area. Many people get married early sometimes after high school. I know people who are 30 and have been with the significant other for 10,15 years. i missed the 'high school sweetheart train,' and now it's hard to find someone. i get hit on by guys who are either 20 or 50, and i think that's in part because so many people get married young where i live.

 

Ditto here. I gave up trying to approach women in a book store or coffee shop. When I graduated college and moved back home, I was in my mid 20s. When I would try to approach women in public, they would have a ring on their finger (yep already married with 2 children in tow before 25, lol) or their boyfriend will show up shortly.

 

Some prefer to be left alone and give you this, 'Why is this person I don't know talking to me?" It's such a fishbowl community where getting to know NEW people is faux pas.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I also dont believe the stories here. Some of the posters had good men and tossed them. Others here have pointed out they are complicated and noted them selves as weird. Others have indicated in the past they refused to date men in a certain working classes.

 

I clearly layed out with another member in another thread.. why after 35 a woman will have a hardtime finding a man. I see these threads pop up all the time and women refuse to believe it..

 

Do you ever think about the good men you did dump?

Or that you made the guys life COMPLICATED so he ended up cheating or leaving you.

 

See not true for me. I love good men but can't find one. In fact, most men I dated (that I met through OLD since I never meet anyone single anywhere else), I dated because they seemed like good men. As they started treating me like s*it, I started losing interest. If they continued to be good men, I wouldn't be single today.

 

All those PUA sites and ideas (women go for a-holes, women like to be kept guessing, etc) are the exact opposite of how mature women actually think. They may be true for teens and early 20s women but not for anyone that is interested in a real relationship.

[PrettyEmily77]

Do you ever think about the good men you did dump?Or that you made the guys life COMPLICATED so he ended up cheating or leaving you.

 

Dude, please... What 'good man' wants a woman to stay with him out of obligation? What good man ends up cheating anyway?

 

Seriously, being a 'good man' (whatever that is) doesn't make you automatically compatible with all 'good' womenfolk, whatever the 'connection' you think you have - doesn't matter how good you are if you don't work as a couple; if anything, a 'good man' gets that and will take it on the chin instead of blaming it all on the ex and her issues, real or imagined.

 

There are as many 'weird' and 'complicated' women as there are men, and as for the different working classes thing, it wouldn't be so much of an issue if men weren't so threatened by women who are more educated than them, or assume them to be stuck up [insert not very nice word here].

 

Really though, bitter single guys are not in the best position to advise single women on how to find a compatible partner.

[Sweetfish]

Really though, bitter single guys are not in the best position to advise single women on how to find a compatible partner.

 

Please Miss Emily. Please tell me why I am sooo bitter and what advice have you given? What advice you have for these single women looking for a guy? But I want to know what gives you the idea that you think im bitter?

 

Have you read the OPs previous threads or are you just the collective that jumps into a thread and high five each other not knowing whats going on. Soothing the ego and coodling instead of pointing out what are the real problems....

 

When people here point out FACTS and not offer goody goody gum drops... thats when many members jump and push the alert button and cry wolf or get angry.

 

The FACT is many members posting in this thread including the member im currently responding to screwed up or is screwing up and yet try to make the demise of the relationship a 50/50 partnership. There are members here I know they hate me... but guess what.. I always see them later moaning about how they are single. They don't want to hear the truth. They are 50 and 60 years old thinking they are going to find a man the same age push the feminist objective.. when there are 30-40 year old women who do not mind traditional ideas to cook and clean and the man brings home the bacon.

 

Many men love this... they love to support a women because it gives them a purpose...they like for women to work... but biologically they want to provide for the family.

 

You don't want to hear this.... you want it your way. This is how many men are...

 

But your telling me of your 40-50-60 years being a woman you could not find not one good man..

 

Once a woman is over 35 she is entering the same segment as the 18-25 year old male... she now has to put in the elbow grease to find a Good male and its SLIM PICKINGS. Stop crying and start looking. They are MANY OUT HERE most are on this forum all the time..

 

In the breakup section... I guess they are good males.. just not good enough?

Edited March 11, 2017 by Sweetfish

[hotpotato]

I also dont believe the stories here. Some of the posters had good men and tossed them. Others here have pointed out they are complicated and noted them selves as weird. Others have indicated in the past they refused to date men in a certain working classes.

 

I clearly layed out with another member in another thread.. why after 35 a woman will have a hardtime finding a man. I see these threads pop up all the time and women refuse to believe it..

 

Do you ever think about the good men you did dump?

Or that you made the guys life COMPLICATED so he ended up cheating or leaving you.

 

So what do you recommend to women who are 'weird' or different?

 

I had a man cheat on me and leave me...after being verbally abusive, cheating, and on the verge of being physically abusive. No, i didn't deserve because of my personality.

[Shining One]

So what do you recommend to women who are 'weird' or different?

 

I had a man cheat on me and leave me...after being verbally abusive, cheating, and on the verge of being physically abusive. No, i didn't deserve because of my personality.

I'll give some gender neutral advice here. If your partner is being abusive, you end things with that person and find another partner. You don't wait for that abuse to escalate. You keep going through partners, wasting as little time as possible on the unsuitable ones, until you find one that works for you.

[PrettyEmily77]

Please Miss Emily. Please tell me why I am sooo bitter and what advice have you given? What advice you have for these single women looking for a guy? But I want to know what gives you the idea that you think im bitter?

 

Please Mr Fish, I was replying to your previous post:

 

I also dont believe the stories here. Some of the posters had good men and tossed them. Others here have pointed out they are complicated and noted them selves as weird. Others have indicated in the past they refused to date men in a certain working classes.

 

I clearly layed out with another member in another thread.. why after 35 a woman will have a hardtime finding a man. I see these threads pop up all the time and women refuse to believe it..

 

Do you ever think about the good men you did dump?

Or that you made the guys life COMPLICATED so he ended up cheating or leaving you.

 

In case you didn't notice, this post is laden with bitterness. There are as many single men over 35 as there are single men over 35, so I guess everyone has the same problem, right?

 

Why shouldn't a woman dump a good man, in your opinion? I'm single and not looking so this doesn't affect me, but I find it simply puzzling that a woman would have to stay in a relationship she doesn't want with a guy she doesn't feel is right for her (whatever her reasons) because the guy is a 'good man'? And while you're at it, can you define what a 'good man' is, to you?

 

Have you read the OPs previous threads or are you just the collective that jumps into a thread and high five each other not knowing whats going on. Soothing the ego and coodling instead of pointing out what are the real problems....

 

Do you think insulting other posters' intelligence is telling like it is?

 

When people here point out FACTS and not offer goody goody gum drops... thats when many members jump and push the alert button and cry wolf or get angry.

 

Dude, seriously, you need to chill out.

 

The FACT is many members posting in this thread including the member im currently responding to screwed up or is screwing up and yet try to make the demise of the relationship a 50/50 partnership. There are members here I know they hate me... but guess what.. I always see them later moaning about how they are single. They don't want to hear the truth. They are 50 and 60 years old thinking they are going to find a man the same age push the feminist objective.. when there are 30-40 year old women who do not mind traditional ideas to cook and clean and the man brings home the bacon.

 

Many men love this... they love to support a women because it gives them a purpose...they like for women to work... but biologically they want to provide for the family.

 

You don't want to hear this.... you want it your way. This is how many men are...

 

But your telling me of your 40-50-60 years being a woman you could not find not one good man..

 

Once a woman is over 35 she is entering the same segment as the 18-25 year old male... she now has to put in the elbow grease to find a Good male and its SLIM PICKINGS. Stop crying and start looking. They are MANY OUT HERE most are on this forum all the time..

 

In the breakup section... I guess they are good males.. just not good enough?

 

Looks like you're taking this a tad too personally, my friend... Do you seriously think people should just take the first 'good person' that presents themselves to them and stick to them like glue regardless of whether the relationship is actually working? Sure there are good men around but that doesn't mean they are compatible with me... I can see you are already worked up so I don't want to wind you up any further but I guess I don't really understand your logic at all.

[thefooloftheyear]

I saw something some time ago that seemed to make sense, and it's potentially one of the reasons why women complain about "not finding Mr.Right" when they start to advance in age...

 

When women(esp better looking ones) are at their peak in desirability, they get TONS of offers...Many of those good, solid, guys get discarded for the bad boy, the muscle head, the life of the party, the guy with the dope, etc...So the "good" guys move on....They find other women, and get married or settle into LTR's, etc..

 

Fast forward 10-15 years and those same women, after having their fun, start to look for security and stability, and the "sexier" guys from their past are going nowhere in their lives, cant provide security abd stability, hence they aren't all that "good":, or maybe settled down themselves...

 

So what's left??

 

With most of the good guys spoken for, you get to choose from socially awkward, unattractive guys, guys that don't take care of themselves, guys who have no or a shyt career and are perpetually unemployed, guys that still live with their parents, etc...If there are some attractive and available guys their age and have their lives in order, then they have the world by the balls at that point...They can pick from a huge pool of available women that are literally throwing themselves at them...

 

So I don;t know what to tell you, if you are a woman in the later years of life..There are still tons that get what they want, its just not a walk in the park anymore, especially if their looks/body are on a sharp decline..

 

TFY

Edited March 11, 2017 by thefooloftheyear

[hotpotato]

Pretty Emily,

You can't just date someone because they are a good man, i agree. I'll give an example.

 

Let's say i meet Joe. Joe is nice, average guy. He works, comes home, watches tv that's it. I love being physically active, and Joe doesn't. We drive each other nuts. I work, then i come home and go for a walk. I spend plenty of time in the gym, working out, and generally going and trying new places. Joe wants to stay home.I try to take Joe with me, and he's miserable. Should i stay with Joe because he's a good guy? That's not how it works for either sex.

 

There are plenty of struggling men in the world who could be paired in a heartbeat if they took a girl they weren't that into. For example, if a guy is into fitness, should he be expected to date a sedentary, overweight woman because she's nice or a good woman? If this guy wants to date someone more like himself that's his prerogative and an understandable one.

[PrettyEmily77]

There are plenty of struggling men in the world who could be paired in a heartbeat if they took a girl they weren't that into.

 

Exactly that.

 

I get that having too stringent a list of prerequisites can be somewhat counter-productive if you really are serious about getting a partner after a certain age (drive and ambition in one's professional life would trump level of education for instance, and overall attractiveness is probably more about charm and humour than strict physical appearance), but there is a line between being flexible and staying in relationships with people you know full well you're never going to be into no matter what just so you are not single anymore.

 

I'm in my early 40s and have zero interest in being in a relationship personally. Compatibility with a guy is everything to me, but I'm also super pragmatic and very content single, which is why I don't bother looking.

 

With that being said, every person I have ever known who was serious about being in a relationship (and who has attainable standards) is in one, regardless of their age or personal circumstances - so I guess what I'm saying is with time and patience (and a little bit of give-and-take), everything is possible.

[stillafool]

I know you're asking the ladies, but OP you're still young. Don't be complacent. Time will fly by--particularly if you want biological kids. If I could do 30 over again (and know what I know now) I wish I was not as complacent. Not sure if it'd help me (being struggling guy as it is), but just wish I had that chance again.

 

Based on your past posts, I think you're a struggling lady? Try not to past up guys who are not so lookers. I don't know if you're doing that or not. If those are who you can get, nothing wrong with that. They like you, like them too!

 

It's funny how men expect women to settle but they rarely do. I see a lot of women over 30 single and loving it with no desire to have children. I see a lot of bitter men who couldn't get the women they wanted (good looking ones); but did they settle for the plain janes out there? Hell no. I didn't marry my last husband until I was 40 and he's a great catch. Each woman and personality is different so attractiveness is not based on age. Unless you're planning to have children; there's no rush.

Edited March 11, 2017 by stillafool

[stillafool]

Pretty Emily,

You can't just date someone because they are a good man, i agree. I'll give an example.

 

Let's say i meet Joe. Joe is nice, average guy. He works, comes home, watches tv that's it. I love being physically active, and Joe doesn't. We drive each other nuts. I work, then i come home and go for a walk. I spend plenty of time in the gym, working out, and generally going and trying new places. Joe wants to stay home.I try to take Joe with me, and he's miserable. Should i stay with Joe because he's a good guy? That's not how it works for either sex.

 

There are plenty of struggling men in the world who could be paired in a heartbeat if they took a girl they weren't that into. For example, if a guy is into fitness, should he be expected to date a sedentary, overweight woman because she's nice or a good woman? If this guy wants to date someone more like himself that's his prerogative and an understandable one.

 

And, suppose you aren't sexually attracted to Joe? Are you supposed to marry him anyway?

[hotpotato]

And, suppose you aren't sexually attracted to Joe? Are you supposed to marry him anyway?

 

I suppose so!

 

Also, what if im out there doing things, and i start meeting guys who are my type? Is that fair to Joe?

[Mysterio]

The woman of my dreams to settle down with in a LTR would be Warm/Sharp/Sweet and Adorable. I have met that Arch type. She is married so I have to look elsewhere.

 

Looks. As long as I am attracted to her. Thats all that matters. I want her to be into me as well. I like the girl next door.

 

I do worry that I won't find anyone. This year I have decided to let Love find me. It seems when it does happen. I have a better time with it. Than when I go looking for it.

[joeandmee]

 

In the breakup section... I guess they are good males.. just not good enough?

 

Well, I mean, if being a "good male" were your ONLY criteria, I guess that all holds true.

 

I'm admittedly quirky and yeah, I DID dump a lot of good guys when I was younger - but things weren't "right" for me at the time. I was too young, or the situation didn't feel like he was the "one."

 

Meeting my fiance doesn't feel like it was that much more "elbow grease" than meeting anyone else, it just happened when it happened and I thought it WOULD happen for me later in life. We're both elated we found each other when we did and that we each know what we want now. I wouldn't change any of it for the world.

[Shining One]

For the ladies who are struggling, can you describe what struggling looks like from your perspective?

 

For me, when I was struggling, it looked like this: I approached dozens of women and got rejected by all of them. I tried lots of different things (fitness, hobbies, makeover, events, etc.) and received the same results for years on end.

[Sweetfish]

 

In case you didn't notice, this post is laden with bitterness.

 

Absolutely wrong and it is your miss judge of character of me with lack of information on your part. With the exception of my (first girlfriend in middle school ). I have dumped all my ex-gf. You may feel the post is filled and laden with bitterness... but facts are facts and you can't see beyond this and again as 'noted' and will be met with resistance (like always) that the OLDER a women gets the HARDER it will be for her to find a "good man."

 

There are as many single men over 35 as there are single men over 35, so I guess everyone has the same problem, right?

Is this your thought process?

 

Let me open you field of vision and if you want to keep thinking men and women have equal problems that is a FALSE

See the Ratio of Single Men to Women Where You*Live | TIME Labs

 

This link shows a census between 2010-2011. Btw the ratio is far worse now..

 

It depicts males/females with a college degree and those without a college degree and the ratio of Female to Male who are unmarried.

 

In almost every state among college educated individuals... There are MORE women than men. So straight off the bat at age 35...just alone there are not enough college educated men to supply the almost 2:1 ratio of women to men. Now start weeding out the crappy guys, jerks, crazies and losers. Mathematically...there isn't enough men to go around if your looking with someone with the minimum of a college degree.

 

BTW in regard to the O.P. Black women who date black men... the ratio is 5:1 black women to black male. That mean even if you could pair up every black female with a black male who is above the poverty line... she would have to share 4 other women with him.

 

Here are some more statistics.

https://theblog.okcupid.com/race-and-attraction-2009-2014-107dcbb4f060#.3r3xywu1e

 

 

Lets take it a step further... Almost every dating site has crunch the numbers and release the data on male to female interaction on every major dating site.

 

POF

Tinder

Match

Cupid

 

Every single dating site yields the same DATA the same statistic.

 

Women only respond to 10-20 percent of the male collective. While men respond to 50-75% of women.

 

So how is this even remotely equal?

 

Lets go a step further again...

 

Most women will not or refuse to date down.

 

This goes for #1 Height 2. Education 3. AGE

 

Many women won't even date a man that's shorter than her.

 

They won't date a man without a degree if they have a degree and most often makes less or in a certain cases who are working class. (This is not gospel..but the COLLECTIVE)

 

Many times her field of vision in age is very limited and will not date down in age.

 

So these 3 simple restrictions.. (we haven't even got to good guy vs bad guy) Alone will make it very hard for women as they age.

 

A guy who is minimum a good guy, has a college education, and as he AGES will have a higher field and selection of women. Its up to the guy to get "GAME" if he can't that's on him, but he will have more access to women as he will date down and up. Most women date UP.

Men and women have different dating problems... THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. Men and women are not looking for the same things or have the same restrictions or the same response and reply ratios on OLD. Men rarely say "Oh, I won't date a women who is broke" or "Nah, she doesn't have a college degree sorry next."

 

Why shouldn't a woman dump a good man, in your opinion?

If she is dating a guy for 2/3/5 months and you don't click.... its absolutely understandable to dump a guy. At that point a good guy is just looking good on paper and a connection may never transpire. I just know that various posters in this thread who have dumped a man who they were in a relationship for 2-3 years and left or dump the guy because these poster have anxiety, low self esteem, personality disorders or 'quirks' and refuse to accept that they will have a hard time integrating in ANY relationship until they resolve those issues.. They feel content with either shifting the blame or making it a 50/50 partnership. THIS goes for Men and Women.

 

There is this illusion that relationships are these Disney fantasies and once there is a crack in that fantasy (a fight, low points, fiscal issues) many women start to reach out to their orbiters or bail. Some bottle up resentment and fail to communicate with the guy because ppl believe a soul mate "a per-package individual" will suddenly arrive at your door steps fulfilling all your wants and desires. I think some women get it and some don't. Relationships (LONG TERM) will be riddled with issues, jealousy, low points and high points. Some of these women will not obtain a successful long term relationship (if you have anxiety for example) you will have HUGE problems having a successful relationship as you will encounter difficult or complex issues that he or she may not handle. This advice goes to men as well.

 

HotP, men and women posters questioned your other threads about your interaction and you say your "weird" or have "issues" or possibly "ADHD" and to pawn it on to other people is not a fair assessment. To the point that your imperativeand or objective now is to date men and dump them before they dump you.

 

Generally, by the age of 35 many (not all) men will become jaded being the nice/good guy and suddenly when many women have exhausted their efforts to tame the bad-boy and will seek a mature and quality mate.. There are slim pickings.. like another member said.. "I run into men, but they are all married" its clear cut what im saying holds true.

 

Plus, if the guy was quality by some of the standards I've seen and had pretty decent game... he will date down and can get a 25-27 year old all ready starting her career. Isn't that why women mine for the fountain of youth? Buy make-up, have surgery and lipo suction? They are trying to capture the youth. Men like young pretty women and some men do avoid the younger women due to maturity..but that is a handful.

 

Looks like you're taking this a tad too personally, my friend... Do you seriously think people should just take the first 'good person' that presents themselves to them and stick to them like glue

Personally? please explain..? I think your on another spectrum or wavelength... who said anything about sticking to the first good person like glue?

 

thefooloftheyear said it

I saw something some time ago that seemed to make sense, and it's potentially one of the reasons why women complain about "not finding Mr.Right" when they start to advance in age...

Chasing the meat head and later after 30 trying to settle down with a quality male. Trying to get the best of both worlds..

 

The meat head turns her on and not reliable.

However, needs a guy that is fiscally secure and a gentleman..but either taken or doesn't turn her on.

 

 

to the women who are truly genuine... who been burn by men and truly can work thru relationship problems..gotten cheated on or screwed over.. my heart goes out to you and good luck.... To those who refuse to see/resolve their self-esteem or personal flaws. My advice is to work on those issues and not worry about deep long term relationships and work on you or maybe long term dating is not for you. Be clear and concise what you want in the relationship and if he screws up kick him to the curb.

Edited March 12, 2017 by Sweetfish

[PrettyEmily77]

Absolutely wrong and it is your miss judge of character of me with lack of information on your part. With the exception of my (first girlfriend in middle school ). I have dumped all my ex-gf. You may feel the post is filled and laden with bitterness... but facts are facts and you can't see beyond this and again as 'noted' and will be met with resistance (like always) that the OLDER a women gets the HARDER it will be for her to find a "good man."

 

I think we need to agree on what a 'good man' is, though. Not all single men are good, and not all single women are looking - these facts that you keep harping on about therefore mean nothing.

 

 

 

Is this your thought process?

 

Let me open you field of vision and if you want to keep thinking men and women have equal problems that is a FALSE

See the Ratio of Single Men to Women Where You*Live | TIME Labs

 

This link shows a census between 2010-2011. Btw the ratio is far worse now..

 

It depicts males/females with a college degree and those without a college degree and the ratio of Female to Male who are unmarried.

 

In almost every state among college educated individuals... There are MORE women than men. So straight off the bat at age 35...just alone there are not enough college educated men to supply the almost 2:1 ratio of women to men. Now start weeding out the crappy guys, jerks, crazies and losers. Mathematically...there isn't enough men to go around if your looking with someone with the minimum of a college degree.

 

BTW in regard to the O.P. Black women who date black men... the ratio is 5:1 black women to black male. That mean even if you could pair up every black female with a black male who is above the poverty line... she would have to share 4 other women with him.

 

I've had a look at the link you provided, and the map gives the ratio of unmarried women to unmarried men; which is pretty loose, as far as data collection criteria go. Unmarried doesn't mean single, which doesn't actively looking for a partner.

 

So please, learn to read data properly.

 

 

Here are some more statistics.

https://theblog.okcupid.com/race-and-attraction-2009-2014-107dcbb4f060#.3r3xywu1e

 

 

Lets take it a step further... Almost every dating site has crunch the numbers and release the data on male to female interaction on every major dating site.

 

POF

Tinder

Match

Cupid

 

Every single dating site yields the same DATA the same statistic.

 

Women only respond to 10-20 percent of the male collective. While men respond to 50-75% of women.

 

So how is this even remotely equal?

 

Of course it's equal, in the sense that whoever responds or sends, both remain single - therefore, this data is also totally irrelevant.

 

Lets go a step further again...

 

Most women will not or refuse to date down.

 

This goes for #1 Height 2. Education 3. AGE

 

Many women won't even date a man that's shorter than her.

 

They won't date a man without a degree if they have a degree and most often makes less or in a certain cases who are working class. (This is not gospel..but the COLLECTIVE)

 

Many times her field of vision in age is very limited and will not date down in age.

 

So these 3 simple restrictions.. (we haven't even got to good guy vs bad guy) Alone will make it very hard for women as they age.

 

I don't do statistics - I like to talk to people. Turns out that men have no shorter of a laundry list than women, but will forfeit every single one of their prerequisite if they find the woman to be hot enough. Even to an attractive woman who fits the guy's physical description, this is such a massive turn-off I can't even begin to describe it. Men too have simply unrealistic physical 'preferences' they won't budge on.

 

The second thing is the fear of the mighty gold-digger - unless you are a millionaire, suffice to say no gold digger will come anywhere near you. Ironically, those guys that are genuinely well off are the guys who fear gold-digger the least, probably because they can afford the upkeep of a trophy wife.

 

The third thing is the education level - some men are threatened by women with high qualifications, and assume they must be up themselves. They also don't want a woman who earns more than they do because it gives them less of a leeway to demand the cooking, cleaning and potential childcare duties to be carried out on top of their work, while the guys congratulate themselves on 'fixing the car' or doing the odd job in the house.

 

In this day and age, the regular guy can't afford to be a provider or a protector - I get that some men still need that ego trip, but unless they are rolling in cash or are happy to accept a woman with no ambition or desire to work, that high school educated guy will have to drop the provider act and do a bit more, or buy themselves a foreign woman desperate for a visa who will be happy to be provided for in return for hot food and ironed shirts.

 

 

 

Men rarely say "Oh, I won't date a women who is broke" or "Nah, she doesn't have a college degree sorry next."

 

That's right. A guy's first (and sometimes only) item on the list is for the woman to be hot...

 

If she is dating a guy for 2/3/5 months and you don't click.... its absolutely understandable to dump a guy. At that point a good guy is just looking good on paper and a connection may never transpire. I just know that various posters in this thread who have dumped a man who they were in a relationship for 2-3 years and left or dump the guy because these poster have anxiety, low self esteem, personality disorders or 'quirks' and refuse to accept that they will have a hard time integrating in ANY relationship until they resolve those issues.. They feel content with either shifting the blame or making it a 50/50 partnership. THIS goes for Men and Women.

 

 

This is so simplistic and reductionist I don't even know where to begin. Sorry SweetFish, but unless you are the OP or any of their exes, you don't actually know anything. You are assuming a whole bunch of things with disarming authority, though.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I saw something some time ago that seemed to make sense, and it's potentially one of the reasons why women complain about "not finding Mr.Right" when they start to advance in age...

 

When women(esp better looking ones) are at their peak in desirability, they get TONS of offers...Many of those good, solid, guys get discarded for the bad boy, the muscle head, the life of the party, the guy with the dope, etc...So the "good" guys move on....They find other women, and get married or settle into LTR's, etc..

 

Fast forward 10-15 years and those same women, after having their fun, start to look for security and stability, and the "sexier" guys from their past are going nowhere in their lives, cant provide security abd stability, hence they aren't all that "good":, or maybe settled down themselves...

 

So what's left??

 

With most of the good guys spoken for, you get to choose from socially awkward, unattractive guys, guys that don't take care of themselves, guys who have no or a shyt career and are perpetually unemployed, guys that still live with their parents, etc...If there are some attractive and available guys their age and have their lives in order, then they have the world by the balls at that point...They can pick from a huge pool of available women that are literally throwing themselves at them...

 

So I don;t know what to tell you, if you are a woman in the later years of life..There are still tons that get what they want, its just not a walk in the park anymore, especially if their looks/body are on a sharp decline..

 

TFY

 

The bolded is a HUGE assumption on your part. Huge. There are many women that were in long term relationships at that age with guys that led them to believe they will marry them one day. They had those relationships fall apart after 7+ years together...and suddenly they were left single at an older age. There are women with medical conditions that left them off the dating market during the "peak" age. There are women that wanted to travel and work on their career (just like men do!!!) and didn't feel ready to settle down at that age.

 

I am just saying that there are many other circumstances beyond what you describe and beyond woman's control.

[thefooloftheyear]

The bolded is a HUGE assumption on your part. Huge. There are many women that were in long term relationships at that age with guys that led them to believe they will marry them one day. They had those relationships fall apart after 7+ years together...and suddenly they were left single at an older age. There are women with medical conditions that left them off the dating market during the "peak" age. There are women that wanted to travel and work on their career (just like men do!!!) and didn't feel ready to settle down at that age.

 

I am just saying that there are many other circumstances beyond what you describe and beyond woman's control.

 

 

If you bothered to read the post, I was paraphrasing from something I had read...And yes, in my life experiences, that has been the case...In ALL cases?...Well...no, of course not...I'm not assuming anything..I know there are exceptions..

 

Think about it this way...

 

You were once that age, now I can't say this is true for all but when you are getting literally flooded with offers, and many women/girls at that age are indecisive, flighty, only concerned with having a good time,. well, you off a lot of potential good mates because of it...Its fair..

 

And look...I am not saying guys don't do the same thing...They do, but to a lesser degree..And I did exactly that!!.At that time, there were only certain types of women I would even talk to, let alone date or consider a relationship...There were great women that I turned away based solely because they didn't fit into a specific body type/look..

 

I can own that...I'm OK with it...Its part of my past and I can't change it...Things are good for me now, though...

 

I don't know what to tell you...You can't blame the game without looking a little at yourself....Whatever life decisions you made(be it good/productive or bad) that you think hampered your ability to now find a suitable partner, just own it It's a big world with billions of people...and all you need is one...This isn't that hard..

 

TFY

Edited March 12, 2017 by thefooloftheyear